A/N: Alright this is my first fanfiction, so I'm really excited. I would also like to thank you for just clicking on this story so I hope you enjoy it. I'm not really sure where this story is going to take me, but I can't wait to find out. I'm writing this story as a way to release my thoughts and ideas and if you are uncomfortable with the content then please read this next part carefully. I do not condone or encourage suicide in any way shape for form. That said I am not recommending nor am I condoning anything in anyway. Anyone who is contemplating suicide should get professional help or talk to someone. This story is going to cover the a lot of sensitive issues, I'm not in anyway trying to glamorize the subject, I'm just trying to look at it from all the different points of views. Please review, I would really appreciate feedback. Anything constructive is more than welcome, I'm trying to improve my grammar and the only way that can happen is with your help. Just One more thing I do not own Teen Titans or the song Asleep by the smiths.
P.s. The title of this story is inspired by a song by the same name by Emilie Autumn which is about the depiction of suicide in art and media and not about the act being an art form itself.
With love -Ophelia'song
It was final, it was finally done; the long lasting pain was subsiding and the heaviness was lifting from her body with every shallow breath that threatened to be her last. As she began to slip away, the thought of how this all came to be ran through her mind. She never thought she would spend her last moments alone on a cold, fifthly bathroom floor. Nor did she think that her death would be dealt by her own hand. Raven's mind began to slip into another world as her fears and bonds began to dissolves. She soon found herself looking down at the girl with violet hair who lay lifeless beneath her. Her pale skin was losing the very little color it had and her attachment the world loosened even more. It's better this way, Raven thought as her soul-self began to drift even further. Though she couldn't help but look at the empty bottle of sleeping pills that lay empty on the sink only after it had purged the very life from the soon to be dead girl before it.
Through all this, Raven couldn't help, but feel a light air of freedom, a small aura of peace. She'd soon be free of her father and all the darkness in the world, she would be free of the world itself.
In the back of her mind she knew her friends would be devastated and she knew they'd never understand why she'd done such a thing. But the truth was, she wanted to go. The pain of living had become unbearable. No one knew how hard it was being an empath, especially being an empath who could not indulge in emotion, the very thing she should thrive on. This basic human instinct had been cut from her as a child and she knew this was the reason she hurt so much.
No one could've imagined how numb she felt and how desperately she wanted to feel something other than the hate that burned for her father. No one could ever understand how hopeless it all seemed, or the secrets she kept hidden under her skin, but now she'd be free. No longer having to watch others feel and selfishly dwell in their emotions. Nor did she have to constantly control herself to keep her friends safe or fight for her sanity any longer, though it was safe to say in the eyes of the law- she'd lost her mind.
She knew she'd committed a crime against herself and that this was technically considered murder to most, but she thought due to the circumstances, she had every right to end her own life, even if her friends would disagree. Thank god their not here, she thought knowing her fellow Titans weren't home. Or at least they weren't supposed to be.
Raven soon heard a knock at the door, though the sound was unwelcome and distorted. She could hear a familiar voice say, "Raven, I need to talk to you."
It was none other than Robin, and as much as she cared for him even more so than any of the other Titans, he was the last person she wanted to hear right now.
"Raven please, I know you want nothing to do with me right now, but I can't leave it like this. Please Raven, please just talk to me." The boy said in a low, defeated voice filled with desperation.
Raven knew it wouldn't be long before he kicked down the door and found her lifeless body. She also knew he'd blame himself until the day he died, but for some reason she didn't care. She knew exactly what he'd say to her if he knew she wanted to die. He'd tell her she had so much to give, that her life was worth living, and that the world needed her, (or more importantly,) that he needed her. Well fuck them, she thought, how selfish of them for not understanding that I needed this, that this is what's best. That she would no longer suffer with her disturbed darkness the one that crept into her thoughts at night and shaped her dreams into the works of nightmares.
"Raven, are you alright? Raven!" He screamed from outside the door that was acting as the barrier between life and death.
The calls of desperation were soon followed by a loud pounding. She knew he would break through that barrier at any moment on his white horse, ready to save her from herself like he always had, but this time, she prayed he'd be too late. This time, she didn't want to be saved, because she couldn't be saved.
Robin continued to yell and he began kicking down the door. Raven however faded even more so, the little life she had lift was almost gone and for a moment the world went silent. Only the light sound of running water could be heard in the distance, as she found herself in a peaceful atmosphere that filled her with a sense of calm. Something she hadn't felt even as a small child. It was then Raven pulled herself up to see the open space around her, solidifying the loss of her confines. The sky was wide and clear as she looked up to it in awe.
She looked over to the source of the sound of rushing water which called to her from a slight distance away. There was something about it that she couldn't ignore as she found herself moving toward what appeared to be a long brook.
Once Raven found herself at the edge of the water front, she looked down at the reflection it cast of a girl who looked back at her with a heavy mask of deception. She knew if she was to remove it she would have to return to the water, the very origin of life. With a deep breath she closed her eyes and took a step forward and placed one foot into the brook, then followed with the second. She soon found herself becoming consumed by cool liquid as she began to sink fast into the depths of its purity.
I'm waking up, a voice echoed in her head, as she realized her sinking was not of a Shakespearean tragedy, but an unfortunate miracle. She felt herself being pulled back to her body and away from the peace she had for only a brief moment. She once again found herself looking down at the violet haired girl, who now lay in the Boy Wonder's arms as the bath tub filled with cold water.
Robin had in his hand the empty bottle of Trazodone she'd taken and was frantically reading the fine print, which stated in the event of an overdose to induce vomiting. He clumsily got out of the tub and moved toward sink where the medicine cabinet waited with ominous patience and pulled out a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. With the bottle in hand, he rushed over to the lifeless girl who lay limp in the bath tub and began to pour the peroxide down her throat.
Raven found herself being pulled even further back into her cage as she began to feel the burn of the peroxide flowing down her throat. A sickening feeling began to erupt deep in her stomach. And a few moments later, her mouth filled with the fowl taste of vomit, her soul-self becoming bound to its physical form once more.
Robin pulled out his communicator and called for anyone who would listen while Raven's body forcefully purged the poison. Tears filled her eyes as she began to become more coherent and aware that her attempt at freedom had failed.
"Richard," She said in a weak voice that cracked under the effort it took to speak.
Robin turned his head in her direction, his eye filled with a mix of emotions that radiated off him like smoke. "Yes, Raven I'm here, I'm going to get you help."
"Richard I don't want help, I just want to go back to sleep." She replied releasing the tears that ran down her face in furry.
Robin's heart immediately broke at the sound those words. To know that one of his closest friends wished for a tragic ending made him feel helpless, something he hadn't felt since the day his parents died. Once again leaving him with the felling of losing them. Like that little boy who could do nothing, but watch and hope for God to not turn away this time.
"Raven you can't go back to sleep-not now-please not now." He pleaded hoping that maybe something in his voice could convince her to hold on or at least consider it.
For Robin the world was standing still once more and time remained frozen. It was clear they'd reached the edge, but what wasn't clear was whether they'd both come back from it. It scarred him to think she was just out of his reach as she was so close, yet so far away. He could only stand by and watch her drown, though he wondered if he'd been watching all along.