* Okay, so I cheated a little. This is supposed to be a first sex encounter, but this idea came to me and wouldn't leave me alone. Also, it's supposed to be all about the foreplay, but somehow the angst would just not let up. Anyway, I actually cried writing this, so it was good for me.

* Stephenie Meyer own Twilight and its characters. I just really love them. No copyright infringement intended.

* Thank you to PTB and Smut University, I might just get my mojo back.

Smut University 2013- Lesson Two- Smutty Recipe

I slow the car to a stop at the white line and blink the blurry away. It's so hard to leave him after seven weeks of always having him right up next to me. I suppose all new moms feel this way, but he's become my everything.

"Ding!" I grab my phone from the dash.

Are you on your way back? I'm so excited for tonight!

Who knew that you could have two everythings at the same time? Edward has been so great becoming a new dad and sharing me. I miss him. Physically, I mean.

Just left ur mom's. C u in 10. SEND

I set my phone down right as my light changes and think back to the last time we had sex.? Fifty three days ago. Edward's been keeping count.

He hasn't been pushy about it-well, until today when Dr. Jones gave me the all clear. It wasn't ten minutes from the time I texted him that we were good to go and he called me to let me know that his mom was keeping the baby for a few hours tonight so we could have a "date".

I'm excited for our date, I am, but my body is … my body is amazing! I grew a baby and I brought him into the world. And now, I can keep that baby alive even though he's completely separate from me. I truly am Wonder Woman.

But as great as all that is, I'm not Wonder Woman like my husband remembers me from two Halloweens ago when I had the actual Wonder Woman costume.

My amazing body is less than wonderful to look at these days Not to mention that my breasts have taken on a whole new identity and I don't know how I'll ever see them as sexual objects again. In fact, my whole body doesn't seem sexual at all. It's all so amazing and nothing at all like you'd see in Edward's favorite magazines.

So that's the conundrum, right? I WANT to have sex-of course I do. My non-sexy body started having cravings and urges like two weeks ago. But how can I possibly turn him on like this?

I stop three houses down from our house and put the car in park. "Okay, Bella, it's sexy wife time," I tell myself adjusting the rear view mirror. I've got the really sexy mom ponytail, four hours of sleep (not in a row) bags under my eyes and oversized t-shirt with only one spit up stain from my good-bye kiss at Esme's. Yes, picture perfect-that's me.

I push the mirror away and the tears start rolling. I don't know how long I sit there crying like a basket case before my phone rings. It's Edward-of course. I consider not answering, but I know he expected me home already. Deep breath.


"Baby, is everything alright? Where are you?"

Deep breath. "I'm almost there, I just…" I close my mouth to hold in the audible cry that almost betrayed me. My shoulders are shaking and it feels like it would be painful to open my eyes, so I leave them locked shut. Somehow tears manage to escape anyway.

"You just what?" Pause. "Bella, what happened?" Pause. I'm willing my body to cooperate. Just get under control already. You can push eight pounds through a doughnut hole, you ought to be able to control your breathing.

"N-nothing. I'm f-fine." I blubber.

"Bella you're scaring me and you're not fine. Why are you lying to me?"

Now I feel guilty AND ugly-great.

"Edward, please. I'm almost there, can this just wait?"

"Of course, "he sounds a little hurt or confused or probably both. "I'll see you when you get here. I love you."

"Love you too." Deep breath. I dig through my purse and find two dirty tic tacs on the bottom-better than nothing. I pop them in my mouth, pull my ponytail down, rake my hands through and slide some lip balm over my new mother colored lips. It's the best I can do in twenty seconds.

Then I drive home to have sex with my husband. Something that I should look forward to. Something I've done hundreds-hundreds?-yes, hundreds of times before. Something that seems intimidating.

The garage rattles shut, I open the inside door to an overwhelming, pungent scent. It's then that I notice the trail of red rose petals leading through the kitchen into the dark family room where I faintly hear Norah Jones. He went through some trouble for little old tic tac breath me.

I take a shaking breath and tentatively follow the red petal road to where Edward sits in front of the flickering fireplace. Edward stands and walks over to me, handing me a wine glass.

"But Edward-"

"It's Sparkling Grape, you had a bottle left from your non alcohol New Years." He leans forward and I feel the warmth of his lips pinch my forehead. "Come sit with me and tell me what happened on the way home."

"It was nothing, let's just-" I try to turn away, but he catches my arms, pulls the purse strap off and sets the bag on the couch. I slowly raise my eyes to meet his. He shakes his head no and gently pulls me toward the fireplace. When I clear the couch, I notice the blanket and pillows he's arranged there along with a fruit and cheese plate on the coffee table. Perhaps I should have actually brushed my hair for this.

Tears seep back in, clouding my vision, and a one-ton lump has formed in my chest. When I inhale, it sounds like a CD skipping. Edward examines me with a straight face as he settles himself across from me on the blanket and offers the fruit platter. I take two grapes and hold them.

"Do you just miss Jacob that much? Was this still too soon? I mean, we could have done this with him home, I just wanted you to enjoy yourself without worrying about him." I'm shaking my head no, trying to figure out what to say. Poor Edward is simply the sweetest ever and here I am being completely selfish about superficial insecurities. I pop a grape into my mouth to stall.

I'm giving myself a headache with all this crying and head shaking. I cannot go with the headache excuse. I swallow hard-twice and look into Edward's caramel colored eyes. I shake my head once more, hoping that offers him some sort of comfort.

"No, it's not about Jacob. It's about me…" I stop. I've fallen back into the pit of despair and I can't seem to stop crying, even after Edward sidles over to me and lays us both down. He's spooning me and pulling rogue hair from tear path down my cheek. Every so often he kisses me tenderly on the shoulder or forehead, but that actually makes me cry harder.

I sit up suddenly and pull away from him. "Can you please just stop touching me and being so sweet and pretending to-" I take a break to inhale and Edward seizes the opportunity.

"Pretending to what?" His expression is one of shock and hurt mixed with confusion. I guess this what the husband of a crazy wife looks like.

"P-pretending that you're attracted to THIS!" To emphasize my point, I wave my hands multiple times in a vertical path over my body, close my eyes and resume crying.

"Bella, Baby, come here," he coos, pulling into his strong arms. He rocks me for several minutes while I soak his shirt.

When he pulls away, I can see tears in his eyes too. "Bella, if this is how you really feel, then I am a terrible husband and I'm sorry."

I shake my head again to disagree, but he nods in argument. "I have obviously been so distracted by marveling at our son that I have not properly thanked you for giving, first yourself to me, but then our son." New tears are starting to fall.

"On top of that, when you've been pulling away from my touch lately, I misread that. I thought you were just so focused on Jacob that you didn't have time for me. How could I not see that you thought…that you were feeling unattractive? How could I be so blind and insensitive?"

"Please, Edward. This is so not your fault. I-"

"It is my fault. Do you trust me?"

"Of course, but Edward, please, you had a really nice thing planned here. Can't I just go back to the garage and we can start over and I promise I won't cry this time, okay? This is not your problem, it's me."

"So you trust me?"

I try to keep my smile in, but fail. I don't want to tell him that whatever he has planned is not going to work. I take a sip of my apple juice. "Yes, go ahead."

He kneels in front of me and runs his hands around the outside of my face. "You are so beautiful to me and your body never ceases to amaze me." I look down to hide the disbelief I know is on my face.

"Bella," he lifts my chin with one finger, "You are the most loving mother, with the most contagious laugh, and the most intelligent convictions of any woman I've ever met. A few femininely placed pounds will never be able to hide those things I love about you." His words strike me straight to the core.

"Now, about those pounds, that I've just discovered bother you- have you seen your breasts?" I shake my head trying to get him to stop being ridiculous, but he leans forward and tugs on the bottom hem of my t-shirt, "May I?" I lift my arms to answer. He pulls it off in one swift move and, I hear his inhale. It sounds a little like a gasp. I tried to tell him.

He ghosts his hands around the outside of my very attractive nursing bra (as if such a thing exists). "Now, I know these are not for me right now, but let me assure you, I am jealous of his lips every single day. I will take great pleasure in reclaiming what's mine when the time is right. But for now…"

His hands skim down my arms awaking the non-mother Bella. Edward links our hands, weaving our fingers together. My stomach actually flutters. "I love you, Bella. I know your body has been a Transformer in the last few months and guess what?"

I chuckle at the nickname he had for my pregnant body. "What?"

"Transformers are the coolest. Everybody knows that." Before I realize what he's doing, Edward is pressing kisses along my collarbone and when he gets to my neck, he kisses a little trail to my ear, which sends chills throughout my body. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, holding him in place. He continues to nip at the sensitive spot on my neck, his tongue darts out adding a cool, erotic feeling. My body remembers this.

When Edward gently bites me, I grip onto his thin t-shirt and pull back from him. "How come I'm sitting here with my fat hanging out and you're still wearing a shirt?"

He squints his eyes in warning and then pulls his shirt off. I really love his torso. It is a visual wonderland of firm planes and distinct valleys. I reach out and start in the middle running my hands out across his muscles. I realize now that I'm breathing through my mouth because my body needs more oxygen than normal. He is turning me on.

"Now it's time for you to lay down, hands by your sides." His eyes are twinkling with desire.

"But can't I just put them over my head? It will," I want to say 'look better', but he's just going to get upset if I mention that again, " be more comfortable."

"Fine, over your head, but no moving or arguing."

I cherish my little victory and lie down with my arms stretched over my head. I still suck my stomach in as much as I can. I look up at him, missing his touch, and anticipating it at the same time.

"I know you aren't happy with this right now," he says bending over and places three little kisses on the thickest part of my belly, "but," he reaches over, unbuttons and unzips my jeans revealing the tell-tale bulge, "right in here," he kisses below my belly button and starts drawing a sensual pattern with his tongue, "is where we came together to create our son. And where you sacrificed your comfort and wardrobe for nine months so he could have a life."

Edward is so sweet, but I know there are some stretch marks there and I just want him to move along. I wiggle my hips as a sign. He stays put.

"I said no moving and I said you're beautiful and I am saying that this spot right here," he kisses me again, "is a sacred and beautiful place to me. Deep inside is I want to be." He wants me, he really does.

He slides his body alongside mine again, but this time we're front to front. Edward closes the distance between us kissing me chastely at first and then deeper with tongue encouraging mine to dance. Our arms are pulling on each other, trying to squeeze out any empty space separating us. He's warm and firm and convincing.

A fire has started to burn inside me, reminding me that I have personal needs that have been abandoned for seven weeks. My heart is beating fast and my breathing is trying to keep up. I untangle my right arm and attempt to push my jeans toward my feet.

When Edward realizes what I'm trying to do, he returns to a kneeling position beside me and starts tugging away. I take the opportunity to palm his open fly. "Wow," I say, "I missed this.". My legs are free of my jeans, but I'm too distracted by the vision in front of me to think about the unattractive dimples Edward's just uncovered.

"You did that to me, Bella. Your body turns me on." I twist up and suck his erection into my mouth. He moans so loud, that I'm suddenly really thankful that the baby isn't here. I slide my mouth over him in deep, even strokes, this is me returning all those kind words he said to me earlier.

"Babe, please, wait," he pleads. I stop, even though I don't really want to. He is panting and blinking, clearly trying to regain some control. I did that to him with my body.

"Bella, you know I love that, but I was really hoping that tonight…well, I mean since the doctor said it was okay, I was hoping that if you are comfortable…I want to be inside you tonight. But if-"


"Yes?" A glorious smile stretches across his face. "Really?"

"Please." My stomach flutters with excitement and I feel my internal muscles clench exquisitely.

With the speed of a snail, he rolls on a condom and positions himself between my legs. Resting on his forearms, he looks into my eyes. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." He kisses me with hot, needy kisses. Long, forceful, erotic kisses. What is he waiting for? When I can't take it anymore, I lift my hips begging for him.

"I don't want to hurt you. Promise to tell me, if-"

"I'll tell you, go slow. But please GO!" He licks his lips and I feel him enter me. His eyes start to close and his mouth opens. He's moving slowly like I asked and there's a slight burn that I definitely do not remember.

"What?" He asks.

How did he know? "Um, it's fine, just…can you start again?"

"Bella." He pulls out and starts to sit up.

"No, Edward, please I need you."

"Baby, I can not hurt you. We can wait."

"God, Edward I am all hot and bothered here. It's fine. You're just so big and-"

Edward positions himself over me again laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" My body is warring between not caring because my hormones are raging and worrying about my lover laughing.

"I'm sorry, it's just a little absurd and complimentary to say I'm big. I mean, you saw our son, right?"

I playfully hit him in the shoulder. "Yes, but it's been seven weeks of healing and seven weeks of nothing. Trust me, you are big and I want you."

He bends forward and kisses me again. Then I feel his finger exploring me. First the outer edges and then he slowly dips in, bringing moisture on his retreat. I arch my back at the sensation, so gentle and loving.

Edward spends a few moments pushing in and pulling out. I could never actually come this way, but all my focus in on his touch.

"More, I want you. Please Edward."

"Look at me and don't look away. I want to watch you."

I look into his dark eyes and I feel him push in even slower than last time. He feels so good. My eyes start to close on their own accord.

"Bella, look at me or I'll stop."

Instantly, my eyes open and lock onto his. He smirks and continues. The floor beneath me seems to sink, which I know is impossible, but I'm falling into a dream. Edward pauses deep inside me. I wrap my legs tightly around his hips and nudge his ass with my feet.


"Great, except you stopped moving and I really like it when you're moving."

He plants another closed mouth kiss on my lips. "I feel like I should tell you that even with this condom between us, I'm not going to last long. You are so fucking sexy and seven weeks is a really long time."

"Okay, well I feel like I should tell you than I'm not going to last long either unless you keep talking dirty about condoms while you're not moving." I lift my hips and push my feet squeezing him between us.

He takes my cue and starts thrusting, slowly and gentle at first, but then we find our groove. Our bodies remember the angles and the strokes. Before long we're both panting and our eyes are communicating telling each other we're close.

When I come it's the most relieving release of my life. As he stills and releases within me, he whispers, "So fucking beautiful." And I believe him.

* Thank you for reading and reviewing.