Ummm, I apologize for what you're about to read. I don't know what I'm on. But screw you society because I likes it!
It was an ordinary day in the little town of Farmerville. For most people that is. Taylor should have known not to be surprised by her best friend's…oddness. And her best friend, LeFay, should have known not to be surprised by Taylor's efficiency as a ninja. However, neither of them was prepared for this.
Taylor entered LeFay's house, let in by the otaku's grandparents. The old folks were more than used to having Taylor over so they simply told the ginger that LeFay was holed up in her room like the hermit she was. Taylor rolled her eyes, strolling to LeFay's bedroom or what LeFay affectionately referred to as her "cave". With light steps, Taylor crept down the hallway to the door at the end. Rather than knock, she went straight for the doorknob…only to find it locked.
Pouting for a moment at being thwarted, Taylor quickly grinned. Locking this particular door would only cause for a momentary delay, since anyone could get in by simply using their thumbnail, something Taylor took full advantage of. She unlocked the door, twisted the knob, and opened it by merely a crack, all the while being as silent as possible. One green eye peered into the hermit's cave, blinking as she saw no one. Pushing it open another inch, she scanned the room another time. Slight movement followed by her friend's mutterings and Taylor knew LeFay was towards the far left by her closet. Taylor didn't think much of it. LeFay had a funny habit of talking to herself. So Taylor slipped into the room unnoticed.
The room was much the same as always: rumpled black and red sheets on the bed; books and papers piled in one blue chair and a laptop in the other tan recliner, the chairs situated in front of the cramped entertainment center; loads of different odds and ends piled on the mirrored dresser with even more crap piled on the desk near the window. In between the dresser and desk situated near the corner was the wooden, double door closet. The doors were open a sliver so that LeFay could talk into it. Taylor had no idea why LeFay was talking into her closet in hushed whispers. But she would not be surprised if the girl was holding a conversation with her clothes… She'd talked to more unusual inanimate objects before. Why not clothes?
Standing directly behind the fluffy girl, Taylor reached out and grabbed her shoulders.
As expected, LeFay let out a shrill, "Eeek!" and jumped about a foot in the air… What Taylor did not expect was LeFay to hurriedly close the closet and spin around like she had been caught with her hand in a cookie jar. Hmm… What was she hiding?
"Taylor!" LeFay huffed, "I told you not to sneak up on me! Especially in my own house!"
"You make it too easy," Taylor smirked. Her eyes drifted to the closet, which LeFay stood in front of protectively. "Whatchya got in there?"
"Nothing! I mean…" LeFay's eyes darted left and right before she laughed nervously, "What do you think? Clothes, just clothes and maybe a fish or two. Nothing out of the ordinary! Nope! Nothing at all!"
Nothing my white arse, Taylor thought, rolling her eyes. LeFay was horrible at keeping secrets.
A muffled thump from behind the closed doors attracted Taylor's gaze. It sounded like something was moving in there. What the hell?!
"LeFay…" Taylor began, narrowing her eyes at her friend. The girl fidgeted nervously, the epitome of suspicion. "…what are you hiding?"
"I told you! Nothing at all! You know me, just being weird as always! Hey, we got some brownies in the kitchen! Wanna go eat some? I bet you're starved!"
Although tempting, if the growling in Taylor's stomach was any indication, the ginger was far more curious about the thumping coming from LeFay's closet. Her interest grew when she swore she heard voices coming from inside.
"LeFay…did your closet just talk?" Taylor asked critically.
"Uh, of course not! It was just, uh… It was just my old furby! Yeah! It's old and broken and won't shut up" LeFay couldn't have been any more unconvincing if she tried.
"Is someone there?" a voice called from inside the closet.
Taylor crossed her arms, leveling a hard stare at the girl in front of her, "Furby, huh?"
A bead of sweat dewed on LeFay's forehead. She had run out of excuses. And it didn't help her case when someone shouted, "Help us!" from the other side of the closet door, louder with desperation. It sounded like a guy.
Taylor's brows rose. "'Us'? LeFay, did you not only kidnap someone, but more than one person? How many people do you have in there?"
The jig was up, so she sullenly admitted, "There's two in my closet…"
"And Mustang's in the attic!" a different voice chimed in, noticeably younger than the other and also male.
"Mustang…?" Taylor questioned, briefly wondering how LeFay managed to get a car into her attic. Then her eyes bulged in realization, "You don't mean to say that you have FMA characters trapped in your house, do you?"
"No!" LeFay denied, but it did little good at that point.
"Really? Cause I swear I heard the Elric brothers in your closet. And I'm assuming it was Al who said that Mustang was trapped in the attic."
"That lunatic stuffed us in here! Get us out!" Edward demanded angrily.
The ginger's brows furrowed contemplatively, "Okay, maybe I can see how you were able to kidnap Ed, assuming you caught him off guard…but how the hell did you manage to subdue a giant suit of armor?!"
LeFay swayed back and forth on her heels, "I may or may not have used a lure of the feline persuasion."
A distinctive meow came from inside, making Taylor face palm, "Only you LeFay…only you."
The fluffy girl looked her up and down, gauging her reaction, "You're not as shocked as I thought you'd be. Aren't you freaking out that they actually exist?"
She deadpanned, "Honestly, it doesn't surprise me that you'd pull a stunt like this. But kidnapping is extreme, even for you… And just how did you capture Mustang? Wait, you know what? I don't want to know."
"Don't forget about Ling too," Al inserted.
By then, Taylor was ready to bang her head on the nearest available surface, "Ling too? He's a freaking ninja! How…?"
"Oh, that was the easiest one! All I had to do was open my fridge and he jumped right in."
"Ling Yao…is in your refrigerator?" Taylor's eye twitched.
"Who cares about the freeloader! Get us out of here already!" came Edward's frustrated voice.
Taylor shook her head and stared dully at LeFay, "I can't leave you alone for five seconds, can I?" In response, the brunette gave her most dazzling grin. The closet rattled, signs of the captured Elrics' impatience. "Alright, alright," Taylor called to them. "I'll get you outta there."
"Thank you, mysterious stranger!" Al called to her as Ed muttered indiscernible words, probably curses.
"No! I kidnapped them fair and square!" their kidnapper yelled childishly, blocking Taylor's access to the doors with outstretched arms.
Taylor's brows rose, "Do you realize how horrible what you just said sounded?" From the otaku's expression, she obviously saw nothing wrong with it. Taylor sighed, "LeFay, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either way, I'm still gonna have to clean up your mess."
"I vote for the hard way!" Ed cheered.
As Taylor was about to opt for the hard way, via her ultimate weapon (her "glare of death"), the ceiling caved in and a large object came crashing down between the two girls. LeFay took one look at the object, screamed shrilly, and jumped out the window. Baffled, the ginger peered through the mini dust cloud and at the moving and groaning object. She quickly discerned the object to be a very pissed off Flame Alchemist.
Stumbling to a standing position, Mustang freed himself of the now loose chains that hung from his body as he yelled thunderously, "Where is that wench?! I'll broil her alive!"
Well look at that. No wonder LeFay was so quick to abandon ship.
Edward's disgruntled voice yelled, "Wait your turn! I've got first dibs on murdering that psycho!"
Mustang's murderous expression transformed into surprise. He looked at the closed doors of the closet, blinking once, twice. "…Fullmetal?"
"Hello Colonel!" Al chirped.
The man continued to stare dumbly, "Al too? What are you two doing in a closet?"
"We're having a tea party. What do you think?" came Ed's snarky reply.
"Brother, don't be that way."
"What? It was a dumb question."
"It was valid enough. I'd be confused if I found you in a closet too."
"Why the hell would I be in a closet in the first place?!"
"…you're in a closet right now, Fullmetal."
"No one asked you!"
"Brother, can't you ever act civilized?"
"Civilized? Civilized?!" There's nothing civilized about this situation! We're trapped in some freak's closet, for gate's sake!"
"ENOUGH!" Taylor cried at the top of her lungs.
Exhaling a long gust of air to soothe her rattled nerves, the ginger began with exaggerated control, "Now that I have everyone's attention, please stay calm so we can sort this all out and I promise to get you all back to…wherever the hell you came from."
Mustang blinked blankly at her, "Who are you?"
With a dull stare, she answered, "I'm the Ginja Ninja and I'm here to save the day. Whoo…"
"…you don't sound very enthused," Al commented.
In response, Taylor marched over and slammed the double doors open. A young blonde boy and a giant suit of armor came tumbling out, both of which were subdued by chains.
Where on Earth did LeFay get chains? Taylor wondered briefly. Then she shoved the thought aside, swiftly deciding that she didn't want to know.
"Ow! You could have given us a little warning, ya know," Ed complained.
"Did you want out of the closet or didn't you?" Taylor asked, exasperated.
"She makes a good point, Fullmetal."
"Again, no one asked you!" he snarled at his superior officer. For a few moments, Ed struggled on the floor against the links of metal tied around him. Alas, it was to no avail. LeFay seemed to be good at trapping people when she wanted to. Almost too good…like she'd had prior experience…
Taylor shuddered at the thought.
Fed up with the chains, Ed yelled at Mustang, "You could at least help us out here instead of standing there being useless."
Mustang sniffed and crossed his arms defensively, "I am not useless. I simply thought that the great Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the People, wouldn't let something as small as a few links of chains to stop him."
"Oh, you're just asking for it now," Ed growled at his taunting, continuing to fidget on the carpet. "What do you think I've been trying to do for the past hour?!"
"Nothing productive I see. So it appears that the only useless one is you, Fullmetal." As he said this, a maniacal gleam entered his dark eyes.
"You lazy bastard! When I get my hands on you-!"
"That's if you can free yourself first. I happen to like the chained look on you; you're less destructive that way."
Ed roared a string of obscenities. Al didn't say a word, settling for sighing and watching from his position on the floor. Taylor, after listening to the two throw insults at each other, face palmed, "I think I liked them better when they weren't real."
In an effort to hurry things along, Taylor took the initiative and unchained Alphonse. He stood and bowed to her in thanks. Taylor gave him a weary smile and waved it away. Then the brave little ginger stepped over to the raging blonde and started to undo his binds.
Edward snapped out of one of his rants and glanced at Taylor for the first time. Taken aback, he stammered, "Oh, thanks…"
"Don't mention it," she grunted, unlinking the last of the chains and standing erect. Ed followed, shaking the metal links off with a pleased hum.
"Now…" Ed began, dusting his gloved hands off with purpose. "Where did my prey go?"
"Not a chance, Fullmetal. That crazed girl is mine."
Before they could get into another argument, Taylor snorted, "That 'crazed girl' happens to be my best friend, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't kill her."
Ed raised his eyebrow, "You're her friend? Funny, you look relatively sane…"
"Thanks," she replied dryly. "Anyway, as I hold 'best friend' status, I get first dibs on LeFay. I'm gonna strangle her for getting me into this mess." A dark aura surrounded her, fists tightened, shoulders quivered in fury, and green eyes glowed frighteningly bright.
As one, the guys took a step back from the angered ginger. No way were they going to fight her on this.
A scream distracted all four of them, causing them to turn their heads in unison at the open window. Before any of them could question it, a figure dressed in black appeared, crouching on the window sill and holding a crying LeFay by the scruff of her neck. Taylor didn't recognize the dark haired stranger until she spoke.
"Which way to the young lord? Tell me!" the masked girl demanded, unquestionably Lan Fan. Oh yay, more people who weren't supposed to be real…
"That way! In the kitchen! He's in the fridge, I swear!" LeFay bawled pathetically. In her defense, there was a kunai at her neck and Lan Fan looked like she'd go to any lengths to find her prince.
Lan Fan dashed by the group of startled faces with LeFay still in her clutches. She wrenched the door open, intending to run into the hallway when she and LeFay were thrown back into the room by large colorful…ponies? With wings?
Lan Fan and LeFay laid on the ground, both unconscious from the impact. Taylor and the guys gawked at the two ponies who were cringing and rising to their feet- er, hoofs. One pony was blue with a rainbow mane. The other was yellow with a pink mane.
"Oh my, look at this!" the pink haired pony gasped, looking down at the passed out girls.
"T-t-talking horse!" Ed whispered in shock, jumping behind Alphonse to peer out around his arm fearfully.
"Chimeras?" Mustang questioned, taking a step back, his expression showing how thoroughly unsettled he was at the sight before them.
"We got them good, huh?" the rainbow haired pony agreed to her companion.
"Rainbow Dash, you shouldn't have run off blindly like that!" the pink haired pony reprimanded softly.
"Well excuse me for running for my life, Fluttershy!"
Rainbow Dash? Fluttershy? Okay, they were My Little Pony ponies. Now it made sense… Actually no, none of this made sense. Where did reality end and fantasy begin? Because Taylor was two shakes away from admitting herself to the nuthouse.
"S-sorry," Fluttershy apologized, rubbing her hoof against the carpet in a hesitant manner. Her eyes grew large when she spotted the rest of them, making her gasp something under her breath.
"What was that?" Rainbow Dash asked. Fluttershy repeated herself but still couldn't be heard. "Come on, Fluttershy. You're gonna have to speak louder."
"Behind you!" she squeaked.
The blue pony swirled around, looking ready to take on any of them. Mustang's arm raised uncertainly, fingers poised to snap in case the 'chimera' charged him.
So now FMA characters were standing off against My Little Pony characters. Could this get any stranger?
The other window exploded, shards of glass flying everywhere and causing the room's occupants to duck their heads. Taylor heard the sound of the glass crunching from something landing on it. She lifted her head to see a guy dressed in red and had blindingly bright white hair. With dog ears on top, she might add.
"See, I told you they went this way, Kagome!" the guy yelled.
"Inuyasha! You don't go bursting into people's houses like that! It's rude!" a black haired girl in a green and white school uniform appeared at the window.
"It's not like I'm gonna stop to use the front door! The demons might have gotten away!"
"We're not demons!" Rainbow Dash yelled as if this wasn't the first time they'd been accused of this.
"You can't fool me! Now hand over the sacred jewel shard! I know you have one!" Inuyasha yelled back.
"What is going on?" Alphonse asked.
"Insanity, that's what," Taylor answered. "I should have never got out of bed this morning. Screw this, I'm out."
She turned around to use the window LeFay had escaped out of earlier.
Then she came face-to-face with Michael Jackson who stood on the other side of the window.
"What the fu-?!" Taylor went to scream but the singer leaned closer and opened his mouth…
Taylor lurched forward, gasping for breath as her eyes scanned the room frantically. Her disorientation grew rapidly when she realized she was in a different place.
"Taylor," a hand latched onto her shoulder.
"EEEEK!" Taylor gave an ear-piercing shriek, flailing her limbs and falling off the bed in an attempt to escape. She landed with a teeth chattering thump, knocking the wind out of her for several seconds. Her vision swirling, she stared up at the ceiling. A moment later, Al's armored self and Ed's face hovered over her, both of them looking at her like she was crazy.
"What's going on?" she demanded, still not sure what was real and what was not.
"I think you had a nightmare," Al said. "Are you okay?"
"Nightmare…" she repeated, her breathing not yet calm. That's right, she and the Elrics were staying at this hotel for the night. It had been so many days since she'd come here from her world. LeFay and her house, all of it, it was a dream. "Ugh," she moaned, rubbing her face.
"I've never seen someone get that freaked before," Ed commented, his face contorted between laughter and worry. "What were you dreaming about?"
Taylor's eyes widened and her voice was filled with horror, "Ponies…"
Ed promptly burst into guffaws. He staggered back before falling onto his butt where he continued to laugh without pause.
"Jerk," Taylor mumbled, frowning deeply. She rose from the floor to crawl back into her bed to huddle under the blankets.
"Taylor, are you okay?" Al repeated his question from earlier.
"It's all good," she assured him. "My pride's just wounded a bit." It wasn't helping that a certain blonde was still laughing his ass off.
"Brother, you shouldn't make fun of other people's fears. It's not nice," Al reprimanded. The sweet boy thought he was defending Taylor when in reality he was making it worse.
Taylor hid her face under the sheet to wallow in her embarrassment. Now they were going to think she had some abnormal fear of horses. Greeeat…
"Ponies," Edward snickered, not listening to his brother.
Taylor groaned. This was not the start of a good day.
"Taylor, wake up!"
"Wha-?!" Taylor asked, staring blearily around her.
"It's almost noon," LeFay said, standing over her. They were in her room, Taylor having slept on a pallet on the floor beside the fluffy girl's bed.
Taylor blinked furiously to rid her eyes of the grainy traces of sleep. The ginger rolled over and moaned, scrubbing at her eyes as she said, "I had such a messed up dream."
"Really?" LeFay asked, surprised. "You don't dream often… What was it about?"
"Ummm, I'm not sure," she said honestly. She laid there, trying to recall the broken pieces together. "There were a bunch of anime characters…and ponies…and Michael Jackson."
LeFay stared at her for a long minute, processing this. Then she asked, "White Michael Jackson or black Michael Jackson?"
Taylor snorted and pulled herself to her feet. Stretching her arms upwards, she yawned, "It doesn't matter. I don't remember anyway. Hey, can I borrow a shirt? I didn't bring an extra one." Yeah, it'd be too big on her, but it was better than wearing a dirty, wrinkled one.
"Sure, pick any one you want from the closet. I gotta go do some official business," LeFay explained, getting up to leave the room.
"Checking Fanfiction is not official business!" Taylor called after her.
"Yes it is!" she yelled back from down the hall.
Taylor shook her head and began folding up the sleeping bag and blankets she used to make the pallet. Whenever she stayed the night, she made sure to clean up after herself. And so she rolled and folded everything back to how she'd originally found them and went to stuff them in LeFay's closet.
As Taylor stood on the tips of her feet to push the last blanket onto the shelf, she noticed the light glint off of something in the corner. Curious, she reached back there and pulled it out.
One of Taylor's brows rose as she held the links of chain in her hands. Flashbacks of her dream came to her, completely weirding her out about this new discovery.
Staring at the chains critically, Taylor slid them to where she found them, quickly closing the doors.
Caffeine. She needed some now.
She hurried to the kitchen, her sights set on the fridge where the Dr. Pepper would be. The door swung open easily in her hand.
"Aaaah!" Taylor screamed, jumping back at the sight of Ling Yao sitting in the fridge and eating a leftover chicken leg.
Taylor gasped silently and sat up. She'd been lying on the living room couch in the Rockbell's house where she had been doing some heavy duty napping.
Winry walked in carrying a toolbox. The mechanic gave Taylor the once over and asked, "Are you alright?"
"I give up," Taylor groaned, flopping back on the couch.
Funny story about this, I started it like a year ago when someone asked me to write a one-shot of fangirls kidnapping FMA characters. I think it was...elysenjazz who suggested it. Sorry, I can't remember for sure. But I found it today unfinished and couldn't remember where I was going with it. So, since I watched the new My Little Pony movie the other day (I have no idea why, don't judge me) a couple of the ponies kinda flew into the story. And I just kept the crack rolling.
Sorry to the TBA readers who are waiting for an update on Reprieve. I'm taking a break from it to clear my head and work on some different stuff, so it'll be awhile. But I'm not gonna leave it hanging. I'll get back to it at some point.
I made the startling revelation about a week ago that Bradley's first name is King... I always wondered what his first name was but had assumed that he had some weird double title like, "Fuhrer King". I thought it was strange, but I just rolled with it... Please tell me I'm not the only one that thought he had a double title? God I'm so slow...
Cover art for this story is by okami12645 on deviantart. She was so kind to draw this amazing fanart! If you're reading this, I hope you don't mind me using it! Check out other fanart for my stories via my profile.