A/N: Oh my god, I'm so sorry guys! I promised myself that I wasn't going to be those writers who take forever to make an update and I just completely broke it. It's been almost two weeks and once again I'm sooo sorry! /: Normally I'd give you guys some excuse but I know you guys just want to get straight to the chapter.
Anyways, hope you enjoy it(: Not much happens in this chapter so sorry about that.
Side Note: Thanks to all the people who read and reviewed my first one-shot 'Something To Live For', you guys are amazing!(: Oh and most definitely expect another one-shot really soon!(;
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Suefanficlover - Aww thank you so much, as always you're amazing! (: And I promise it won't be too long(;
LovinThatLovato - I'm sorry/: But things will start to turn around very soon!(;
Nightingale11 - Well good thing she wasn't cheating huh c(; and Mhm!
Lisapizzalol - Haha yes it isn't forever, I can promise that(:
Yummy42 - Yes! And I'm so excited about it xDD
LikeAStorm - I totally agree on Demi being the only one to be able to fully break away. And Lmfaoo I understand your outrage but everything happens for a reason, right?(; Like I said in the beginning, Alex will be the most loved character but overall Mitchie is just trying to figure things out, give her time c(: Eventually everything will come into place hehe
DemiIsMyHero - Thank You!(:
Demenaforever13 - I couldn't be that horrible(;
VeehxD - Aw Thank you so much! (: I really appreciate it.
LovezObsessed - I completely understand where you're coming from. The breakup reason is more fully discussed in the beginning of this chapter(:
Blushyskittle3321 - Don't we all /: and Thank you(:
Guest (9-1-13) - Good thinking logic(;
Me - Thank you so much!(:
Lemoso - Lmfao! Haha congrats! I know that's definitely a relief, to have all that weight off your shoulder, especially towards your best friend(:
Tomatoes - Yes, yes it did. Lol c(:
Rayveyone brown - I promise just a few chapters! It won't be too long(;
Pretty Little Fiction321 - Lol Thank You so much! I love receiving your reviews(: and Hmm one of those will be happening in the future, but I'm not gonna say which, so really good guess!(; And partially of another one of your thoughts will happen in this chapter too, PARTIALLY though xD
Guest (9-8-13) - I didn't understand the first part of your review, I'm sorry. And a lot of people would agree with you, but just give it time(;
To everyone who suffers from PTSD and or Panic Attacks, you guys are extremely strong and my heart goes out to all of you. I know it's a very difficult thing to go through but just keep your head held high and you'll make it though it. (:
"You can't stop the future, you can't rewind the past, the only way to learn the secret ...is to press play."
― Jay Asher
Imagine being stuck in a nightmare, with no way out. Slowly, softly, the air is getting sucked out of you. In this nightmare, you're first instinct is to try to wake yourself up, get out of that hell hole. Problem is, there's no exit. What do you do? You try to hide from it, so you momentarily imagine another place and try to feel in peace again. However, peace is never forever. Eventually, your dream will start to fade and you're seeping back into the nightmare you kept trying to avoid.
Once being dragged back in, you face the consequences. Your fears are your entire life. You get nervous, scared, shaky, sometimes it even becomes impossible to breathe because your heart is jumping out of your chest. You experience an out of this body feeling, as if you're viewing yourself from the sidelines but not able to stop your hyperventilation. So not only are you going through that pain but now you're also going through the mental ache because you know you can't do anything about it.
That is the feeling of PTSD and Panic Attacks. That is the feeling Alex receives when she undergoes these situations.
Being forever stuck in a trauma that will keep coming back into your head without any notice. The flashbacks that scrolls through your eyes, not able to leave your thoughts. The only thing Alex can do is try to avoid the consequences, fully aware that even if it's away now, it'll be back tomorrow. That is the fear of the absent minded.
Ever since, I found out about Alex's… situation, I've been deeply invested in the background research of it. The challenges she has to go through every single day, amazes me but none the less also devastates me. I thought I had it rough, no, not anymore. Sure I'll have my breakdowns but at least I'm completely aware of when it will happen and I know eventually it'll stop. But not for Alex, she's permanently traumatized, she will remember a certain event that she wishes to forget, for the rest of her life. It's not only the printed memory but also the pain received afterwards that she goes through, the disability to not do a single thing because your body takes control of its own toll. You just have to stay there and pray it doesn't happen in public. That's what Alex informed me of.
About a week has passed since her secret has been uncovered, and we're in a complicated state. I guess you can say we're in that awkward post breakup stage. Although, not fully, at least that's what I think. Unhurriedly, we're trying to get over that bridge and go back to how our friendship was. It's taking a while, but at least we're trying to put the past behind us and try to move on, even if it's only as friends.
As much as Alex should be mad at me for causing the turmoil in our relationship, she looks past it. It surprises me to the max. If I were her, I'd be pissed as hell, but that's how Alex and I are different. I'm good at holding grudges, look at my parents for example, it's not a good thing but that's just how I am. As for Alex, she is the definition of sweet, she can never stay mad at someone for so long. Her mom was the reason why she had her first panic attack but she acts as if it never happened and still talks to her mom like everything's fine. The only person she's held a grudge on is Mason, that's it, which is totally understandable.
A lot of people will question why I really broke up with Alex, but it's not as simple of an answer as it seems. I genuinely have deep feelings for Alex, that's never going to change, and obviously she feels the same way, by how she expresses her love, it drives me crazy, in a good way. In no way is she the problem, I am, that's why. From the very beginning, our relationship started as a comfort and care type. I was in a really bad state and she was always there next to me, trying to help me out.
The problem was how messed up I was that I was never able to pay attention to her difficulties. She cared too much about me, invested most of her time treating me like I was on top of the world, the only one that mattered, that she completely ignored her own troubles. And I was so blindsided by all the attention I was getting from her that I didn't even think for a moment to really ask Alex about her life. That was my mistake.
Yes, I was upset to find out that I knew completely nothing about her life. I've vented to her numerous times, she knows the whole me, but I knew nothing of her. Why? Not because she didn't tell me but because I never cared enough to ask. I was too caught up with trying to upgrade my reputation that I became negligent, which is something I've never wanted to go through, especially with Alex. So because of my huge ego getting in the way, I never realized I was dating, figuratively, a stranger.
The break up, wasn't necessarily only for the secrets but because of her health. I knew if we weren't together anymore that maybe she'd take interest in her own well-being instead of mine. That's all I can really hope, to know that Alex is finally taking care of herself instead of putting other people first.
The song coming from my headphones starts to dial down, ready to come to an end and play the next one. As it comes to that short halt I hear an odd noise. I take out my headphones to see if it was the music or something else. I didn't hear anything, but once I lifted my headphones again, I heard the small unidentified sound. I pause my music and turn to my right and witnessed Alex tossing and turning, letting out small mutters underneath her breath.
I didn't think much of it at first, but it continued and I started to get worried. I get out of my bed, walking towards Alex's side of the room and kneeling down next to her. She jumps once more with a little kick this time, turning her head to her left, facing me, eyes still closed. I move the strands of hair out of her face delicately and start to shake her a bit.
"Alex…" I whispered to her but she continued to move her head in different directions. I start shaking her harder.
"Lex" I say louder and her eyes startle open, looking at me.
"You okay?" I ask her and she combs her hair back with her fingers, holding herself up by her left arm.
"Y-yeah, just a nightmare" She replies and I give her a small smile, nodding lightly.
"Well alright, try to get some sleep. If you um need anything, I'm five feet away from you" I respond and she returns the smile, nodding. I get off my knees and head back underneath my covers, internally sighing.
Other than missing Alex as an actual girlfriend, there's one action that I deeply yearn for. Which is her sleeping next to me on my bed like she used to. The warmth her body gave me, made me feel safe and peaceful. I was always happy to go to bed because I knew I'd wake up with her lying beside me. Now, I just feel lonely all over again, and I know it's mostly my fault, but what can you really do at the moment? Just wait and hope that you made the right decision.
Remember when I thought Mitchie was going to break us off before we even had a chance to start, yeah it ended up happening either way. I consider a month into our relationship still short, it passed by too fast when all I wanted was it to go by slowly so I can savor each individual moment with her. I'll admit, it kind of hurts. Just to have that one genuine good thing in your life get snatched away from under you.
I'm not mad though, I can never be mad at Mitchie, no matter how much I try. I understand her intentions completely, so I can't blame her.
I'm a very high believer in happily ever afters, from being a child to now, I still believe in everything turning out for the best. Just because Mitchie and I are broken off right now, doesn't mean we're not going to get back together, I know we are. She promised it herself and I'll try my hardest for her not to let go of that wish. I mean every relationship has their ups and downs, but they'll make it through. I know we will. Because in no doubt in my mind, Mitchie and I are meant to be together. Whether or not the universe doesn't see it like that, in my heart and I know in her heart too, we both have that same belief.
We've came upon a lighter and all we have to do is flick it on.
Mitchie and I are both mature people because if we weren't, we would have let this get in the way of our friendship. Even though it's not exactly the same like how it used to be, it's only a matter of time once we really get comfortable with each other again. It's better to be in one another's life as just friends than to not be in it at all.
"Can I get a small sweet tea?" I ask the cashier lady, handing her the money who just nodded.
"I'm sorry, make that two small sweet teas" I quickly said before it was too late. She gives me my change and my two drinks and I turn around, walking away with Harper next to me.
"Why'd you get two?" Harper asks me as we continue to walk towards her dorm room.
"Oh um, the other one is for Mitchie" I answered her and she gave me a small smile, opening her door so I could enter inside.
"That's nice of you" She said and I shrugged, sitting down at Harper's desk once she situated herself on her bed.
"So how is she doing? I actually haven't seen her around lately" She asks. This past week, both Mitchie and I would be considered as being glum. From what I've noticed, Mitchie has kind of been on the down low. She's been trying to lessen all the attention she's been receiving and tried to get away from all the ruckus. I've been doing the same thing, I guess we're both just not in our right minds yet to actually go out in public.
"Eh I'm not sure, she's been going through some stuff lately" I simply said and Harper gave me a concern look. Mitchie and Harper have talked a couple of times, but Mitch really does like to keep everything to herself, so Harper is more of a friend to me than to Mitch.
"Aw, anything I can help with?" She offered and I shook my head, taking a sip of my sweet tea.
"Nah, probably not. A couple of weeks ago she lost her necklace that meant a lot to her but it's most likely long gone now." I respond sadly.
"Oh?" She says and I nod. Then she immediately stands up and goes to her drawer.
"Crap, I forgot—" She exclaims, searching all over her drawers until she pulls out a small object that I wasn't able to see.
"I was supposed to take this to the lost and found like two weeks ago but I forgot to go" She says finally opening up her fist and my eyes widened.
"Oh my god! That's her necklace, where did you find it?" I said in shock, as she handed me it.
"It is? Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I found it in the hallway around midnight and I knew the lost and found wasn't opened at that time so I held it, planning to take it the next day but it left my mind. If I would have known it was hers I would have gave it to her a long time ago. I just thought it was someone else who's name started with an S because of the initial engraved on it—" She rambled off nervously but I cut her off with a hug.
"You're a life saver Harper! Thank you thank you thank you! You're the best! I need to go tell Mitch right now, I'll see you later ok?" I said quickly, holding onto the necklace with a tight grip and grabbing the two drinks I bought, exiting her room. I rushed to the other side of the building to where my dorm was. I stopped right in front of it and took a deep breath, placing the necklace in my pocket, calming myself down, entering the room. I find Mitchie laying on her bed reading her book as always.
"Hey" I said softly and she looked up at me with a small smile, returning the greeting.
"Um I brought you a drink, you know in case you were thirsty or something—" I continued on nervously and she chuckled, closing her book and walking up to me, grabbing the drink out of my hand.
"Thanks" She whispered, taking a sip from the straw, still not taking her eyes off of me. Her gaze made me nervous so I looked down and she finally sat down on the edge of her bed.
"Yeah um I actually have something for you—" She looks up at me with a confused look.
"—Well um actually not really, I found it, or I mean Harper did and she gave it to me—" I babbled on idiotically but I stopped myself, mentally slapping myself and shaking my head. I dig into my pocket and pull out her necklace. I didn't hear anything so I looked at her and she was semi frozen. She finally reacted and her mouth opened, as she dropped her drink onto the floor, not caring about the spill at the moment, running up to me.
She grabbed it out of my hand and looked at it closely, not believing it was her necklace. Her eyes were watering up and she brought me into a hug. I visibly relaxed into her touch.
"H-how, w-when, w-what, Lex!" She said confusedly and I couldn't help but let out a small laugh.
"Harper found it" I simply said and she held the necklace against her chest. She smiled at me and I wiped a tear that fell from her eyes. I grabbed her necklace out of her hand and gestured her to turn around. She listened and lifted her hair, already knowing what I was going to do. I hooked the necklace on the part that wasn't broken off, making sure it was fully secured. She turned back around to face me and rubbed her thumb on the guitar pick design.
"Thank you so much Alex, you don't even know how much this means to me" She whispered to me, still looking down at her hanging memory.
"Technically you should be thanking Harper but I did promise that we were going to find it, didn't I?" I replied genuinely and she looked me in the eyes, giving me one of those perfect smiles that I love most about her. A couple of seconds passed of us looking at each other and unexpectedly I felt Mitchie's lips on mine. My eyes hastily shut at the contact, and my heart dropped at the sensation of feeling her lips all over again. But of course, once again, it was over before it began. It was a short quick kiss that she initiated and caught me one hundred percent off guard.
Once she pulled away, I opened my eyes to catch Mitchie staring at the ground. I wish I was able to kiss her this time, but judging by her reaction I knew she didn't expect that from her either. I licked my lips and swallowed deeply.
"Why'd you do that?" I asked in a whisper and she looked up at me.
"I don't know…" She started off fiddling with her necklace and biting her bottom lip. God the temptation of just grabbing her face was killing me.
"…I was caught up in the moment. I'm sorry." She finished off, looking back down, away from me.
"Don't be. It's ok." I whispered to her, tilting her head to face me.
"No it's not. I'm giving you mixed signals and I can tell I'm frustrating you. I'm sorry." She replied and I sighed, not saying anything. I moved my right hand that was under her chin, and grazed it down her left arm, grabbing her hand in mines. She looks at our combined hands and has a confused look on her face.
"Can I do something?" I asked her, still holding onto her hand.
"What?" She whispers, swallowing deeply.
"Let me kiss you. Just one last time, please…" I whispered to her and she closed her eyes momentarily.
"Alex…" She pleads and I shake my head, grabbing both hands this time.
"It's only fair... You kissed me, I should be able to do it too." I said in the same low volume tone. I took a small step closer to her, letting go of her left hand so I can caress her cheek. My eyes darted from her eyes to her lips as she did the same. She didn't respond to my comment nor did she take a step back, so I took it as a sign. Unhurriedly, I started to lean towards her giving her time to object if she wanted, but I heard nothing coming from her mouth.
My eyes closed and my lips lands on hers. This was my breaking point, I never realized how much I missed kissing her until now. I wanted to stay like this as long as I possibly could. My hands dropped to her waist and her hands cuffed my cheeks. She was enjoying this just as much as I was. I knew we both didn't want to pull away, so we didn't. Our lips remained pressed against each other, doing nothing else but that. I couldn't take it anymore, if this was going to be my last kiss with her for a while, I'm going to make the best out of it.
I tightened my grip on her waist and started walking frontwards. She continued to stay quiet and took the steps backwards, following my lead. Her back hit the wall, and I held her in place. My left hand holding myself off the wall and my right still on her hip. Surprisingly enough, I felt her mouth open slightly, she started to beg for entrance. I immediately granted her it and this time our tongues came in contact. We both let out a small moan once we tasted each other's mouth. In only a matter of seconds, fiercely our tongues continued to rub against each other.
"Lex…" Mitchie whispered in between our make out session. I didn't respond but continued to try to ignore the outside world.
"Lex, please…" Mitchie pleaded and I knew I had to stop. Reluctantly, I disconnected our lips, but still held her against the wall.
"I'm sorry" I whispered to her with my eyes closed. I felt her brush a strand of hair behind my ear and I opened my eyes to see her with a sad expression.
"I'm sorry too" She whispered back and gave me a small slow peck on my lips, before she escaped my grasp and walked away, exiting our room.
I didn't move, I stayed in place, with my left arm still leaning on the wall in front of me. I closed my eyes harshly, feeling the tears rising from underneath. I lay my head against the wall and with my right fist, punched the wall, not enough to create a hole, but enough for me to feel the pain in my knuckles. I turned around and slid down the wall on my back. My hands covering my eyes as my tears finally exploded from inside me.
Once again, not much but it was necessary.
Please review!(: Even though I know a couple of you will tell me how much you dislike Mitchie right now(; but once again have faith! xD
Clue: The most anticipated chapter, well at least for me, will be chapter 24/25. Trust me, it'll be extremely interesting with a lot of mixed emotions(;
But the next chapter will also have a crucial part to the plot that you guys won't know about till the near end of the story. Confused yet? c(;
[If you have a life then proceed to exit this story, but if you're like me, who has completely nothing to do, continue to read on xD *You've been warned* Potential Waste of Time Right Ahead!]
Ok so I have like 20 episodes left to finally catch up on Glee and I'm like flipping out, I'm so excited to see Demi playing a gay character. And it is confirmed that she (Dani) will share an on screen kiss with Naya Rivera (Santana) Omggg! 0.0
[For the record, I am not a huge Glee fan, I started catching up on ALL the episodes from the very beginning just one month ago because I found out Demi will be starring in it. Haha #Lovatic ]
Anyways, anyone in the US watch the X Factor this past week? Demi looked gorgeousss! ^.^
Oh Shxt, I almost forgot... Demi Lovato is releasing a book! Omfggg! Staying Strong is getting released on November 19, Ahhh xD Guys pre-order it now! Seriously Lmfao and She's also writing her own memoir very soon, god I can't wait for that one too. Haha
[Yes, definitely expect a bottom's A/N of me completely fangirling from now on. xD Cause, you know, I have no life...]