(Remember, this is AU, and I'm pretending James and Lily have been friends for a quite a while :)


"James, for hopefully the last and final time, my name is Lily so do not call me 'LILLIAN '. Not only does it sound childish, but inapp-."

"I'm just so sad. Do you know how sad I am? LILLIAN, why can't I be happy?'

"James , you do know you're absolutely drunk, and anything I say right now you will forgot in a few hours?"

"But Lilliiiiaaaaan, I must know your secret to happiness, you're always happy!"

"We're not leaving until I actually tell you, am I right?"

"Yes, please, Lillian ."

"Fine, let's at least go sit down on the grass near that building. It's 4 AM, and I'm too tired to have you leaning your drunk body against me for support."

"Oke-doke, artichoke!"

"James, I do not believe I gave you permission to lay your head in my lap…?"

"Well, I wanted to lie down to see the shiny stars and the grass was wet. You know what's really cool about grass? Grass is green. Is weed green? Is weed your secret to happiness? Because you know, green is a happy color, but you don't look like a smoker. Then again, my aunt's wife was a smoker and sh-"

"James, PLEASE SHUT UP. I'm going to give you this 'advice' you want, then we're leaving, got it?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Okay. So, um…first, you really need to choose better girlfriends. You do realize people like Anastasia are not exactly the most trustworthy and you kno- James Potter stop touching my hair!"




"It's Lily, not Lillian."

"Your nose looks funny when you're angry."

"Thanks James, really what a fantasti - James, DO NOT BONK MY NOSE."

"Err…sorry. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah! The secret to your happiness! How are you always so happy? It's like you have everything you want! Why can't I have that?"

"Um…James, I'm not sure if I'm the best example of this 'happiness' you speak of."

"You mean….you're not happy? What's wrong Lillian? You can tell me, I'm your BFFUTZA!"


"LILLIAN , I'm heartbroken! You don't remember making that up in third grade?"

"No, I have to say I do not…"

"Then I'll have to tell you, my dear BFFUTZA, or should I say Best Friends Forever Until The Zombie Apocalypse."

"I….I cannot believe we made that up….we…were such….stupid children ahahahahahaha!"

"Lillian , you do realize you snort when you laugh?"

"Shut up James."

"In all seriousness, what makes my BFFUTZA unhappy?"

"I'm going to have to tell you, right?"

"Right-o, my BFFUTZA!"

"Fine. Um…so there's this boy."


"Um…James, I think your sister has made you watch one too many chick flicks…"

"Errr…I might have watched them on my own. ANYWAYS, on with your story."

"Uh…okay. So, yeah, he's pretty sweet, he's beyond nice to everyone, and I can't even describe the feeling I get when he looks me in the eyes. Those are the times I know I'll never be able to find anyone else like him, ever. I honestly think I might be in love with him, but…"

"LILLIAN IS IN LOVE. AWW, you've grown up so much!"

"James could you please sit down, not pinch my cheeks, and most importantly, please warn me next time you're going to SHOUT my love out for the world to hear!"

"AYE AYE, CAPTAIN. LILLIAN , we need to go!"

"Go where? Please enlighten me as to where one goes at almost 5 AM in the morning?"

"Well, I guess we could wait a few more hours….but we're going to go tell the lucky chap you love that you love the chap!"

"James, I can't do that, as it's impossible. Furthermore, why do you keep using the word chap?"

"Lillian , unless the guy you love is dead, it is possible. And I don't know, chap is a fun word, don't ya think so, you chapette?"


"OH-NO, you do love a dead person! LILLIAN I'M SO SORRY! I mean I guess you could have a relationship with a dead guy, but it would be a really complex. But as your BFFUTZA, I will help you. I will even graverob this guy's grave so you can take him on dates and marry him and….actually, I think having sex with a dead guy would be rather challenging. But hey, you never know! Wait, why are you laughing at me? LILLIAN , TALK WITH WORDS."

"HAHAHAHA oh my god James, I assure you I do not love a dead person!"

"Then…why didn't you stop me?"

"Because…it was…so freaking…amusing!

"Lillian, I'm hurt! Now tell me the real reason you cannot tell the chap of your dreams you love him."

"Because…because….James, you're drunker than alcohol itself, right?"

"Yes mam!"

"Because, this 'chap' of my dreams happens to be you…and you happen to always have another girlfriend to hurt you in the way."




"James, did you lie to me about being super drunk?"




"Why? WHY would you do that?"

"Lily, Lily Evans, wait!"

"What? And this better be a kickass excuse, because….I can't believe I just told you that!"

"I'm sorry, I really don't know why I did. I really wanted to know what's been bugging you lately and…."

"You couldn't just ASK like a normal person?"

"I was going to….but would you really have told me?"



"Well, whoop-de-doo, now you know! Can I leave now?"



"As long as you leave knowing that I love you, too."


Author's Note: This is my first Fanfiction, and I am excited to start publishing my work here. I am open to criticism and suggestions! This piece is a pure dialogue piece, but not necessarily a script, I just wanted to experiment with writing that just communicated through the words that are said, rather than adding in my idea of the scene and such. I also feel like it flows better this way, but if enough people ask for more than dialogue or a sequel, I am ready to consider it. Anyways, I'll stop talking now! Hope you all like it!