A/N: After playing Super Smash Bros Brawl with my younger cousins for about a week, I decided to go read some fanfiction for it. Then I ended up writing my own along with my eleven-year old cousin's help. So here is the outcome. Warning, this is not to be taken too seriously.
(I wrote this all together, but wanted to break it into chapters for this. So I tried to find good breaking points for each new chapter. Just read it as if it was all together still.)
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Super Smash Bros Brawl or its characters.
Peach was pleasantly strolling through the garden, when a sudden wind pulled at her parasol and whipped her hair around her face. A helicopter appeared overhead and Snake dropped down from a rope ladder.
"Oh good morning, Snake," Peach happily smiled.
"Are those your last words?" Snake glared at her.
"Whatever do you mean?" She twirled her umbrella around in the sunshine.
The parasol was snatched from her grasp and shoved violently down her throat. Snake was in the process of stifling her cries when Zelda innocently appeared and witnessed the scene.
"Um…" Snake muttered, "It's not what it looks like."
Zelda just raised an eyebrow.
"Here's a strawberry muffin," he handed her a pristine pastry that he produced from one of his many pockets, "Keep quiet about this or you're next."
"Of course, Snake," Zelda smiled and walked back into the mansion.
Once inside, Zelda leaned back against the wall and glanced fearfully at the door to the outside. What was going on? She had just witnessed her friend being killed by another of her acquaintances. Taking a bite out of the muffin, she strode down the hall to Mario's room.
"Who-a is it?" Mario answered the knock at his door, "Oh-a Zelda! How-a are you-a doing?"
"Cut the accent, bro," Luigi called, his eyes glued to the television, "We ain't really Italian."
"Well the Princess didn't know that! And how long've ya been playin' that stupid game, Luigi?" Mario welcomed Zelda in and shut the door.
"I dunno," Luigi mumbled, "Maybe a week or so…maybe five."
"Well give it a break! You've been at it fo too long. Haven't ya beaten it yet?"
Luigi slowly turned to look him in the eye, "It never ends. These blasted ghosts won't leave my mansion."
Mario just sighed and shook his head, "Sorry 'bout that Zelda, he's been addicted to this new GameCube game. What'd ya come here fo?"
She glanced around, just double checking that Snake wasn't lurking behind her, "I have just witnessed the murder of Princess Peach."
"Peach!?" Mario gasped, "She was killed?"
"Yes, Snake impaled her with her own parasol out in the garden. Then he came after me and bribed me to keep quiet," she quickly hid muffin behind her back, "You can't let him find out I told you, or he may kill me also!"
"I'll go inform Master Hand," Mario led her to the door, "Stay in yar room an' talk to no one else."
"Thank you," Zelda slipped out the door, unaware of the cardboard box resting in the corner of the room. Two dark eyes glared out of a hole in the side.
Mario was heading to the closet at the back of the room, when he noticed the strange box. "Wha?" he leaned down to peer into the hole.
"Do you prefer blueberry or chocolate chip?" a deep, gravelly, voice emanated from inside the darkness.
Zelda was sitting on her expensive leather couch, sipping tea. The remainder of the strawberry muffin lay crumbling on a saucer. She felt better now that she had spoken to Mario and trusted that he could take care of things. Now she was worried about her own safety along with the others at the mansion. What made Snake act like this? He was usually so-
"Special delivery!" Ganondorf's voice called from the hallway.
"Stop trying to hit on me, you creep!" Zelda screamed through the door.
"I am not coming to hit on you! I will just leave this package outside for you then."
Zelda got up and opened the door a crack, catching a glimpse of Ganon marching down the hall; a chocolate chip muffin in hand. She looked down at a large cardboard box sitting at her feet, it looked strangely familiar…
Nana, the ice climber, was pushing her cleaning cart through the carpeted hallway, while whistling a cheery tune. She stopped outside of the room that Princess Zelda and Princess Peach shared, "Room service!"
There was no reply, so she used the master key she had to open the door. Nana propped open the door with her cart and grabbed a duster. Turning to face the interior of the room, the duster slipped from her grasp and lightly fell the floor. There, standing in the middle of the room was Snake. He was gently lowering Zelda's limp body to the ground, a hand grasped around her throat. His other hand was coated in red crumbs which he quickly licked off his fingers, "Sorry," he turned to her, "I'm out of muffins."
Nana didn't have time to cry out before a steel-toed boot collided with her face.
Samus was striding through the hall on the way back to her room from the training grounds. She noticed the absence of her friends Zelda and Peach during lunch earlier and wondered where they had disappeared to, so she decided to stop by their room and check on them. Rounding the corner, she stopped suddenly. Snake was slipping silently out of The Princess' room with a large bag thrown over his shoulder.
"What the heck are you doing, Snake?" Samus crossed her arms over her chest.
"Uh… cleaning?" Snake suggested, slowly heading towards her.
"That's Nana's job," Samus eyed him suspiciously, adjusting her armor.
"Well I'm afraid she had to take a day off," Snake smirked, flicking a grenade in her direction.
Samus dodged the small explosion and lunged at him with her blaster ready to fire. Snake sidestepped and the ball of energy hit the wall beside him. He jabbed his fist into her side where the armor was weakest, and Samus stumbled back with a grunt. She spun around and hit him with her blaster arm, knocking him back into the door. After evading another shot from Samus, Snake kicked at her. His foot caught the edge of her helmet and sent it flying. Samus fell back onto the floor, her blonde hair tangled around her face and blue eyes glaring at the man in front of her.
"Snake, what's gotten into you?" Samus stared up at the soldier advancing towards her with a merciless gleam in his eye.