"Muscle Man's Guide on Dining Out"

Rated T

Disclaimer: I tell ya that I do not own any character of Regular Show, nor do I own the series. All of this is owned by creator JG Quintel.


There was a car pulling up in a fancy chinese buffet. It looked more like a station wagon meets a Dodge Viper without the stripes and painted black. Out of the car came a dwarfish human being with a thick physique. And alongside him is his date. His date of course looked very much like her date, except she looked a little bit like a schoolgirl Britney Spears, but she had a little meat on her bones. But he and his date weren't alone. There were a camera crew alongside them for a special occasion. They were being filmed the same time Muscle Man and Starla went in.

"Hey, ladies. This is Mitch "Muscle Man" Sorenstein, and I decided to make my own instructional video thanks to the writer of this story. Yeah, I'm breaking the fourth wall! You know who else likes to break the fourth wall? MY MOM!" Muscle Man said with a little chuckle. The rest of the camera crew however, wasn't laughing at his lame 'My Mom' jokes.

"C'Mon Mitch, I'm so hungry, I could eat a dead donkey!" Starla pleaded to his boyfriend.

"In a minute, Starla." Muscle Man responded back to her before he looked once again to the camera, "Since I was supposed to do this Valentine's Day, I'm a bit five months off. For you desperate men wanting to please your lady, I'll show how to become a gentleman in the world of dining, the Muscle Man way. Let's get started, ya monkeys! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

1. Scoot the seat over for the lady

"The first thing to being a gentleman is to scoot the seat over for the lady. Allow me to demonstrate." Muscle Man said to the camera, as he backed away for Starla. She noticed that he didn't scoot the seat for her to sit down.

But that's because she spoke to the waiter, who was busy serving a family of three far away.

"Hey waiter! Get my seat or I'll turn your face into pizza!" Starla exclaimed to the waiter in a threatening way.

"Right away, Ma'am!" The waiter responded, feeling nervous on the inside. He shook himself while scooting the chair for her. Starla finally sat down while the waiter ran off-screen feeling scared.

Smiling with a grin on his face, Muscle Man spoke back to the camera.

"It's easier that way when you have somebody else do it." Muscle Man winked with approval.

2. Put a bib on.

Muscle Man and Starla finally sat down on their table.

"The next thing to become a gentleman at the dinner table is to make sure you put one of the contemporary bibs on. It's important that you don't make a mess all over your perfect suit." Muscle Man replied as he took a bib and stuffed it on the collar of his white shirt.

But as soon as he put it on, he was quickly turned off. That bib made him looked like a retarded green baby.

"Raaah! What am I doing! I can't wear this!" Muscle Man reacted crazily as he took his bib off and sent it flying to the floor, "Forget about wearing a bib. Get your suit messy as it gets! That's what a real man does in a buffet like this!"

3. Always let the lady order first.

Muscle Man and Starla were holding and reading the entire menu hand in hand.

"When dining at a restaurant, always make sure the lady orders first. Just let her take the time she needs before you start ordering stuff."

Being bored having to look at the same menu hand in hand, Starla threw the menu away and spoke to his date.

"This menu sucks! Let's go pig out!" Starla exclaimed.

"You know it, sweet thing! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Muscle Man hollered as they got out of the table and went full on at the buffet line. His screaming was starting to become a nuisance.

4. When you burp, always say excuse me.

Muscle Man and Starla are chowing down a row of greasy egg rolls and Sour and Spicy chicken. With his mouth stuffed full of egg rolls, Muscle Man spoke to the camera for the umpteenth time.

"When you feel the neef to burp, make sure you always say excoose me!" (He's talking with his mouth full, people.)

During the little meal, Muscle Man let out a loud burp, which disturbed some of the guests, even the children. Some got up to leave the restaurant while a few brave ones stayed and enjoyed their meal.

"Nice one, Mitch." Starla nodded with approval while Muscle Man nodded back.

5. Strike up a conversation.

While they are still eating egg rolls, Muscle Man spoke to the people watching at home right now.

"During a date, make sure you strike up a conversation. It's not kind of you to stay silent this whole time, because it loses sizzle between you and your partner."

The entire munching of egg rolls took it's toll on both Starla and Muscle Man, who looked at each other romantically.

"Screw this dinner!" Starla growled angrily to the food before she stared at Muscle Man with such animalism, "Mitch, take me on this dinner table!"

"Aw yeah! Muscle Man's ready for dessert!" Muscle Man hollered once again as they made out on the dinner table, much to the horror of everyone watching. As a result, the brave guests who decided to stay, left with a foul taste in their mouths. Meanwhile, Starla and Muscle Man did a lot more than making out to be exact.

6. Make room for dessert just in case.

Unfortunately (but luckily), we couldn't show you this footage because the kind of dessert Muscle Man's enjoying with Starla has nothing to do with dairy. It's a bit disturbing, way too sexual and gross to even be explained in a T-rated fic. So, we'll skip this little lesson...

7. Always leave a tip.

However, Muscle Man and Starla never left one tip. Instead, their gross behavior forced the manager to throw them out.

"You go now! You ruin restaurant!" The owner of the Chinese restaurant shouted to the pairing.

"Fine! I didn't like it in there anyway!" Muscle Man shouted back to the owner who slammed the door in anger. Trying to calm down, Muscle Man spoke to the camera for the last time, "The last tip was to gladly hand the waiter a tip, but thanks to that douche of a manager, I didn't. But tip him anyways. Just not in money. Tip him by taking a dump in his plate!"

Inside the restaurant, the manager shouted in glory as he held a plate. The same plate that Muscle Man did his 'business' on.

"Ha ha! I struck gold! I got chocolate sausage! No one will have it! Ha ha!" The restauranteur shouted yet again as he went to the back room where nobody can see him.

"Hahahahaha!" Muscle Man laughed, "That bro's gonna chug mouthwash for a week!"

Relieved with a sigh, Starla put her head in Muscle Man's shoulder, being a little tired from their disturbing dinner date.

"Thanks for the dinner, Mitch! You're full of surprises..." Starla said to him with a coo.

"You're welcome, babe! Although I hate the dessert they had here." Muscle Man exclaimed.

"Um, Mitch... you got something hanging from your tongue..." Starla said while she pointed to Muscle Man's lips.

'Mitch' noticed his problem and got the strand of hair off his tongue. This looked very disturbing to the reader reading this right now. (Which is you)

"Must've been the hottest dessert I ever had, babe! You know who else likes desserts like that? MY MOM!" Muscle Man exclaimed with a wink. The pairing got inside their car and drove away, therefore ending this little instructional guide of his.


Okay, that little dessert part was disturbing, but it was really crazy.

Until then, R&R for some feedback! ;D