Hi! So very sorry about the long delay, school started for me last week and to top it off, I have soccer practice four nights a week, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thurseday, then games or tournaments on weekends, and they're always out of state, so I'm pretty busy. But thank you to browniangle and the guest who reviewed and everyone else who reviewed, they always make my day. Sorry if there are any mistakes, I edited this really really quick.
I stare down at awe at our daughter. "She looks like you Peeta." I say in tears, not pain tears of pain like a few minutes earlier, but tears of joy. I can't believe that Peeta and I created this. This beautiful little baby.
"She has my nose, but look at her hair." He points out. He's right, she has my hair color, you can't deny she's my daughter, but you also can't deny she's Peeta's daughter in a way too.
Her eyes are still closed, when Mom takes her from us to clean her up. "She's perfect Peeta." I say and look up at him.
He nods his head, "Thank you for giving me this." He says.
I shake my head, "I'm just glad we have a beautiful baby. And who one who is healthy." He nods in agreement and we await to be able to hold our daughter.
"Damn that baby wants to tell us her lungs are nice and healthy." Haymitch says covering his ears. Kendall hasn't stopped crying since I gave birth, which was only minutes ago, my mom is cleaning her up and washing her the blood off of her.
"You better not curse in front of her." I say to Haymitch who starts to laugh, and he thinks I'm kidding. I'll make sure he'll regret the first time he curses around her, even if she is too young to understand the word.
My mom brings Kendall over to us wrapped in a blanket who is still screaming. "Hi baby." I say softly, I bring her up to my chest and her loud screams soon begin to stop.
"She knows who her mommy is." My mom points out, "She can recognize you from your heartbeat. Your heartbeat is what helps keep them calm in your womb." I smile at how our little baby already loves me, or at least knows who I am.
I look up at Peeta who has tears in his eyes, "Do you want to hold her?" I ask and he nods his head. I hand Kendall over to Peeta and Peeta takes her in his strong, but gentle arms. He stares down at her and awe, she still has her eyes closed, but once Kendall opens them, Peeta's eyes light up. Her eyes are the replica of his.
"Do you think they'll change?" Peeta asks my mom.
"I don't think so, I've never seen eyes that blue before. Not even Prim's eyes were that blue." My mom replies, it's rare that she mentions Prim. And when she does, she tears up, but this time, she doesn't do either. Maybe she's moving on too. And if she is moving on, I'm happy for her. She needs to forget about the past.
Peeta holds her a while longer before handing her off to Haymitch, I don't think I've ever seen Haymitch cry before, but when I bring it up he makes up an excuse like he had dust in his eyes. But deep down, I know Haymitch deeply cares about our daughter. Just like he did about Peeta and I. How he did his best to get us out of both of our Games alive.
I take Kendall back into my arms and when I do, she lets out a loud wail. "Did I do something wrong?" I ask in a panicked voice. Something tells me to lean her head onto my shoulder and pat her back, so that's what I do.
"Calm down Katniss, she's probably just hungry. Did Dr. Gray teach you on breastfeeding?" She asks. I shake my head, "Well, I can show you. You need to take your shirt off." I do that, not caring that Haymitch is seeing my breasts, I mean, he just did see me give birth. "Bring her up to your nipple, have her latch on. It's going to feel odd at first. Might even tickle at first."
I guide Kendall up to my breast and she latches on, Mom was right, it does feel weird. "It sort of tickles." I point out. All of the three adults stare at this little baby, this little baby helped mend my relationship with my mom, this baby gave Peeta what he wanted, and this baby kept me and Haymitch from yelling at each other for almost three whole hours.
"Make sure her nose doesn't get too close to your breast, if they touch, it may stop her from breathing right." My mom points out, and I make sure her nose is no where near my breast.
"How do we know if she's done." I ask.
"Well, if she stops nursing to begin crying, have her latch on again. But if she stops and doesn't cry, switch breasts and nurse her on the other side." Mom points out.
After Kendall was done nursing, Haymitch and Mom left the room to give Peeta and I some privacy.
"You did really good today." Peeta says and kisses my temple.
I offer him a weak smile and change the subject. "I don't know how I never wanted children. I mean she's the perfect combination of you and me." I say and I start to cry some. Peeta is quick to wipe away some of my tears. Kendall lays on her back in between Peeta and I. She has my hair, but she does have Peeta's nose and eyes.
"What will we tell her about my nightmares? And your flashbacks? And the Games. And why she has no grandfather's or aunt's or uncles or cousins." I ask, I'm freaking out over something she won't have to learn about for years. I wonder how she'll handle it. Learning about the Games in school. Actually visiting the very arena her parents almost died in.
"I guess we'll tell her how we get through it and together we manage. Even though there are several days were we can't eve get out of bed. She'll understand when she's older. We have the book to help her understand in a way. And besides, we have a while before she will learn about this."
I nod feeling a little reassured. "Look at how her lip trembles when she breathes." I point out.
"I remember when I would see Rye sleeping, both of them used to do that in their sleep." Peeta says, I can tell he's on the verge of tears. When he said 'both of them', he meant his two older brothers, Will and Rye. How their lip would tremble when they would sleep. Peeta rarely mentions his family or brings up a childhood memory. I don't blame him, thinking about in the past brings up so many painful and fresh memories you try to remove from your head.
It's hard to believe that Kendall is already a week old. My mom showed Peeta and I possibly everything we need to know about Kendall and what she will need. There haven't been any cameras around District 12, like Plutarch said there wouldn't, but I know soon Panem will want to see a picture of our baby. And we'll show Panem pictures of Kendall, when we're ready of course. Peeta and I sent out pictures of Kendall to close friends like Johanna, Gale, Annie, and Effie. I haven't brought her out into town yet, but we will when we're ready too. But Tyler and his family and Delly and her family have already seen her.
Peeta went back to work at the bakery this morning so for the first time since Kendall has been born, and this will be his first full day in a long time, I'll be alone. But at least not completely alone, I'll have Kendall. I get up with Kendall every time she needs to eat since I can really only provide the milk for her. Mom says we could try to bottle feed her once or twice a day so I don't always have to get up, but I've read that if you breastfed your baby, it helps protect her from diseases and sickness when developing. So for me breastfeeding was the obvious choice.
Kendall likes to sleep in the early morning but wide awake in mid afternoon. She eats about every two and a half hours and needs to be changed about every three to four hours. On Good Morning Panem, I saw that the capitol and most of the citizens of Panem think I'm still pregnant. But I think today I'll let District 12 know I'm not pregnant by going to visit Peeta at the bakery today. It will be good for Kendall and also me, since we've been cooped up in this house for almost a full week.
I look over at one of the cribs we have downstairs with Kendall occupying it, she's sleeping for now, but any minute now I think she'll be awake since it's almost 11.
It's not much longer before she lifts her head up and starts to cry, not a hungry cry, which I've identified as more of a loud wail, but a lonely cry. Sometimes at night I'll hear her lonely cry and bring her into bed with Peeta and I. I walk over to the crib and pick her up. "Do you want to go visit Daddy today at the bakery?" I ask her as she starts to calm down on her cries. She starts to suck her thumb, when she first started to suck her thumb, Mom told me that I did the same thing when I was younger as did Prim. Kendall may be the perfect combination of Peeta and I on her looks, but on the tiny things she does, suck her thumb or how her lip trembles when she's asleep, is what her dead aunt and uncles would do. They're still here with us, they're just hiding from us and I think they may be hiding some in Kendall.
One of the many gifts my mom gave Peeta and I for the baby was a carrying pouch, she thought it would be good for when I go into the woods. I can still hunt with her safely attached to me. I carefully carry Kendall into her nursery and grab the pouch. I pull the pouch over my head and adjust it so it would fit her. "Mommy doesn't read directions so lets see how good this turns out." I say to her. Kendall looks up at me, she knows mine and Peeta's voice and sometimes she'll turn to us.
I lift her into the pouch and slowly release her hoping the pouch supports her weight, well it should, because she only weighs about seven pounds. I let out a sigh when the pouch comfortably supports her weight. She rests her head on my chest, probably sleeping. That's all she does for the most part.
I walk out the door and prepare myself for the whole district to see our daughter for the first time. I don't think they even know if we ended up having a boy or a girl. "Well, it's now or never." I say mostly to myself. I walk more carefully knowing that I also have a baby with me, but not just any baby, my baby. Well mine and Peeta's baby.
Haymitch has his lights off, I wonder if he's home drunk or maybe even sober. He's come by a lot to check on Kendall. Like I said earlier, he may not want to admit it, but he cares deeply about Kendall.
It's mid afternoon, kids are out and about with their mother's running daily errands while their dads are at work. I see many people, who wave at me and I wave and smile back. "Can I see her?" A lady asks.
I don't want to deny it, because I'm practicing being kind and put other people's feelings first. As long as she doesn't hold her, maybe it will be okay. She walks over to me, her dark hair and dark eyes show that she probably has originated from District 7. "She is so beautiful." The lady comments.
"Thank you." I smile and can't describe at how amazing it feels to have some random stranger compliment on something I helped create.
"Who does she take after more?" The lady is all smile and I can't deny her questions.
"She's the perfect combination of the both of us physically, when I was in labor of her, she had my stubbornness. But she takes after both of us."
The lady says goodbye and walks about her way while I continue my path to the bakery. It's rather busy, many people wait in line while other's sit in the waiting chairs waiting for their orders to be finished. "Welcome to Mellark Bakery, please wait in line and we'll be with you as soon as possible." Peeta says with all of the kindness in his voice. The bakery is a lot bigger than it was back when Peeta and his family lived above it. The walls are painted with his family, Rue, Prim, even Seneca, he let us both live, even though he was a Game Maker, he still deserves to be remembered and everyone else we lost in the war. It's bitter sweet to look at the wall and look at all of people we lost in the war, but they would want us to continue on with our lives. Even Peeta's mother, she called him 'boy' most of the time, but I'm sure she would want him to move on with his life.
I walk in front of the line and behind the counter where Peeta is, he is so wrapped up with dealing with his customers he doesn't even notice me. Everyone in the bakery smiles at me and Kendall.
"I'm so glad you two are happy, you really deserve this happy life after losing so much." A lady around my age said.
Peeta opens his mouth to respond, but I beat him to it, "Thank you. I don't know what I would do if lose her." I respond for him. Peeta now notices me and gives me a smile. I run the register while Peeta helps Tyler bake to get the orders done more quickly. Kendall sleeps through most of the afternoon, her head still resting on my chest. Most of the customers make a comment on her. I smile and graciously accept the compliment.
Times like these and I can't believe I didn't want kids. The way Peeta is around her is phanominal, the patience he has with her when he is trying to put her to sleep and she won't stop crying. Sometimes I think all of District 12 knows when Kendall is unhappy. She seams so innocent, when she hasn't eaten in a few hours, you would think she hasn't eaten something in her whole life. I have always wondered how parents would explain to their kids that they can't afford dinner or lunch today and maybe even the next. I thank God everyday that I never have to worry about her going hungry and dying of some curable child disease.
I have an appointment for Kendall at the medical center today for her shots. I wait in the waiting room remembering all of the times Peeta and I were hear hoping that I was pregnant and then being disappointed when I wasn't. Or when Dr. Gray told me I was unable to carry a child. Kendall lifts up her neck and looks around, there isn't much to see, just like plain and boring walls. There are kid toys in a corner, but I will forever refuse Kendall to play with them knowing the thousands of bacteria occupying the toys.
"Dr. Gray will she you and Kendall now Mrs. Mellark." A young man doctor says and leads us to a room.
I hold Kendall close, while she still is looking around. "Hi Katniss." Dr. Gray says happily, this is the first time she has seen Kendall not on a tiny computer screen. "She's so beautiful." Dr. Gray comments.
"Thank you." I smile.
"Well, we will be doing her newborn shots, and check up." Dr. Gray says explaining what will go on during this appointment.
I hate the thought that we will be causing Kendall some sort of pain, but it is for the best for her. Dr. Gray checks her weight, temperature, and her blood pressure. She leaves the room to get the shots. And returns with seven needles. Dr. Gray notices me staring and tells me what each one is for. "Two shots will be in her arms on each side and one in her thigh each side. Then we have a shot in the heel." I gulp when she says 'heel' just because that must be very painful.
"This one will be for chicken pocks, this will be a booster shot, this will be for niesels, common cold, and the rest are injections for common diseses that occur in childhood. The one in the heel will be to test her lungs."
"Don't worry, I'm sure most of District 12 knows when she is crying or unhappy." I comment and smile.
"She'll be really sore after these, it's normal." I nod my head and hold her down, after the first shot, her wails are so loud and they make me want to cry, I don't know how I'll last through the rest of the shots. Seven shots later, Kendall is still crying, even on our way home. I'm tempted to call Peeta to come home and get her to calm down, but I'm determined to do it myself. So I sing to her. I sing to her like I did when she was in my womb, and that seams to do the trick. Like it always did to Prim...
Cheesy ending I know, but I'll try and update again this week.