"A Taste of Their Own Medicine"
Disclaimer: If you're asking, I don't own Married... With Children or it's characters. Married.. With Children is owned by Sony Entertainment, and it's creators, Michael G. Moye and Ron Leavitt.
Chapter 2: The Pros and Cons
Gary's Shoes and Accessories, a.k.a. Hell. Well, in Al's mind, it was already hell.
There was not a fat woman in sight (thank goodness) and all the women's shoes were all lined up in perfect harmony. So far, this may be a little easy for Al and the rest of the family.
With a little smirk on his face, Al arrived feeling confident. He was about to go to war with the fat women that could come barging in anytime soon. But Al wasn't worried. He came with the only weapon suited to win this war: His mouth.
"Ahhhh... it's good to be in hell." Al said to himself, being greeted by this shoe-selling air.
He then went over to the register where he saw Griff passing out on top of the metal machine. Unimpressed by his friend's slumber, Al got the blowhorn sitting next to Griff's feet.
That sound woke Griff up, making him leap and jump on impact.
"Agh! Everybody run! Crazy coked-up suicide bomber's on the loose!" Griff exclaimed in panic, hiding right behind the register.
"Relax, Griff. It was just a movie. There's no way a suicide bomber's gonna come running in Chicago." Al said, trying to complain about Griff's bullshit, "Peg's been telling that to me."
"I'm telling ya, they have beards that smell like crack, Al. And believe me, they don't smell like drugs as well." Griff said, not taking any chances.
"Maybe we should cut you off on those grindhouse snuff films." Al said, reminding himself of his goal.
Griff looked around and saw the rest of Al's family missing.
"Hey, uh... Al, I know I don't want to bring this up, but where's your family at?" Griff said, "They were supposed to be here since were gonna have an assload of customers flooding the entire weekend."
"Calm down, Griff. I had to take them to JCPenney's to get them fitted for work." Al replied back, "I gave them some of my old work clothes to wear for the occasion. Oh, family!"
Hearing Al shout those two magic words from his lips...
...Peg, Kelly and Bud revealed their work clothes to Griff. They looked a little wrinkled as if someone ate their food and then rubbed their mouths with the soft piece of leathery fabric. Peg and Kelly's new work clothes were still the same. Nothing smells work like an ordinary blue shirt and brown pants.
But what Bud was wearing was nothing short of embarrassing. His blue work shirt hardly fit him (it was small) and his brown pants shrank so badly, it looked like he was wearing shorts. He looked more like a beach bum walking all across the boardwalk on his way to work.
"Dad, why on earth did you make me wear this!?" Bud complained, "I look like the tallest midget ever!"
"Quit crying, Bud. Your mother's red hair makes me look like a termite and there's nothing I can do about it!" Al shot back.
"Forget this. There's no way I'm looking like some cruddy insect." Bud scowled more at his father, "I rather be broke then to sit all day in this holy shit-fest. I'm outta here."
But before Bud could even think about leaving the shoe store, he was stopped by a pair of hot women in fitness uniforms. One looked like Jennifer Lopez, the other looked a bit like Jennifer Love Hewitt and the other looked more like Kate Upton. They were busy checking Bud out like a hot piece of tamales.
"Hey, look at him! He looks so muy caliente!" The J'Lo look-a-like said, staring at Bud from the window like a fangirl.
"Awwwww... he's so cute like one of those My Little Ponies!" The JLH-lookalike cooed.
Somehow, Bud looked at this situation 50/50. On the bad part, he was dressed in shrunken work clothes, but on the good part, the rest of the girls seem to like it. As much as he hated wearing midget clothes, Bud had to admit that it was drawing him lots of attention from hot girls.
So he decided to play it off successfully.
"C'Mon in, girls!" Bud exclaimed to the girls gleefully, "We have all pairs of shoes in here, so don't be afraid to try them all!"
Bud then turned the other cheek on his father as he and the group of bevy girls went to the dressing room.
"All right, that's my son!" Al cheered on before he faced Peg and Kelly sarcastically, "And you say he doesn't attract the right customer with clothes like that."
"Indeed." Peg said, agreeing with Al's statement, "It's like your body odor attracting the bed bugs that live in our ceiling."
"Much like you're attracted by those row of Bon-Bons that you use to digest, saying 'Please Spare Me'!" Al shot back in response.
As Bud was getting busy with the female fitness trio, Peg marched up to Al.
"All right, Al. Since Bud's occupied with the fitness freaks, what are you willing to let us do?" Peg said, putting her hands hips in defense.
Peg's words managed to attract a local fat woman with so much girth around her, she looked like she could fit her whole body around that entire shoe store doorway, which by the way, was the only thing she was doing. The fat woman resembled a bit like Kelly Osbourne, but only larger and nearly developed a case of club foot.
"Can someone give me shoes to sell?" The fat woman assisted.
Peg looked back at her and then to Al with a sunken expression in her face.
"Looks like you'll handle the fat oompa loompa." Al smiled to her wife, as she sadly assisted the large whale of a woman.
Kelly, on the other hand, was feeling a little bit left out. So she approached her dad.
"Well, since you have Mom and The Purple Pimple Picky Eater do all the shoe selling, what kind of dreaded job do you have for me.?" Kelly said, wrapping her arms around in a unimpressed mood.
"Well, Kelly..." Al said, trying to think of what Kelly can do, "Why don't you sit down and look at paint dry?"
"Hmmmmm, interesting idea. I shall try it out..." Kelly said, smirking at the lump known as her father.
She went next to the register and found a chair which faced a dry wall filled with wet paint. Kelly positioned herself and went down, hitting her butt on that soft cushion. She felt relaxed and laid back.
Her eyes was fixated on that painted wall. Not even daring to look back on anything but the painted wall. Hell, if there was a staring contest between Kelly and a painted wall, it would be a tie.
"Hah... this job's actually not harder than I thought." Kelly chuckled at Al, who looked back at Griff.
"I'd be amazed if she marries a cucumber..." Al muttered.
"Yeah, and if you were to have more children, they'd be part-human, part-vegetable." Griff muttered back.
Al nodded at Griff's statement. Meanwhile, Peg was having trouble trying to fit a high heel shoe on the fat woman. Her feet was so large, it was actually bigger than Peg's mom, which isn't very surprising since Peg's mother was as fat as the earth itself!
"Al! I need you to help me! I think something's jamming this shoe tight!" Peg shouted to her husband for help.
"Oh, you'll have to apologize. My toe jam's taking more than half the room. I swear it's almost thick like Skippy peanut butter!" The fat woman exclaimed in defense, "It's so thick, you can spread that toe jam around your jelly and eat it."
Thinking about that sick thought, Peg's stomach and mouth started to cringe. She didn't know if she was gonna vomit or pass out, but Peg was thinking of doing both. Trying to hold in her bile, Peg looked up to her husband with an angry
"Thanks a lot Al... now I may never eat again." Peg scowled at Al.
"Good. More for me, then." Al smiled lightly.
Feeling a little glee around his face, Al looked up to Bud, whose shrunken wrinkled clothes was bringing him every ounce of fitness babes he can. Who knew that Bud's little clothes problem was somewhat of a chick magnet?
Bud thought so as he was checking out the legs of the Kate Upton lookalike. She was being turned on of how Bud was handling her feet. Basically, she let out a soft moan when Bud placed that high heel on her left foot, just like a prince putting that glass shoe on Cinderella.
"So, Miss... what do you think?" Bud said to the hot blonde customer.
"It feels juicy, warm and tender. It fits me perfectly." The customer winked.
"Ohhhhhh, yeahhh..." Bud said with a quiet moan, feeling the chick's smooth leg like a sex-hungry playboy. He wanted that leg badly, knowing that his urges was getting the best of him.
"That's my son at his finest." Al smiled flawlessly.
"Yeah, although I can't say the same for your daughter." Griff muttered.
The two burly men looked right at Kelly, still staring at that undried wall like she was watching television. How clueless was Kelly Bundy? She was so clueless that she would even talk to plants that wobble around the wind as if they were nodding.
"You don't scare me one bit." Kelly said to the wall, "I know your moves. You won't make me look back."
"Well, this may look easy than I thought, Griff..." Al chuckled, "No worries. No problem..."
In the process, he was looking at two lines from the doorway. The attractive women for Bud and the unattractive fat women for Peg to service. And to think he was worried for no reason.
But that was only the beginning of what Al and the rest of family would face next.
Okay, somehow I may get a little writer's block while working on this, so if you want, you can help me out with this story. What should happen next? Tell it to me in PM and I'll see if I can put it in the story.
You can also think up of fat jokes for Al to say in this story. You can also PM me for that as well.
Until then, feedback is always welcome! (;D)