A/N: Woo hoo a new TVD story. I feel like I have been sitting on this story for a while. My goal is to update weekly. Hope you enjoy! Happy reading!
I can only watch her now. She's older. No longer the gangly teenager I left behind. The curves are where a woman should have curves. Her hair is longer than I remember, but it still reminds me of a river of chocolate. Does it still smell like mango and vanilla? I sure as hell hope not. That smell still makes me get hard in a second because it reminds me of her.
Even after all this time, she's a siren calling me, luring me with her beauty. Despite being a weak man, I resist because it's what is best for her. I resist because I am the worst thing for her. Selfish, egotistical, narcissistic, man-whore, day drinker...I am all these things and worse. Someone unworthy to bath in the light that inherently emanates from within her.
It may seem like I have built her up over the years to exist only on a pedestal. Rose colored glasses making her perfect the way only time can for those we've lost. Nope. This girl has flaws...flaws aplenty. She's too stubborn for her own good. Reckless with her own life. A martyr. She makes decisions that are "the best" for those she cares about without considering how the one in question may feel. She tries to take on the pain of life herself in hopes those around her will escape it. She never understood that when she hurts we hurt so her lone wolf tactics never spare anyone anything. Everyone just hurts in the end. This girl, er woman, is definitely flawed but she loves like no other. She loves with her heart, her soul, and every fiber of her being.
Did she really love me all those years ago? Maybe. Maybe not. She certainly didn't try and find me after I left. Not that expected her to after what did. Not that I could have been found, but I would have known if she looked. I didn't keep track of her over the years. The masochist in me craved knowing what she was doing every second watching her enjoy the happy life I couldn't provide. The rational part of my soul knew if I saw her, even once, I wouldn't be able to let her go. Wouldn't be able to let her live a life away from the destructive force of nature that is yours truly.
Why did fate have to choose today of all fucking days for me to see her? I've spent four years fighting to turn off my emotions related to her. Four years of being alone. Four years of knowing I did the right thing, forcing myself to move on and forget the life that could have been. Why, after all this time, am I not walking away but sitting here watching her like some pathetic stalker? Because I fucking love her and no matter how many times I try and move on from her, I never will. As cheesy and cliché as it is, she was the one, but I loved her enough to let her go. It doesn't matter if she won't love me now, who knows if she even loved me then. Besides my brother she is the only person that has a piece of my heart. Fate is truly a bitch to choose today instead of the other 364 possibilities for her to show up. Fate had to choose the anniversary of the day my hopes and dreams faded away. The day Elena Gilbert was ripped from my life and the day that the Damon Salvatore that once was died.
A/N: I know this opening was very short and a little cryptic. All will revealed in due time. I promise future chapters will be longer. Please leave a review!