Summary: Momoshiro gets a really stupid idea.
A/N: another dialogue-only fic from me as a challenge to see if I can keep the character's voices true to their personality, without showing who's talking or even mentioning names.
"What are you looking at."
"Nothing—I mean, your ugly face. Yeah, I'm looking at you. Got a problem with that?"
"Why don't you say that to my face, dumbass!?"
"Are you blind, I'm standing right in front of you, idiot! Ugly idiot!"
"Why you—you're asking for it!"
"Wait, don't hit me, I have to tell you something."
"I don't care! You piss me off."
"Can the pissing off wait? I really need to tell you something, but whenever I see your face, I just sort of want to insult it. I can't help it."
"Okay, that's it—you're getting pummeled!"
"Wait, wait, wait!"
"I really ..."
"Quit stalling you ass."
"Shut up, I'm trying to say it! It's just hard when you keep looking at me like that as if you're about to punch my face in."
"That's because I am about to punch your face in."
"Now, say what you want to say, or it'll be more than just a punch."
"Right. Okay. Here we go. I ... I uhm ... so I've been thinking, you know, like ... thinking. I guess."
"Since when do you think?"
"Shut up asshole! Or I will be the one doing the punching! Sheesh. Let me finish, okay?"
"So where was I? Right. Thinking. I've been thinking, err ... about ... well about me and ... grhuayo and stuff."
"Grrhmmo? Stop fucking mumbling you pissbag."
"Pissbag? That's new."
"Thanks, I came up with it last night, I've been waiting to use it."
"Do you seriously lie awake in bed at night coming up with new insults to fling at me?"
"S-stupid, of course I don't! I have better things to do with my time than spend it on what I'm going to call you the next day."
"Really though, pissbag?"
"Would you prefer pissass?"
"That sounds too dumb to be an insult. Dumbass."
"Well, you can be pissbag then."
"Argh—shut up! I was talking, okay! Let me finish!"
"Then stop getting off track!"
"I'm not! You keep piping in on your own!"
"Fine, I'll stop talking. Go."
"Uh. Well now I feel pressured to say something."
"You fucking asshole, I'm going to kill you!"
"Ahhh, don't hit me, don't hit me—I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!"
"Then tell me!"
"I really ...!"
"Is your tongue broken!? Usually I can't get you to shut up, and now you can't even finish a sentence!? Did you run into a wall or something?"
"Fuck you. I did not run into a wall. I'm just trying to tell you that I ..."
"That you ..."
"That I really sort of maybe ..."
"Get to the point."
"... Do you want to climb Mount Fuji with me?"
"Yeah, I heard you—what?"
"It's uhm. A test! Yes, a test."
"A test of what?"
"I don't know ... a test of courage? Yes! If we climb Mount Fuji, we will be more courageous."
"I'm not climbing fucking Mount Fuji, you fucking dumbass."
"I don't care—we're climbing Mount Fuji anyway. It shouldn't be that far from Tokyo."
"I'm not climbing Mount Fuji."
"But you will! It's good for your health ... and stuff. Like, you know, the fresh air in the mountains is good for your health. At least, that's what my grandpa tells me. So, how about it? Wanna go climb Mount Fuji with me?"
"Only if I can get to push you off at the top."
"Okay ... uh, I guess that answer will do. So that means you're coming?"
"What—no! That was sarcasm, you idiot! I'm not going. And you're not going. What are you thinking? You'd die going up there, you're too much of a moron to live, let alone climb a mountain. You can't even read maps!"
"Asshole, of course I can read maps! But they wouldn't have a map, they'd have signs ... They have signs there, right?"
"Well, then we'd be fine!"
"You need to buy special gear for it, you can't just waltz your way up to Mount Fuji. That's idiotic. You're idiotic. I don't know why we're having this conversation."
"Because, well, I need more courage!"
"Heh, so you're admitting you're a coward?"
"No! I mean, yes. Maybe. I don't know. Just climb the damn mountain with me, okay?"
"I'll take that as a yes."
"Wait ... wait a minute."
"Get up you fatass, it was your idea in the first place. We've barely even started!"
"I know! Just give me a second, sheesh. Not everyone has the stamina of a raging bull like you."
"Are you calling me a bull?"
"So what if I am?"
"Well—then you're a cow! A lazy fatass cow!"
"Shut up! I'm no cow!"
"Any second now and you'll be mooing."
"I said mooing you fucking idiot. I don't want you mooning me."
"Like I was going to in the first place! I ain't Inui-senpai."
"Ugh, don't remind me."
"Yergh, you're right, that gave me some bad flashbacks."
"Now can we please move on and get this thing done? Even little kids are passing you by."
"Shut up, those were definitely teenagers like us, and not kids!"
"It doesn't matter, you still look like a kid anyway."
"Why you—come back here!"
"Sure, now you're running."
"I'm dying. Oh, I'm dead. Dead, dead, dead—is this what heaven looks like? Are you an angel?"
"No you idiot, this is the top of Mount Fuji."
"Oh ... then why do I see clouds?"
"There's just a lot of fog up here. It's a mountain."
"Do you feel accomplished now? You climbed the summit, and even dragged me with you. It better have been for a good reason."
"Oh, that. I don't know ... I figured if I climbed the top, I'd feel invincible and have the courage to face my fears. Or something like that."
"Nah man, my legs feel like jelly and my ass hurts for some reason."
"That's 'cause you're sitting on a pointy rock."
"So you're saying this was all for nothing then? You can't be fucking serious. You're a moron."
"Okay, give a minute to rest, and then we'll see if I've got enough courage or not."
"Courage for what exactly?"
"That's what I'm trying to find the courage to tell yah, dumbass!"
"Well then fucking tell me!"
"Okay, here goes."
"So like, we're up here, surrounded by all these other tourists with their cameras and stuff, and wow that dude's got an expensive camera! Man, I wish I was that rich."
"Stop rambling, get to the point."
"Right. Okay. So uhm. Err. Can I drink some water first? I'm thirsty, and my throat feels like it's swallowed a bunch of sand."
"Now tell me, or I'm gonna punch your face and shove you off of the mountain."
"That's kind of cruel."
"You're the one that put me up to this, so it's only right I should be the one ending it."
"Whatever. Stop complaining, you could have always said no, you know."
"I did! Like fifty fucking times!"
"You did? I don't remember. OUCH! Bastard! Don't fucking hit me!"
"You're stupid, you deserve to be hit. Idiot. I should hit you again."
"Stop! Ugh, just let me tell you something."
"I've been waiting this whole goddamn fucking time for it already, so you either tell me now, or we're going back down."
"Oh god—we have to go back down!?"
"... Obviously. How else did you expect to get back?"
"I don't know, free helicopter ride? ARGH! I SAID STOP HITTING ME!"
"Stop shouting, you're making people look."
"Then stop being so violent!"
"Then stop being an idiot!"
"I can't help it—it's in my nature!"
"Now tell me, or I really will push you off the edge."
"Fine. Come sit down then, I don't like it when you're standing over me like that, because it gives you the leverage to hit me over the head."
"And that's exactly while I'll keep standing."
"Wha—ugh, fine. Can't even show a bit of compassion ... stupid."
"We're going back down."
"Wait, wait! I just wanted to say that ... !"
"That for a really long time now ... I ..."
"That I ... and you ... and like ..."
"You're making no sense."
"That w-w-we should ... like ... g-g-go o-on..."
"Go ... where?"
"As I thought, I don't have the courage to do this, I need to—"
"Huh? Hey! Don't just get up in the middle of talking! Hey stupid, I'm talking to you, stop walking away. Where the fuck are you going?"
"To climb Mount Everest!"