Just a short blurb about Sam's addiction to demon blood. I know it happened in Seasons 4/5 but it's such an interesting dynamic. Reviews are appreciated! Have a beautiful day.
It was poison. But it was a gift. He felt it coursing steadily through his veins, feeding the fire inside him. Aching to be unleashed. Clawing to break free. It was terrifying. It was intoxicating.
It was pure, undiluted power.
And suddenly, everything was clear. A world that had once appeared dark and dismal was now overflowed with brilliant hues that seemed to glow at the edges of his vision, the images seared into his mind. Everything was so new. He was no longer sinking and afraid. He was floating. Hovering. And below the surface, beneath the calm and stoic exterior, he felt the stir of the hurricane within him. But he could control it. He could. He was the eye of the storm that surrounded him. He had a firm grasp on the reins, knew his limits. It felt good. He was no longer helpless and scared. He was a silent warrior, a secret weapon, stronger than he had ever been. And he had a purpose, a mission.
Stop Lilith. Kill Lilith.
He could take this burden for his brother, he could carry the weight and end it all. It would be so simple, so easy. And then Dean would finally understand. And then all the fighting, all the sacrificing, would be worth it.
And Dean would be alive.
Nothing else mattered as long as Dean was alive at the end of it. After Sam had defeated Lilith, they could fix whatever had broken between them. Sam knew it would take time, but he also knew that once the threat as eliminated, they could start to rebuild the astonishingly breakable framework that held their lives together.
And Sam would never have to see that look in his brother's eyes again. The one that pierced Sam's core and tore ruthlessly at his insides. That look was the only thing standing in the way of Sam and his otherwise unmistakeable mission. It was the only thing that made him hesitate now, his knife poised over the delicate skin of Ruby's arm. He squeezed his eyes shut, and still, all he could see were Dean's piercing green eyes, filled with fear and worry and pain and disgust. Sam couldn't take it. His shoulders sagged and his fingers began to loosen around the knife as the uncertainty at what he was doing filled his head, not for the first time. But then Ruby grazed his cheek with her fingers, waiting until he opened his eyes to meet hers. Her hand came to rest on top of his own against the hilt of the knife, and she pressed it more firmly into the softness of her forearm, pushing just enough to break the skin, letting the warm black liquid ooze from the cut. Sam watched, transfixed, as the blood cascaded slowly down her wrist. He hesitated a moment longer, but then the need overtook him, the overwhelming hunger for just one more taste, and he was pressing his lips against the cut, sipping greedily.
"That's it Sam, drink," Ruby said, her lips caressing each word.
And he drank.