DISCLAIMER: I do not own SpongeBob or related characters in the story. They are property of Nickelodeon.

I took the idea of Dirty Dan and Pinhead Larry from the episode "Survival of the Idiots", where SpongeBob and Patrick pretend to be cowboys with those names while playing outside of Sandy's treedome while she is hibernating. I thought it was very funny, so I re-imagined it in a Texas setting.

This story is rated T for violence. It is not for anyone under the age of 13.


SpongeBob - Dirty Dan

Patrick - Pinhead Larry

Sandy - Sheriff Sandy



Once upon a time, in the Wild Wild West in Texas, there was a cowboy town. It had only like 8 buildings - pretty typical for a small town. In the town lived a sponge outlaw named SpongeBob, better known as Dirty Dan.

Dirty Dan was walking through the town. He was drinking beer and flirting with all the saloon girls. Eventually, he got bored from doing all that stuff.

"Y'all," said Dirty Dan, "I'm lookin' for a foe."

One day, a new cowpoke showed up in town. He was a starfish and had an ugly pinhead. He looked very stupid.

"Oh, look," said Dirty Dan, "it's Pinhead Larry."

"Who you callin' pinhead?" asked Pinhead Larry.

"You've got a pinhead, pinhead," said Dirty Dan. "I've got a square head, y'all."

Then, all of a sudden, they heard Sheriff Sandy snoring. She was a squirrel and the toughest cowpoke in town.

"We better be quiet," said Dirty Dan, talking in a normal voice - his accent was a fake.

"Why?" asked Pinhead Larry.

"Sheriff Sandy will hear us," said Dirty Dan. "You just go back to being a pinhead somewhere else."

"I don't wanna be Pinhead Larry!" said Pinhead Larry. "I wanna be Dirty Dan?"

"What makes you think you can be Dirty Dan?" asked Dirty Dan.

"I'm dirty," said Pinhead Larry.

Dirty Dan shot his gun.

"I say I'm Dirty Dan!" said Dirty Dan.

"I say I'm Dirty Dan!" said Pinhead Larry, shooting his gun.

"I'm Dirty Dan!" said Dirty Dan.

"I'm Dirty Dan!" said Pinhead Larry.

"I'm Dirty Dan!"

"I'm Dirty Dan!"

"I'm Dirty Dan!"

"I'm Dirty Dan!"

But this would rustle Sheriff Sandy. Sheriff Sandy was hibernating - which was the opposite of beauty sleep. She was talking in her sleep about skinning Dirty Dan and Pinhead Larry alive.

By now, she was getting disturbed by all of this ruckus. The sound of the sponge and starfish making all the noise woke her up. She was quite furious at Dirty Dan and Pinhead Larry for making noise.

Quickly, Sheriff Sandy went out of her house and walked up to Dirty Dan and Pinhead Larry. Dirty Dan saw her and screamed.

"Screaming won't get you anywhere," said Pinhead Larry.

"Look behind you," said Dirty Dan.

The two of them looked behind and saw Sheriff Sandy.


Dirty Dan and Pinhead Larry were nervous.

"Uh...I am, Sandy," said Pinhead Larry.

"I warned you, Dirty Dan!" said Sheriff Sandy. "You just crossed the border into Hurtville!"

Sheriff Sandy used her lasso to strangle Pinhead Larry until his guts came out.

"Patrick!" yelled Dirty Dan.

Sheriff Sandy turned to SpongeBob.

"Okay, Pinhead Larry," said Sheriff Sandy. "Here comes yours!"

Dirty Dan ran away as Sheriff Sandy started to shoot her gun.


Dirty Dan ran through town, dodging the gun. He eventually got out of the town and tried to lose Sheriff Sandy, but she was on his tail. Eventually, she knocked him down.

"Now you're going to pay for your crimes, Pinhead!" said Sheriff Sandy. She shot Dirty Dan. Now him and Pinhead Larry were dead.