this has been sitting around in my folder for a while so I just decided to post it now. didn't like the ending so changed it around a bit. I will warn you for eating disorder (obviously), sickness, implications of depression and suicidal tendencies. there may be something else that is triggering that i'm not sure about. i hope that this piece does not accidentally offend anyone or anything. it isn't the best ED fanfic i wrote, but it certainly is not the worst. it was actually like 11 pages on word, but i decided i did not like it and somehow just ended up writing 4 pages to 'fix' the ending. ahahaha. anyway, enjoy this. this will ninety-nine percent chance stay a one-shot. just don't feel like continuing where i left off.
oh and another thing I do have to say is that Blaine's weights here are low. This is because in my headcanon, Blaine has a small frame - your weight also depends on your frame. Smaller framed people have smaller bones, and thus, can be at lower weights without it being an actual problem.
if this offends you, or you don't like it for some reason, do turn back x do not want any problems now, do we? :) i hope you all have a good evening now.
"It's insanity," Kurt commented, as he picked apart small pecans from his now destroyed muffin. "The more I tell Finnegan not to do something, the more he's inclined to do it and the probability of him possibly hurting himself increases by sixty-five percent."
Blaine snorted, and Kurt plopped a candied pecan into his mouth, chewing it thoroughly before adding on. "This morning, he woke me up at around three am because he thought that he may have burned the house down. How that boy possibly reached the age of sixteen is beyond my understanding," he said this with a roll of his eyes.
The brunette took a sip of his non-fat mocha. It slid down his throat and danced with his taste buds, and then decided to smirk to enclose his rant. "And this is why I do not believe in logic."
Blaine laughed, shaking his head at Kurt, whom was flushing lightly and staring down at his lap with a soft smile painted on those pink lips. Kurt's smile still stayed on his lips for a few moments. "I've known you for all of seven weeks, Blaine Warbler, and you have yet to say a thing about yourself."
Blaine's eyes were glittering very faintly, before he shrugged. "I have nothing to say, Kurt."
Kurt had found himself nodding his head slowly, before that smile that was on his lips decided to widen. His eyes were much more vibrant under the light. He decided to take a few gulps of the lukewarm liquid. "What's your favourite colour?"
Blaine smiled back to Kurt. He slid the lid off his coffee, reaching in for the accumulating packets of sugar that Kurt had kept in the centre of the table to put into his drip. "All of them."
Kurt should've guessed that would be the ravenette's response. "What's my favourite colour?"
"None of them," Blaine concluded, picking up a stirring rod that was adjacent to the packets of sugar before calmly stirring in the sugar in his coffee.
Kurt rolled his eyes, but then nodded his head in confirmation of Blaine's statement. "Fine," the brunette was struggling to find a topic of conversation.
The humour from Kurt's eyes slowly left his eyes, and Blaine found himself trying to read those eyes. Kurt knew that Blaine had realised long ago that the brunette plunged into the part of his minds where he decided to break things up and analyse them. This particular look was reserved for more so philosophical and religious debates, but for some reason, Blaine was graced with that look right now.
This could only mean one thing: Kurt noticed something, and that something was making him think.
"Kurt?" Blaine said, forgetting about his drip momentarily to try and pull Kurt out of the trance he was in. "What is it?"
Kurt looked up for a few moments, blinking slightly, as if trying to collect his thoughts. He placed a hand on his thigh, and leaned forward to stare at Blaine. The ravenette realised that the brunette was probably speculating something about him, which didn't shock Blaine at all, but the slight confirmation had made Blaine feel deeply unsettled.
"Why is it that I never really see you eat?" Kurt suddenly spat out, and then blushed immediately afterwards considering that he hadn't actually meant to voice out his concerns in that matter.
The brunette flushed completely afterwards, but then rephrased his concern. "In the duration of our relationship, I've seen you eat a can of tuna, quite a few apples and half a sandwich. I have never seen you eat a real breakfast, lunch or dinner as of yet, and I've known you for seven weeks, Blaine. This is rather worrying."
"You forgot the popcorn I had last week," Blaine chortled, but Kurt seemed to not find the situation light at all. With that realisation, all the colour from Blaine's face had drained as well. "I do eat, Kurt. I eat just like any other normal person."
Kurt rolled his eyes at Blaine's statement. "But when? Sometimes, we go out to dinner, and you'd be ordering – how should I say this? Rabbit food. Alright, I myself do order the odd salad, but those are usually on days where I follow said orders up with a humongous slice of cheesecake so I've navigated any value out of them."
Blaine's eyes had dropped back down to his drip, as he shrugged. "My eating's spaced out. I eat like six or seven times a day."
"When?" Kurt shook his head at Blaine's lucid comment. "I do sometimes spend half the day with you – other times, the entire day with you, and it's become the normal for me to see you eat like two apples in the span of seven or eight hours. That is worrying."
"Kurt, just drop it," Blaine hissed, shaking his head.
Kurt raised an eyebrow. Apparently, his eating habits were not Blaine's favourite topic to discuss. However, Blaine's reaction gave the brunette all the more reason to probe as in his mind, if he managed to give that kind of reaction from Blaine, it was definitely for a reason.
"No," Kurt's voice was adamant. "Are you on a diet?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"What?" the colour from Blaine's face was draining, as if that was the last thing he can possibly think he was on. Kurt was staring at Blaine, and suddenly noticing his tiny wrists. "Kurt, do I look like I'm on a diet?"
"You're right," Kurt finally decided before adding on. "I hardly believe it constitutes as a diet when one's starving themselves to death."
Blaine found himself chuckling and shaking his head. His eyes were shut tightly. "Kurt, if I was starving myself so horrendously, and boxing and dancing for exercise, then I wouldn't exist from how thin I'd be. Do I look like I'm slowly wasting away in front of your eyes?"
Blaine realised that his statement had rendered Kurt to silence. He hoped that that was the end of that topic, as he took a few sips of his coffee, trying to finish it off before it got too cold. His drip was disgusting when it was cold. Just as he was immersed in guzzling down the caffeinated liquid, Kurt's voice broke him out of concentration.
"What did you have for breakfast?" Kurt suddenly asked, looking very sceptical at Blaine's statement. "Don't lie."
Blaine's eyes hardened at Kurt's statement. "I never have breakfast," he explained.
Kurt raised an eyebrow at that knowledge. It was half an hour after noon for one, and Kurt had an art class in an hour that he was trying to forget about. "You must be hungry."
"No, Kurt, I'm not." Blaine finally said, teeth gritted and eyes full of fury. "Stop it."
Kurt nodded his head very slowly. He knew that when he angered Blaine, then telling him to calm down was futile, and if anything, was fuel to his fire. "You're being childish."
"Me? I'm being childish?" Blaine found this funny.
Kurt nodded his head again, choosing to stay calm and not allowing such things to personally hurt him. "Yes," he said. "I am but I propose a way to conclude this argument."
"What way?" Kurt caught how Blaine's cheeks were slightly draining in colour. "What do you mean by that?"
Kurt stood up from where he was sitting down. He was walking towards the counter of the quaint little coffee shop they were in, ordered a large chocolate-chip muffin and paid for it. He returned, placing the warm muffin in front of Blaine, with one demand. "Eat."
Blaine stared at the muffin and suddenly, significantly paled. He picked up the muffin, and stared at it. He placed it down and stabbed it with a fork.
"Blaine, you don't eat a muffin with a fork," Kurt didn't know why he was losing his patience, but he was. Perhaps, he was losing patience because of how much it was validating that Blaine may have a possible 'feeding issue' as Kurt would call it.
Blaine suddenly dropped the silver fork, grabbed the muffin and tried to bring it to his mouth. His hands were visibly trembling. "I'm sorry," and that was the first time Kurt saw Blaine tearing up and it was over a muffin.
Blaine placed it down and shook his head. "I have to go," he suddenly said. "Sorry for wasting your money."
"Blaine!" Kurt called out again, more abruptly, not believing his food fear of the muffin in front of him.
Blaine grabbed his bag, and threw the strap over his shoulder. His hands were still shaking from the anxiety that was surfacing in those eyes. "See you at school."
Kurt suddenly felt sick to his stomach, as he watched Blaine nearly bolt out of that door, as if Kurt had visibly slapped him and left him humiliated.
All over a singular, innocent muffin.
Kurt Hummel was never one to bring up insane ideas to the Warblers' table, as they did not need an ignition to do the most horrific of things. Tomorrow was not a day that the Warblers usually met in, but they always stayed in the choir room in their scheduled time – mostly just gossiping mindlessly, and discussing things that were of no use.
During those days, the thing that Kurt did like doing was bringing himself a magazine, sitting in a corner, and catching up on latest celebrity gossip. He did so in the oh so stereotypical one-leg-propped-over-the-other manner, which he'd had others make fun of.
Naturally, that was one of the most comfortable ways to sit in Kurt's opinion, and that was one of the bigger reasons for him to sit in such a way.
They had this so called Warbler 'practice' tomorrow. An idea lit up into the brunette's head, and he found himself talking to Jeff Sterling. "Are you done fantasising about Miss Berry or should I talk to you at another time?" he said, sounding light and boundless of any concern.
Jeff laughed. "What's up, Kurtie?"
"Pizza party in Warbler practice tomorrow?" He knew that Jeff would have found this odd, so he'd prepared his excuse beforehand. "And before you ask, no, I'm not possessed by a demon. I just thought to stare at you all demolish off seven slices of pizza each whilst I stick to one and a water bottled. It's just to ensure my superiority over you."
Jeff had deciphered that quite quickly. "You want pizza, but you want us to have a pizza party so you don't feel fat."
"Exactly," Kurt nodded his head, and Jeff laughed on the other end of the line. Kurt smiled.
He knew that next time they had Warbler practice, there would be a large abundance of carbonated cola, pizza, and if he knew the Warblers were, a tonne of fattening things. Blaine was his little rat in his ploy, and if he was right, then the best thing to do was to put him in different environments and see how he'd react.
"Hey, Jeff," Kurt didn't want to bring it up too soon, but he wanted the others to be aware of the concerns that had risen up in Kurt's stomach. "How long have you known Blaine?"
"Blaine's my cousin," and with that, Kurt arched his eyebrow. That was more than a little odd, since Blaine did not look like he was related to Jeff at all. The features were incredibly different from one another. "So yeah, a bit," he said with a wink.
Kurt had cleared his throat, feeling the thick lump that existed there from the question he was about to ask Jeff. He wanted to ask him about Blaine's weight – but that sounded like it may be an issue. This easiest thing that he can ask Jeff about without raising any suspicion from the boy with pale blonde hair was Blaine's eating habits.
"Do you have a lot of huge family gatherings?" Kurt asked, only to emit an overenthusiastic nod from Jeff. "What's Blaine's eating habits like in them?"
Instead of Jeff snapping at Kurt for bringing it up (which Kurt was thinking the pale blonde would actually do), he raised an eyebrow. He honestly looked incredibly perplexed by it. "Weirdly enough. It's like...he literally doesn't eat anything, or he eats everything in sight, and when I mean everything in sight, he will eat until he has to lie down from the amount of food he eats."
Kurt raised an eyebrow. That sounded more than just a little strange. It sounded like Blaine's eating habits ventured off to two extremes quite horrifically. "Oh? Did this ever affect how he looks? As in did he put on or lose any weight?"
Jeff nodded his head before explaining. "Actually, he put on a lot of weight. Blaine used to be one of those people that you hug and you feel every bone in their body. He used to be like forty-nine kilos or something, but it wasn't like he barely ate when he was at his thinnest. I think he put on weight when he went into this barely eating – eating everything in sight phase."
Kurt nodded his head. That sounded strange. Was Blaine's barely eating a way for him to get back to what he once was despite the fact that he knew all the weight gain he did experience was muscle gain? He would have to think about this more later on. "Thank you, Jeffery."
Jeff nodded his head and offered him a smile. "Hey," he sounded confused. "Why were you asking?"
Kurt shrugged, before explaining his opinion. "Well, I was a bit worried about Blaine's eating habits. Actually, this pizza party is just a ploy to see how he'll react around food. I wasn't sure if I should tell you or any of the Warblers, because I don't know how you'd handle it but—"
"I'll tell them," Jeff smoothly called out before nodding his head. "Don't worry. We'll make sure Blaine is at least pressured to eat something."
Kurt's eyes hardened. He was curious to see how he'd react when that would happen, but he felt awful for letting Jeff do it. Nonetheless, Blaine's eating habits definitely needed to be addressed, and angering Blaine may be something that Kurt did not particularly like to do, but at the same time, he owed it to Blaine to ensure that no harm would come to him after all of the things that Blaine had done to ensure Kurt was safe in the arms of the Warblers. He can see that Jeff wanted to do exactly the same.
"That's horrid," Kurt finally decided, shaking his head. His voice was light.
Jeff nodded his head. "To be honest, it is worrying me. I mean like I didn't know how to approach him about it, or the Warblers because you noticed it – I sort of tend to make up situations in my head. Especially when it comes to Miss Berry."
"Oh yes," Kurt smiled teasingly at Jeff. They had a habit of calling Rachel Miss Berry simply because Jeff seemed to be unable to pronounce her first name without getting his heart-shaped eyes sparkling in bliss and adoration.
Kurt watched as Jeff turned to leave the boy's dorm room. "Remember to shut the door after you leave, Jeff. If I have to get up to close the door, then you will be in a massive amount of trouble."
It went horribly. It went so horribly that Kurt's stomach was hurting him at the thought of how uncomfortable Blaine must be as he consumed a whole large pepperoni pizza, three pieces of garlic bread, and was currently plopping crisp after crisp from a humongous packet of crisps.
He honestly looked sick, like he didn't even want the food that he was eating. The reasons for why he was still eating it was beyond Kurt's knowledge. He couldn't imagine how uncomfortable Blaine's stomach must be right now, expanded to an unbelievable extent to accompany that mass of food that he was currently eating.
He still kept on going.
Kurt's eyes widened as Blaine's hands dipped into bag after bag of crisps, and Jeff, whom had been standing beside him, with a slice of pizza in one hand and a can of Sprite open in another with a raise of his eyebrow. The brunette was expecting Blaine to decline, but Blaine seemed to have given into temptation – and seemed to stuff himself incessantly with food.
He always looked hungry, and it was something the Warblers apparently were not noticing as each talked to one another. Jeff and Kurt's eyes, however, were completely glued to Blaine. When Blaine had eaten a fifth cupcake from the table, and caught Kurt's eyes, he'd shaken his head and left straight after.
He looked humiliated. He was actually so embarrassed that Kurt and Jeff had bolted towards the door, which Blaine had shut after he'd leave. Jeff and Kurt trying to leave with such haste had made the Warblers stop chattering and start staring at them with confused eyes.
"Guys?" Nick squinted, raising an eyebrow. "Want a little help?" the vegan had been sipping water and denying slices of pizza for most of the meeting so far.
"Nick," Jeff had what Kurt had called 'super special powers' over Nick, and Nick being adjacent in such an effect to Jeff. The pale blonde swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. "Blaine doesn't look okay, but I don't want people like...surrounding him. Kurt and I are going to check if he's okay and we'll keep you updated."
Kurt and Jeff both scurried out of the doorway to look for any signs of Blaine's existence. Kurt's first guess was that he'd gone back to his dorm room, and his guess was apparently right, as he found Blaine on his bed, looking absolutely devastated as he buried his head into his knees.
"Blaine?" Kurt called out, hoping to get a rise out of the ravenette.
"I eat, Kurt," Blaine snapped at him, and Kurt had honestly felt himself jolt backwards at the spitefulness that existed into Blaine's voice. "In fact, if I could just stop eating..."
Kurt wanted to point out that one day of mass eating was not going to change Blaine's weight, but Blaine had spoken before him and his voice held a horribly harsh tone.
"Happy?" Blaine's eyes were dark with anger, mostly at himself, but also at Kurt as well.
Jeff cleared his throat, and moved towards Blaine considering that Kurt was too frozen to say a word. All the brunette knew was that he needed to be around Blaine, but the thought of comforting him left Kurt confused. He didn't know what to say. All he knew was that Blaine shouldn't be alone.
"Blainey, you're being irrational," Jeff called out in a soft voice. "Kurt isn't being snide, or remarking or making fun of you. He wants to help you."
Blaine didn't look like he was taking Jeff's words to his heart, and looked close to crying instead. He just shook his head. "I feel sick," he muttered, and with the amount of food he'd managed to inhale in that period, Kurt was not shocked by it but didn't know what to say to it. Blaine lay down on his back, and Kurt noticed how bloated he was. That cannot be anything other than severely uncomfortable for Blaine – possibly painful.
"Perhaps, you should've stopped when you felt full," Kurt muttered, though did not realise the implications behind his words until he said it out loud like that. Jeff's eyes widened, because he knew how bad of an effect this could be on Blaine.
Blaine was not going to react nicely to that and Kurt's theory was proven right when Blaine grabbed the book that was right in front of him and threw wit towards the brunette, hitting him straight in his chest. It was a large book as well, so Kurt had felt quite a bit of pain from it.
Kurt raised an eyebrow at him. Blaine looked guilty, but all he can do was respond to Kurt's initial question. "I don't feel full until I'm so sick I can't move."
Kurt found that a strange way of Blaine putting it. Kurt had done a project before on mental disorders, and if Kurt was right, then that sounded like a binge. A proper full blown binge. It was obvious to him now that this was definitely not normal. It was not okay. Blaine had stuffed himself to the point where he had to lie down because the sickness was too much.
Kurt would have to read up on this later, but right now, he just sat down beside Blaine and stared at him as he turned around. "You look so bloated. It must be uncomfortable."
"Yeah, I'm fat. I know," Blaine can see the mirror adjacent to him. Kurt had nearly flinched at that statement. There sounded like there was nothing in Blaine's voice rather than horrific self-hatred. "Just leave me alone, Kurt. Jeff...just go."
Somehow, Kurt was scanning the room and found a scale underneath Blaine's bed. He cannot help but feel the need to rummage to see if Blaine had measuring tapes around or so. He guessed he would have to do that when Blaine had an English class tomorrow, and Kurt had an off period.
"Blaine, I don't want to leave you—"Jeff was cut off by an icy look from Blaine's end.
"You want to help me?" Blaine asked, and Kurt watched as Jeff surely but mutely nodded his head. Blaine's eyes then softened as he motioned towards the door. "Then leave me alone."
Jeff and Kurt had left the dorm room. Kurt glanced back to see that Blaine was obviously fighting tears and wanted to be left alone. Kurt was the one to shut the door, and Jeff looked honestly hurt that Blaine was so stand-offish. It was not like the perky ravenette to push people away.
"I thought you were going to tell the Warblers all about Blaine's eating habits," Kurt had noted that the Warblers seemed perplexed after they had a mad dash to get to Blaine – which did not work out as well as they thought it would at all.
Jeff shrugged, and then offered a toothy grin. "We couldn't stop staring at him. Now, imagine like all of the Warblers knowing about it. It'll be too obvious. They'd be looking at him like he was an endangered species of bird or something," he said with a wink.
Despite the fact that Kurt was aware that Jeff was older than him considering that he had to repeat a year due to his failing grades last year and was just barely passing them this year, he found himself commending the blue-eyed boy with coming up with that one. "I suppose you're smarter than you look, Jeffery."
Jeff flushed lightly, and the two left, arm linked to another to head back to the choir room.
After a massive amount of research, a bit of reading done on his part and speaking to a psychiatrist because he thought 'he may have had a problem' (oh, Prada, as the days passed on and on he was doing too many stupid things), he found himself sitting there with one conclusion in his mind.
Blaine probably did binge. A person did not binge unless their bodies were convinced they needed that horrific amount of energy in their body right now, which basically put Blaine into "eat everything in sight" mode.
He knew Blaine did not purge (it would be too hard for him to get through with that when every Dalton student in existence followed Blaine around like a hawk – it was impossible for him not to be detected).
There was also the fact that Blaine never seemed to disappear to the bathrooms at any intervals from whatever he'd heard Jeff say, and there was the fact that he hadn't when they had that pizza fiasco that had left Blaine quiet and distant for most of the week, especially to Jeff and himself.
Starving was more plausible as far as Kurt was concerned.
Another possible factor that came into play was the fact that Blaine's weight may have been too low for his body to handle. From what Jeff had told Kurt, the boy's more so stable weight was around fifty-four to fifty-five kilos, and when plummeting down to forty-nine, his body might have had to compensate for that by binging his way back up to a more normal weight. This made sense to Kurt, but it also did not sound as plausible as Blaine possibly starving himself and then binging.
The thought made Kurt's stomach drop.
This can only be confirmed by Blaine as far as he was concerned. Now, the biggest problem now was that when Blaine seemed to see Kurt, his first reaction was to bolt and Kurt was not going to spend forever trying to chase him. This was why he had unsuccessfully devised a plan with the Warblers.
Said plan was now put into action, as Kurt had seen David walk down the hallway with Blaine. Blaine looked guarded, and Kurt knew why. Soon enough, Thad had joined in on the conversation with them and Blaine was completely distracted. With that, he sent a signal towards Jeff on the other end of the plant pot he was hiding behind. Nick had gotten a text message from Jeff, and Kurt and Jeff emerged from the plant pots.
Blaine's first reaction was to bolt, but of course, Nick and Thad had grabbed Blaine's arms, and tried to pin him towards his position. The ravenette looked absolutely furious and frustrated.
He tried to break of their grips but when Warbler Andrew had grabbed Blaine by his shoulders to pin him down, and then all hope of Blaine breaking free was lost as the boy was a tad more muscular than Blaine and that had made quite a bit of difference.
Blaine gave up, but refused to look up to meet Kurt's eyes.
"Blaine," Kurt attempted to gain the ravenette's attention. Of course, the crowd of Warblers somehow had managed to find themselves to the scene. They were glad that it was a weekend and most children were either in their dorms or out of the school. "I need to talk to you."
Blaine's eyes hardened. "Say what you have to say. Whatever it is..."
"Do you have an eating disorder?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow. "In all honesty, Blaine, I won't—say anything. I just need to know. And I need to know if you're getting any help for it."
Blaine's cheeks flustered softly. He nodded his head very slowly, but then pursed his lips tightly. "Yeah, I have an eating disorder."
Kurt's heart ached. Somehow, even though he predicted it and expected it, hearing it from Blaine's lips was something completely different. It made things look more real, and the Warblers were completely silent. Andrew had slipped his grip away from Blaine, but the ravenette did not try to run away.
"You don't have to starve yourself to be thin, Blaine," Kurt shook his head, rubbing Blaine's shoulder. "I think you look extraordinary."
And to add on to that, a band of Warblers decided to pitch in to that.
"And you're smart," Jeff added on, smiling towards him. Blaine had found himself flushing lightly at the compliment that Jeff had paid him.
Nick had also found himself adding on to that. "And you have a voice that can make angels cry."
Blaine nodded his head, rubbing his arm. "Thanks," he sounded down though, as if something was still wrong, and Kurt was determined to figure it all out but first, he had to tackle Blaine's eating and hope that everything else just made more sense.
So, that was what the brunette had set out for. He tried to push Blaine to eat normal meals, but it seemed as if Blaine was petrified of food itself.
Sometimes, as far as he was concerned, Blaine wouldn't eat a singular piece of mushroom out of the plan that he had for himself.
Considering Blaine was very plan-orientated, Kurt had devised one for the both of them to help Blaine overcome his starving tactics. Blaine had told him what he liked and did not like, and he'd gone from upping Blaine's intake to a near two thousand five hundred.
And also with that, Kurt had demanded to switch dorms with Thad, whom roomed in with Blaine. Blaine had often weighed himself, and often, the number on the scale seemed to displease him majorly. He found himself staring at Blaine sometimes, just gawking at his frame, just wondering how someone as beautiful as Blaine would ever consider that they were fat or much.
It was on a Monday afternoon that Kurt came in and found Blaine on his bed. He found that spread on Blaine's bed was a variety of sugar-infested junk food, and Blaine was eating without any pauses. He shovelled down bit by bit. A part of him knew that this may be because his body still needed a lot more than Blaine was giving him. Blaine's cheeks flushed into a deep dark hue when he noticed Kurt was staring at him.
Blaine's hands were shaking, and he shovelled down bit after bit of food into his mouth without much consideration of anything else. He looked sick of eating, but still kept on eating. It was like everything he laid down in front of him had to be eaten despite how horrifically in pain Blaine looked like.
After the food had been eaten, Blaine had leaned backwards to lie down on his back, and turned to one side so that he wasn't facing Kurt.
It was a chaotic mass of junk food wrappers (Kurt had just noticed that Blaine had eaten from three different fast food locations) and the candy that he'd inhaled along with it. Kurt cringed and placed a hand on Blaine's shoulder, whom looked to be completely torn.
"That was disgusting," Blaine looked up at Kurt with big hazel eyes. "I was hoping I wouldn't get caught."
Kurt realised why – it was humiliating for Blaine to be caught eating that much food in one sitting. Kurt had gone to make sure their door was locked before he sat down beside Blaine, placing a very warm hand on his shoulder to stare at him.
"Was this your first time in a while?" Kurt was only interested in knowing that.
Blaine nodded his head, and then shut his eyes. "It's okay," he finally said. "I just started these antidepressants that my psych gave me and one of their side effects apparently is lack of appetite, so it's supposed to help me not stuff myself to the brick of death."
Kurt slowly had nodded his head, before pursing his lips inward. "Did you lose any weight recently?"
Blaine looked at Kurt in complete disbelief. He just shook his head. He pressed his head against Kurt's thigh, and the brunette found himself placing a hand on Blaine's back, rubbing it in solace. "I'm helping you, Blaine. You'll be fine."
Blaine looked at Kurt as if he was telling him a joke. "Yeah, now if only you can stop me from binging."
"So, you can starve yourself to death?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow and waiting for Blaine to debate that nothing. Blaine just chuckled, as if he knew something that Kurt didn't. "Blaine, I'm not letting you get down to a weight that your body cannot handle."
Blaine snorted. "Don't worry. It won't let me get down to anywhere," he explained. Blaine took a deep breath. "Kurt...there's something I haven't told you and you might think I'm insane for saying this, because I don't look it. I don't look like one so people presume I'm telling them a joke, but I'm serious about this, and I'm letting you in, alright?"
Kurt slowly nodded his head, and Blaine took a deep breath before announcing. "I'm a binge eater."
Kurt stared at Blaine completely dumbfounded with a raise to his eyebrow.
"I mean it – I suffer from binge eating disorder," Blaine explained, only for Kurt to continue to stare at him confusingly.
"But you're thin."
Blaine shook his head, completely insulted by Kurt's statement as he nodded his head slowly. He didn't look like he thought he was thin, but Kurt realised if he'd just eaten that mound of food and someone stated that, he'd be more likely to scoff. "And that, Kurt..." he said, standing up, and looking away from Kurt's face, looking as if he was going to leave the room to get away from Kurt. "Is exactly what I was afraid you'd say."
"Wait," Kurt wanted a story. Blaine can tell it too.
"You think that I starved myself to forty-nine, and tried to get lower, but kept on binging, and I'm trying to starve myself again to get lower. Sort of along the lines of EDNOS," Blaine whispered, and Kurt slowly nodded his head.
Blaine snorted and shook his head. "No, Kurt."
Blaine pursed his lips too tightly. "I got to forty-nine after I had pneumonia, and stayed there for the better part of two years. Over those two years, I shot up from 5'5 to 5'8. My Mother was worried because she said I looked sick at weight at my height being but I thought I just looked thin, then binge ate my way back to fifty-four, and then I exercised my ass off to prevent myself from gaining more weight. The starving is to counteract the binging. You think that I starved myself initially – no, Kurt. It's because no matter how I eat, I still binge.. I starved myself just to offset how much I'd gain," he explained, and Kurt was shocked with that information he was being handed to. Blaine looked at Kurt with a little glare. "And by the way, Kurt...look up the criteria for binge eating disorder. Being fat is not one of them but thanks for wondering why I'm not a fatass."
Kurt's heart was hurting him as he heard Blaine's side of the story. "And the scale, Blaine? What about the scale?"
"Kurt, look around you," Blaine snapped, and Kurt was forced to look around the room, seeing all the wrappers, the junk food – even the smell of the room was like the inside of a McDonald's paper bag filled with chips and burgers. "Can you blame me? For being afraid of getting too fat? For being afraid that my weight will just sky rocket and I'll end up being one of those two hundred kilo men in a few years that are sitting there talking about how their addiction to food ruined their life?"
"Blaine, you won't be," Kurt tried to assure him, but he can see the fear into Blaine's eyes. "You're thin."
"Are you saying that just because I'm like – what? 120-something pounds and that to you sounds too little? Are you saying that just because you think that's a low weight for me to have?" Blaine snapped, and Kurt was silent, because Blaine was right.
All Kurt can see was how fragile Blaine was at his weight, even if he looked normal. He was not on board with the idea of Blaine staying the same weight he was. Even if Blaine gained ten pounds, he still sounded small in Kurt's head.
"Thought so," Blaine murmured.
And for once, Kurt didn't have anything to say to that.
Blaine's binging came to a halt, but Kurt was worried at how drawn out Blaine was these days. Kurt honestly thought Blaine was lying to him about his BED. It did not sound like Blaine was a binge eater. Yes, he was terrible for linking it to Blaine's weight.
But seriously? A fifty-four kilo binge eater?
Kurt was sighing. The ruckus exempted by the huge dining hall was giving Kurt quite a headache that morning. Of course, never-eat-breakfast Blaine was nowhere in sight and had probably decided to sleep in a bit before their first class.
"It sort of makes sense," Jeff explained, as he ate through his breakfast – as he took a forkful of Italian sausage. "Kurt, listen. I know Blaine. He binges more than he starves. I mean think of putting all that food in your body. You're going to feel like the fattest thing on the planet. Hell, when I overindulge a bit at dinner and overeat, I think about never eating again because I get too full. Think of how full Blaine and what he's thinking and how out of control he has to feel and all."
Kurt had to admit Jeff had a point but the point still rested. "Fifty-four kilo binge eater?"
"Kurt," Jeff gave him one of those looks that he kept reserved for him. He went back to biting through the sodium-induced sausage whilst Kurt stuck with his morning porridge.
"Have you seen Blaine eat these days?" Kurt finally announced, his voice darkened.
"Blaine's sick," Jeff explained, and Kurt raised an eyebrow at Jeff's statement. "I think he caught something from when he was visiting his parents this weekend. His Mother was worrying too. She's like you – she thinks that just because Blaine is fifty-four kilos that he must be too thin."
"Is that the excuse he's using now?" Kurt murmured. He still saw Blaine as the type that starved until he binged, and that was just that. "I don't think that Blaine is too thin. I think that Blaine is on the thinner side and if he did binge eat as much as he says he does then he wouldn't be at that weight. He'd be like a million times bigger."
Jeff rolled his eyes. "Well, Blaine's sick right now. Don't annoy him about his eating habits. Blaine especially. Blaine has had pneumonia happen to him thrice – like twice when he was younger and once two years back, and when his Mother tried to make him eat, it was like Hell. He was so weak though. And right now, whenever he gets the tiniest bit of sickness, he just loses his appetite. Don't start telling him to eat more or stay hydrated because he won't."
Kurt sighed, and finally gave in, though he was still reluctant to believe Jeff's story.
Kurt's mind then drifted off to a different topic entirely. Jeff was relieved to see that shift into Kurt's facial features, though he did not know how much he'd despise the topic that Kurt would bring up. "How can you consume so much sodium in the morning?"
Jeff grimaced. "Uh," he began. "Maybe we should talk more about Blaine?"
Kurt Hummel realised that Blaine was lying when his 'sickness' had lasted for up to a month, and showed no signs of getting better. He still went to classes, so it could not be that bad.
Kurt thought that Blaine was just using it as an excuse to starve. After all, why would Blaine be so distant from Kurt if he was actually sick? It seemed as if Blaine was avoiding Kurt whenever they were in a room. They still went to Warbler's practice, though Blaine declined from singing sometimes because he was too 'sick'. All Kurt was seeing was a charade.
Jeff was telling him that he was completely and utterly insane, that Blaine was definitely still sick, and was worrying if it was something worse than a general sickness. Kurt thought that Blaine's 'sickness' was self-inflicted.
In Kurt's eyes, if Blaine was truly sick, he wouldn't be so distant with people. If Blaine was purposely starving himself, he would have to be distant to avoid socialising and thus, eating. It made sense especially with Blaine's new medication that made him stop binging. If Blaine's BED was actually true, Blaine might have seen this as an opportunity to get to a low weight just in fear that the binging might start it up again. It would explain Blaine's symptoms right now that Jeff claimed was part of his sickness – how sick Blaine looked, his general fatigue, and his weakness.
Kurt thought that it was rather hilarious that all of Blaine's obvious symptoms could be explained by lack of food. It was too obvious to him that way that it was a food issue, especially with the fact that Blaine had admitted to wanting to starve himself before. What if the spat about BED was something that Blaine used because of his distorted perception?
That was why Kurt had made a beeline for the doorway straight after practice, just as quickly as Blaine did, and moved towards the ravenette with a grand smile. "Hi, Blaine."
"Oh...Kurt...I...hi!" Blaine nervously called out. He apparently did not want to socialise.
"How are you?" Kurt raised an eyebrow. "I heard you were sick—for a whole month," he spat the last word out as if it was a lie, and Blaine had a small flush to his cheeks.
"Yeah," Blaine's voice was weak. "Kurt, I have to go. I'm meeting my parents for dinner."
"Well, I've always wanted to meet your parents," Kurt murmured, seeing Blaine's eyes widen. "Would they mind having me for dinner? Jeff said they enjoyed company."
"Oh, no, they wouldn't...mind you being there." Blaine looked uncertain now.
"Grand!" Kurt enthusiastically called out, walking close to Blaine. Blaine kept his distance from Kurt, and Kurt can tell why.
When Kurt was escorted inside of Blaine's huge mansion for a house, he was escorted to the kitchen by Alfred (Kurt called any butler-like figure in his head 'Alfred' – yes, Batman reference obviously). He had been incessantly hugged by Maria, Blaine's Mother, and Joseph, Blaine's Father, acted like Kurt was just another member of a family. They spoke a bit about how much Blaine talked about Kurt.
This made Kurt flush, as he still had a slight crush on the ravenette. He waited for Blaine to come downstairs to dinner, and that was when Kurt had caught sight of how thin Blaine had become that it was an actual issue. Usually, his blazer hid any weight loss or weight gain very effectively, but now, stripped of that and wearing nothing but a slightly fitted light green shirt.
Kurt had seen Blaine in fitted clothing before, and he actually looked thin. Now, the sight of him made Kurt's stomach drop.
"Are you still sick now?" Maria asked. Even she was being sceptical.
Blaine nodded his head, and placed a hand on his shoulder. Joseph had brought their plates. It smelled amazing. All Kurt wanted to do was eat everything in sight. Blaine turned his head away at the food immediately, which was a red flag towards Kurt. He didn't even look at it. He pushed his plate away with a rather displeased tone to his face. Kurt immediately looked over to read Blaine's parents reaction. His Mother looked horrified, but she quickly regained her posture, and tried to ignore Blaine's refusal to eat anything.
"How is school?" she asked, with a sickly sweet smile on her lips.
Blaine nodded his head. "Good," he rubbed his neck. "Assignment for Chemistry is a bit hard."
"A bit?" Kurt quickly responded. "Whenever I think about that assignment, I start to feel the need to puke. It is incredibly difficult. Hell, re-making aspirin would be easier."
Blaine snorted. "Aspirin is easy to make," he said, glancing at Kurt as he ate.
Kurt was amazed at the flavour in the sandwich he was eating – the mozzarella, the pesto, the vegetables sandwiched between it. It was marvellous. "Of course, everything comes easy to you. You have the best grades in the entire class."
"Really?" Joseph looked pleasantly surprised, and Blaine flushed.
"Hardly," Blaine shook his head. "There's Christian. He's like the best of the best in everything he does. He outdid me last assignment by an entire two percent. I was so angry it was unreal. I nearly busted those pretty glasses off his face."
"You should've," Joseph earned a glare from Maria which made Blaine laugh lightly.
Then the actual topic that Maria cared about came. "Aren't you hungry just a little bit?"
Blaine rolled his eyes as if it was the most typical question that the woman can ask. "I ate before I came."
Kurt didn't mean to retaliate, but he had to. "I was with you for most of the day, Blaine. You definitely did not eat breakfast. During lunch, you got yourself two pieces of toast. That's it. What are you doing, Mr Binge Eating Disorder?"
"I'm sick," Blaine snippily commented.
Maria took in that news rather shockingly. Apparently, she honestly did believe her sons words and statements when he did say them. She shook her head. "Eat your sandwich, Blaine."
Blaine finally gave in. Maria looked relieved. Kurt tried to pretend he wasn't looking at Blaine's figure.
It didn't help that the next few days, Blaine was being distant again, but for some reason today, Blaine was sitting with Jeff and Kurt at lunch time for one and was poking at the poached salmon that he was eating.
"How do they poach salmon anyway?" Jeff was asking his most intellectual question ever. "Like do you poach it like you poach an egg?"
"Poaching," Kurt began with an overconfident smile, 'refers to shimmering food in liquid, Jeff."
"Oh!" Jeff exclaimed. "That...makes sense. I was wondering how people poached fruit."
"Knowledge is power, Jeffery," Kurt murmured.
Kurt pretended not to notice when Blaine had only eaten a few mouthfuls before saying that he had to leave to study.
Blaine had been distant again, and it was months. Blaine's on and off general sickness was not going to cause Kurt some concern, and that was why Jeff had called Maria and they invited themselves over for dinner that evening on a weekend.
Kurt was afraid to know a number on Blaine's weight. He had passed by the stages of looking borderline dangerously thin. He was dangerously thin. Jeff was noticing that too. And Blaine didn't seem too impressed by the food in front of him tonight either.
He was staring at the roast potatoes, playing with one of them with his fork and mashing it against the plate.
"Blaine, enough of that now," Maria sounded cross. "And if you say you're sick one more time, I'm going to have to hurt you. You can't get sick that often without something being seriously wrong with you. Eat your food now. We can't keep on doing this every single time you eat."
Blaine actually looked like he was in pain. Kurt raised an eyebrow. He was just staring at the food for the most bit.
"Come on, Bee," Jeff called out. He actually looked incredibly concerned. "Look at you. What are you like? Forty kilos?"
Blaine looked angry at that. "Forty-eight," he rubbed his neck. Kurt actually did the math yet again. That was 105.6 pounds, and that made Kurt feel rather sick and dull. He looked at Blaine. He actually looked miserable.
He stood up to leave, and Kurt had grabbed Blaine's shoulder in an instant. Firstly, all Kurt can focus on was how bony Blaine was, but then he realised that a part of his hand was touching bare skin and Blaine's skin...
"Your skin, Blaine," Kurt finally called out in concern. "You're running a fever."
"I'm sick," Blaine reminded Kurt, and that was when the brunette realised that Blaine's 'excuse' was a real one. He was actually sick. It wasn't a lie. He was in actual pain. He realised that his voice was lower than normal, and he spoke like it hurt to speak. His throat must have been hurting him.
Kurt had felt horrible – no, he felt horrendous. He sat in Blaine's room that night, watching him cough for most of the night. Apparently, according to Blaine, it always got worse at night for him. Then he hacked up phlegm that was practically filled with blood.
After a few hours of hectic worrying on everyone's part, Maria cried for three hours straight. Jeff and Kurt stress ate doughnuts and gummy bears for most of the night, and Blaine was diagnosed with pneumonia for the fourth time in his life.
Kurt had gone off to see Blaine, whom looked so much weaker and smaller on that hospital bed that he honestly felt horrible about everything.
Blaine looked up and smiled weakly at him.
"Are you doing okay?" Jeff asked, only for Blaine to give an affirmative nod.
"I suppose I owe you and everyone else an apology," Kurt finally announced, sitting down beside Blaine with a smile on his face. "I should've believed you first time around. Binge eating disorder that has been cut out by the Prozac."
Blaine slowly nodded his head and smiled weakly. "It's okay, Kurt. Really. It's fine. Though at some points I just wanted to shake your shoulders and just snap at you and ask you if I was speaking in another language because you kept on thinking that I had to be the restrictive type of anything."
Kurt had flushed at that. He realised that if their situations were swapped, Kurt can imagine himself shaking Blaine incessantly, snapping at him in an all 'am I speaking in German?' manner to him. Of course, then he remembered that Blaine could speak German and then he sighed. Perfect Blaine that didn't realise just how perfect he was.
Jeff had chosen to take the opportunity to wrap his arms around Blaine since of the scare you gave him. "Dammit, Blaine, you're like a stick. When you get better, we've got to put you on some insane weight gain regime. Lose anymore, and you'd be in line to audition for the Machinist."
Blaine seemed like he wanted to retort to that, but kept his mouth shut for the most bit.
Kurt looked at Blaine. Something was different about the ravenette, and he sure hoped that this wasn't a stupid speculation that he was giving him now. "Blaine, you've had pneumonia before obviously. You know the symptoms. Why is it that you haven't quite told anyone you thought you may have pneumonia? Why the avoidance?"
Blaine looked down at his lap. Apparently, he didn't look too fond of the reason. Kurt realised he probably won't be either.
"Kurt, the prozac... it had some nasty side effects," Blaine started to cough again, and grabbed a tissue to relieve himself of the sputum. "I thought it was okay, because it would stop the binging and I was just so afraid that I would binge my way to an absurd weight and binge eating disorder or not, my perception of myself isn't really as normal as most people's. I didn't think I lost weight until I'd step on a scale or something."
Blaine shut his eyes. "Kurt, the pills made me suicidal."
Kurt linked up the story well enough. Blaine knew he had pneumonia. He obviously knew the symptoms, but imagining himself in Blaine's position where he was afraid of gaining weight to an absurd extent because of his binging habits, and he can only focus on how much he binged, not how little he ate to offset those binges then it was kind of horrifying. Blaine knew he had something serious – he wanted it to kill him.
"Oh," with that realisation, Kurt's eyes filled with hot tears, as he stared at the sick Blaine that laid on that hospital bed. His throat was burning, and he can't say anything else, so he just repeated his previous insignificant statement. "Oh."
xo Peanut Butter/Sam