You Gotta Be Kitten Me


"Oi Gokudera."

"Yes Reborn-san?"

"Doctor Shamal and I have been working on a new bullet and we'd like you to be our test subject."

"Um…alright."

"Don't look so uneasy. I know you don't trust Shamal all that much when it comes to such things, but I know you trust me. Have a little faith; I'm 99% sure that this will be the bullet's final form."

"Ah, right. I trust your judgment."

"Alright, lets get going."


And that was how Gokudera ended up in his current predicament. His predicament being: having been turned into a cat.

He had the ears, the paws, the claws and the tail, yes he was a cat through and through, all silver fur and big green eyes.

"Aww, and I thought that it would work too." Shamal groused. "And it was only supposed to add ears and a tail, I didn't think it would actually turn someone fully into a cat."

Gokudera stared at the quack doctor incredulously. "You wanted to turn me into a neko!?" He shrieked, though it ended up coming out as a strangled meow.

But Shamal got his meaning. "What!? Wouldn't it be the cutest thing ever on a girl…" At this, the pervert doctor practically started drooling.

Enraged, Gokudera shot forward and clawed Shamal's shin. "YOWCH! Oi! I know you're pissed now, but on the upside!" He yelled pleadingly, as Gokudera had a mean glint in his eye and was flexing his claws in Shamal's leather shoes. "On the upside! The effects shouldn't last more than two weeks or so."

Gokudera stared at him in escalating horror. Two weeks? As a cat?

'What'll they tell Juudaime!? Where the hell am I going to go? I live by myself! Oh God, what am I gonna eat?'

At that he made the cat equivalent of a sour face. Reborn jumped in helpfully.

"Don't worry, I thought something like this might happen," For the first time ever, Gokudera considered physically harming Reborn. "So I asked a friend if he could look after a house pet for me for a couple of weeks and he agreed."

Gokudera growled irritably. 'Great. Who am I going to have to put up with for the next two weeks? Oh PLEASE don't be Lawn Head!'

Gokudera was almost on the verge of a panic attack when Shamal took a cat carrier from underneath his desk, and Gokudera had to wonder if they'd planned this just to laugh at him later.

With Reborn in the picture, it was a very real possibility.

When Shamal tried to coax him into the carrier, he snarled and crouched down low, intent on making a flying leap onto Shamal's face.

The doctor got the idea and instead picked him up, amid much yowling and struggling, only to deposit the feline on his shoulder.

Gokudera growled and dug his claws in, causing Shamal to wince and glare at him. Reborn started towards the door.

"Well, no use in dilly-dallying. Might as well get going before it gets dark."

The infant left first, with Shamal and a very moody Gokudera trailing behind.


It was somewhat disorienting at first, leaving Shamal's office.

The world had suddenly gotten much bigger for Gokudera, and everything was so much larger, shockingly so, to the point where he just stopped and stared for awhile.

He didn't even fully realize where he was until the trio had almost arrived at their destination.

Gokudera blinked in surprise. 'Hey, isn't this the way to-' His thought process paused. He blinked again. 'No. No, they wouldn't.'

He shook his head in disbelief. And then, very suddenly, they were standing in the doorway of Yamamoto's house.

Gokudera growled like a creature possessed, and Shamal yanked him off of his shoulder hastily, before he could bite him or claw him or anything of the sort.

Gokudera wriggled and writhed in the doctor's grip, yowling, until the door opened and he froze quicker than a man who has looked upon Medusa.

Yamamoto, when he opened the door, was all smiles. "Hey. Is this the house pet you talked to me about earlier?"

He pointed to a no-longer-struggling Gokudera, and Reborn nodded. "It is. Shamal, hand him over if you please."

And Shamal did just that.

Gokudera was petrified. Yamamoto, the baseball idiot, was holding him like a baby. Yamamoto had Gokudera's small, furry body cradled in the crook of one arm, his other supporting his back.

"Aww! He's so cute! What's his name?"

If Gokudera hadn't been at a loss as to why his body refused to move, he would have bit him for calling him cute.

Reborn shrugged. "He doesn't have one yet. What do you think we should name him?"

Yamamoto raised his eyebrows. "Me? Hmm…" He looked down at Gokudera and thought for a moment.

"Oh!" Gokudera almost panicked at the look-of recognition?- Yamamoto gave him. "He looks kind of like Hayato!"

Now Gokudera was really going to kill him.

'Who are you calling me by my first name!?' He inwardly seethed.

Reborn nodded. "Huh, he does. Should we just call him Hayato then?"

Yamamoto chuckled. "Well, I don't think the real Hayato would be pleased to hear that we named a cat after him."

He stopped and thought for another moment. "How about Emerald? His eyes stand out the most, and they're beautiful, aren't they?"

Gokudera stopped breathing, and he felt his ears catch fire. Did Yamamoto just call his eyes…beautiful?

"That they are. Sounds like a good name to me. Shamal?"

"Indeed, it is fitting." The doctor smirked, and Gokudera wanted to claw him again. "Well Reborn, I think you and I should get going. Gotta perfect that bullet after all."

"Bullet?" Yamamoto tilted his head.

"Oh nothing. Take care Yamamoto." Reborn hopped onto Shamal's shoulder and waved goodbye to the raven, who also waved before taking Gokudera inside.

Once inside the house, Yamamoto gave him the grand tour, taking him through the living room and the kitchen before taking him through the upstairs as well.

Gokudera was surprised at himself. He had barely moved throughout the entire excursion. But when they began to ascend the stairs he started struggling to get away.

He really didn't want to be in Yamamoto's room alone with him, cat or not!

Yamamoto, puzzled, held up the struggling cat gently underneath his little furry arms, and Gokudera didn't like the feeling one bit.

He thought for sure Yamamoto would drop him, and he struggled even more. Even though he knew it would only make things worse, his body acted on its own.

Yamamoto, not wanting to drop him, set down the struggling cat as soon as he reached the bottom of the stairs, where Gokudera promptly dove underneath the couch, hissing.

Yamamoto chuckled. "What's wrong? You've been so calm this whole time."

The raven got down on his knees and peered under the couch. Gokudera growled at him but didn't hiss again, and Yamamoto chuckled again.

"Alright, I'll leave you alone. But in the meantime I'm going to go cook my own dinner. You'll get yours when you come out!" And with that, the baseball idiot was gone.

'Cheeky sonofabitch.' Gokudera growled inwardly.

He tucked his feet underneath his body and rested his chin moodily on the dusty floor beneath the couch, bemoaning his fate. 'Sleeping is going to be fun. Huh, on the arm of a couch or in a box? This is just fucking perfect. Why did I ever agree to this again? …Oh yeah…' He remembered Reborn's words and the eye-glint accompanying them. 'Ugh. I wonder what kind of dinner he has planned. Dry or canned cat food?' Even the words in his head were dripping with sarcasm. He shuddered. 'Ghh, I swear, if I'm still alive in two weeks I'm going to kick Shamal's ass! Girls with cat ears and tails MY tail! …I can't believe I just thought that.'

Gokudera buried his head in his paws, content to just curl up under the couch and pretend he didn't exist, when the most heavenly of all aromas assaulted his sensitive nostrils.

He jumped up so quick he forgot about the couch and whacked his head, but that didn't deter him from scooting out from under the thing, shaking himself to rid his fur of the dust and then making a beeline for the kitchen.

Yamamoto had his back to him, and he was in the process of opening a jar when Gokudera jumped onto the dining room table.

His mouth almost started watering when he beheld the bowl of angel hair pasta, still hot, just sitting there oh so innocently, waiting for someone to take a bite.

And he was about to do just that when Yamamoto turned around. "Oi! Paws off. That's my dinner. I'll get you yours."

He was stopped by a mournful howl. He turned back around to face a feline giving him puppy-eyes and raised an eyebrow. "Huh, I was told you were picky, but I didn't think this was what they meant."

After a moment he just chuckled and shrugged, then got out a smaller bowl for Gokudera and filled it with the cat's portion. "Sauce?"

He held up the jar he had been opening and Gokudera shouted. "You think, dipshit!" Which just came out as a very loud meow.

Yamamoto laughed. "Okay okay, here."

He placed the dish in front of Gokudera, who practically inhaled his first noodle.

Yamamoto stifled his laughter and started on his own pasta, but when Gokudera looked up and saw the manner in which he was eating he scowled. 'Memo to self: When you're human again, teach the baseball idiot how to really eat pasta…The Italian way.'

When Yamamoto had finished and was clearing away the bowls he suddenly erupted in laughter, eliciting a jump out of Gokudera.

"Emerald!" He chastised. "You have sauce all over your face."

Before he could protest Gokudera was swept up and taken over to the sink.

"Mrooowww" Came the irritable meow, but Yamamoto just laughed again, wiping his whiskers with a paper towel.

Yamamoto set Gokudera back on his feet, and he paced around the kitchen as the raven cleaned the dishes.

Once he was done Yamamoto stretched and yawned. He headed upstairs with a simple "Bedtime!" And Gokudera sat alone in the kitchen, suddenly feeling very lonely.

He padded silently into the dark living room, jumping up on the couch and flattening his body along the fabric. He sighed. Who knew being a cat was so…lonesome?

It wasn't like he could talk (normally) to anyone, he couldn't even feed himself. He was pretty helpless until this stupid bullet wore off.

Before he could stop it, a whimper made itself known in the form of a sort of cat-squeak. It was followed by another. And another. Before he knew it, he had found out how cats sobbed.

"Emerald?"

Gokudera froze.

Yamamoto, at the top of the stairs now, had heard him?

"Emerald?" Came the whisper again, followed by a kissy noise that Gokudera wrinkled his nose at. "Come on up here. Come on."

Gokudera was torn. He didn't want to go to the baseball idiot, of all people, for comfort, but then again he really was miserable all by himself.

After awhile he gingerly jumped down from the couch and slowly walked over to the bottom of the stairs.

But Yamamoto wasn't at the top anymore. More small whimpers. Now what?

Yamamoto suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs again, a gentle smile on his face.

"Hey Emerald. Are you lonely? Come up here." He held out his hand and wiggled his fingers, beckoning the feline to him.

Gokudera ascended the stairs faster than he meant to and stopped short two steps from the top, still hesitant.

Yamamoto still held out his hand. "Come on, you can do it."

'That smile…'

Gokudera gingerly put a paw on the next step and heaved himself up.

'That same smile…'

As Gokudera made it to the top of the stairs Yamamoto stood and he tensed, but the raven was only going into his bedroom. "Come on."

Gokudera hesitated again in the door way, but Yamamoto had sat down on his bed and was patting the spot next to him.

Gokudera blanched at the thought of sharing a bed with the idiot, but like hell he was going to sleep on the floor.

With this in mind he made his way across the room and stopped at the foot of the bed before he jumped up onto it.

Yamamoto had already lied down, and he held out his hand to Gokudera once again.

The feline made his weary way over to the raven, sniffing cautiously at the hand offered.

Yamamoto gently swiped his fingers across the top of Gokudera's furry head and scratched him behind the ears.

Gokudera stiffened at first, but he relaxed when Yamamoto rubbed the place just in front of his shoulders.

He sidled up closer, wanting more of the soft touches, and ended up rubbing his cheek against the strap of the tank top Yamamoto was wearing to bed.

Yamamoto chuckled softly and smiled at the silver furred feline resting his head on his shoulder.

"Hmm, you may look like him, but you're nothing like Hayato at all."

Gokudera was about to raise his head in retort, but he suddenly felt Yamamoto's lips on the bridge of his nose and quieted almost immediately.

He was suddenly aware of a noise that he wasn't completely familiar with, but the fingers in his fur and the warmth around him, as well as the sleepiness he felt and the sudden shock from the kiss had almost completely shut off his brain.

His eyes fluttered shut and he rested his face more snugly on Yamamoto's shoulder, and right before he drifted off to sleep, he realized that the sound he heard was him: softly purring.


The next time Gokudera woke up was to a strange noise. He blinked sleepily, seeing that it was still dark outside, but then he heard it again.

Yamamoto was softly snoring. Gokudera merely rolled his eyes at the raven; a freaking snore woke him up.

He tried to bury his head in the pillow underneath him, but at his movement Yamamoto shifted.

He rolled onto his side and wrapped his arm around Gokudera's small body, hugging him close to his chest.

Gokudera brought his paws up between them for the sake of comfort, but, his mind still fuzzy with sleep, nuzzled into the raven's shirt and drifted off again.

Sleep had almost claimed him when he heard Yamamoto whisper into his fur. "I wish you were Hayato right now…"

After he heard that, Gokudera's eyes widened impossibly. Yamamoto was asleep again, and he just stared at the raven for a moment before his expression softened.

He sighed and pressed close to the baseball player again, feeling his gentle heartbeat patter away as he closed his eyes once more.

'You know…so do I…'


Gokudera woke up next to a short kissy noise and a touch to the top of his head before the bed shifted.

He cracked open his eyes and saw Yamamoto heading quietly downstairs. Gokudera yawned and rose to his feet, stretching each leg, one by one, and then arching his back, purring at the comfort.

He descended the stairs and followed Yamamoto into the kitchen, wondering what kinds of horrors the raven had planned for his breakfast and calculating the possibility of stealing some of his instead.

Yamamoto had just poured himself, naturally, a glass of milk and was rummaging around for a bowl.

Suddenly, milk was mighty tempting to the feline, and he cautiously took a lick. He swiped his tongue over his whiskers and went back for more, oblivious to Yamamoto watching him, smiling.

Gokudera tipped his head a bit further into the glass and then…everything went terribly wrong.

He tipped his nose too far into the milk, the result being he reflexively sneezed…and splashed milk everywhere.

Gokudera just sat back for a moment, milk dripping from his whiskers, looking shell-shocked.

It took a whole two seconds for Yamamoto to burst out laughing, gripping his stomach as he doubled over. Gokudera, who had finally found his feet once more, glared at the raven as he stood up straight and tried to control his laughter.

"I'm sorry Emerald, I didn't mean to laugh, but if you could see yourself you would laugh too!"

'Somehow I doubt that.'

Yamamoto walked over to the sink and wet a paper towel, scooping Gokudera up once more and wiping the milk from his face before it could dry, the feline grumbling the whole time.

Yamamoto smiled when he was finished. "Your face looks so slim with all of that fluffy fur wetted down. It's cute."

He held Gokudera under his chin with both hands and proceeded to make kissy noises into the damp fur of his cheek while gently scratching his shoulders.

Gokudera squirmed a bit, 'Why must he always do this!', but he didn't put up much of a struggle at all, and he found himself to like it when he started purring, softly, again.

He nudged Yamamoto's face with his own and rubbed his furry cheek against Yamamoto's chin, resulting in more rubs and kisses.

Unbeknownst to him, his purr had grown rather loud, and the next time Yamamoto leaned down to give him another kiss, he reached up and tentatively licked the corner of Yamamoto's mouth.

Both paused.

Gokudera was horrified with himself, but Yamamoto merely smiled and kissed the end of his grey nose. "I'll get you your own saucer of milk from now on, how's that?"

Gokudera, who had gotten over his shock fairly quickly, nudged the raven's cheek with his own in affirmation.

Yamamoto rubbed his ears affectionately and set him down next to the table, reaching for a saucer.

"Hey…" Gokudera surprised himself by trying to speak. "Baseball idiot! It's me!" He howled loudly.

Yamamoto, surprised at the sudden outburst, turned to face him with saucer in hand.

"Come on! You of all people should be able to tell!" He meowed frantically, pawing at the hem of his pants.

Yamamoto quirked a brow. "What's wrong? Your milk is coming."

Gokudera shook his little head back and forth vigorously, which turned it into a full-body shake. "No no no! I don't care about the stupid milk! Please just see that it's me!"

The meows were coming out mournful now, and Yamamoto, confused at his behavior, just went on and poured him some milk.

"Please…" Came another dejected meow.

Gokudera's whiskers went limp, his tail drooped, and his ears leveled out evenly.

Why did he feel so…heartbroken?

He turned from the kitchen, ignoring the confused call of "Emerald?", and slowly trudged up the stairs and into the bedroom once again.

He jumped up onto the bed and made his way towards the pillows. He scooted well underneath the thin blanket that covered the bed and curled in on himself, grabbing a bit of the blanket in his paws and almost hugging it.

Why did he want Yamamoto to know it was him so badly?

"Why do you think?" A little voice in his head said irritably.

He sighed sadly, closing his eyes and burying his face in his paws.

Well, one really good thing about being a cat was that he had no trouble falling asleep.


He didn't know how long he had been asleep, but Gokudera was quite suddenly awoken when someone pulled back the sheet he had been sleeping under.

He blinked owlishly and looked up to see Yamamoto staring, open mouthed, at him.

He growled irritably and grabbed the sheet out of Yamamoto's hand, throwing it back over his head moodily, and was about to close his eyes again when he realized something.

'Wait…what?'

He slowly peeked his head out from under the covers, staring wide-eyed at an equally stunned Yamamoto. "H-Hayato? Wh-…How…?"

Gokudera was beyond knowing what to say.

By the way the covers felt against his body, he knew that it was the only thing covering him at the moment, and it had only been the second day after he was shot by the bullet! How the hell could this have happened!?

The cat had, quite literally, got his tongue.

"Y-you were the cat?"

Gokudera, not knowing what else to do, nodded slowly.

Then Yamamoto smiled.

Gokudera felt close to fainting from embarrassment, and here the idiot was, smiling!? It pissed him off so much, he finally found his tongue.

"What the fuck are you grinning at!?"

Yamamoto suddenly leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Gokudera's body, pulling him off of the bed and onto his chest.

The silverette froze at the words the raven whispered in his ear. "You heard what I said last night, didn't you? About wanting the cat to be you?"

Gokudera kept still. "Y-yeah…"

Yamamoto brought one of his hands to Gokudera's cheek, caressing lightly with his thumb. "Well, I meant it."

He tilted Gokudera's face upwards slightly, and the silverette's arms wrapped around him just before their lips came together.

It made Gokudera's whole body feel tingly, and his arms wound around the raven's neck and into his hair ever so slowly as the raven in turn caressed his naked back gently.

Their kiss was slow and unhurried, but it still had both of them coming back for more.

After they broke for air the first time, Takeshi licked and nipped at his lips, and the silverette opened his mouth to him almost immediately. But even that kiss was slow and undemanding, and Hayato liked it.

Somewhere along the line they had fallen back onto the bed once more, and Takeshi had Hayato pulled halfway onto his chest, gentle hands sliding through silver strands and caressing the small of his back tenderly.

This went on for some time until Takeshi pulled away and whispered in his ear, kissing him gently. "I want you Hayato. Do you want me too?"

For an answer, Hayato pulled him closer by the back of his neck and kissed him passionately.

Takeshi crushed their bodies together as they kissed, his hands roaming over the silverette's pale back and shoulders, caressing lovingly.

The next time they pulled apart briefly Takeshi took the silverette's face in his hands and peppered it gently with kisses. His forehead, his eyelids, under his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his jaw line, the corners of his mouth and finally his lips.

He pulled away again, still holding Hayato's face, and smiled at him tenderly. "I love you Hayato. Always have, always will."

Hayato gasped. "S-since when?"

Takeshi kissed his lips softly. "That doesn't matter now. Because I finally have you."

Hayato felt the raven smiling into their kiss, and he whispered against the others' lips. "I…I love you too, Takeshi."

They just stared into each others' eyes for a moment, and then Takeshi smiled.

Hayato felt his face flush with happiness, and he smiled too.

After that, their kisses grew more and more heated, each desperately seeking the others' touch; and receiving it in turn.

Clothes were discarded; Hayato's arms were around the raven's neck and Takeshi's were in his silver hair as both their lips and their bodies became one.

Takeshi's arms came around Hayato's body as they made love, and not once did he take them away, even as they laid tangled together afterwards, exchanging soft kisses and even softer words.

Takeshi reached out and brushed away a stray bang from Hayato's eyes, smiling gently. "You really do have the most breathtaking eyes I've ever seen." He breathed to his lover.

Hayato smiled. "Flatterer."

"I say it because I mean it." A soft kiss to his lips.

Hayato took his hand, lacing their fingers together and kissing his knuckles. "I love you. I really do. And it's all thanks to becoming a cat, of all things."

Takeshi chuckled. "You really do have to tell me about that sometime."

A separate chuckle and a sleepy look directed at him. "Yeah, another day."

Takeshi smiled like he did when Hayato first came inching up the stairs to him as a cat, and pressed their lips together lightly. "Love you. Sweet dreams Hayato."

The silverette smiled, humming in thanks. "You too."

Within minutes they were both sound asleep, not phased in the least when a certain somebody's father peeked into the room and, seeing his son finally with the one he had been yearning for for so long, merely smiled, closing the door silently as he left the two lovers tangled together in his son's bed.


"Ah, Gokudera, you're back?"

"Yeah, what the hell!? You said two weeks but it wasn't even two days!"

An evil eye-glint. "Did we say two weeks? We meant two days."

"Bastard!"

"But it all turned out alright in the end. You've finally found Yamamoto, so it's fine. I think I'd call our plan a success Shamal."

A hum of agreement and a smirk. "Yamamoto's wardrobe suits you."

"…You'll be lucky if I don't decide to blow this entire place to hell right fucking now."

A/N

LAWL. I'm not sorry. There is basically no plot, but it was just too fun to write, so I have no fucks to give.

Inspired by my own four cats and this masterpiece in the making - s/7007391/1/Catnip

The combination of the two inspirations was just too much XD

It's a DRRR Shizaya, but it's freakin amazing. and mine really doesn't compare, but this was more for fun than anything XD Enjoi

characters © Akira Amano

story © MarluxiaSutcliff116