Title: Alternative Serendipity
Author: luvsbitca

Artists: amechiro and numberthescars (check out LJ or AO3 for the links)
Series: AOS (I really do see a difference between AOS-Kirk and TOS-Kirk)
Pairing: girl!Kirk/Spock
Additional Pairings: Really background Sarek/Amanda
Rating: NC-17.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, it all belongs to other people, but these insane little ramblings are my way of playing in the sandpit.
Warnings: Genderbending (always a girl Kirk), mentions of unhappy childhoods (child abuse allusions - nothing detailed)
Summary: While working at the Starfleet Academy science labs Spock is exposed to an unknown gas. Soon after he begins to have dreams where he is growing up on a farm somewhere in America. The dreams lead him to a woman named Jane Kirk and he discovers those dreams are her memories. {Involves: academy era, genderchange, accidental bonding}

Author's Notes: 90% of this is in Spock POV, however occasionally I let Jane (Kirk) have a chance and when that occurs this /J\/a\/n\/e\ will appear to signal the change.

I know Kirk's brother went by Sam in AOS but I have this image of him demanding to be called George after his father dies so I'm going with it.

I wrote most of this in about twenty-four hours because I had the wrong date for the artist claims but I am still pretty happy with it. Enjoy…

I was lucky enough to have two amazing artists create images for this story. amechiro and numberthescars who I would love to heap praise upon because they made this such a lovely Big Bang experience. Thank you both so very much, go and check out what they created.

Thank you to thesewarmstars who spent valuable time editing this. I appreciate all of your hard work. The final read through was mine and I'm a fiddler so any mistakes are mine.

Thank you to spockchick for both created the perfect picture of T'Pring in AOS that matched the picture in my head almost perfectly. And for letting me link to it later in the story.

The ART!

numberthescars /dot\ livejournal /dot\ com /slash\ 29433 /dot\ html - numberthescars art at LJ
amechiro art at LJ- TBA!

Alternative Serendipity
by Moonbeam

/ / / Accident \ \ \

S'chn T'gai Spock was working in a lab when the fire started. The warning bells began to scream, pulling him away from the delicate process of cross-breeding the two species of fish. Spock shut the lab down quickly, doing his best to ensure that the entire week's work was not going to be lost due to a drill. He pulled the door shut behind him and started for the stairs. As soon as he opened the door he was able to smell the acrid smoke filling the stairwell. Spock could tell that it was a chemical fire coming from three floors above him but he paid it no attention until he heard the faint, coughing beg for help. Spock turned and started up the stairs instead of down.

Spock pushed the door open slowly, watching for any flames that would reach out of the oxygen-starved room beyond. Nothing came and Spock pushed the door open and walked into the hallway. He could smell the smoke much more strongly now and he slowed his respiration rate down as much as he could to avoid inhaling more than was absolutely necessary. Spock made his way through the hallway quickly by methodically checking the rooms as he went, trying to locate the voice he had heard earlier. At the centre of the building, where the main lab on each level was located, Spock found two things. He could see three people stuck in the main lab trying desperately to get out as the glass-walled room filled with smoke and he could see a woman with long hair trying to get into another lab. He heard banging from the other side of the door the woman was attempting to open. He could also hear the coughing and pleading voices from the main lab so he turned his back to the woman and attempted to open the door using the outside panel. Unsurprisingly, it did not open and he used his greater than human strength to open the panel cover next to the door and began the quick task of overriding the door's locking mechanism. It was the work of fifty-four seconds to get the lock to disengage and then Spock had no other option but to open the door bodily. Two of the people inside the lab had collapsed from whatever gases were being spread around the room, but the one remaining was using what little strength he had to push on the door from the other side. The gases began to escape more quickly from the room before a slim golden hand slid into the gap under Spock's arms and started pushing the door with them. The man in the lab collapsed just as they got the door open enough for the woman who was standing next to Spock to slide between his body and the wall to jam herself into the opening and push with both hands until there was a large enough gap for two people to squeeze through.

"I've got this," the woman said. "Grab the people inside."

Spock nodded and released his hold on the door slowly to ensure that the woman was indeed able to maintain the gap alone. He selected the man near the door first, pulling him away from the doorway completely before he ducked his head to return for the other two. When he was sure there was no one else in the lab they let the door fall closed.

"I can carry the weight of two humans down the stairs required," Spock said to the woman he could now see clearly, startlingly blue eyes with a number of dark smudges on her skin from the work they had been doing.

"I will take the other one then," she said and began hefting the smallest of the unconscious humans up and onto her shoulders.

Spock waited until she was suitably organised before he lifted both of the remaining bodies and they started towards the stairwell door. At that moment, it opened and a team of emergency personnel entered the hallway. Spock calculated that they had taken eight minutes and fifty-seven seconds to respond to the warnings. That delay was entirely too long and he would need to report the time to the person in charge of the team. Spock refused the offer to relieve him of his burden allowing the emergency personnel to instead check the area while he made his way carefully down the stairs. Once in the open air Spock noticed three things: his eyes were unnaturally sensitive to the sunlight, he was breathing more heavily than he should have been and the doctor who immediately approached them had a scowl on his face that was directed at the woman next to him.

"Dammit, Jane, what were you doing in there?" The doctor asked as Spock was relieved of his burden and they were both put on stretchers.

The woman stood in front of Spock suddenly. "Are you okay? You look pale?"

She reached for him and as their skin made contact Spock shoved his shields up as quickly as he could. He could not understand, however, why the world went black immediately after the contact.

/ / / McCoy \ \ \

Spock regained consciousness to find a man standing over him. The man muttered under his breath as Spock's vision widened enough to take in the world around him.

"I'm Dr McCoy," the man said when he noticed that Spock had was watching him. "What's your name?"

"Spock." Spock tried to sit up but the doctor pressed a hand to his shoulder and held him down.

"The gas you were exposed to was the result of an experiment on some rocks from Targin VII which apparently have some very unique reactions with tungsten. While it is dangerous to humans in a similar way to carbon monoxide, it is quite a different matter for Vulcans. You will need to remain in the medical bay overnight at least. You are not going anywhere just yet, Spock."


Dr McCoy glared at him, but spoke as he was looking at Spock's readings. "You have different readings from any Vulcan I have ever treated, Spock. Good thing they had your scans from the Prometheus on file."

"Doctor, I would like to know what reaction my physiology had with the gases that were produced."

"Well that was a little more polite, I suppose," the man said gruffly. "The gas produced had a reaction with your eyes and your central nervous system; specifically it affected your ability to access and control your touch telepathy. So, when Jane touched you you tried to shield yourself and instead your system, already on overload, shut down in preservation."

"My eyes were sensitive when we exited the building."

"I'm not surprised. You're extremely lucky there was no brain damage."

"I had reduced my respiration in response to the unknown gas."

"Very smart, Mr Spock," the doctor said before pressing a hypo to his neck. "If you hadn't, you could have died. As it is I would like you to slip into a healing trance."

"We do not slip into anything; it is a methodical process by which…what was in that hypospray?"

"Goodnight, Mr Spock," the doctor said as the world started to drift again. Spock felt a prickle of annoyance but knew it could come to nothing when he found it almost impossible to move. He centred himself instead and focused on the damage to his body that he could repair.

/ / / Chapel \ \ \

"Strike me!" A slap across his face. "Harder. Harder!"

When Spock came out of his healing trance there was a blonde woman standing by his bed looking at his readings. She was flexing her hand as she did so.

"Mr Spock, I'm Dr Chapel," she said with a smile. "Your readings have returned to normal. When you have eaten and had something to drink you can be released."

Spock inclined his head.

Dr Chapel smiled at him. "I have ordered you some plomeek soup."

"Thank you."

/ / / Amanda \ \ \

Two hours later Spock let himself into his academy apartment. Though he was neither student nor professor, he had been given the accommodation upon his return from service aboard the Prometheus when he opted to remain at the Academy and conduct research until he was able to join Captain Pike, once again, on the Enterprise, due for completion in two years and six months.

The opportunity to participate in a five year mission in previously uncharted sections of space was more intellectually stimulating than the other missions available. The break of three years and two months was an opportunity to participate in a number of research projects within Spock's main areas of study. He had agreed as well to provide advanced tutoring to a select number of the brightest students in astrophysics, quantum mechanics, astrography, xenolinguistics and warp engineering. Since he had returned to the academy he had found the work he had done to be…fulfilling.

Spock bathed and then turned on his personal terminal to ensure that no important messages awaited him. The only one of importance or urgency was from his mother, who had contacted him upon having heard of the accident. He would contact her after he had meditated.

Spock settled onto his meditation mat and sunk slowly into his mind, focusing on the moments just before the fire notification and proceeding through until the time when he passed out to analyse his actions and responses in an attempt to locate moments of weakness against the gas.

He could find no fault in his actions after he had meditated on the even. Spock had managed to complete all of his objectives before succumbing to the effects of the gas, which he had ignored in his focus on the mission, though on reflection he could pinpoint his susceptibility.

Spock rose from his meditation mat and drank a glass of water before he placed a call, through the Vulcan embassy, to his mother.

"Spock," she said in greeting. "You look well."

"I am most adequate."

His mother smiled at him.

"Mother, I received your message when I returned from the medical centre. I apologise for not returning your call earlier, however, I had not had a chance to meditate properly since the completion of my healing trance."

"Are you well, Spock?"

"The effects of the gas have been repaired and I am now back to complete health."

"Oh, good." She smiled at him. "I was worried about you, but your lovely doctor spoke to me and ensured me of your health."

"My lovely doctor?"

"McCoy, he spoke to me when I called to find out how you were."

"I fail to see how you could find the man lovely; he was ill-tempered and quite abrupt."

His mother smiled at him. "Well, he was charming when he spoke to me, such a flirt."

Spock frowned at his mother. "Why would he flirt with a married woman?"

"Oh, Spock," his mother said with a smile. "For the fun of it, of course. I haven't been flirted with since the last time I was on Earth. Vulcans don't know how to flirt at all."

Spock inclined his head. "Flirting is illogical."

His mother sighed. "Very illogical. Tell me about what you have been doing."

"The advanced students I have been working with in quantum mechanics are making satisfactory advancements on their group research project. I believe they will make fascinating conclusions as well as having discovering interesting avenues of inquiry open to them when they participate in an outer space assignment next month. I lost an entire week of work when the fire and proceeding release of gases occurred. The advanced xenobiology students are developing their sensitivity to the different dialects of Romulan. Though, I still do not agree with the informal setting of my tutoring sessions; it would be much more beneficial for more students if the lessons were conducted in a more formal fashion."

"I thought that you were there as a mentor rather than a teacher."

"I am," Spock said. "By providing extension programmes I am given the opportunity to use the Starfleet facilities for my own research purposes."

His mother smiled at him.

"I have informed you of this previously," Spock said.

"Yes, you have. I am simply suggesting that your informal role is the reason for the informal teaching manner," his mother said with a soft smile. "What else is occurring in your life?"

"Christopher Pike informed me he would like to introduce me to a student on the command track with a side focus of computer programming and engineering. There is also a student in the advanced xenolinguistics programme who has requested that she be included in my sessions. She is less advanced in her studies than most of the participants. Her lecturers have provided her excellent references; however, their standards are different to my own."

"Could you not allow her to sit in on one session and observe her skills for yourself? She may surprise you."

Spock inclined his head. He had already contacted Nyota Uhura and offered her the same opportunity but he did not mention it to his mother. She enjoyed giving him advice even when he had already reached the same logical conclusion.

"She may prove an exception to the rule as Cadet Chekov has," he said instead.

"Amanda," his father's voice called over the connection.

"Sarek," Amanda said with a hopeful smile. "Spock is on the line, come and speak to him."

His father appeared on the screen standing behind his mother. Sarek's hand rested on her shoulder.



"Your mother informed me that you had been exposed to a dangerous gas."

"I was. I am recovered from the effects."

"The doctors are to be commended."

Spock inclined his head.

"When will you be coming back to Vulcan?" Amanda asked.

"I will need to obtain the schedule given to me for the Academy holidays. I shall endeavour to make arrangements to visit you over the human Christmas period."

Spock's mother smiled widely. "I look forward to seeing you, Spock. I love you, be safe."

Spock lifted his hand and wished his parents goodbye. "Peace and long life, Mother. Father."

"Peace and long life, Spock," his father said, and the connection was severed.

/ / / Uhura \ \ \

Spock returned to his laboratory the next day and continued with his work. He had to begin the work he had completed before the fire again, however he did not lose the work completed before that day. He could hear work occurring in the laboratories above him. With focus the sounds did not impact on his work.

He allowed Uhura, she did not like to be referred to by her first name, to participate in his next xenolinguistics session. She proved to, as his mother had put it, 'surprise him'. She had the most sensitive aural abilities he had encountered at Starfleet and she was an accomplished speaker of Vulcan. Her tutors had been correct in suggesting her for his extension sessions.

The noticeable reaction she had to him was something he would have to monitor. It would not be the first time that one of his 'students' had exhibited signs of sexual interest in his presence. He discouraged them all. Humans were emotional creatures and in Spock's experience grew frustrated and annoyed with his Vulcan beliefs and the way he suppressed his emotions. They often confused suppression with not feeling.

"Professor Spock?" Uhura asked at the end of the second session.

"Cadet Uhura, I am not a professor. Spock, or Mr Spock, is the correct way of addressing me."

"Spock," she said with a smile. "I have a research paper on Vulcan syntax. Can you suggest any texts that my other lecturers have not already given me?"

Spock could see that her pupils were dilated beyond what was necessary in the room but he nodded. "If you are able to read Vulcan, I have two texts which will be of help to you. It is for Professor John's course?"


"I am aware of the assessment. Please accompany me to the office I have been given. The texts are there."

Uhura smiled widely. He handed her the books, real paper books, and she touched them with the reverence that he would expect of someone who had dedicated her life to words and language.

"These are very old," she commented.

"Yes," Spock confirmed. "I will lend them to you for one standard week. They are very valuable and I would appreciate you taking care of them. I am lending them to you only because you are in my advanced tutorials; they are not for anyone else's use."

"Of course not," Uhura said. "If you would prefer, I could borrow them and work in the student alcoves on the next floor up and then you would not have to part with them."

"As I am not a Professor, my time in this office is limited and sporadic. I am trusting you to treat them with respect. I shall collect them from you at the next xenolinguistics meeting."

"Of course. Thank you, Spock."

Spock inclined his head and watched her leave. He could admit that her brain was fascinating and she was aesthetically pleasing, however he would discourage this 'crush' that she was obviously developing.

/ / / Dreams \ \ \

"Is there a problem, officer?" Something about Spock's mouth felt strange even though the words came out strongly. Spock could still hear the metal screeching below and behind him. He wanted to turn, he wanted to look at what he had done, he wanted to see what he had done to…someone's…beloved car.

"Citizen, what is your name?" the police drone called out.

Spock turned to look up at the cop with a defiant look on his face. "My name is S'chn T'gai Spock."

Spock woke suddenly, pulled out of his dream. He had not dreamed in years. He closed his eyes again. Asleep for five hours and three minutes. His temperature was normal but there was slightly more perspiration on his skin than could be accounted for by the ambient temperature of the room. He had not dreamed since the last time he was under the effects of an illness, though, Spock could find no evidence of illness in his body's function. Vulcans did not dream…however, Spock was not a full Vulcan.

/ \ / \ / \

Spock ignored the words behind him as he walked towards the learning pods. He ignored the racial slurs. He walked down the steps into the learning pod and selected the next lesson in his learning sequence. He knew they would be waiting for him when he exited.

As expected, they were standing on the platform above his learning pod when his time was over.

"I presume you've prepared new insults for today," Spock said folding his hands behind his back.

"Affirmative," Stonn said.

"This is your thirty-fifth attempt to elicit an emotional response from me." Spock was not willing to admit to being…bored of this routine. They had been insulting him, calling him a half-breed and a disgrace to the Vulcan way of life, to the very teachings of his ancestor. Their arguments were not always logical. They could appear logical to those who believed that purity in the Vulcan race was the way to avoid another offshoot…another Romulan. Eventually, they would find other ways to show their displeasure. Or they would find someone new upon whom to inflict their abuse. If they chose someone else, then Spock would inform his teachers of their practices – to spare the other Vulcan.

"You're neither human nor Vulcan, and therefore have no place in this universe." Spock knew his place: it was here on Vulcan and it was in the home of his mother and his father who had made a conscious effort to give him life.

"Look. He has human eyes. They look sad, don't they?" Stonn taunted. Spock knew his eyes were his mother's – the genetic traits passed to him from his mother via his DNA. He had no reason to be ashamed of his eyes; they made his mother happy.

"Perhaps an emotional response requires physical stimuli," Satelk said just before he shoved Spock. "He's a traitor, you know, your father, for marrying her, that human whore."

Spock's response was wholly human, wholly emotional. He wanted to make Satelk and Stonn hurt for their words.

He woke just as he was about to swing his fist into Stonn's stomach. Spock remembered the emotional response and the feel of Stonn's body giving way to his pain and anger. The second dream in three weeks. Spock would have to go to the medical facility to ensure that his own meditations had not missed anything in his physiology.

/ \ / \ / \

The hunger gnawed at his stomach. It hurt. It hurt more than almost anything Spock had ever had to experience. He felt cold and grimy, his skin was oddly white and he could see the bones of his wrists under his stretched, tight skin. He stabbed the rat and hung it over the pathetic fire they were able to light. When it was cooked, he cut the rat and shared it among the children around him. Six of them, all younger than him. The rat did little to cut into the hunger and Spock took the smallest amount he could get away with without the other children noticing.

Spock was caught, the acrid smell of burning bodies catching in the back of his throat as the guards grabbed his elbow and yanked him off his feet.

"No, stop," Spock said, trying to break the man's grip with no strength.

"Governor Kodos would like to see this one," the guard said and his breath turned Spock's empty stomach.

"Please," Spock begged and he felt as though he should be crying but he hadn't had anything to drink in over a day. Little Tommy was going to collect water while Spock hunted for something else to eat. Spock knew he should not have ventured so close to the guards' barracks but the children were wasting away. "Let me go."

"Oh no." Spock knew that voice, but he shouldn't be out here. He should be in his facility where there was still clean water, where there was still food. "I have been looking for you, Spock. You are everything I am trying to save here. Smart, strong, resilient. You are everything that the human race should be. You are everything that I am hoping to preserve. If you would simply cooperate, if you would help me, then I would be able to make sure that the very best of people survive."

"You are sick, those people shouldn't have died," Spock struck out at the man…Kodos, but his muscles were next to useless from hunger. "My family were among those cleansed. If I am so perfect, why did you kill them?"

"They were not like you, Spock. They were weak. They would never have gone down into those tunnels with the other children. My lost little orphans. They would have never eaten rats and given food to others so that they survived. I will teach you that your life is worth more than you believe it to be. I will teach you that your survival is more important than that of most people."

"No," Spock said, fighting against the hold on his arm again. "I don't want that. They are more important than me."

Kodos struck him.

When Spock woke up again he was in a room with the six children.

One of them called his name but the voice sounded muffled, like the sounds weren't correct. It happened occasionally when someone said his name.

"How'd he get you?" Spock asked, checking the other children for injuries.

"The guards came as soon as you left," Kevin said.

Spock pulled the other boy to him and held him tight. "We'll get out of here, I promise."

"Now," Governor Kodos said walking into the room with them. "My special children."

Spock pushed Kevin until the younger boy was standing behind him. "What do you want with us?"

"You are all special, you are all exactly what the human race needs and you are all going to help me to fix the problems with the human race as it is now."

Spock felt sick; if he had eaten anything but a pathetic amount of rat meat he would have thrown up. Then the sirens started screaming in the room. Kodos snarled out a question to the guards and Spock strained to hear the answer.

"The Federation is here."

"Get the children," Kodos said, swinging the door open.

The guards shook their heads. "We're saved, we don't have to do this anymore."

Kodos screamed in anger and one of the guards shot him.

"Come on," the guard said to the children and they ran past Kodos where he lay bleeding on the floor.

He woke up with a start. Hungry. He had eaten at his regular dinner time and yet he could feel the phantom hunger from his dream. He knew it was illogical. A dream could not make a Vulcan, nor anyone else, hungry and yet he felt the illogical need to eat. He rose from his bed and lit his meditation candles. He folded himself down into his meditation position and breathed himself into his mind. He meditated until the hunger left his body.

/ / / \ \ \

"Like I care," Spock spat out. "I don't need you and I don't need this place."

"Spock!" His mother shouted, her face twisted into a mask of anger. "If you leave this house, don't you ever come back."

Spock's eyes opened and he sat up. "Lights, twenty percent."

His mother had never looked at him like that. His mother had never, in his life, spoken to him in that way. Even when he had left Earth she had merely held him. Even though Vulcans did not hug she had pulled him into her and held him tight. There had been something wrong with his dreams since the beginning. A strange mix of his own and alien ones. He had been examined by the southern doctor who flirted with his mother. They could find nothing and Spock could not explain his dreams. Some of them were…fascinating and he found himself intrigued by them, however there were many that showed the worst he knew of human behaviour.

There was no explanation for them.

/ / / Nyota \ \ \

"Please, call me Nyota," Uhura said with a shy smile.

"You informed me at our first meeting that you preferred to be called Uhura."

"I do," she said and bit her bottom lip. "I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to a vegetarian restaurant in San Francisco, the actual town, on Friday night. I thought it would be good if you called me by my given name."

"Do you intend for this meal to constitute a date?"

"I would like it to," Uhura said. "However, I understand if that is not an option at the moment."

"I am your advisor, in a teaching role, it would be inappropriate for us to…date."

"No," Uhura said. "I checked. You are not a member of the teaching staff. Since you are not a teacher our groups are classed as study sessions. There is nothing inappropriate in us dating. I am not given a grade by you and you are here in a scientific and research role until the Enterprise is ready to go on its mission. I have to say, a five year exploratory mission sounds like the exact reason I joined Starfleet."

"It should be a very informative mission," Spock agreed. "I have…enjoyed our conversations, Uhura. However, I do not wish to encourage feelings that are not reciprocated."

Uhura nodded and was silent for a long moment. "Okay, that's fine. Can we be friends?"

Spock inclined his head.

"Then would you like to try a vegetarian restaurant with me as my friend?" Uhura asked.

"I would." Spock said allowing his face to relax slightly – humans always took it to be a comforting expression.

/ / / Dreaming \ \ \

"Spock," the girl said. She had long red hair and smiled at him as she took her top off. "I've never done this before."

"It's okay," Spock said running a finger over her bottom lip. "I'll take care of you."

She smiled at him.

/ \ / \ / \

"Spock," T'Pring said, but for some reason she was out of focus and her hair was blonde where it should be brunette.

"T'Pring," Spock said, holding two fingers out to her.

She hesitated and then held her fingers up as well. "Spock."

"I declare these two houses joined together from this koon'ul forth," T'Pau said.

/ \ / \ / \

"Hello," the man drawled and he leaned on the bar next to Spock.


"And what's your name, gorgeous?"

Spock looked the man up and down and then let a smile stretch over his face. "Spock."

"You know, Spock, that is a very nice skirt but it would go so much better with my couch."

Spock let out a laugh. "What's your name?"

"Gary." The man winked at Spock. "Gary Mitchell."

/ \ / \ / \

Leila was sitting next to Spock in the lecture hall.

She smiled at him. "I would like to meet again to discuss our assignment."

"Of course," Spock said.

They met after the lecture, in his room. She was naked before he had even asked her if she would like some refreshment. She never quite understood the Vulcan ideas about kissing, but he had to admit to finding more pleasure in the act than he would have suspected. She never looked happy when he did avoid her human kisses, though she never endeavoured to kiss him in the Vulcan way. He knew she was going to leave him. She could not reconcile what she wanted with who he was.

/ \ / \ / \

Spock saw Stonn across the marketplace. The other Vulcan made his way over until he was standing next to Spock.

"I have been informed that you were admitted to the Vulcan Science Academy."

"I believe that you were not," Spock said rather than confirming something Stonn already knew.

"Why would they want a being like you in the VSA?"

Spock twisted his head to look at Stonn. "Because I am the most accomplished candidate. Perhaps, now that I have turned the offer down you will be given the honour."

Spock turned and walked away from Stonn. He found his mother purchasing human soap from a vendor and spent the rest of their shopping excursion at her side.

/ \ / \ / \

"George," Spock pleaded. "Don't leave me here with him."

"I'm sorry. Mum won't let me take you. I can't stay here any longer."

"I know, but, George, please don't leave me."

George pulled Spock into a tight hug. "He won't let me stay and Mum won't listen. I can't stay here."


"It's okay, it's okay, Mum said she was going to send you to live with her sister over summer. I'm sure they'll let you stay there longer. I don't want to leave you, Spocky, but I have to go."

Spock hugged him tighter.

"If Mum doesn't send you to Tarsus IV for the summer, send me a message and I'll come back."


"Get out of here, you insubordinate little shit," Frank said bursting into the room with Spock and George. "You're not welcome in this house any longer."

"I know," George said, walking over to Frank. "But if you touch a hair on Spock's head, I will come back and gut you like a fucking fish."

"Get out."

Spock rushed back to George's side.

"I promise you, everything will be okay."

Spock took a deep shuddering breath and nodded. "Goodbye, George."

"Goodbye, Spocky."

/ \ / \ / \

Spock sat next to his father. His lip and jaw ached and his fingers were sore.

"You suggest I should become completely Vulcan, and yet you married a human."

"As Ambassador to Earth, it is my duty to observe and understand human behaviour. Marrying your mother was…logical."

Spock felt…sad for his mother. She loved his father, she had come to Vulcan where she was never treated well and he did not even love her.

/ / / Mother \ \ \

"Spock," his mother said happily. "What a lovely surprise."

"I apologise for the unexpected communication." Spock said noting the pleasure in her expression.

His mother just smiled at him. "It's always lovely to hear from you. Is something wrong?"

Spock nodded. "I find that I have something I wish to discuss."

"I am always happy to speak to you, Spock. What can I do to help?"

"I have been unsettled when sleeping of late and find that, as Vulcans do not enter the same REM cycles as humans and their brains do not fire randomly while they are asleep to provide them dreams, I have only you to ask."

"You've been dreaming?"

"It is, of course, not the first time."

"No," his mother said with a small smile. Spock had dreamed as a child, very rarely and only when he was unwell. "But now you are dreaming regularly?"

"I find myself needing more sleep than I have before as a result of these dreams. I wish for you to tell me how to stop dreaming."

His mother frowned at him. While she maintained a calm façade outside of their house, she had never tried to hide emotions from him. It had been most helpful when he had decided to come to Earth and join Starfleet and was surrounded by people who spoke more with their bodies than they sometimes did with their mouths. No wonder very few Vulcan ambassadors did well on this planet; it would be difficult to understand them if you did not first know how to read them.

"Spock, you cannot force yourself to stop dreaming. I am sorry."

"That is illogical, as something must have caused the dreams and therefore something must be able to stop them."

"Have you been unwell?"

"No." Spock, of course, thought of that first. "I even submitted myself to a physical by one of the doctors here, the one you found charming. He was a highly competent doctor and was able to assure me that my presence on this planet has not adversely affected my health."

"Spock, you've been there for almost eight years. I don't think the atmosphere would suddenly begin to affect you."

"Most logical, Mother."

She sighed at him. "But you have been back from your mission aboard the Prometheus for over a year, so nothing should be affecting you in this way from that either."

"Exactly as I surmised, however I thought it prudent to have a medical professional double-check my findings as I have only ever dreamed previously when I have been unwell."

"That you remember."

"Please explain?"

"Humans dream all night, lots of little dreams, but they do not remember most of them. Perhaps you have always dreamed but your brain only allows you to remember them when you are sick."

Spock thought on that for a moment. It was a logical suggestion, but it still did not help him with his current dilemma.

"Of course there must be a reason you are remembering them now. Spock, are you willing to share the contents of your dreams?"

"I am living on a small farm somewhere in the United States when they started. They have continued until I appear to be a fully grown adult human, though lately they have begun to involve Starfleet. I am always myself in the dreams, but I am doing things that I have never done."

"So they are a series of dreams about the same thing?"

"Incorrect, they are a series of dreams from the same perspective."

"Your perspective, or someone else's?"

"Mine, though I have never been to a farm so I do not know where the dreams came from."

His mother nodded and wore the expression she always did when she was thinking something over. "Spock," she said at last. "What is your workload like at the moment?"

"My xenolinguistics group has asked to meet twice weekly for the remainder of the semester. I agreed. The advanced astrophysics students I work with are on break for two weeks while the students participate in a practical period on board the Farragot. However, everything else is as it has been for the last six months and three days."

"No, ashal-veh, I meant are you very busy with your own research and experiments at the moment."

"Slightly less than usual due to the absence of my astrophysics group."

"Good, I would like you to think back to those dreams and write detailed summaries of them."

"For what purpose?"

"There is evidence that dreams in humans are ways for them to work though problems or issues that they have. By looking at the dreams and what occurs within them, we may be able to work out the reason for you having them and therefore fix it. It could be something as simple as your brain attempting to reconcile being on a strange planet."

Spock thought through her reasoning. Her suggested reason for his dreams seemed flawed given the length of time he had spent on Earth, however he did not mention this to his mother. "That is a reasonable strategy. I shall contact you again on Sunday Earth time for our normal communication."

"I look forward to it, Spock. I love you, be safe," his mother said in her usual goodbye.

Spock lifted his hand and wished her goodbye. "Peace and long life, Mother."

/ / / Lucid Dreaming \ \ \

"Spock." Amanda's eyes were sad. Her eyes always gave her emotions away. "I am going to miss you."

"I, too, shall feel your absence," Spock said.

"Oh!" She threw her arms around him and pulled him over and down into a hug. "I love you, Spock. I only want you to be happy. Be happy."

"I shall…try," Spock said quietly. Just for his mother.

She pulled away from him. "I won't come to the transporter. I'll just cry and I know how that makes you and your father uncomfortable but I will miss you so much, Spock."

"I shall call."

"Every Sunday," Amanda said and kissed his cheek in the human fashion. "You had best go or you shall be late."

This was the fifth dream in two days. They were becoming more regular. Some of his dreams were inconsequential. Days spent in the middle of a field of corn. School days in a Terran school. Days that Spock had spent with his sehlat. Days from his own life and what felt like days from someone else's. He had contacted a Vulcan healer, but there would be no one on Earth for another Earth month. He would have to wait. He would admit to the fact that he found the Earth dreams fascinating when they were no longer filled with emotional or physical abuse.

/ \ / \ / \

Spock opened his eyes to see Captain Pike sitting across from him.

"You know, I couldn't believe it when the bartender told me who you are."

"Who am I, Captain Pike?" Spock asked touching his nose tenderly.

"Your father's son."

"Can I get another one?" Spock asked waving his glass at the bartender.

Spock felt suddenly disconnected. Then he was in the VSA.

"You have surpassed the expectations of your instructors. Your final record is flawless, with one exception: I see that you have applied to Starfleet as well." Elder Sam'Ol said, looking down on Spock from his position as Vulcan Council President.

"It was logical to cultivate multiple options," Spock explained.

"Logical, but unnecessary. You are hereby accepted to the Vulcan Science Academy. It is truly remarkable, Spock, that you have achieved so much despite your disadvantage. All rise."

Spock felt as if he had only heard one word. Disadvantage. Spock knew what his disadvantage was and yet he had expected better from the Vulcan Elders.

"If you would clarify, Minister: to what disadvantage are you referring?"

"Your human mother," Elder Sam'Ol said.

Spock felt that same righteous anger that had burned hot and bright when he was a boy faced with immature bullies. Like then, he reacted not from a place of logic but from a place that his mother would call human.

"Council... Ministers, I must decline."

"No Vulcan has ever declined admission to this academy!" Spock could see the annoyance of Elder Sam'Ol's face and he knew that he must have truly annoyed the Elder for it to have shown.

"Then, as I am half-human, your record remains untarnished," Spock replied logically. Now that his decision had been made, he knew it to be the correct one.

"Spock, you have made a commitment to honour the Vulcan way," Spock's father reprimanded and Spock, not for the first time, resented his father for not doing more to protect his mother.

"Why did you come before this council today? Was it to satisfy your emotional need to rebel?" Elder Sam'Ol asked.

"The only emotion I wish to convey is gratitude. Thank you, Ministers, for your consideration," Spock said. "Live long and prosper." Spock knew his tone was human and yet he revelled in it as he turned and walked from the hall.

Then suddenly he was back in that bar with Pike. And yet everything felt disjointed.

"…he didn't believe in no-win scenarios."

"Sure learned his lesson!" Spock said.

"Well, it depends on how you define winning. You're here, aren't you?" Pike said.

"Thanks," Spock said looking up at the bartender and accepting his drink.

"You know that instinct to leap without looking, that was his nature too. And in my opinion it's something Starfleet's lost," Pike said, pulling Spock's attention back to him.

Spock laughed and it felt natural for something Spock had never done. This did not feel like he was the one speaking any longer. His voice was different. It was not his.

"Why are you talkin' to me, man?"

"'Cause I looked up your file while you were drooling on the floor. Your aptitude tests are off the charts, so what is it? You like being the only genius level repeat offender in the Midwest?"

"Maybe I love it," the person Spock was pretending to be said, but he could feel that the words were a lie. Covering pain and confusion.

"Look, so your Dad dies. You can settle for a less than ordinary life, or do you feel like you were meant for something better? Something special? Enlist in Starfleet."

"Enlist!" Spock said with Vulcan judgement colouring his tone. Then he let out a hollow, broken laugh. "You guys must be way down on your recruiting quota for the month!"

"If you're half the man your father was, Starfleet could use you. You could be an officer in four years. You could have your own ship in eight. You understand what the Federation is, don't you? It's important. It's a peacekeeping and humanitarian armada..."

"Are we done?" Spock asked.

"I'm done." Pike stood up. "Riverside Shipyard. Shuttle for new recruits leaves tomorrow morning, 0800."

Pike said something else but Spock wasn't listening, his attention caught by his own reflection. It was him and it wasn't. It was an overlay of his features on another person's face and…

Spock woke with a start, the amalgamated image of two people stuck in his head. Meditation took longer than normal that morning.

/ / / Pike \ \ \

Spock was obtaining his midday meal when he heard Pike call out his name. It had been a day since he had had the strange mixed dream. He had not dreamed at all the night before. He felt more rested as a result and had resolved to follow his mother's instructions until the Vulcan healer arrived on Earth. He refused to acknowledge the short spike of…surprise…disappointment…that he had felt on waking after a dreamless sleep.

"Captain," Spock said, turning to his previous and future Captain.

"Spock," Pike said. "It's Chris, now are you eating with anyone?"

"I have an article I wish to read."

Pike smiled. "Well, it's going to have to wait. I have been telling you about Cadet Kirk."

"You have."

"I am having lunch with her, come and join us."

"I have an article to read."

"And I am your future Captain," Pike said with a smile that told Spock that the older human would not push if Spock truly wished to refuse. "I would quite like you to meet her."

Spock inclined his head. "Very well."

Pike smiled warmly. "Excellent, come with me."

Spock followed Pike as he walked over towards a table where one individual was sitting, a woman with her back to Spock and Pike. Pike led Spock around the other side of the table and the woman looked up at him.

"You," she said with a bright smile.

Spock inclined his head. "Have we met?"

"You don't remember saving those people in the chemical fire?"

Spock nodded. "I do remember that…you were the woman who was assisting me."

She smiled. "I'm not surprised you don't remember me. You apparently had a terrible reaction to the gas."

"I did."

"McCoy swore a blue streak when you passed out."

"I do not find that surprising."

The woman beamed at him again. "As we were never officially introduced, my name is Jane Kirk." She did not reach out to shake his hand. She obviously knew enough of Vulcans not to offer such an intimate touch.

"Cadet Kirk," Spock inclined his head. "You may call me Spock."

"I know who you are," Jane said with a smile. "Very few Vulcans at the Academy."

Spock sat at the table. "That is true."

"I knew you two would get along," Pike said sitting down. "Spock, Jane is attempting to complete her course here in three years."


"I heard that you did the same," Jane said.

"I did. It is a challenging schedule."

"It is," Jane said. "But I've always been good at school."

"Captain Pike has mentioned you."

"I like to brag about the people I see bloom," Chris said with a smile.

"You like to brag about your pet projects," Jane said biting into her sandwich. Spock could see the smile in Pike's eyes at Jane's comment.

"Kirk," a gruff voice said suddenly from behind Spock. "We have five minutes to get to that test."

"I'm eating," Jane said. "Have you met everyone, Bones?"

"You know, most people worry about doing the damned Kobayashi Maru test," Dr McCoy said tensely.

"Fine," Jane said standing up and wrapping a napkin around her sandwich. "It was nice to meet you, Spock. I'll talk to you later, Pike."

"Cadet Kirk," Spock said inclining his head.

"Bye, Jane. Good luck."

"I don't need luck," she said before she followed in Dr McCoy's wake.

"Is she not aware of the true rumours that circulate about the Kobayashi Maru?"

Pike laughed. "Of course she is. She just doesn't believe she will fail."

"Most illogical."

"Is it true that you reprogrammed the test?"

"I did," Spock confirmed. "I have undertaken many projects in the time since we were on the Prometheus."

"I've heard. I bet you're enjoying yourself, but it will be good to get back out into space."

"The Enterprise is slated for a fascinating mission."

Pike smiled. "It's going to be exciting. I'm hoping Jane will be able to join the crew."

Spock thought about the woman he had just met. "If you choose to have her on the crew, I am sure she will rise to the challenge."

"I can't wait to see the two of you on a spaceship together."

"I look forward to the scientific discoveries that we shall make in uncharted space."

Pike smirked at him. "Sometimes you remind me so much of Number One."

Spock could understand the comparison. He turned back to his lunch while Pike did the same.

/ / / Xenolinguistics \ \ \

Spock had been assisting with the brightest of the xenolinguistics students. He had not, however, participated in a Xenolinguistics Club meeting since his own time at the Academy. Uhura had asked him to attend to resolve a debate between some members of the club in regards to High Vulcan.

Uhura was his friend; therefore, he was expected to assist her in this way.

Spock arrived at the meeting room five minutes early to find Jane Kirk leaning against one of the tables.

"Spock," Jane said with surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Cadet Uhura asked me to attend and aid in resolving a debate about certain aspects of High Vulcan."

"Ah," Jane said. "So you are her secret weapon."

"I am not a weapon."

Jane smiled. "Are the two of you…" Jane twirled her wrist and Spock raised an eyebrow at her. "Knockin' boots?"

Spock understood the reference but he allowed his face to remain barely curious.

"Are you two dating?" Jane supplied.


"She's interested, though, isn't she?" Jane said. "You're just her type."

"We are…friends."

Jane smiled. "That's nice."

"I was not aware of the fact you were also a xenolinguistics student."

"I grew up learning alien languages and I have always liked to be able to talk to people. I don't have time in my schedule for a lot of xenolinguistics classes, but I can participate in this club and it's fun. Plus they were silly enough to put me in charge of the money."

"I, too, was the treasurer of this club."

"Of course you were," Jane said. "I bet you were never fifty-seven cents out."

"My books always balanced."

Jane laughed and something about the sound caught Spock's attention. She was looking at him strangely now. "Are you okay?"

"I am well."

"You look a little...pale."

"I am well."

Jane was standing in front of him. She did not reach out for him, she did not touch him but she looked at him with worry in her eyes.

The floor moved beneath their feet and Spock lost his balance. Jane fell into him and without thought he wrapped an arm around her and held her to him as he fell backwards onto the steps behind him. His spine caught the edge of the step and he knew that many blood vessels beneath the skin had ruptured – he would bruise. The earthquake continued for another twenty-four seconds and then the ground was still.

Jane's cheek slid against the skin of Spock's neck and she flooded into him. She was bright and red and she was whom he had been dreaming about.

"What the fuck?" Jane asked and scrambled off and away from Spock. "What did you do to me?"

"I do not know."

"I have been dreaming about you. What did you do to me?"

"You have been dreaming?"

"I thought it was because of my History class, which is focussed quite heavily on Vulcan at the moment. I assumed it was because I'm reading all of these accounts of people's lives on Vulcan. But it's you."

"I don't know what is occurring," Spock admitted. He had never heard of anything like this. The only thing that could come close was a Vulcan bond but he had never heard of one that shared dreams. Nor one that occurred spontaneously. Spock had meditated, had looking within himself. If there were a bond he would have found it.

Jane walked around to the other side of the table and placed her hands onto the surface, dropping her head down.

"You have had dreams where you are on Vulcan?"

"I had dreams where I was a Vulcan, living on Vulcan. I had a brother who disappointed my father – a father who has been dead since the moment I was born. My mother, who was next to useless after my father died, cared about me in these dreams where I was a Vulcan. They were your memories."


"And you saw my dreams? The one where George left me? The one where my mother kicked me out?"


Jane looked at him with horror in her eyes. "What did you do to me?"

"I do not know. A Vulcan healer is arriving in two days. If you will consent to attend the appointment with me she may be able to shed some light on what has occurred."

"Oh, man," a man threw open the door and walked into the room. "Did you guys feel that earthquake it was…Jane, what's wrong?"

"I don't feel well," Jane said grabbing her PADD. "I'll email everyone my report."

Jane rushed from the room.

"Please inform Cadet Uhura I was not able to stay," Spock said to the cadet in front of him. "I shall assist her at another time."

The male cadet nodded and Spock left the room.

/ / / Bonded \ \ \

Spock sent Jane a message informing her of the date and time of his appointment with the Vulcan healer. She informed him she would be there.

T'Pess, the Vulcan healer who looked to be even older than T'Pau, welcomed them both into the medical observation room.

"Spock," T'Pess started. "You contacted me in regards to problems you have been having sleeping. Please elaborate."

"I contacted you due to the fact I have been dreaming. Vulcans do not dream, however being half human I have dreamed previously. The dreams are more frequent than I was used to and unusual. I believed I might be ill, which was the cause of my previous dreaming experience. A human doctor, McCoy, informed me that I was in perfect health. The dreams did not stop, therefore I contacted you. Since that contact I have had reason to touch Cadet Kirk," Spock stopped here, he had already introduced Jane to the doctor but he wanted it to be clear to whom he was referring. "As a result of this contact, I discovered that the dreams I have been having are Cadet Kirk's memories. She too has been having these dreams, as well as experiencing ones from my own history."

"Not dreams," T'Pess said after a moment of silent contemplation. "Shared memories. I shall need to meld with you both."

"Of course," Spock inclined his head in agreement. "Cadet Kirk a-"

"Stop calling me Cadet Kirk," Jane snapped. "You know all my memories and I am not your student. Call me Jane."

"Very well," Spock agreed. "Jane, do you know what a meld is?"


"A meld," the healer began. "Is a joining of my mind to yours. Given what Spock has explained to me I believe I know what has occurred, however I require the meld to confirm my beliefs and ascertain the breadth of the occurrence."

"Will it hurt?" Jane asked.


"Fine, go ahead. But, do Spock first."

Spock stood and moved to the meditation mat laid out. He settled on one end and watched as the healer matched him on the other. She reached out for his head and he allowed her access to his mind.

"Spock," she said, her voice an echo in his mind. "Will you show me one of the memories that Jane shared with you?"

Spock pulled up the happiest one he could think of.

"Are you ready, Janie?" George asked.

"When I had the dream," Spock said. "I was in Jane's position and he called me…Spocky."

T'Pess said nothing and concentrated on what was occurring in front of her.

"Always," Jane said and shifted around on the cushions under her bottom.

"If you get us killed, I will be so mad at you."

Jane laughed.

George nodded and started the car. "So, you ease out on the accelerator while you-"

The scene cut and in its place was a thin red chain.

"I assumed as much," T'Pess said.


"You bonded with Jane Kirk."

"I have not initiated a bond."

"Show me your first meeting."

Spock thought back to the day of the fire.

The woman stood in front of Spock suddenly. "Are you okay? You look pale."

She reached for him and as their skin made contact Spock shoved his shields up as quickly as he could. He could not understand, however, why the world went black immediately after the contact.

"Go back…stop." It was the moment when Jane reached for him. "You were compromised by the gas. She thought to help. Your minds touched and they are compatible. A bond was formed."

"A spontaneous bond? With a non-Vulcanoid race?"

"I shall have to see her mind to know for sure, but I believe so."

"I should have discovered this bond during my meditations on the dreams."

"You were not looking for a bond and therefore did not find it. It is masked by the memories you have of the dreams you shared. I would ask you to feel the bond."

Spock reached out for it. It was like pure electricity and it felt as Spock did in his dreams of Jane. "It does not feel the same as the bond I have with T'Pring."

"You have a betrothal bond?"

"I do."

"May I view it?"

Spock pulled up the thought of T'Pring in his mind and the bond was as it had been since their betrothal ceremony. It was blue and thin, though it felt nothing like the one he shared with Jane.

"Your betrothal bond is weak."

"I have not seen T'Pring since long before I left Vulcan."

"The bond you share with Jane has not severed the bond."

"Should it not have taken the place of my betrothal bond?"

"I believe the type of bond you share with Jane is the reason that you are still bonded to T'Pring."


"I need to view the bond from Jane's end before I explain further."

"Very well."

T'Pess pulled out of the meld and turned to Jane. "I require three minutes of meditation then I shall meld with you. Are you still amenable to that, Jane?"


Spock rose from his position and took his chair again.

/ J \ / a \ / n \ / e \

T'Pess arranged Jane into the right pose. She was nervous, but she breathed through it. Spock had not seemed at all worried about the process of melding and, given everything she knew about him, she found herself trusting him even when she couldn't understand what was going on. Jane had always struggled with trust but she had seen him and she knew him. She remembered the dreams she had had about her own life and if everything had been true in her dreams they had to be in his. She might trust him in this but she was still worried about how they could have possibly shared their memories when they had barely met.

"I will do exactly what I did with Spock," T'Pess said. "I will touch your psi points and then I shall meld with you. In your mind you will be able to see and hear me, but Spock will not. I will ask you to show me some memories. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, please inform me."

"Okay, let's go."

T'Pess touched Jane's face and suddenly Jane was in a vast yellow room.

"Where are we?"

"We are in your mind, this is a safe place. I would like to see one of the memories given to you by Spock."


"He was careful to show me a happy memory," T'Pess said reassuringly. "I am not here to learn anything you do not wish to share."

Jane picked a memory and suddenly she was in the dream again, only this time she could see Spock, as a small boy, where she had been last time.

"It is called a Christmas tree," Amanda said with a smile.

"It is alive," Spock observed.

"Your Uncle and cousins went into the forest and cut it down."


"Traditions do not have to be logical, Spock," his mother said. "Now we decorate it."

"For what purpose?"

Amanda looked thoughtful for a moment. "So that we may spend time with those we care about, and so that we may share this will them."

"Very well," Spock said and pushed the string holding a glass ball onto the tree branch.

"Jane," T'Pess said. "I am about to end the memory."

Jane nodded even as she watched Spock disappear. She felt the loss; she had never had a Christmas like that one, not even when she was older and lived with George while he was studying. They were in the yellow room again but this time Jane could see a green chain, links so small she could barely tell them apart, tied to her wrist.

"What is that?"

T'Pess looked at the chain and then at Jane. "It is a Vulcan bond; this connects your mind, your soul, to that of Spock. It was created at your first meeting, when you reached for him as he passed out. It was not intentional, however for its lack of bulk it is surprisingly strong."

"A bond?"

"When you touched him his shields were compromised due to the gas. His mental barriers were not in place. Your mind, which is very interesting by the way, is incredibly compatible with Spock's. His katra recognised yours and reached out for it and yours responded, gripping him tight. A katra is a Vulcan's living essence – their memories and soul. His recognised a mate…a twin in yours and they reached for one another, forming the bond you see. Through this bond, your memories have passed. It is something I have only read about in poems from before Surak's reformation. It is a bond that is revered by Vulcans as much as it is believed to be a myth."


"There has not been a case of spontaneous bonding…no, that is not an accurate description, though the bonding was spontaneous, which is unique in and of itself. Vulcans do not bond spontaneously and you need to understand that Spock did not know this bond existed because it is outside of his own experience and he did not form the bond. There has been no proof of a bond that is spontaneous, that is self-replicating, that maintains and strengthens itself since before Vulcans discovered the path of logic. You are highly compatible and therefore your katras wanted you to know one another better."

"The bond is self-replicating?" Jane tried to get her mind around everything she had been told. The yellow room around her seemed to be slowly filling with pale green clouds. She looked up at them and somehow knew that they were a manifestation of her own confusion.

"A full bond allows the two minds to communicate, to share words and images and feelings, however it has to be left open and nurtured to that strength. Your bond is seeking more from Spock. Your katra calls to Spock's and as neither of you were aware of the bond, nor knew one another, it did so in the only way it could – through your subconscious mind during sleep."

"My mind calls out to him?"


"So," Jane said sitting down in her own brain. "I have a bond with Spock that neither of us asked for, is considered a myth by actual Vulcans and it wants us to share our souls and memories?"

"Simplistically put, but yes."

"I need to get out of here."

"Of course." T'Pess pulled away from Jane's mind and Jane ran her hands over her face.

"What did you discover?" Spock asked.

"The same as we discovered in your mind. Your katras are bonded. The bond is thin, but very strong and they call to one another. You have a Katra Bond."

"They are myth."

"I have been into your minds, you are bonded. Your katras reached for one another and were able to share your memories. What would you call it, Spock?"

"Katra Bonds exist only in pre-reform poetry."

"And I would invite you to visit any Vulcan healer and tell them what you have told me. They would agree with me."

"Could the bond be broken?"

"Bonds can be broken?" Jane cut in. She hadn't needed to be involved in their conversation as she tried to work out how she felt about everything she had been told. It was the same one she and T'Pess had had in her mind but this she needed to know.

"It is strong. It would take a great healer and time to sever though I could not guarantee it would not do you, Spock, harm."

"So we might be able to break it?" Jane asked.

"You do not understand," T'Pess said. "The bond you share is sacred. To severe it would be a loss to both of you."

"Except we did not choose this," Jane pointed out.

"And yet you were attracted to him from the moment you saw him, even before the bond. Should you not perhaps give this time?"

Jane looked at Spock and then back to T'Pess. "Of course I was attracted to him, have you seen him? But what you are talking about is permanent."


"We do not need to bond further," Spock said. "I know of its existence now and, if you wish it to be so, I will block the connection."

T'Pess shook her head at them both.

"Will that injure either of us?" Jane asked.

"No," Spock said. "Though I believe that T'Pess is correct. We have very compatible katras and spending time together may alleviate some of your fears."

"It won't make it stronger?"

"Only if I open the connection or we were to meld," Spock said.

"Should you enter into a meld," T'Pess said. "Should you go through your time, Spock, or choose to complete the marriage bond it would be impossible to sever."

"I understand," Spock said.

"That is permanent," Jane said. "I don't do well with permanent."

"I know," Spock said. "I shall keep the bond closed."

"Thank you." Jane said and felt that old claustrophobic need for air. She had never minded tight spaces but things like this made her itchy. "I want to leave if we do not need to do anything else."

"We do not," Spock said. "I thank you, Healer T'Pess, for your time."

"You are welcome," T'Pess said. "I am available should either of you have questions or require assistance."

"Thank you," Jane said, standing up.

Spock followed her as they left the Vulcan healer and Spock walked Jane back to her accommodation.

"I just need a couple of days," Jane said. "I don't know what to think at the moment."

"Take all the time you require," Spock said. "If you have any questions please contact me. I shall forward you the contact information for Healer T'Pess in case you require it."

"Thanks," Jane said before she left him to enter her apartment building.

/ \ / \ / \ / \

Spock walked back to his apartment slowly, ensuring that the thin chain to Jane in his mind was securely behind a wall.

/ / / Getting To Know You \ \ \

"Spock," Jane said two days later in the commissary. "May I join you?"

"Of course."

"Thanks," Jane said with a smile. "I don't know about this whole permanent mental bond, but everything I know about you makes me want to know more."

"You know almost everything there is to know."

"I feel like I cheated to get that information, though," Jane admitted.

"You did not."

Jane smiled. "I would like to get to know you better."

"I believe you play chess."

"I do," Jane said. "Though I wonder if either of us can win when we know how the other was taught."

"I shall endeavour to not use the information against you."

"Thank you," Jane said after a loud laugh. "I have a roommate, could we meet in your rooms?"

"Of course." Spock said. "I have been given lodgings in the visiting lecturer accommodation building. Room 602. 1900 hours?"

"Sounds good," Jane stood up. "Sorry, I have to be getting to my next class."

"Of course."

/ / / Chess \ \ \

Chess became a weekly ritual. They would meet and discuss their lives. Jane suggested the discussion. Spock could see little logic in sharing what she already knew, however, she was not as comfortable with telepathy as he was and needed this tangible conversation. He could understand that.

Spock found her illogical use of tactics in chess confusing. He beat her more than she won, however she never employed tactics when they would be logical. It was both interesting and confusing.

Spock told Jane about his mother. He told her about his pet sehlat and he told her about his time on the Prometheus. He did not speak about his father or his time as a child at school.

Jane told him about her brother. She told him about her time moving around America after she graduated high school. She did not mention her parents or the rest of her childhood.

A month after they were informed of the bond Jane insisted he accompany her to the Chess Club. As he was neither faculty nor student he did not feel it was appropriate to attend, however Jane was insistent.

Spock had not expected to see Dr McCoy at a chess club meeting.

"Jane," McCoy said. "Spock."

"Hey, Bones," Jane said smiling up at the frowning doctor. "You owe me five dollars."


"Because I bet her she couldn't get you to come to a meeting," Bones grumbled as he handed the money over. "To be honest, I just didn't think the two of you were friends."

"We are," Jane said before Spock could comment. He did not amend her statement. He was satisfied with her friendship. She was different from him in many ways, but the more time he spent with her the more he found himself wanting to spend even more time with her. He knew it was not the bond causing him to desire her. He knew she worried that it was.

For the first time since Leila Kalomi, Spock wondered if perhaps he would be suited to a bond with a human. But only this human. Only Jane Kirk.

Spock pushed the thoughts away. She did not want anything but his friendship and it was illogical to want something one could not have. He would wait for her to make a decision about the bond and he would honour her decision. Until then, he would be her friend.

/ / / Tarsus IV \ \ \

Spock was alerted to the breach to his personal quarters three minutes and thirty six seconds before the end of the lecture he was giving on quantum mechanics to a group of first year students as a favour to his own lecturer from his time at the academy, Professor Carter. He completed his lecture and left the hall without waiting for the questions that were customary. He instead asked anyone interested to forward him an email to which he would respond.

He made it back to his apartment eleven minutes exactly after he had been notified and instead of an intruder found Jane Kirk asleep on his bed, her sock-covered feet still on the floor. Spock watched her for a moment before he walked over and touched her cheek. Overwhelming tiredness floated to him without needing to enter her mind, so he settled her comfortably on his bed. His room was warmer than any other on campus so he refrained from covering her with a blanket. He left her in his bedroom and went into the living room where his personal terminal was located. He composed a quick message to Professor Carter to inform her of his need to leave the lecture without waiting for questions.

Six hours after he returned to his apartment, Jane was still asleep in his bedroom. Spock checked on her and found no change. He knew she should have woken by now. He would have melded with her to ensure that she was not injured in some way but Jane was still unsure if she even wanted to keep the bond they had. A meld would only make their bond stronger than it already was. Spock accessed his terminal and placed a call to Dr McCoy. Ten minutes and thirty-eight seconds later the doctor knocked on his door and stepped inside.

"What the hell happened?"

"I am unsure, Doctor. I received a message that someone had gained illegal access to my quarters and when I returned she was asleep. I could sense tiredness from her but six hours, ten minutes and fifty-nine seconds have passed since then and she has not moved."

The doctor went into the bedroom and began scanning Jane.

"She's asleep," Dr McCoy said. "Not a surprise, she's barely been sleeping this last week. She won't tell me why, but she's been existing on coffee and pancakes for a couple of days and I keep finding her in the library in the middle of the night. I can get a medical trolley brought here and I'll take her back to her room.

Spock shook his head. "Jane came to my quarters for a reason. If she is sleeping then she is welcome to do so here and when she wakes I can ascertain why she is here."

McCoy nodded. "Send me a message every four hours. If she isn't awake in the morning I will come back."

Spock nodded. "I appreciate your assistance, Doctor."

"I'm leaving behind a couple of hypos. This one has vitamin and mineral supplements and this one has an immunity booster with hydration enhancers. Try and get her to eat when she wakes up."

"I shall endeavour to ensure she is correctly looked after."

McCoy hesitated, watching Jane.

"I shall ensure she is safe and well looked after. I would allow no harm to come to her."

McCoy looked at Spock warily but then nodded. "I believe that."

Thirteen hours and forty-three minutes after Spock received notification that someone had entered his room illegally, Jane woke up. Spock was meditating, but the subtle changes in her breathing were enough to pull him from his meditations.

"Spock?" Jane said, her voice sounding sleepy and hoarse.

"Jane." Spock rose from his position on the floor and obtained a glass of water before presenting it to her. She took a slow sip while he continued to speak. "You have been asleep."

"I'm sorry," she said, sitting up.

Spock held up his hand to stop her from continuing. "You have no reason to apologise. Dr McCoy said that you had not been sleeping. I am pleased you were able to remedy that situation."

Jane moved back against the headboard. "Aren't you going to ask me why I am here?"

"I believe you will tell me when you are ready."

"I got an assignment on Monday," Jane said.

"That was five days ago."

"I haven't slept since," Jane said quietly. "The assignment was asking me to explain in detail what I would do on Tarsus IV in a number of situations."

"I completed that assignment myself," Spock said. "However, you were actually on Tarsus IV."

"I haven't told anyone about the fact I was there and I haven't been able to write the assignment, but the nightmares are back. You already know about it."

Spock nodded. "Would you like to discuss your time there?"

"No," Jane said. "Could I…could I write it here? I just wanted someone who knew and…I'm glad it was you."

"You are welcome to stay for as long as you require."

"I hate the way people look at me," Jane said. "When they find out I was there. I know you saw it all in the dream, but I hate having to tell people about it."

"We do not need to discuss it if you do not want to."

"I don't know if I do or don't," Jane admitted. "Every time I try to start writing, I think about Tommy or Kevin and the terror. The stupidest thing is that the most terrifying parts are not even in the books about it. They don't mention Kodos' special children. He thought he could use us to create a perfect breed of humans."

"I remember," Spock said.

Some of the tension left Jane's shoulders. "I love that you don't feel sorry for me."

"I cannot change what happened to you, however, I…do not…"

"Thank you," Jane said smiling at him gently.

"I was instructed," Spock said, changing the topic. "To feed you when you awoke. Do you believe you could eat?"

Jane's stomach rumbled.

"I had planned to make myself a vegetable stir-fry," Spock said. "It should not take me long to cook. Would you like something to eat in the meantime?"

"Don't supposed you have any biscuits?"

"I do," Spock said and went to his cupboard. He handed her a packet of biscuits and then picked up the two hyposprays. "Doctor McCoy left these for you."

"Course he did," Jane said and twisted her neck. "Do it quickly, please."

Spock placed the first against her neck and squeezed to release the medication. Jane let out a hiss. Spock repeated the process and when he was done Jane rubbed at the spot.

"I apologise for the discomfort caused."

"You know," Jane said. "That didn't hurt as badly as it does when Bones does it."

"I shall take that as a compliment," Spock said. He turned to his drawers and pulled out some sleep pants and an old academy top. "Should you wish to shower, feel free. You may use these clothes."

Jane stood up and carried the box of biscuits with her. "I will. Thank you."

Spock directed her to his bathroom and turned to begin preparing their meal. Jane took longer in the shower than Spock expected, and she used the water feature. He could only assume she found the shower a therapeutic place.

She walked out and the scent of Spock's own shampoo and soap rushed out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. He knew she would smell of him and it took him a moment to control the possessive tug that knowledge gave him. It was not as good as it would be if she were to be covered in his actual scent, but for now it tugged at the barrier behind which their bond was locked.

"Thank you," Jane said coming into the kitchen. "That was exactly what I needed."

"You're welcome. If you require anything else, simply ask."

Jane watched him as he mixed a sauce for the stir-fry.

"You do know," Jane said leaning against one of his cupboards. "Why the idea of this bond terrifies me."

"You do not believe that anything is permanent," Spock replied.

"Nothing is. Everyone leaves eventually."

"That is not the Vulcan way," Spock said and stirred the cooking vegetables in front of him. "If we were to bond, it would be permanent."

"Until you grew sick of me, until you realised I'm not worth it."

"I know everything," Spock reminded her. "I know you are worth more than you believe you are."

Jane stared at him.

"You have not been treated as you should have been, Jane. I am not those people. I would not treat you that way."

"So you want the bond?"

"I will wait for you to make a decision about what you want."

"But what do you want?"

Spock turned the heat down under the pan and looked at Jane, giving her his full attention. "I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you even better than I already do."

"Is that the bond talking?"

"The bond is locked behind a wall."

"But it has a mind of its own. It shared our memories."

"It has no power over us," Spock said. "I know your past. I would be honoured to know your future as well."

Jane took a step back from him. Spock nodded once and turned back to the food.

"I shall wait for you to make a decision."

"If it were not for the bond I would have done something stupid by now."

"If it were not for the bond you would know whatever you wish to do is not stupid."

"Can I put on some music?"

"Of course, my player is on the wall."

Spock watched her retreat. She flicked through his music discs until she settled on one she was happy with and Spock was surprised when the music began to play.

"This is my mother's favourite music."

"I know," Jane said. She did not come back into the kitchen but found a seat and watched him instead. "Your mother is bonded to a Vulcan."


"How inappropriate would it be for me to ask to speak to her about all of this?"

"Not inappropriate at all." Spock quickly calculated the time on Vulcan. "There will be time to contact her when we have finished eating."

"You don't have to rush," Jane said.

"It is early for my weekly communication, however my mother will not be inconvenienced."

"Right," Jane said with a smile. "You call her every week."

"She appreciates knowing about my life."

Jane smiled. "That must be nice."

"It is…" Spock thought of what he knew of Jane's mother. "She will be inclined towards motherly affection for you."

Jane picked up the book on Spock's table. "I love paper books."

"As do I," Spock said. "I have more. I shall show them to you. But for now, it is time to eat."

Jane stood and came over to the table. "I should have offered to help."

"Sit and enjoy," Spock said, sitting across from her. "My mother would say you are a guest and, as such, you should not help."

Jane smiled. "It smells amazing."

When they had eaten and Spock had tidied away the dishes, he pulled up the information to contact his mother. A standard message appeared instead of the Vulcan subspace telecommunications image.

"There must be interference," Jane said over Spock's shoulder.

"Yes." Spock shut down the connection. "When it is repaired, I shall contact her. I am sure she would be more than willing to help you in any way she can."

Jane smiled. "I like her."

"As she will like you."

"May I use your terminal to work on my assignment? I want to get out of your hair as quickly as I can."

"You may use the terminal, but do not feel that you must rush."

Jane smiled at him and went to the terminal to pull up her assignment. She stared at the words for a long time before she began to write.

My name is Jane Kirk, and I was on Tarsus IV. The following is an accurate account of what I did when faced with the following situations.

When my family was murdered in front of me but I was spared, I took the people weaker than me and we hid.

When there was no food, I killed rats or stole from the guards and shared the most with the youngest.

When faced with Governor Kodos, I fought even though I was starved and weak.

When his men came for us, we hid.

When the Federation finally came, I went home and tried to forget.

I survived Tarsus IV.

"That's all she's getting," Jane said, sitting back.

"You have been sitting there for twenty-eight minutes. What was the requested word count?"

"Seven hundred and fifty words per scenario. I wrote a hundred and three and I dare her to fail me."

Spock knew her stance was illogical and yet he did not argue with her. "Chess?"


/ / / Amanda's Help \ \ \

"Spock, what a welcome surprise," Amanda said when she had finished greeting him. "It's later than you normally call."

"It is," Spock agreed. "There was a problem with interspace communication on Earth."

"Why are you whispering?" He noted that his mother's voice had dropped in volume to match his.

"There is something about which I must inform you."

"Go ahead," she said and Spock could hear the note of worry in her tone.

"On the day that I was exposed to the gas caused by the chemical fire in the laboratory, I was assisted in rescuing some occupants of the lab by a woman named Jane Kirk. While under the effects of the drug, she touched me. At this time we formed a bond. The dreams I mentioned to you were a manifestation of this bond. Over a month ago at a chance meeting, we touched again during an earthquake and I was made aware of the connection we shared. It was confirmed by Healer T'Penn, who classified the bond as being a Katra Bond." Spock's father stepped into the viewer behind his mother and Spock inclined his head in greeting without pausing in his story. "Jane asked that the bond be blocked and we have been…I believe you call it, getting to know one another. This evening she asked if you, Mother, would be willing to discuss your own experiences of being a human in a Vulcan bond."

"Of course," his mother said immediately. "You love her."

"I find her fascinating and wish to explore our bond further."

"Spock," Amanda started and then shook her head. "I would be most pleased to talk to her whenever it suits her."

"She is presently asleep after an emotionally traumatic day and I wished to ascertain your agreement."

"I can't wait to meet her," Amanda said.

"T'Penn was certain of the Katra Bond?" Sarek asked.

"She was. She melded with us both and ascertained that the dreams I was having were actually memories shared by our subconscious minds during sleep to develop the bond."

"An unusual bond communication."

"At the time of our bonding we did not know one another. T'Penn assured me that our katras are exceptionally well suited and warned that the process of breaking the bond could be difficult."

"How are you?" His mother asked slipping into a break in conversation. "About the bond?"

"I have found it to be an effective method of learning much about Jane's past and personality. I believe us to be as compatible as T'Penn stated, however Jane is wary of such a sudden bond. Jane is quite different from me in many areas, however there are just as many areas of commonality."

"No, Spock," his mother said. "How do you feel about being bonded to her? Would you like to keep the bond or have it severed?"

Spock paused for a moment to plan his response. "Jane is hesitant to allow the bond to grow and I am leaving the decision up to her."

He could see the little line of frustration she got between her eyebrows when he was being 'overly Vulcan'. "I am your mother and I do not wish to know what she wants, I want to know what you would do."

"I would open the bond between us and work to strengthen it."

"Thank you," Amanda said. "I will be on the next transport to Earth."

"There is no need."

Amanda rolled her eyes. It was an action he had only seen a few times in his childhood, but it meant she thought Vulcans all very ridiculous.

"I will be there as soon as I can."

Spock opened his mouth to speak, however she cut off the communication, without goodbyes, before he could. Very unusual.

Spock turned around to find Jane still curled up at one end of his couch. It could not be a comfortable position in which to sleep. Spock walked over while he closed himself off completely and lifted her into his arms. The walk to his bed was short and he deposited her onto the mattress. She turned into his retreating arms and then settled again.

Spock set himself to his meditation while she slept. As with last time, her presence was, surprisingly, not a hindrance to his meditations. His breathing matched hers as he slipped into his own mind.

Jane left the following morning. However, she did so more relaxed in Spock's presence than she had been before.

/ / / Amanda's Visit \ \ \

A week after their communication, Spock's mother arrived.

"Spock," she said with a broad smile when he met her at the transportation site. She touched her fingers to his cheek in greeting. "I have missed you."

"We spoke a week ago."

"It's not the same."

Amanda threaded her arm through her son's as soon as he had taken her bag from her.

"When can I meet your Jane?"

"I do not own her. I have asked her to join us at my accommodation for dinner tonight."

"That sounds good. Do you have to return to your work?"

"I do not."

"Then we can drop my bag at the hotel and you can show me around San Francisco."

"We have been here together before."

"But you didn't have a possible bondmate to tell me about then."

"That is not entirely truthful. I had T'Pring."

"I know," Amanda said with a sigh. "I cannot say I am sorry that she will not be my daughter-in-law."

"Jane has not consented to allowing the bond to develop to that point."

"Yes, but how could she resist you?" His mother asked, smiling. She always smiled more when she was on Earth, more than she did within their home.

"I am confident it would not be difficult to resist me if she were to choose to. She has an exceptionally strong mind."

"That's not my point, ashal-veh."

"I am aware, Mother. Would you enjoy a walk around the bay? We can visit the tea store you like."

"That sounds delightful, Spock."

/ / / Jane Meets Amanda \ \ \

"Mother," Spock said, watching his mother as she brushed her hair.

Amanda turned to look at her son and burst into laughter. "Do not worry, Spock. I shall be on my very best behaviour."

"Would you like me to prepare shur t'bertakk for our meal along with the vegetarian parcels?"

Amanda smirked at him. "That sounds very nice. Will you be preparing it as I do?"

"I have a taste for your variations on traditional Vulcan dishes."

His mother smiled at him and the doorbell rang. Spock looked at the door. "Jane is early."

"Are you not going to get the door?"

"It is unusual," Spock said and then walked to the door to find Jane standing on the other side.

"I'm sorry, I know I'm early but I could not sit there any longer."

"As you know you are welcome to visit at any time," Spock said and stood to the side. "Please enter and I shall introduce you to my mother."

"She's here already?"

"I arrived this afternoon," Spock's mother said coming to stand next to him. "It is lovely to meet you, Jane."

"Hello," Jane smiled at Spock's mother.

/ J \ / a \ / n \ / e \

Spock's mother smiled at her and Jane could tell it was genuine. It looked nothing like the smile her own mother would have worn at a meeting like this one.

"Jane," Spock said and turned to his mother. "This is my mother, Amanda Grayson."

"Hello, Amanda."

"Come in," Spock said. "I am just about to begin cooking our meal."

"And you and I can sit and talk," Amanda said, catching Jane's hand in a light squeeze.

Jane nodded and followed the older woman over to the chairs. In her dreams, Winona Kirk had been overlaid on everything Amanda did. The strange part being that Jane's own mother was never as loving nor as affectionate as the Winona in the dreams had been. For a woman who had rarely touched her son in public, or in private, Amanda was the most affectionate mother that Jane had ever seen. It felt strange to know her and to be a stranger to her. With Spock the intimate knowledge was shared, but with Amanda Jane knew things that the older woman did not.

"My son informed me you wish to know more about the bonding between a human and a Vulcan."

"Yes," Jane said, unable to look Amanda in the eye.

"Is something wrong?"

"Did he tell you about the dreams?"

"He did. In fact, I know quite a lot about them. I hope that does not make you uncomfortable."

"No, the best dreams always involved you," Jane said. "You always looked like my own mother, but you never acted as she did."

"I do not know if I should hope that she was a better mother than I was or not."

Jane looked towards the kitchen. "I think I need some water, would you like some?"

"That would be most welcome," Amanda said and her eyes were so warm that Jane could not even look at them.

Spock turned when she entered the kitchen. "Do you require something?"

"Water, please." Jane looked at the perfect cubes of vegetable and the parts that had been on the ends, around the edges, that were misshapen. Something about it seemed so fitting right now. She turned away and looked at him. His face was soft, or it appeared soft. She could never tell if the way she was reading him was correct or not. He often wore the same Vulcan expression, but she swore she could see minor changes that told her what he was thinking.

"For my mother as well?"


Spock collected two glasses from one of the high cupboards and filled them. Jane knew she had feelings for him and she definitely wanted him, but she knew there was no such thing as forever and no bond would change that. The bond may just make everything worse. Then she would miss having him in her head as well as everywhere else.

Spock handed her the two glasses. "Do you require anything else?"

"No, thanks."

Jane turned and went back into the living room. She handed Amanda her glass and sat again.

"I am sorry if I said anything wrong."

"You didn't," Jane assured her.

"What would you like to talk about?"

"What has Spock told you?"

"When he was having the dreams and did not know what they were, he contacted me. I asked him to write them down so that we could try and work out why he was dreaming. T'Pess is often on Earth, but was not at that time. I read some of what he sent me but then he contacted me to tell me the dreams had stopped. He did not inform me, or his father, of the bond until last week."

"And you hopped straight on a transport."

"I wanted to meet you. His father is less curious than I and has a number of responsibilities. I left him on Vulcan and came here to meet you and because I miss Spock. I have not seen him in over a year."

"I haven't seen my mother in nine years."

"She must miss you."

Jane scoffed. "I don't think so."

Amanda looked at her with sad eyes. "I am sorry for her; everything I have learned about you tells me it is her loss."

"I have my brother and we talk fairly regularly."

"I was not able to provide Spock with a sibling."

"He has Sybok."

"He does, however they are very far apart in age and Spock is still separated from him due to his mixed parentage. I know it has been difficult for him."

Jane thought about the dreams she'd had of being bullied, of being picked apart methodically with words. Jane herself had been bullied a little by her peers and extensively by Frank. Yet that felt different from the words of Vulcan children who used logic to bully. She knew it had been difficult for Spock as well, but he had always felt loved and protected by his mother and that had given him strength to ignore the bullies. Except when they chose to use her against him. Jane had woken up that morning with aching knuckles and a righteous smile on her face.

Jane smiled at her. "He loves you very much."

"I know," Amanda said.

"It's not my place, but I've been in his head and I just thought you should know that he says it every time you do. He's just got that stick up his arse and can't seem to open his mouth."

Amanda laughed, causing Spock to step out of the kitchen section of his apartment and stare at them.

"It's nothing, Spock," Jane assured him.

"I have always known how he felt." Amanda paused to look at the doorway Spock had left through. "One thing you should get used to about Vulcans: they do not know how much repression is good for them."

Jane looked at Amanda questioningly.

"They repress because they feel too much, too strongly, however, they have never found a balance. At least few of the Vulcans I know have. With Spock, you will need to see what he does as much as you will need to listen to what he is not quite saying."

"I don't know what I am going to do."

"If there were no bond, would you be dating my son?"

"Would he be dating me?" Jane asked. "He never dates anyone. Uhura threw herself at him, and she makes a lot more sense than I do. He brushed her off."

"I have seen the way he looks at you."

"But that's just the bond."

"That is not how a bond works."

"But ours is weird, isn't it? It made us share our memories."

"A bond is there to strengthen the relationship between two Vulcans. It is there to meet their telepathic needs."

"What does it do for a human?"

"It allows me to see the parts of my husband that he chooses not to show anyone but me."

"And what if he changes his mind and finds someone more compatible?"

"That is not how Vulcans are. They are steadfast and the bond is such that it allows the two bondmates to grow together as well as growing as people."

"If you could go back, would you make the same decisions?" Jane paused and shook her head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."

"There are difficulties, as there are for any relationship, however I would not give Sarek or Spock up for a chance to live on Earth again. Or for the chance to live a more…familiar life."

"What would you do in my situation?" Jane asked after sitting silently for a few long minutes.

Amanda laughed. "I am biased. I know what my son wants and I want that for him."

Jane thought about asking what Spock wanted but she already knew the answer.

"Do you eat meat?" Amanda asked suddenly.

"I do."

"Excellent, tomorrow I shall take you out for a meal with meat in it and we can talk some more. For now, I believe dinner is almost ready."

"It is," Spock said appearing at the door. "If both of you are."

"We are," Jane said standing up.

The rest of the evening was spent with Amanda sharing stories from Vulcan and Spock's childhood. Jane enjoyed hearing her perspective.

/ / / Meal \ \ \ / J \ / a \ / n \ / e \

Amanda called Jane early the next morning.

"I hope I am not waking you."

"No, no," Jane said, running her fingers through her hair as she lied.

Amanda laughed. "I apologise, Vulcans are early risers and I have picked up the trait over the years."

"It's not a problem. I just normally sleep in on Sundays."

"I was calling to see if you were available to join me for lunch. A friend told me about a lovely restaurant overlooking the bay and they were able to fit me in. I will call Spock if you are not able to come."

"No," Jane said, closing her eyes for a second to think about what she needed to do that day. "I can come, what time?"

"Half past eleven, at Obsidian Rocks."

"I've heard about that place," Jane said. "It's impossible to get a table."

"I am the wife of a Vulcan diplomat," Amanda said with a smile in her voice. "And I am not afraid of using that position occasionally."

Jane laughed. "I'll see you then."


Jane spent more time getting ready than she would like to admit. She washed her hair and bribed Gaila into doing it for her. The Orion negotiated a heavy price for the early morning wake up and the hair styling, but Jane wanted to make a good impression and she had never in her life been somewhere like Obsidian Rocks. As soon as Uhura heard where she was going, the linguist joined in on the makeover and before Jane knew it she was dressed in a dress (one of the few she had ever worn) and looked better than she had possibly ever looked. She had done all of this herself yesterday; something about being in Spock's apartment had made her feel less anxious about that meeting. This time, alone, in a restaurant, Amanda would not have to censor herself for her son's sake.

"You're going to wow his mum," Galia said.

"Who's mum?" Uhura asked with her head buried in a drawer.

"Spock's," Gaila said. "She's going to lunch with Spock's mum."

Uhura turned her dark eyes onto Jane and quirked an eyebrow. "Really?"


"Good luck."


"Really," Uhura said and wound a vibrant blue scarf around Jane's neck. "Now, go."

Jane arrived at the restaurant early to ensure she wasn't late and found Amanda stepping out of a taxi.

"Excellent timing," Amanda said, walking them both into the restaurant.

The restaurant was even more opulent than Jane was expecting. She tried not to be obvious as she looked around attempting to take it all in.

"I heard they make excellent food," Amanda whispered into her ear. "Or I would have gone down to Fisherman's Wharf and had a burger…I might do that for dinner."

"Kel'niko's?" Jane asked.

"You know it?"

Jane let out a quiet moan. "I love that place."

"Next time," Amanda said and Jane relaxed next to her.

"May I help you?" The maître-de asked.

"Booking under Grayson for two," Amanda said with a smile.

"Of course, please follow me."

"Wow," Jane said when they walked into the actual dining room. The walls were all glass and afforded every part of the room a view down onto the bay and, in the distance, the Bay Bridge.

"Yes," Amanda said and they were led all the way through the restaurant to a table by the window.

Once Jane and Amanda were sitting Amanda smiled at her.

"I have never been here before, but it is quite impressive," Amanda said with a soft smile.


"I'm going to have to have a word to my son about spoiling his girlfriend a bit more."

"Did he call me his girlfriend?"

"No," Amanda said, opening her menu. "I'm just hopeful it will only be a matter of time."

Jane couldn't resist laughing.

They ordered and then Amanda looked at Jane. "What do you wish to know about Vulcan bonding?"

"Can you explain it to me?"

"When I agreed to marry Sarek, he and I entered into a betrothal bond; it was a shallow bond. I could feel some of his emotions and when we were touching I could feel some of his thoughts. When we went to Vulcan and were bonded, we entered into a marriage bond and our minds were linked. I have very little psychic ability, however the bond allows me to feel his emotions, allows me to share his thoughts and he mine. I have learned to block him from the bond when needed and of course there are things that I do not allow to pass through the bond. Most of the time, unless thoughts or emotions are very strong, they do not get passed through the bond unless we push them. When I was pregnant with Spock, I went into labour early and Sarek was in another city on Vulcan. He felt my pain and returned to my side."

"I always got the impression Sarek and Spock have a difficult relationship."

"They do," Amanda said. "Sarek worries that Spock will share the path of Sybok and choose emotionalism due to his human heritage and Spock feels he can never do enough to please his father."

Jane stared at Amanda for a moment.

"Did you not expect me to answer?"

"I just keep remembering how reserved you were, in Spock's memories. Though that was mainly in public. I keep expecting you to be more Vulcan and I don't know why."

"I chose to live my life with a Vulcan on Vulcan. I learned how to act as one for my husband and son but I have always been human and I have never tried to hide that from my son. It has caused tension when Sarek wished to teach Spock how to be truly Vulcan but I only want my son to be whatever he wishes to be."

Jane nodded and looked down at her meal. She focussed on the chicken and thought about everything Amanda had told her.

"Spock cares for you," Amanda said quietly a few minutes later. "I am honest with you because I do not want you to think being with Spock will be like the relationships you have shared with human men."

"I don't really do relationships," Jane admitted. "I don't believe in anything being permanent."

Amanda nodded. "If you chose Spock, it will be permanent."

"I know."

"And that is what terrifies you."

Jane took a deep breath and nodded.

Amanda smiled at her. "I could think of worse people to share your life with."

Jane let out a bark of laughter and couldn't stop. "Sorry, sorry."

"Do not apologise."

"Can a bond be severed?"

"Yes, a Vulcan healer can remove a bond."

"Even a bond like the one Spock and I have?"

"I am not sure; I have not heard of that type of bond before."

"Can Sarek control you through the bond?"

Amanda smiled. "He cannot. Though perhaps he wishes he could influence me more at times."

"Do you feel that you have lost privacy? My mind is the only place where no one can…" Jane trailed off not knowing how to fit everything into one word.

"I feel that I share all of myself with my husband and he with me. It is perhaps not the relationship some would like, but it is the one I have chosen. I hide things from him and the bond and he would never invade my privacy by intruding on things I have hidden."

"But he could?"

"As all telepathic species can."

Jane nodded.

"If you are not sure about the bond, perhaps you can make a decision about Spock. I know he has the bond cut off at the moment. Would you consider giving him a chance and seeing if you are compatible before you make a decision about the bond?"

"Do you think he would be willing to keep the bond closed while we dated?"

Amanda shrugged delicately. "That is a question for Spock."

"Would you be willing to have me contact you if I have more questions?"

"Of course," Amanda said with a grin. "Whatever you decide, I would definitely like to remain in contact."


"I like you, Jane." Amanda said. "I can see why my son does too."

Jane allowed silence to claim the table while she thought and the next time Amanda spoke it had nothing to do with Spock, Vulcan or bonding.

"Have you ever been to Canada?"

"I spent some time there after high school."

"I have a brother who lives up there."

"You and Spock have spent Christmases there," Jane said.

"We have. I am going tomorrow to see him. I haven't been in two years."

The rest of their lunch was spent discussing anything but Vulcans or bonding.

/ / / Introspection \ \ \ / J \ / a \ / n \ / e \

As soon as Jane got back to her accommodation, she changed out of her dress and washed the makeup from her face. Jane changed into her running clothes, chose the loudest beat of music she could and started to run. She didn't notice the time or how far she had run until she realised she had left the buildings of the city behind. She lengthened and slowed her stride as she started running through the nature park. Jane wasn't even sure if she had been in this park before. She pulled her earphones out and listened to the birds as she wound up the hills.

There was a sign for a scenic lookout up ahead so Jane turned down the path and slowed to a jog as she made her way up the incline to the viewpoint. When she finally stopped, she sank down onto the bench and had to close her eyes as she tried to catch her breath. Her legs felt wobbly and sweat was beading down her back. Jane twisted around and slumped down onto the bench with her legs bent over the arm. She felt utterly weak now that she had stopped.

She stared up at the blue sky and thought about her father. She had never known him, but she knew people who had. Since she had come to the academy it seemed that everybody she met over the age of forty had a story to tell about her father. The ones that hurt were the ones about her mother. Winona had never been a good mother – you had to be there to be a good mother. Today had brought it all back. Amanda was nothing like Winona and yet something about the way people talked about her back then told Jane she might have been if only it wasn't for that day on the Kelvin when she lost her husband. Winona had been running ever since.

Jane had always known that love was a liability because the second you loved someone they would end up with everything they needed to hurt you.

Jane was an idiot. Somewhere between knowing that Spock loved oatmeal with sultanas and cinnamon and the way he opened his apartment to her when she knew how private he was she had fallen in love with him. She didn't want to be. She had been ignoring it but when Amanda looked at her and defended what she knew her son wanted, Jane hadn't been able to ignore it any longer.

It was a terrible idea. She knew it was a terrible idea. If she went anywhere near this bond then she was just asking for the same fate as her mother. A worse fate than her mother, because if she loved Spock like she feared she would and she shared this bond with him, when he left…and he would leave…when he left she would never survive.

Jane jumped and hit her head on the arm of the bench at the sudden vibration along her arm and the blare of drums. She grabbed her personal communicator and looked at the display – McCoy.

"Hey, Bones."

"Jane, where the heck are you? You were meant to be here an hour ago."

"Be where?" Jane asked rubbing his head.

"Gaila's birthday party."

"Oh crap," Jane said. "Is it that time already?"

"An hour ago."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Jane said as she stood up but, her legs turned to jelly and she had to sit down. "Which might be a while."

"Where are you?"

"At a lookout – Archer Overlook, but I've been running for a while and I'm having a little trouble standing."

McCoy started swearing – profusely.

"I'm sorry, Bones."


"I think I'm in love with Spock."

"I'll be there as soon as I can." Then McCoy hung up on her.

Jane rested her head on the back of the chair. McCoy made it there faster than she expected.

"I'm too damned old to be running around after you."

"No, you aren't," Jane said, resting her head on his shoulder.

"You freakin' out on me?"

"I am," Jane admitted.

"I don't know how I feel about the green-blooded hobgoblin, but I know how he feels about you. He's about as obvious as a debutante at lover's lane."

Jane laughed and looked up at McCoy. "I don't know what that means."

"It means she won't be wearing white at her wedding."

"Neither will I."

"That's for damned sure," Bones said. "You like him."


"And the bond has got you all twisted up in knots of worry and fear?"

"I wouldn't say that."

"Of course you wouldn't," Bones said. "Except I've been watchin' you hide in easy sex since we met. Plus, Gaila was giving me that smile so I want to wrap this up so I can get back to her."

"I thought you said you'd never go near someone I'd slept with."

McCoy's face darkened. "You slept with Gaila?"

"For about three months last year."

"I hate you."

Jane smiled at him. "No, you don't. Why couldn't I have just fallen in love with you?"

McCoy's face twisted. "I don't want to deal with your issues."

Jane nodded and pulled away.

"Oh, don't be like that," McCoy said pressing a hypo to her neck. "Our issues together, in one relationship, would end our friendship quick smart."

"Bones! Warn a girl!"

"It will help you walk," McCoy said. "I will deal with anything of yours I need to, but I don't want to have sex with you and you don't want to have sex with me either. You want the Vulcan."

"I don't believe in love."

"You do," McCoy said. "If you didn't, you wouldn't keep leaving me standing with Uhura at parties."

Jane shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Bones laughed. "'Course you don't."

"I don't know what to do."

"Kiss him," Bones said. "Every time I've ever loved someone, I knew when I kissed 'em."

"You're encouraging me to kiss someone?"

"I don't want you to run away from something that might be good for you because your mother was a bitch and your stepfather was a mean bastard."

"I want to get drunk."

"That's healthy," McCoy said as he stood up. "I'm not going home with an Orion so I'll bring the whiskey."

"You know Uhura thinks you're cute."

"Uhura had a crush on Spock."

"She wished me luck when I went to lunch with his mother today."

"You had lunch with his mother?"


"I'll find the Romulan Ale."

/ / / Drunk \ \ \ / J \ / a \ / n \ / e \

Jane knocked on Spock's door. When it opened she stumbled inside.

"Hi, Spock."

"You are inebriated."

"I am," Jane admitted. "I want to ask you a question."

"You smell like Romulan Ale."

"Bones brought some to the party," Jane said, smiling at Spock…who was not wearing a shirt. "You have a lovely chest."

"I shall get you some water."

"I like you." Jane sat down on the couch. "I like you, but I don't believe in forever."

"My mother informed me of that."

"Would you be willing to date me?"

"I would."

"Without the bond?"

"Do you require me to remove it or simply to continue to block it?"

"Block." Jane twisted until she was lying on the chair.

"Please drink some water."

"No," Jane stood up. "I need to go back to the party."

"I do not believe that is wise."

"I have to try and set up Bones and Uhura…they would have such pretty babies."

Jane woke up the next morning with a headache and the vague sensation she should be embarrassed about something.

/ / / Talk \ \ \

Spock waited until early afternoon before he placed a communication to Jane's accommodation.

"Hello." She had not selected the video option however her voice sounded weak.

"Good afternoon, Jane."


"Would you prefer me to contact you later this evening?"

"No, it's fine."

"I contacted you to determine if you would be interested in joining me for dinner tonight."


"We can continue the discussion we were having this morning."

There was silence on the other end of the call.

"This morning?" Jane's voice was quieter than it had been.

"When you visited me while inebriated."

"Oh, God," Jane said with a groan. "That happened?"

"It did. I aim to find out if you still wish to pursue a romantic relationship with me while I continue to block the bond."

Jane was again silent and then the video flicked on. She was wearing a worn Academy t-shirt and her hair was half out of the hairtie that had been holding it earlier in the morning. She looked tired and pale.

"I would," Jane said. "I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to ask sober."

"It is of no consequence, you have asked. Would you like to come to my accommodation tonight for a date?"

Jane smiled weakly. "Yes."

"1900 hours," Spock said. "I shall make something bland."

"Thank you."

"I would advise you to drink water and rest."

"I'm going to," Jane said. "I'll see you tonight, Spock."

"Until then."

/ / / First Date \ \ \

Spock's door chimed at 6:59pm exactly and Spock opened the door. Jane looked well rested and was no longer pale.

"Hi, Spock."

"Good evening, Jane. Please come inside."

Jane walked in and handed him a bunch of flowers. Spock raised an eyebrow at her.

"I know Vulcans enjoy these flowers. I have a friend who grows them. I thought they would be a suitable gift."

"I have no gift for you."

"I don't need one," Jane said with a smile. "It is also an apology for this morning."

"I require no apology, however, these flowers are a delicacy and I thank you for them."

Jane let out a breath of air. "I'm so pleased. I had no idea what to get you. Sulu swore that Vulcans loved these flowers."

"I shall enjoy them."


"I have prepared parmigiana; it is prepared with a Vulcan vegetable similar to eggplant, however I have used eggplant for yours."

"You didn't need to make something different for me."

"The vegetable I have used cannot be digested by humans. My mother used to prepare this dish. She introduced me to many human meals."

"You cooked with her a lot?"

"I did," Spock said. "I spent a large amount of time cooking with her as a child and still find it a suitable way of disconnecting from work. She had a habit of combining Vulcan and Earth tastes to make meals that were quite palatable."

"I've never been much of a cook."

"Then it is fortuitous that you and I met. I can cook for you."

Jane's face flushed and she looked down. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"The meal will be ready in six minutes. Would you like a drink?"


"Of course." Spock poured them each a glass of water and invited Jane to sit across from him.

"Are you sure it's okay?" Jane asked rather than drinking, though she did clutch her glass.

"I require information about what 'it' is."

"Dating me without the bond."

"I would not have agreed if it were not, as you say, 'okay'."

"But it won't hurt you to hold back the bond?"

"No," Spock said. "It shall hurt neither of us. I believe this is the most logical course of action until such time as you agree to the bond or decide you think it should be severed."

Jane sank into her chair and took a sip of her water.

"Thank you."

"No thanks are necessary," Spock said. He had been hoping for this outcome. It was the most logical course of action and with time he would be able to convince her that he would neither leave nor would he treat her as others had in the past. He would not allow anyone to treat her as they had.

/ / / Dinner \ \ \

Spock and Jane met for dinner at least once a week, depending on their schedules. Occasionally, Jane would look at Spock and he thought she was going to ask for more but she never did and Spock had decided to wait for her to make the first move. Two months and three days after their first date, Spock again invited her to his apartment for dinner.

Jane let herself into his dwelling with the code Spock had given her.

"Today," she called out. "I have carnations."

Spock walked out of his bedroom and tugged at the bottom of his shirt. "I have eaten carnations before and they have a delicate, tart taste."

"These ones are special."


"Did you ever do an experiment with carnations and coloured water?"


Jane shook her head. "Such a deprived childhood. Well, the experiment involves putting carnations in coloured water and then watching as the carnations turn the same colour as the water."

"A simple test of flora's ability to absorb water after being cut from the parent plant."

Jane smiled. "It is a very simple test, however they look very pretty at the end. The carnations I brought for you have had something similar done; only they were placed in a mixture of rosewater and mint. I have been told the taste is lovely. For a Vulcan."

"I shall inform you of their taste."

"You can have them for dessert," Jane said. "I also brought myself a cherry tart."

"Most thoughtful, thank you."

"You can have some of my cheery tart too," Jane said with a smile and tucked it into the refrigeration unit.

They had plomeek soup and a vegetable bake that his mother had adapted to suit both Vulcan and human tastes. When they were done, Spock pulled a petal off one of the flowers which was faintly green tinged and placed it on his tongue. He could taste the touches of mint and a faint rose flavour which mixed well with the tartness of a natural carnation. When Spock looked up Jane was staring at him, her eyes wide and dark.

"They are quite delicious."

"Yes." Jane took a step into the kitchen doorway.

"Would you like your cherry tart?"

"No," Jane said. "But please, have another petal."

Spock inclined his head and pulled another petal from the flower. Jane's eyes followed his movements as he lifted the petal to his mouth. Spock placed the flower petal on his tongue and watched Jane as he chewed.

Jane stepped towards him and then aborted the move and stepped back towards the door. "I'm going to leave."

"Jane, what were you about to do?"

Jane shook her head.

"Jane, it is illogical to hide the purpose of an action that has already been observed. It could, in certain beings, lead to conjecture."

"I was going to kiss you and then I remembered that Vulcan's don't kiss with their mouths. I changed my mind."

Spock stepped closer. "Do you know how Vulcans do kiss?"

Jane nodded.

Spock lifted his hand with his fore and middle finger out in a V. Jane coloured a little and then lifted her hand up to press against his, she gasped at the jolt of electricity that seemed to spark between his fingers and hers.

"I do not have my shields up," Spock explained. "That is why it feels different than normal."

"I can feel…is that how you feel?"

Spock nodded and ran his fingers down the length of hers and back as her pupils dilated.

"Without my shields, you are able to feel what I feel. If we were to bond completely, you would be able to feel what I feel at all times if you chose. I still have our bond behind a wall, though; you have no reason to worry."

"All the time?" Jane asked, swaying a little closer.

"I could help you to build shields so that you could block me when you desire."

"I'm not psychic."

"It does not matter," Spock said. "You are k'hat'n'dlawa; we can share anything we choose to."

"Is this all because of the bond? All that you feel?"

"This is my reaction to you," Spock said. "We share a Katra Bond, which would be more and deeper than any other, if you wish it. If you do not, this is still the reaction you elicit in me."

Jane felt Spock's hope through the bond. "I didn't know you felt so much…I like it."

Spock stepped forward and covered Jane's mouth with his. His fingers kept going, stroking hers and making her entire arm tingle from her fingers to the centre of her body. Jane gave against Spock until they were pressed to the wall, Jane's body trapped between Spock and the coolness of the door.

Jane accepted it all, gave into the feelings and pleasure. Then, as though Spock was able to read the decision in her mind, his hand left hers suddenly. His palms were immediately cupping her backside, lifting her up, and then they were moving. Spock didn't pull his mouth away from hers until he laid Jane out on the bed. Jane gripped his shoulders and dragged him down with her.

Spock caught himself on his elbow and hovered above her. She ran her fingers over his lips, tugging at his bottom lip. Spock could feel her reaction through their connection. He knew she liked it when he rested weight on her hips. Jane gripped the back of his neck, tugging his lips back to hers as she arched up into him. She wrapped one of her legs around his and moved against him as he slid one of his hands beneath the fabric of her shirt.

Spock felt her mind reaching for him, felt her katra reaching for him. He could now see how their bond had formed so independently. Her katra and her mind were too tempting, so he pulled his mind back from hers. He rebuilt his walls.

"Where did you go?" Jane asked tugging him closer.

"I closed our connection off again. This is still everything that you…feel." Spock said. Vulcans do not lie, but they could share only the truth that was necessary and at the moment Jane did not need to know that her katra still reached for his.

"I want it back."

"If I allow the connection to remain open during the act of copulation, the bond may strengthen."

"Right, right…and you won't listen to the requests of the woman humping your leg."

"I will," Spock said pushing his hand further up her torso. "However, you have been adamant about the bond. If you choose to open it with a clear head I would participate in the conversation. As it is, I fear that you may be compromised due to the added pleasure felt through my ability to connect us."

"Oh, God," Jane said. "You've broken me if I found that sexy."

"I have done no such thing."

Jane laughed and pulled Spock back towards her lips then paused. "I thought Vulcans did not kiss in this way?"

"Vulcans do not, however, I am not completely Vulcan and my lips are more sensitive than those of full Vulcans. I know you enjoy the act of kissing."

"I don't want you to so something you do not enjoy."

"I would not have kissed you if it were not something I was-" Jane pulled him the rest of the way down until he was kissing her and then she moved one of her hands down to grip his hand.

Spock appreciated the compromise and used his free hand to slip beneath the material of her bra to cup her breast. Through her skin, even with his shields up, he could feel the pleasure he was eliciting in her. He stroked the skin around her nipple, scraped his nail over the pebbled flesh and then retreated back to the sensitive underside of her breast. Jane pulled away from his mouth though her grip on his hand only tightened. Spock could feel bumps lift on the skin of her breast, could feel the blood rush beneath her skin. It felt as though she were pushing her every feeling and response into Spock's skin.

Jane squirmed away from him and Spock released her. She smiled at him and pulled her shirt up and off her body. Her bra joined it moments later.

"Touch me," Jane asked, though her voice demanded it as she pulled one of his fingers into her mouth.

Spock jolted into Jane's body and cupped her breast. Jane smirked around his finger as she palmed at Spock's lower back, running her fingers up his spine. Spock twisted Jane's nipple between his fingers and allowed the sensations flaring between her flesh and his fingers to increase the evidence of his arousal.

Jane let Spock's finger go. "I've heard that male Vulcan genitalia is different to a human penis."


Jane pushed his shirt further up as she rocked against him. "It feels similar."

"It shares many similarities with the human phallus. It is not the most expedient course for you to attempt to remove my shirt in this fashion."

"What would you suggest?"

"Since it is proven that watching a sexual partner remove clothing, my suggestion is that you take your hand from beneath my shirt and I shall remove my own clothing."

Jane let out a groan. "I am definitely broken if I found that arousing."

Spock raised an eyebrow at her in question.

"Half the fun is helping." Jane took both hands and began pushing Spock's shirt up, revealing the green tinted skin of his back and the black hair covering the skin of his chest. "You need to lift your arms."

Spock planted his knees and lifted off her, tightening his core muscles to allow her the freedom to pull his shirt over his head and down his arms. Jane threw the shirt away and then tugged him back down to rest against her. She wriggled beneath him, her breasts brushing against his chest providing more stimuli for his penis to begin production of ejaculate. Spock rested his weight on one of his elbows to provide the necessary leverage to cup her breast again. Jane responded by burrowing her hands below the waistband of his pants to palm his backside.

"Would you use your mouth?" Jane asked and Spock nodded once before he ducked his head down to wrap his mouth around her nipple. "Fuck, yes, harder?"

Spock increased the pressure on her nipple. One of Jane's hands left his posterior and gripped his head, her fingers sliding over the outer shell of his ear. Spock's jaw moved of its own violation in response to the stimulus on his ear and he nipped at her nipple. He pulled back from her even as she attempted to hold him in place.

"My apologies; my ears are as sensitive to stimulus as my fingertips."

"Don't apologise," Jane said. "Come back and do it again."

"I did not injure you?"

"I enjoyed it." Jane said now running a single fingertip around the shell of his ear. Spock settled more correctly into the space between her legs and began to rock into her. Jane's eyes closed and she moved her fingers more quickly.

"I believe it would now be a logical time to remove our pants."

Jane laughed and pulled him down into a quick kiss before she wriggled her hands between them to work on the button of her pants. Spock shook his head at her illogical action and pulled away from her. He stood next to the bed and undid his pants and pushed both them and his underwear down and off his body. He settled onto the bed next to her while she wriggled out of her own pants and underwear. He could concede that there was a value in her actions as his body responded to the way she bounced and moved. He held himself back from reaching out to touch her breasts again until she was naked.

She never gave him a chance. As soon as she had kicked her pants to the floor she turned on him, her eyes going directly for his phallus.

"Huh," Jane said reaching out. "That is different."

Spock looked down at his own phallus, green and enlarged. He knew it differed from that of a human. Where their shaft was smooth with a bulbous head, his was made of bulbous sections. A description he had once heard compared it to a string of beads. He had no outlying scrotum for seminal fluid production and each section of his penis was capable of producing fluid for reproduction and lubrication with the exception of his 'head', which was designed purely for the process of drawing the fluid from the sacks within his penis and ejecting it. There were lubrication glands in the slight dips between each section designed to release fluid to assist in the lubrication process. His penis, unlike that of a human, was not also designed for waste disposal. Overall, it was quite different to the human phallus while still maintaining a number of similarities.

Jane wrapped her hand around his penis. The stimulus was all he needed to become fully erect. The lubrication glands between each firm, round section of his penis released fluid in preparation. Jane collected it and began to manually stimulate him.

"I really want to know what this feels like inside of me," Jane said, shimmying down the bed until she could lick the very tip of his erection.

"Oral sex is illogical."

Jane licked her lip and smiled up at him. "You just tell me if it feels good." Jane slid her lips further down onto his penis, past the first, slightly smaller 'head' and then past another two until her lips found berth and she began to suck and lap at his flesh. Spock could not control the moan that escaped. Jane hummed her approval around his flesh and Spock bent forward to grip his headboard while she continued to work on his penis.

"I concede to your judgement," Spock said and was surprised to hear the tone of his own voice – so full of emotion.

"Good," Jane said, letting him go and moving back up the bed. "I need you to have sex with me now."

"Very well." Spock moved off of her and waited for her to position herself comfortably on the bed. "Please choose the position that is best suited to your pleasure."

Jane blinked at him for a moment and then chuckled. She pulled him into a kiss and tugged him down on top of her. "This time this will work."

"Very well."

Spock dropped his hand down to the place between her legs and slid a finger in. He sought out her clitoris, circling his finger around it. She moaned and pressed into his finger. Her pleasure was fed back into the tips of his fingers. He slid his finger further back, to the slick, smooth skin and into her vagina. He slipped his finger into her, testing her readiness for his penis. She clenched down on his finger and he pulled back and added another finger to slide back in. Her body gave to him and then she clenched again. He could feel her pleasure adding to the sensations created in his sensitive fingers. Spock pulled out and she grunted out her displeasure.

"It would be inconsiderate to attempt copulation without ascertaining whether you are suitably prepared."

Jane buried her face into his neck. "Do I get offended that you still sound like that or do I find it hot?"

"I do not know."

Jane tugged him further up her body and wrapped her legs over the back of his thighs. "Are you convinced of my preparedness?"

"I am."

"Then will you please fuck me?"

Spock nodded. He pulled a condom from his bedside drawer.

"Planning to get lucky?"

"I did anticipate that we would have sex when you decided you were ready."

"You were waiting for me?"

"I am," Spock said, checking that the condom was secure before he moved over her again. She stopped him for a kiss before she moved under him.

Spock slid into her slowly, savouring the clench around him with each passing section of his penis. The skin in the valleys of his penis was more sensitive than that which stretched with the strength of his arousal. He dropped his head to watch the pulse between her collarbones beating rapidly as her fingers clenched at his shoulder blades.

"Spock," she sounded breathless and needy. "Please."

Spock did not honour her request, continuing his slow entry into her body. Jane's fingers dug into his skin as she rocked up trying to draw him in more quickly. Spock finally slid in the last section of his penis, the largest one. Jane moaned beneath him. Spock held still for a few moments and then began moving. Jane arched into him and met him at every thrust. Jane reached up to kiss him as she twisted her arm until she was able to touch her fingers to his.

"Tell me…tell me…what you need," Jane panted out.

"You," Spock said, thrusting into her more firmly, hitting her clitoris with each movement.

"Fuck," Jane said, arching up into him.

Spock moved within her, allowing just a tiny crack in his resolve, just enough to feel her. She rushed at him and Spock closed himself off again. His mind and body wanted the connection but he could not risk taking something from her she was not ready to give, so as he moved within her he added more strength to his shields.

Jane gripped the sides of his face and brought it down until his forehead met hers. "Where are you?"


"No," Jane said on a long moan. "You disappeared."

"I am here," Spock said and focussed on her, sliding one hand between them to stimulate her clitoris. She closed her eyes and contorted her body to give him more space to work.

Spock could feel her impending orgasm through his fingertips and began to thrust more firmly as he released his control over his own orgasm. Jane twisted under him and dug her fingernails into the skin covering his shoulder blades as she moaned out his name and came, tightening around his penis. Spock continued to thrust into her as his body reached its own climax and he ejaculated into the condom covering his penis. Spock pulled from Jane's body as his penis thinned. He removed the condom from his body and placed it gently into the rubbish bin beside his bed.

Jane reached out for him and pulled him back down into the bed. She threw an arm over his abdomen.

"Do you wish to bath before you sleep?" Spock asked when four minutes had passed.

Jane laughed breathily. "As soon as I can stand."

"I shall wait for you then," Spock said tugging her body closer to him.

/ / / Together \ \ \

Eight days after the first time Spock and Jane had sex, Jane let herself into his apartment for their usual evening meal. "I have a favour to ask."

"Proceed," Spock said as she trailed the tips of her fingers over his palm and down to the tips of his own fingers. She was more willing to accept his cultural traits than he had expected. He was also more willing to kiss her in the privacy of his bedroom than he had believed he would be – it was an infinitely more pleasurable act with her than with anyone else with whom he had tried it.

"It's Bones' birthday on Friday."

Spock nodded.

"And I'm throwing him a party."

Spock looked at her. She did not normally take this long to arrive at the point.

"Would you come with me?"

"Yes. Would you like me to add the dressing to this salad?"

Jane froze for a second. "Really?"

"If I am to…date you, then I shall need to become more acquainted with your friends. Since Dr McCoy appears to be your best friend, it is logical for he and I to spend time together."

Jane smiled and kissed him in the human way. He did not mind.

/ \ / \ / \

"Hello, Spock."


"Hello, Amanda," Jane said, waving from behind him.

"Hello, Jane."

"I'm sorry to intrude. I just need a book."

"It is no intrusion," Amanda said. "Sit and tell me how you are going."

"I can't," Jane said.

"You have no other plans for this afternoon."

"Spock, it's your time to speak to your mother."

"And she asked to know how you are."

Jane rolled her eyes at Spock and looked at Amanda to find the other woman smiling. "I'll stay for a while."

Spock stood. "Have my chair."

Jane looked at Spock for a moment and he knew she was going to argue before she sighed and sat down.

"How are you, Jane?"


Amanda laughed.

/ \ / \ / \

"Hey, Jane."

Spock recognised the voice and turned to watch as…Gary Mitchell stood close to Jane. He placed his hand on her posterior and Spock realised he was making a low growling noise. Vulcans were logical beings, but beneath their logic was their emotions and Vulcans were possessive of what was theirs. Spock knew that Jane was not his. He knew that she did not yet want their bond. He knew that he had no right to be possessive and yet he also would have been justified in forcibly removing Gary's hand from her posterior.

Jane gripped the other man's wrist tightly, yanked it off of her body and turned to glare at Gary. "Keep your damned hands to yourself, Gary."

"That's not what you said last time."

Jane glared at him. "My exact words were 'I never want to see you again' or have you forgotten?"

Gary laughed and Spock watched Jane step back until her side was pressed into Spock.

"Have you met my boyfriend, Spock?"

Gary looked up at Spock. Spock allowed a small amount of anger to enter his facial expression. Gary nodded and turned. "Whatever."

"Spock," Jane said pressing closer. "Are you aware of the fact you're growling?"

"I apologise," Spock said, pulling back.

Jane rolled her eyes, grabbed his hand, and began tugging him from the establishment.

/ J \ / a \ / n \ / e \

Spock couldn't see her from where she was sitting in the very back corner of the auditorium. He was presenting a paper on one of his experiments. He was stiff and formal. He assumed everyone was there to listen to him and never deviated from the speech she had seen him writing. She loved watching him present his papers. There was something different about him standing up there in front of everyone.

He used words even she didn't know and she loved the tone and cadence of his voice. His voice always sank directly into her stomach, but now she was wallowing in it. He sounded different in this setting than he ever did when he was speaking to her.

Spock finished the talk and his eyes flicked up and caught hers. She smiled at him when she realised that her position wasn't nearly as hidden as she had thought it was. Jane waited after the speech while scientists, professors, and cadets all approached Spock to talk. Eventually, no one was left but the females, who all looked like they were more interested in Spock than they were in the cross-breeding of fish from Rigan and Mikas IX to provide more food for both planets.

Jane chose that moment to walk over to Spock. He immediately turned to her and his eyes softened the slightest amount but it was the way he often looked at her and she chose to read it as a smile.


"Hi, Spock. You were good."

"I appreciate your opinion."

"Can I take you to dinner to celebrate?"

"That is unnecessary, though, I would appreciate it."

Jane smiled and they left the lecture hall behind.

/ / / Stolen \ \ \ / J \ / a \ / n \ / e \

Jane looked up from her place spread out over Spock's chest. There was a woman standing next to the bed with long, dark brown hair twisted into an intricate ponytail which was hanging over her shoulder and, the pointed ears she recognised as being Vulcan when paired with the straight line of their eyebrows over dark eyes. She had a long nose and full lips and she looked furious.

"You took what is mine, human."

Jane jerked at the sound of her voice but then suddenly she was gone and Spock woke beneath her.

"What is wrong, ashayam?"

"Strange dream." Jane shook herself.

Spock tangled his hand into her hair. "Would you like to discuss it?"

Jane smiled down at him before dropping a kiss to the middle of his chest. "It's nothing. There was a woman standing by the bed and she told me I'd taken something of hers."

"Who was she?"

Jane shrugged and pressed herself back into Spock's side. "No idea," she yawned into his chest. "Go back to sleep."

"I have had enough sleep, I shall now meditate," Spock said.

Jane nodded and fell silent as she tried to get back to sleep. Spock stroked his hand through her hair until she relaxed against him and slowly drifted off.

Jane didn't think of the dream again until almost a week and a half later when she had another dream.

This time she was alone. Spock was in the labs to participate in the final evening of a study he had been overseeing for months with his xenobiology group. Tonight was his night to test Vulcan telepathic abilities. Her current roommate was attempting to prove that loud music assisted her in studying and Jane was about ready to kill her. Since she spent more time at Spock's than she did in her own room already, he had suggested she simply wait out the experiment in his quarters. Jane had been surprised at how little she worried about basically living with Spock. She had fallen asleep on his couch studying when she had the dream.

The same Vulcan woman walked through the door and stopped when she was staring down at Jane.

"Who are you?"

The woman glared at her. "You dare to take what is mine without discovering if he has been claimed?"

"What?" Jane felt like she should know, like this woman expected her to know.

The Vulcan reached out and wrapped her hand around Jane's throat. "You took what is mine and as a result I invoke the rite of kal'i'fee."

Jane struggled against the hold but couldn't break the greater strength of the Vulcan woman. Jane tried to scream even as she pulled her legs up and attempted to kick at the other woman.

Just as she connected, the woman disappeared and with a gasp Jane sat up and looked around the room searching for her. Jane's throat burned as she tried to catch her breath. The woman hadn't been there, she hadn't been real, and yet Jane could still feel the Vulcan's fingers around her neck as she was struggling to breathe.

The communication unit buzzed and startled Jane out of her confusion.

"An'r." Jane had to try and clear her throat, so she lifted her glass and swallowed some water before trying again. "Ans'er."

"Jane!" Spock's slightly louder than normal voice reached her and she felt like she could hear worry in his tone. "What is wrong?"

"Not'ing," Jane said, trying to shake off the dream.

"You do not sound as though you are well."

Jane took a moment to think before she answered, making sure she sounded a normal as possible. "I just woke up."

"I felt something unfamiliar when we were testing one of my telepathic abilities. I am well; therefore it could only be you or my parents."

"I didn't think we could do that yet," Jane said before she'd even had a chance to think. "I had a nightmare, how did you pick up on it?"

"I do not know. I still have the bond behind the wall and yet…It is possible the test could have weakened the wall. My apologies. Are you entirely certain you are well, Jane?" Spock asked.

"Yes. I will have a shower and go to bed properly. I am sorry to have disrupted your experiment. You don't need to worry about me or the bond, just do what you need to."

"I shall endeavour to do both."

"Really, Spock. If you need to lower your walls for the experiment I don't mind having a dream. It won't actually strengthen the bond."

"It will not."

"Okay, then. I'll see you in the morning," Jane said. "Good luck."

"The outcomes of my study do not depend on luck," Spock said and Jane laughed, which she liked to think was his reason for doing so.

"Goodnight, Spock."

"Goodnight, Jane."

Jane heard the call sign off and she collapsed back against the chair, rubbing at her neck. It was tender and it had taken everything she could to sound normal while speaking to Spock. None of it made sense, though. She had been alone.

"Computer, when did the last person enter this apartment?"

"A 1430 hours, Jane Temperance Kirk entered this apartment. No one has entered since."

Jane rubbed her face and stood to go into the bathroom. Once there, she could see the redness on her neck. She frowned at the marks even as she ran her fingers along the blotchy skin.

/ / / T'Pring \ \ \ / J \ / a \ / n \ / e \

Jane did not have another dream for a week. The next morning, her neck had been normal and she realised it was just a strange dream.

She was still at Spock's apartment when the door chimed. Jane finished the sentence of her essay and rose to open the door. On the other side was a tall woman wearing a long cloak with the hood up and over her head.


The woman raised her arms to push the hood from her head and Jane took a step back. It was the same woman from her dreams. She was taller than Jane, nearly Spock's height, with fierce brown eyes and she was looking at Jane as if she were the bug that had dared to crawl into her shower.

Jane pressed her hand down on the button that would close the door. The Vulcan woman's hand shot out and attempted to stop the closing door, but even Vulcan strength could not hold the door open in the time given.

The bell next to the door chimed again. Jane hit the button on the viewer. She could see the Vulcan. "Who are you?"

"I am T'Pring, betrothed of Spock, of the house of Surak."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You are the human who dares to steal what I already own."

Jane closed the viewer and turned to the computer. She knew Spock was in his office at the moment – a meeting with Pike. She placed the communication not expecting him to answer, but it would alert him to the fact that Jane had attempted to contact him.

"Hello," Spock said.

"Spock, isn't Chris there?"

"I am, Jane. Seemed odd you'd call during our meeting, so I told Spock to answer."

"Thanks," Jane took a deep breath and watched Spock carefully. He lifted one of his eyebrows in response and she found the movement comforting. "There is a Vulcan woman named T'Pring at the door."

Spock's eyebrows twitched and Jane knew he was surprised. "I shall return immediately."

"She's in the hallway."

Spock inclined his head and shut off the communication.

The door chime sounded again. Jane knew she shouldn't, but she had never been good with curiosity so she went back to the door and hit the button so that she could again speak to T'Pring.

"I know that you have contacted Spock," T'Pring said. "That is logical. I request entry to his dwelling."

"No," Jane said. "You tried to choke me through my mind in a dream. I'm leaving you out there until Spock gets back."

"You have stolen something that is rightfully mine. I shall kill you to reclaim it if you do not release it back to me."

Jane stared at the viewer for a moment and then shook her head. She closed off the communication and went back to the table to pack up her work and waited. T'Pring did not attempt to gain her attention again and Jane stared at the door while she waited. Ten minutes later, the door opened and Jane looked up to see Spock standing next to T'Pring. They stood there in a doorway for a moment and Jane had a chance to take in the whole image. T'Pring was slightly shorter than Spock but where his skin was pale, tinged green by his copper blood, she was darker; the green flush under her skin appeared darker than Spock's. Jane had to admit that T'Pring was stunning. She had lighter brown eyes than Spock and she was looking at Spock now, her face more open than it had been. Her hair fell down over one shoulder, pulled back and away from her face displaying the sharp points of her ears to everyone.

She looked different to how she had in his memories; there had been something sweet about her at seven, though it had been obvious that she would eventually grow into someone beautiful. In fact, Jane had never seen an ugly Vulcan.

T'Pring stepped into the apartment before Spock, as his manners dictated, and Jane stood up. She tensed in case T'Pring wanted to make good on her threat, but Spock stepped into the room quickly and moved until he was between T'Pring and Jane.

"T'nar pak sorat y'rani, T'Pring," Spock said.

"T'nar jaral, sa-kugalsu." T'Pring inclined her head.

Spock's left eyebrow rose sharply. "That greeting is no longer correct."

"Our bond stands," T'Pring said. "I have access to it or I would not have been able to warn the interloper."

Spock looked at Jane who looked straight over his shoulder. She knew she should have mentioned the second dream but, by the time she had woken up her neck no longer hurt and it had no longer seemed real.

"Your mental strength has increased since the last time we met."

"I have always had a strong mind, Spock," T'Pring stated. "It is you who have eschewed the Vulcan ways."

"I chose a path at Starfleet."

"And have brought honour to your family through your achievements. I came to Earth to evoke the rite of kal'i'fee. You belong to me, as is evidenced by the betrothal bond. I demand the challenge."

Spock turned away from T'Pring and looked at Jane. "Jane, I ask that you return to your quarters. T'Pring and I have much to discuss."

Jane looked at T'Pring over Spock's shoulder.

"I must insist," Spock said again and stooped to pick up her bag. He handed it to her and placed his hand on her lower back to move her around his body, and away from T'Pring, to the door. "I shall contact you."

"He shall not," T'Pring said. "It is logical for him to choose me."

Jane turned to look at T'Pring, who appeared completely confident. Then her eyes flicked to Spock's as the door closed and his eyes looked…apologetic. Jane gripped her bag tighter and began walking quickly towards her apartment.

/ S \ / p \ / o \ / c \ / k \

Spock waited until he could hear Jane's footsteps recede before he turned to T'Pring.

"The Vulcan elders would not give their support to your request."

"Our betrothal was decided by our families. My claim precedes hers."

"You have always sought out Stonn's company before mine."

"He is a full Vulcan."

Spock nodded. "And yet you travelled from Vulcan to Earth to ask for challenge?"

"You have proven yourself in your time in Starfleet. You have overcome the handicap of your parentage. You are now a suitable bondmate."

"And yet I am no longer your future bondmate."

"We are still bonded and I shall invoke my right to kal'i'fee. You were mine before she laid claim upon you and I shall have you again."

"I was never yours and I shall not allow you to challenge her to the death."

"Then the logical solution, if you do not want her die, is for you to break your bond with her."

"We have a Katra Bond," Spock informed T'Pring.

"Katra Bonds are myth."

"Healer T'Penn has confirmed the bond, and as such T'Pau has sanctioned the severing of our bond."

"I do not accept that!" T'Pring said with anger colouring her voice.

"And yet that is what is going to occur. I shall contact Healer T'Penn and have the bond severed while you are on Earth."

"I shall not submit myself to such an act."

Spock's computer chimed and Spock moved away from her to answer it. T'Pau appeared on the screen.

"Spock," she said. "You requested I contact you?"

"T'nar pak sorat y'rani, T'Pau." Spock lifted his hand in the formal Vulcan greeting and then moved just enough for T'Pau to see T'Pring behind him. "I apologise for the unannounced request. T'Pring has journeyed to Earth to evoke kal'i'fee."

T'Pau's eyes flicked to T'Pring. "T'Pring, you were informed of the dissolution of your koon'ul."

"I have rights. If Spock wishes to break our koon'ut'la, then I demand the rite of kal'i'fee."

"It is illogical to request a challenge when I am bonded to another," Spock said.

"But you aren't," T'Pring said, turning to him. "I felt it; you have it behind a barrier. I had to breech the barrier before I was able to access it."

"You accessed Spock's Katra Bond?" T'Pau asked and Spock could hear the notes of annoyance that made her so feared among both of his races.

"That is not the Vulcan way." Another Vulcan voice joined the conversation. T'Pau had obviously invited the head of T'Pring's clan to this conversation. Spock recognised him from their bonding ceremony.

"T'nar pak sorat y'rani, Balor," Spock said.

"T'nar jaral, Spock," Balor inclined her head. "T'Pring, I have been informed that you are disobeying my decision to grant permission for your bond with Spock to be severed."

T'Pring looked at her great-grandfather and inclined her head. "Our bond was present when Spock dishonoured us by bonding to a human."

"He and the human, Jane Kirk, have a Katra Bond," T'Pau said.

"And as such their bond supersedes yours," Balor said. "As you have been informed."

"You were given permission to select your future bondmate," T'Pau said. "Stonn has made his intention to claim you clear."

"Spock's achievements within Starfleet have increased his value as a future bondmate."

"While that is true," T'Pau said. "The fact is that his new bond is sacred and your bond is forfeit. If you do not submit yourself to a healer while on Earth you shall be subject to taflaya."

"As T'Pau, of the House of Surak, states so I, Balor, of the House of V'Las, shall carry out."

Spock turned to look at T'Pring, who stared at the screen for several long minutes.

"I shall submit myself to the Healer T'Penn," T'Pring said finally and Spock could hear a note of displeasure in her voice.

"A most logical course," T'Pau said. "Spock, live long and prosper."

"Health and long life, T'Pau. I thank thee for thou assistance."

T'Pau inclined her head and disappeared from the screen.

"T'Pring," Balor said. "I expect a communication from you in thirty Vulcan minutes from the Vulcan Embassy."

"I shall do so," T'Pring said.

Balor disappeared from Spock's screen as well.

"A most underhanded way of winning the argument," T'Pring said.

"And a most logical one, as the heads of both our houses agreed to the original bond and its dissolution."

"You have spent too much time on Earth."

"I shall spend the remainder of my time in space," Spock said. "As you shall spend it with Stonn."

T'Pring turned for the door. "Send me the time to meet the Healer. I shall not remain on this planet any longer than I need to."

Spock inclined his head. "It was illogical to have attempted to retain our bond since you do not seek out my companionship and did not when I lived on Vulcan."

"It is logical to seek out the bondmate with the best House and who has distinguished himself above others. You fulfil both of these requirements."

"A logical position before the creation of a stronger bond."

"She is human and you shall one day see that my position is more logical than yours."

"I politely disagree."

T'Pring stared at him for a moment and then turned from his accommodation without offering him even the most perfunctory farewell. Spock waited exactly five minutes before he left his own accommodations. He travelled to Jane's apartment and pressed the button for the door chime. He could hear her inside and yet she did not answer the door. She was being illogical and had probably assumed he had made a different decision to the one he had made months before when he agreed to 'date' her while she made a decision about their bond. He would contact her through the communication terminal and wait for her to contact him.

When he had not heard from her by the following morning, he contacted Dr McCoy to elicit the Doctor's assistance. If she would allow their bond to strengthen, she would no longer feel anxious about his commitment. He knew that in this she would have to come to him.

/ J \ / a \ / n \ / e \

The chime on Jane's door sounded and Jane glared at the door for a moment. The first time it had been Spock. She had not answered the door. She knew she had a communication from him, but she hadn't bothered to open it.

The door swished open and Jane started to glare at Bones, who walked in with a smirk on his face.

"I just got a damned communication from the hobgoblin requesting that I provide friendship to you. What did he do?"

"He has a fiancé."

"I'll kill him."

"They were bonded when they were seven."

"And he just forgot about it?"

"He told me," Jane admitted.

Bones sat down next to her on the bed. "Then why are you hiding in your room?"

"I am not hiding," Jane said. "I am sleeping."

Bones laughed at her. "What did he do?"

"Spock asked me to leave so that he could speak to T'Pring after she threatened to kill me."

McCoy raised an eyebrow at her. "The goddamn Vulcan let her threaten you?"

"He wasn't there when she threatened me."

Bones rubbed at his face. "Goddammit, Jane. From the start, explain what is going on."

"I had a dream and it was of T'Pring; she was using our bond to enter my mind. She was warning me off, but I thought it was just a stupid dream."

"Like you told me those dreams you were having about Spock were just dreams?"

Jane rolled her eyes. "Yeah, because I should have assumed I had a Katra Bond with a Vulcan I had met once."

"And now that you do, you should have known that those dreams were worth worrying about, dammit."

"Yeah, well, I didn't, you gonna complain or are you gonna listen?"

"Go on," Bones said and continued with a mutter about doing both.

"Then, yesterday, she appeared at Spock's door and told me she intended to kill me to get Spock back and he told me he had things to discuss with her and sent me home. He looked so apologetic when I left. It's logical though, it makes sense. If I were him, I'd want to go with the Vulcan rather than the human who is all emotional."

"He told you he was going to choose her?"

"He didn't need to," Jane said. "It's obvious, isn't it? She's Vulcan and their bond existed before ours. She is willing to bond with him and I'm still not sure. Why wouldn't he pick her?"

"Right!" McCoy said slamming his fist down onto the bed. "You have to stop being a damned fool. You love him, so go out and get him."

"T'Pring is Vulcan and they were engaged, she makes more sense than I do."

"Who cares about sense? You love him, and he loves you, even I can tell that and the man is a living android."

"He is not."

Bones smirked at her.

"So, are you going to be a little wimp, or are you going to go out and fight for what you want?"

"What if he chooses her?"

"Then he's a damned fool."

"What if he regrets it later?"

"Then he's a damned fool."

"What if-"

"What if you are the damned fool who lets him walk away?"

Jane closed her eyes and her entire face scrunched up as she thought for a minute. "Right, right, I'm going to tell him to break their bond."

"Excellent…maybe a shower first?"

Jane sniffed at her underarm and made a face. "Right."

"And I'll just clean up in here."

"Thanks, Dad."

Bones glared at her.

Jane went into the bathroom and had a long, hot shower. She gathered her courage around her while she washed her hair and she reminded herself that if Spock decided he wanted T'Pring instead, she would be fine. She was stronger than that and she would be fine and then she would go out into space and live the life she had intended. When she came out of the bathroom, Bones was sitting on her bed and reading one of her PADDs.

"You changed your mind?" He asked looking up at her.

"I'm going to go and tell Spock how I feel."

"I'm proud of you, Jane."

"Thanks, Bones." She kissed his forehead and left her apartment. Jane walked to Spock's apartment as quickly as she could and rang the chime. It didn't feel right to let herself in right now.

The door opened and Spock looked at her. He was wearing his black meditation clothes and Jane's heartbeat picked up.

"Hello, Jane."

"Say no to T'Pring," Jane said, sliding past him and into his living room.


"Say no to T'Pring. I know I have strung you along and I know I am terrified about the bond and forever, but I…I love you, so tell her to leave."

"I informed her of my plan to have Healer T'Penn break the betrothal bond while she was in San Francisco."


"I could not have the bond severed until she was present. I have made an appointment to have the bond with T'Pring severed tomorrow."

"But what if I…why would you? I don't understand. That's not logical." Jane couldn't understand why Spock would make a decision like that when she had been avoiding the bond. Why would he have faith in her? When she continued to ignore all of the evidence that told her she was in love with him, that she should trust him. She knew she was avoiding it; she wanted to feel him like she had the first time they slept together. She wanted to feel him like that all the time but it simply seemed too good to be true. She couldn't possibly have him like that and keep her independence. She couldn't have that and not want everything. She knew herself better than that and she was the type to throw herself into situations that weren't necessarily the best of ideas and they often ended up affecting her for a long time. She knew this, what was between them, would be permanent…would be for the rest of her life if the way Spock spoke, Amanda explained it was any indication. Jane found it harder and harder to deny the fact that she wanted Spock forever. She had never, ever, received what she wanted and the most time passed the more she wanted him. She wanted him more than she had ever wanted anything but why would he risk something like this on her when she was so scared of what he wanted? Especially when someone else, someone more suitable, was offering him the same thing? It would only be logical for him to choose T'Pring.

Spock smiled at her. "As my mother would tell me, love is never logical."

Jane smiled and kissed Spock before she dragged him back into the bedroom with her.

She stopped at the foot of the bed and suddenly everything she had been afraid of felt pointless and she pulled him closer. "Let me feel you."

"The bond?"

Jane took a deep breath and felt the same old fear in her stomach. "Would that be permanent?"

"Not unless we participated in the ritual that would require us to return to Vulcan. It would, however, strengthen the bond that does exist."

"Then show me everything, I want to feel you, I want to feel everything." Spock nodded. "I mean…I mean, you don't need to keep it behind a wall anymore."

"Are you sure?"

Jane smiled and pulled him into a human kiss, when she pulled away she held his hand in a Vulcan one and nodded.

Spock' mouth quirked into something that could be a smile and reached for her. Then Jane could feel him. It wasn't sudden, it wasn't overwhelming. It was like being slowly wound up in soft blanket of the same feelings that Spock already made her feel. They peeled one another's clothes off slowly and lost themselves in the warmth of one another.

The End