Although this story has both Naruto and Naruko tags on it, this does not mean both characters are in the stories. There is only one Naruto and yes, she is female.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters created and trademarked by Masashi Kishimoto in the Naruto universe. They belong to their respected owners. I am not making any money off of this story. I do, however, own the plot of this story and Ryoku, Mikoto, and Seiko Uchiha as well as Kasumi Hozuki. Please do not use them or any of the written work as shown below without my written permission.

Warnings: Coarse language, suggestive themes, bad parenting, sarcastic humour, genderswitch, SasuFemNaru, SuiKar

Paragraphs in italics- flash backs, lyrics/poems, dreams, and thoughts
normal- present

Enjoy :)


"Family love is messy, clinging, and often an annoying and repetitive pattern; like bad wallpaper."
– Friedrich Niestzsche

Sweeter Than Sand

.

.

The sun shone with a brilliant radiance that some may have called beautiful and heart-warming. In all honesty, the only thing the sun did for him was blind and burn, making it more trouble then what it was really worth.

Sure, there was the warm and coarse sand beneath his feet that was soothing to an extent. That is, until the sand would become just as burning or until it would invade every confine of his dignity. After all, it was such a joy to be molested by the rocks ashy remains and have to wash it out of everything because it got everywhere. The only real thing to look forward too was the gentle breeze and the melody of the waves crashing through symphonies of their own. That is, if it wasn't drowned out by all the noise.

He's always loved the 'oh-so-sweet' sound of children screeching, babies crying, parents yelling, and Suigetsu whining about Karin's nagging – which was just as annoying.

The raven sighed out deeply through his nose whilst rubbing the bridge. This was absolutely ridiculous. He shouldn't have let Naruto talk him into going to the beach in this god damn weather. Not that it was bad, per say, in fact the weather was ideal for the beach. What his problem was, was the fact that now they had to take care of four children all under the age of four in blistering heat, in a beach so crowded that you could barely move. This was a recipe for disaster.

For crying out loud, there were two infants and two toddlers! They burn easily and cause mayhem wherever they go. Especially in forty degree weather. Especially when a certain toddler amongst them was the reincarnation of the energizer bunny on crack. Nothing but bundles of 'happiness' with this situation.

He had tried to convince that stupid, blonde Dobe that the beach from her childhood would have changed over time since it obviously would not stay the same for over fifteen years. He knew it from the start. They should have picked a different location, preferably somewhere more private. But of course, she just had to be insistent, dragging Karin into the argument just because she knew that he would concede just to get them to shut up. Just like always, the Uzumaki cousins had been wrong and he had been right. (1)

Suna beach had become more of a mini-metropolis than the blonde's childhood memories of a 'family' type setting of utter peace and tranquility. Now, it was completely littered with teenagers and young adults, bimbos and jocks, drunks and drugged from the joints they were smoking in their cars. Sure, there were families, but it didn't help the situation. He cursed Naruto's easy-going personality of coping and just 'making the best of everything'. He would have been happy to stay at home, pull out the pool and read; having the option to either be outside or to stay in their air-conditioned house. It would have been so much more convenient in so many ways.

Shaking his head at Naruto and Karin's ridiculous antics while Suigetsu bummed around only irritated him further. He took another deep drag of his cigarette, eyeing the beach's occupants. He almost felt envious of the young adults his age, coming to relax, get drunk and have fun while he had a family to take care of.

Almost.

Glaring at a group of giggling girls that were eyeing him, the raven threw the butt of his cigarette to the ground, blowing out the remaining toxins from his system out through his nostrils as he walked towards their little area. The sooner this day was over the better.

Suddenly, he was greeted with his own clone running towards him with a frown on his face. Ryoku, his eldest son, had just recently turned four years old and was full of energy. He looked exactly like him, except for his eyes. They were as beautiful and breathe taking as his mother's.

"Tou-san! Mikoto won't stop crying and that made Kasumi and Seiko cry!" He whined, looking ready to explode at any moment. The elder kneeled, ruffling his son's hair before picking him up, walking towards what would be known as hell itself. (2)

"That's because they're really little and it's too hot for them."

"Then why are they outside?" the boy asked, confusion clouding his face. "That's just stupid."

"Don't let your mother hear you say that," he smirked before continuing, "your crazy mother and aunt Karin thought it'd be fun."

"Daddy it's not fun!"

"I know, I'm not having fun either."

"Then let's go home! Or in the water!"

"We'll go in the water in a minute, I promise you."

As soon as he set his son down, he rolled his eyes at the chaos around them. Although Seiko and Mikoto had stopped crying, Kasumi was proving to be just as stubborn as her parents. Karin was trying her hardest to calm the infant down while Suigetsu covered an arm over his eyes, groaning aloud as he lay on the ground.

"Karin, get her to shut the hell up!"

"Shut up you lazy asshole! You're not helping!"

Naruto sighed deeply, moving towards her cousin to help with baby Kasumi whose little face was pink from crying, her hands clenched tightly into fists.

"She's teething Karin and it's not helping that she inherited her father's teeth…"

Sasuke only shook his head in irascibility before attending to his own children. Seiko was already attempting to wreak havoc upon the innocent by running around wildly whilst wielding a shovel in his small hands. He swore to any god that Seiko had inherited his and Naruto's bad qualities. He was a vicious and possessive little brat, his egoism mixed with what he would call a superiority complex, making him feral and dangerous.

In fact, just last week when he was with Iruka, he had bitten another little boy for taking his toy.

Glancing over to where he had run off to, his eyes widened at the sight of him picking up sand with his shovel and flinging it everywhere.

The boy was a monster.

Running after the two year old, he quickly scooped him up in his arms, tightening his hold as the smaller raven squirmed in his arms.

"Down, down!" he screeched, "I want down NOW!"

"No way in HELL!" he responded gruffly, ignoring the toddler's persistent kicking in his ribs. It only tempted him further to pull out the child leash he had specifically bought for the menace. Maybe tie him to the chair so he'd actually stay in place for once, he mused to himself. Or better yet, bury him in the sand so that he would be immobile.

No, that would be worse. Seiko would throw a tantrum and cause a scene. With the huge pair of lungs had had inherited from his mother, that scene would be at the volume of a rock concert. He didn't need any more attention brought to them than usual.

Walking over to their area once again, he noticed that it was calm once more, besides the angry toddler in his arms. Naruto was applying sunscreen to Ryoku who although displeased, remained calm and talkative. Kasumi had calmed down greatly and Mikoto was fast asleep.

"Mommy help!" screeched Seiko, still squirming.

"Mommy, mommy, MOMMY!"

"Alright, alright Seiko!" the blonde grumbled, taking the boy out of his exasperated father's hands, calming him immediately.

His frown only deepened as Seiko buried himself in the blonde's arms, clutching onto her possessively. In fact, the brat had the audacity to look at him with those similar coal black eyes and smile, sticking his tongue out at him as if he had been the victor of the fight.

This was going to be one hell of a long day.


The Uchiha lay down on the warm towel, basking in the heat of the sun with large aviators covering his face. He usually wasn't a fan of 'tanning', but nonetheless the heat of the sun was making him drowsy. The sooner he fell asleep the better.

Of course he could always sneak away to their motel and sleep, possibly even catch some unsecured Wi-Fi and do something productive on his laptop, but Naruto would throw a fit and make him sleep outside. Tch, as if that would even work.

Even as horrendous as their motel for the next day was, he was starting to believe that it would be a much better option than this place. He would have preferred to be at a hotel but nooo, the blue-eyed beauty had to be stingy with the money as she saw no point in 'wasting' on a hotel when they were only staying for one night anyway. How cheap.

Suigetsu's bad mood had washed away as soon as he had gone running into the refreshing water with Ryoku hot on his heels. Naruto had joined him soon after with a now tame (for the time being) Seiko. Karin had gone to the coffee shop with Kasumi, complaining that she couldn't stay awake any longer.

He, on the other hand, had been left with Mikoto, his infant girl sleeping soundly and peacefully beside him, her small body in the shade.

He was enjoying his momentary peace…until a shadow came over him.

A very wet shadow.

He could feel her long, slick, legs rubbing against his own as she hovered above him, breathing heavily in a tone that was rough and rugged. Lowering his shades, he glared at her, before putting them back on.

"Go away. I'm sleeping."

"Come into the water with me," she whispered, her blonde mop drizzling all over him.

"I'm starting to get jealous. While I have to watch our kids, you get to lazy around on the beach by yourself like a true twenty-six year old, all these woman eyeing you like a piece of meat. They're like vultures, just waiting for the right moment to snatch you up."

It was no secret that Naruto was a possessive kind of woman and he could tell that she was seriously jealous just by the show she was putting on for him. It's not as if he were surprised. She got jealous over the most trivial of things that somehow made no sense to him, yet meant the world to her.

"If you're going to be such an ass," the blonde drawled, "when I went with Karin to the bar, this really hot guy with long black hair asked me out. You should have seen the look on his face when he saw the ring on my finger. I had to put my shirt on right away from embarrassment. He seemed like a lot more fun than you."

Of course she'd resort to making him jealous. Two could play at this game… and by playing, he meant entertaining her in order to receive a bonus for himself.

He pushed his glasses up all the way through his thick ebony hair, eyes narrowed at her frolicsome smile. Surprisingly, he wrapped an arm around her waist, drawing her closer before lacing their fingers with the other hand.

"Is that so?" he growled, a mock-shocked bite to his tone. "I bet he can't make you squirm like I can."

She cocked her head teasingly, eyes tinted with lust. "I wouldn't know, I guess I'll have to go back and find out -"

He kissed her then, their mouths going through their usual routine. Pulling away after a minute or so, he unlaced their fingers to push some stray locks of hair behind her ear, allowing for his fingers to caress her cheek.

He could have cared less that they were in public.

"At least go for a walk with me?"

"Okay," he whispered, giving her one last kiss.

She then stood up, reaching into her bag to reveal a nirvana t shirt and an elastic. Her wet hair was quickly tied into a sloppy bun at the top of her head, the shirt covering her body while Sasuke remained the same, shades over his eyes again.

She was about to pick up Mikoto gently when the infants big black eyes stared lazily at them.

"Hey there sweetheart," the blonde whispered, picking up their black-haired baby. "Did you sleep well?"

She was rubbing her face, yawning loudly before staring at both of them with wide eyes. Mikoto, when dazed or tired, wasn't much that talkative. Her brothers, on the other hand, never seemed to shut up. She suddenly made an expression that they both knew all too well… and then the smell hit them.

Not wasting any time, the blonde quickly snatched the baby bag over her shoulder and speed walked towards the rest rooms. The very same bag that he had laughed at her for having; big, bold letters stating: 'MOM IN TRAINING' that had amused him to no end. She had always had a particular endowment for dealing with children, something he had to learn – and was still learning – while she possessed the natural talent. You'd think that after having three children she wouldn't be a 'MOM IN TRAINING'. At least, he certainly hoped not.


Leaning against the bar leisurely, the tall raven smoked his poison slowly, taking occasional drags of cold beer. It felt good; swimming down his throat with a cooling sensation that made his nerves tingle. What was this… his second? Compared to Suigetsu, who was downing beer after beer. He couldn't help but wonder were the money was coming from to pay for all of this… Nonetheless, they conversed about everything and nothing, his albino friend pretending to flirt with woman and pick out the ones he'd fuck for jokes. Amused by the dangerous game he was playing, the raven shook his head, eyes landing to a group of giggling girls from across the small bar area. His obsidian orbs only darkened into a scowl.

There was one girl in particular, that was staring right at him with a look so piercing that he felt she was undressing him with her alluring jade eyes.

Her friends seemed to giggle, urging her to make a move despite his death glare being turned onto max. Hell, even Suigetsu, who was half drunk, had begun to sober up at all the attention directed at them.

"Fuck this trip man," the albino whined, chugging down the rest of his beer and lighting a cigarette as a cheap substitute. "It's way too hot outside and it's too crowded. Half the women are already staring at you."

He was always quicker to become sober, despite drinking out the whole bar at times. He glanced over again and realized that she was still looking staring at him lustfully.

She was pretty in a sense, with a petite and dainty figure, bubble-gum pink hair that was obviously dyed, and a frilly lime green bikini holding in her small breasts.

Sasuke sighed out loudly, rubbing his tattooed arm out of frustration before replying, the girl clearly not getting the hint that he wasn't interested. "They're going to stop looking as soon as they realize I'm married with kids… at least, they better…"

Suigetsu exhaled toxins with a laugh, flicking the burning ashes towards the hot sand.

"You know, some chicks find that hot – they like the extra challenge and the 'proof of commitment'. Just like – what's her face? – Ino?" The look on Sasuke's face immediately confirmed his decision as it darkened considerably.

"Proof of commitment my ass. If I'm cheating with them than that's an obvious sign in a failure of commitment."

"Does it matter?" The albino asked. "As long as they get in your pants it's an obvious achievement for them."

"Fuck woman and their twisted ideals," the ebony haired male snorted, flicking away the loose ashes before taking another inhale of poison. "Naruto's the only normal female I know."

"- And Karin's the most bitchy female I know," the albino contradicting, exhaling tendrils of smoke above him. "Sometimes I wonder why we even eloped."

"Because you think she's hot when she's bitching and you love to argue all the time just to have make-up sex. You guys are perfect for each other." The other snorted, throwing the burning butt on the ground before examining the group of girls, pushing the pink bimbo forward to make a move on him.

His frown only deepened, hating these types of women. The type that just didn't get the hint he was so obviously dropping.

Looking away in rejection, he was suddenly never so glad to see Naruto as he was now with her long blonde hair tussled wildly in its wet state, the black bikini clutching her lean and curvy figure, just slightly too small for her D's that were even more appealing in the tight black material. Her sun-kissed skin was glistening with water droplets as she had probably been swimming, those beautiful azure eyes glittering with joy as she smiled as brightly as the sun.

God he really did love her.

Especially when her ferociously jealous nature kicked in just at the right moments.

She walked right up to him, taking his glass out of his hand to take a sip of the beer herself. Obsidian locked with cerulean; he didn't even want to look away for a second.

"Aren't you the DD today?" he teased, exhaling the remains of smoke above them. (3)

"No it's your turn," she smiled coyly, taking another chug of his beer. "Guess we get to walk back to the motel today 'cause Karin wants you to order her a strawberry daiquiri Suigetsu."

"Tell that lazy bitch to get it herself," he waved, smirking knowingly as he ordered the drink anyways. "That damn woman thinks she can just make me her slave."

"Congratulations," the raven drawled, pulling the glass out of Naruto's hand to mock toast at his albino friend. "You've finally realized the purpose of married life."

"Fuck you man!" He laughed, downing the rest of his beer before picking up the drink. "I better bring it to her before she skins my ass alive… again."

Naruto only hummed in response, eyes trailing after Suigetsu before commenting lightly, "if there really is no DD today, I call dibs on Ryoku and Mikoto. You get Seiko."

He choked on his cigarette, knowing that if they didn't get Seiko to go to sleep before they left, he would have to whip out that good ol' child leash and drag a kicking and screaming animal back to their motel, possibly be battered by his own son, and then have to deal with him tormenting his siblings before he crashed at around ten.

He glared at her smirking form, tempted to throw his burning cigarette at her. "I'll take care of Seiko if you do something for me…"

"Sasuke we are not having sex in the public washrooms again, or at the motel."

"Nah, I got something cooler planned. See that girl over at the other end of the bar? Don't look right at her you moron, just glance slightly. See how she can't get her eyes off me? Well I'm getting pretty annoyed and – "

She was kissing him before he could even finish, her chest puffing up like boar as she swelled with possessiveness. In never failed to amuse him just how quickly she would be diseased with jealousy, despite knowing each other since they were infants. It started in high school, when they had a huge argument and he dated a girl named Ino for five months, both of them being too stubborn to admit that they both had been wrong. When he had broken up with Ino, the realization had finally hit him that yes, in fact, he did have feelings for his best friends.

So when they finally started going out with each other and her greedy nature came out he never really minded, knowing that his relationship with Ino is what made her so insecure in the first place. It also didn't help that her jealousy amused him to no end.

He raised his left hand to cup her face, purposefully flashing the glistening gold ring, hoping that the annoying pink haired siren would finally realize that he wasn't just interested, or 'taken'. He was totally off the market.

When she pulled away, she ogled him shamelessly, a devilish grin eating at her face as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"She still staring?"

"Oh yeah, but it's for a different reason now," he murmured in her hair line, pressing a kiss whilst letting his eyes trail to the infuriated look that the pink-haired girl was throwing him, arms crossed over her chest in outrage.

He only shot her a smile, lacing his fingers with Naruto's before pulling her out of the bar, ignoring the girl completely as they walked hand in hand towards the beach. Naruto then pulled him away from the sand and into the water's edge, letting the small waves crash against their feet. The air had a certain crispness to it that only the fresh salt of the ocean could create.

"I guess we finally got our walk," she laughed, avoiding his gaze to look out at the water.

"Yeah, but don't count on it being long. I don't trust a drunk Suigetsu and Karin to be watching over a needy Mikoto, an angry Ryoku, and a tyrannical Seiko. As much as a brat that little demon is, he's still my son and I wouldn't be too pleased if something happened to him…" he trailed off, squeezing the blonde's hand.

She kicked him in the ass, not missing a beat in their walking as he shot her a glare, kicking her right back. (4)

"He's not a demon… our mothers and Itachi spoiled him senseless. Do you know what's even more funny? Your mother said that you acted exactly the same when you were younger…"

"Tch, I did not!"

"You're right, she said you were worse! You were so possessive over her that you'd bite your old man if he tried to hold you. I always knew that Seiko was an Uchiha manifestation…" she mused, beaming at his enraged face.

"I swear to god that Seiko is your clone and I was only the surrogate mother. Hell, he doesn't look anything like me! At least Ryoku has my eyes and Mikoto has some of my facial features. Man you Uchiha really are determined to dominate all. My genes can't even get through to our kids!"

"That's so not true… Seiko has an uncanny Namikaze trouble grin and a weird obsession with frogs and is a pervert. No matter how much he looks like me, he's completely your son."

"Aww man you can't hold that against him Sasuke, I was still breast feeding him at the time…"

"Dobe, he lifted up your shirt and tried to unhook your bra."

"Takes after his father."

"Oh please, I have more tact than that."

"Are you seriously comparing yourself to a two year old?"

"No, I'm proving that our overlord son is as perverse as his mother."

"You're the pervert here Uchiha Sasuke."

"Says the woman whose grandfather was the greatest pornographic author ever, whose grandmother opened a sex toy shop, and whose mother worked at said shop in which she met your father."

"Hey! Grandma forced mom to work there and dad went in there for a stupid dare!"

"Doesn't change the fact that it happened."

"Shut the fuck up teme Yarou!" (5)

He only smirked in response, squeezing her hand teasingly as he knew he had totally won this round.

He usually did.


He had been right, as freakin' usual, when they had returned from their two minute walk. Although Karin was having a 'fabulous' time with the girls, Suigetsu and Ryoku were trying to capture a cackling Seiko who was eluding confinement for the severe crime of stealing the lazy albino's Marlboros. How did the two year old hazard manage to steal a pack of cigarettes? Well it turns out that while Suigetsu was happily explaining about sharks – his favourite animal – to Ryoku, the cunning thief had pickpocketed a grown man, managing to get the entire beach in laughing hysterics at the scene.

The most ironic thing the raven had found about the situation was that despite Seiko's inhuman ability to not only outsmart adults and defy all who opposed his dictator like status, the one ruling force that could put the brat in his place was the fury of his mother. It had only taken the azure-eyed blonde one bark of rage for the boy to run full speed towards her, tail in between his legs as he began apologizing profanely in hopes of gaining his mother's favour and escaping punishment.

Not only had his charm been shot down by the enraged woman, Seiko had gotten an ear full that had left all of them cringing from not only the volume, but the elaborate description of torture the young Uchiha would go through for his disobedience. Least assured he had not been the only one to have his ass handed to him, as the peculiar purple eyed man had gotten just plain shit from his 'darling Karin' for not just losing his cigarettes, but being a moronic dumb ass and allowing a child to find them. Oh that, as well as the red-haired Uzumaki throwing out her favourite trump card for pain: no sex for two months.

Let's just say it was enough to make the cheeky albino go down on his knees and beg for forgiveness.

In front of the kids too… jeez hadn't that been a show.

He wouldn't let that pervert live this one down.

Bringing his attention back to his surroundings, the Uchiha couldn't help but realize that while Karin was sun-bathing, Suigetsu was making a little Kasumi squeal with laughter that left her cheeks pink and mouth agape; two twin shark teeth hanging from the top of her gums.

Naruto on the other hand was building a sand castle with Mikoto and Ryoku. While she created a strong and sturdy structure, guiding the small ravenette through the process, Ryoku had painstakingly collected seashells. He placed them ever so carefully in sequences of creativity that left the tall structure glittering with beauty. He was positively glowing with happiness at his work.

Putting down his book, the eldest of the Uchiha suddenly pushed his aviators through his hair, eyes suspiciously scanning the beach, getting ready to stand as Seiko was out of sight….

He had been tied and hooked to a chair behind Naruto with the child leash, being completely immobilized. Of course he had started to cry, and thrash, and throw tantrums that at points made him wonder if he should contact an exorcist. Once again, the blonde had only proven that even the most notorious and sadistic of criminal masterminds shared the common weakness of fearing their mother.

He had stayed silent for two minutes – something he had foolishly seen as a miracle; pulling out a novel to pass the time. He should have known better that the menace had probably planned his escape with ease as no one paid any attention to him. Now he was running wild out in the open.

Cursing furiously under his breath, the man reached for his phone, planning to stand and hunt down the two year old before something terrible happened to the innocent inhabitants of the beach. Since obviously, it was just too unlikely that anyone would try to kidnap him. He'd have them screaming and crying; running in the other direction in hopes of never encountering such a nefarious child again.

Before he could even begin to stand, Ryoku screamed in outrage, "Seiko, STOP!"

Before he knew it, Seiko was stomping all over the sand castle, causing it to be destroyed in a matter of seconds as he grinned darkly, pleased with the destruction.

"FALL!" He bellowed, kicking the sand out in multiple directions.

Naruto immediately shielded Mikoto, who just kept waving her arms at her brother saying, "Sei no! No, no, no!"

Staring at his wife, he noticed the obscure expression crawling onto her face as her hair veiled a certain darkness around her; eyes narrowed dangerously as sand was plastered on her back and hair from shielding their youngest.

She was about to unleash her vehemence as Seiko stood tall and proud, smirking at everyone before Ryoku stood up, hands clenched into tight fists with his long, ebony mop of hair covering his face. He pulled his arm back and punched Seiko square in the face.

The younger was knocked to the ground, the grin completely lashed off of his face to be marred by shock, his nose bleeding and a sickly purple bruise ghosting his pale skin. His eyes trailed after his older brother's retreating form with horror, as if unable to comprehend that the other had actually hit him as hard as he had.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked to his mother, whispering "Kaa – Kaa-chan..?" as she shook the sand out of her hair, heatedly grabbing Seiko's hand as she pulled him up, grabbing him by the middle and carrying him under her arm. She began to storm off, hissing in a deadly tone. (6)

"You, Seiko Uchiha, are going to have a little chat with mommy about respect."

Seiko surprisingly didn't throw yet another paroxysm, only rubbing his bloody nose as his mother carried him off to oblivion.

Sighing out deeply, the tension broke as Suigetsu burst out laughing; cackling deeply as he clutched his stomach, a hand thrown over his eyes.

"Oh man," he wheezed. "That was fricken brilliant little man! I've never seen anyone other than Naruto put that demonic little bastard in his place! You hear me Ryo?"

With the lack of response, Suigetsu sat up, looking around to search for Ryoku. Instead of being happy with his 'victory', he was huddled by the umbrella laying down on the ground, facing the material as his hugged himself in a fetal position. Glancing at Mikoto, he was happy to see that she was mostly unaffected by the entire ordeal, digging through the sand in order to find the many glittering seashells that Ryoku had so meticulously searched for.

He was able to sit beside Ryoku, rubbing his back as hot, alligator tears spilled from those deep, azure ocean eyes. Slowly he uncurled form his miserable shell and wrapped his arms around his father's neck, clutching on tightly as he mumbled under his breath,

"I hate him sometimes."

"He gets under your skin on purpose," Sasuke replied, holding the boy tightly as he whimpered in his arms. "It's only because he's jealous of you…"

"It's 'cause he's mean daddy! He always get's what he wants!"

"He always get's what he wants because he thinks he can impress you with it."

"It doesn't work! He's just stupid and bratty!"

"Trust me Ryo," he smiled lightly, lifting the boy's chin. "I'm a little brother too, remember? I used to do anything to get your grandparents and uncle Itachi's attention. It didn't matter if it was good or bad; attention was attention."

"That's stupid daddy. Now you get too much attention…" he whispered, a frown etched into his features. He wasn't at all surprised with the comment as Ryoku was a bright child. He was beyond attentive, surprising them with his often astute observations and commentary.

"Yeah, now that I get attention I don't want the attention at all. Isn't that ironic? And the same things going to happen to Seiko. For now, however, I think that right hook was enough."

The boy nodded in response, happy to be cradled in his father's arms.

"Tou-san," he suddenly whispered. "I want to go in the water."

The elder wasted no time in standing up, throwing the younger over his shoulder as he walked calmly towards the water, letting the waves crash against his long and limber legs. As soon as the water reached up to his thighs, he threw his son, smirking down at him as he burst through the surface spluttering with wide eyes, the water reaching up to his chest. He glared up at his father, a dangerous smile gracing his lips before he began to splash the elder with all that he had.

They continued to splash at each other, Suigetsu even joining them eventually to take part in the war. It had gotten to the point where Sasuke held Ryoku beneath his arms, supporting him as he splashed at Suigetsu with his legs in retaliation to his constant tsunami bombardment.

"You kick that dumb ass real hard, Ryoku," his father spoke, dragged him backwards as their advances become futile towards Suigetsu fish like capabilities as he was mostly immune to the water attacks that only tired Ryoku out. Having actually been lost in enjoyment, the elder of the ravens looked down, smiling at his son only to realize that not only was he shivering ever so slightly, but that his lips had lost their pink shine into a bruised blue.

He abruptly pulled Ryoku up and into his arms, slowly making his way out of the water and onto the beach. The boy hadn't even complained about the unexpected end of their battle as he began to shake, wrapping his arms around himself from the cold.

He looked back to Suigetsu raising an eyebrow. "You coming?"

"Nah," he sighed, falling backwards into the water before floating on his back. "I wanna relax a bit more before the sun goes down."

He couldn't argue with that, as the wind had picked up and it was slowly becoming increasingly cooler with the sun nearing the horizons edge.

Setting Ryoku down on a towel, he mumbled 'thanks' as Karin threw a hooded towel at him that looked just like a frog. He was quick to slip it over Ryoku's head, rubbing his wet hair through the hooded material.

"It's good that you got out," Karin murmured, pulling out some tupperware. "His lips are blue."

"Yeah," the Uchiha breathed out, rubbing his sons arms through the towel material in order to warm him up. "Although I'm surprised that he isn't burning, he was on fire giving Suigetsu a run for his money."

The red-haired Uzumaki only smirked, giving Ryoku a cookie that he cheerfully accepted with a bright smile, eyes twinkling before beaming, "thank you aunt Karin!" only to proceed in nibbling on it silently.

"That lazy albino bastard deserved a good kicking anyways. You hit him hard Ryo?"

"I hit him real hard!"

"That's wonderful!" she teased, giving him another cookie. "Here's a reward for doing me a great service."

Ryoku only bit his lip slyly, taking the cookie with a quick 'thanks!' only to discreetly devour it within a few seconds much like the other.

Sasuke only leaned back against his arm, running a hand through his soaked hair, shaking it out a slightly, before realizing that Karin had easily put Mikoto and Kasumi to sleep, the two girls sleeping side by side with a towel covering them. His wife, on the other hand, was still missing.

"Yo Karin, has Naruto come back yet?"

She shook her head, slowly packing up food and towels before looking up at him,

"Haven't seen her since she left with Seiko. Can you help me take down these umbrellas?"

He rolled his eyes, standing nonetheless to fold the umbrellas down. "I hope you don't go on a rampage and kill Suigetsu with one of these…"

"How did you know?" she joked, laughing behind her hand. "I swear I was only going to drown him for a couple seconds. No more, no less."

"It wouldn't work. He's like a damn fish."

"And you know what they do with fish. Smack 'em in the head a couple of times till they go down."

Despite the morbid under text of Karin's playfulness, he couldn't help but let a grin come onto his face.

"Yeah, a couple good whacks on his head might fix something, or break something and make him worse."

"What are you talking about? Everything useful already is broken."

He couldn't help but laugh at that one, looking behind himself only to scoff at Suigetsu backstroking through the water with ease; completely detached from the rest of the world.

Low and behold, they abruptly fixated themselves upon the returning forms of Naruto and Seiko. The blonde looked annoyed, a more monotone look on her face that he rarely witnessed. She was holding Seiko's hand tightly who, much to everyone's shock and surprise, looked timid and calm with a distraught and shy look ghosting his features.

That was something new. Seiko only ever expressed three emotions: happiness, jealousy, and anger. To see him timid and shy of all things actually made him fearful of what his wife had to do to the boy to break past the egotistical track his mind never ceased to run on, despite all the punishments they give him.

He was even more surprised to see Naruto let go of his hand, crossing her arms over her chest as Seiko slowly shuffled his feet towards Ryoku, who looked absolutely bewildered with the advance.

"I'm sorwy Ryo," he spoke lowly, head bowed in shame with the honest apology.

Ryoku laid his hand on his brother's shoulder, causing the bruised face of Seiko to look up with surprise at his brother's bright smile.

"That's okay! Just don't do it again okay Sei?" the other nodded, a small and genuine smile gracing his lips before he hugged his brother tightly.

That was a sight to see as the two polar opposites embraced tightly before Ryoku pulled away to grab Seiko's hand.

"Come on Sei! Let's find some seashells for Mikoto!" the other nodded happily as they ran off to the water's edge.

"Just don't get wet!" Naruto called after them, a small approving smile gracing her tired face.

"What did you do to him?" The raven asked incredulously, eyes wide at the two playing calmly together. "Did you brain wash him?"

She only winked in response, reaching for her backpack in order to pull out a pair of shorts. "That's a secret between Seiko and myself."

He could only imagine what the blonde had done to turn their scelerat son that was cunning and deceitful into a calm little lamb. It was almost too good to be true. In fact, if he hadn't witnessed it himself, he would have down right laughed in anyone's face to even suggest that Seiko, of all people, would actually apologize properly.


He knew it had been too good to be true. Although, to be fair, he was pleasantly surprised with the improvement in Seiko's behaviour. He hadn't reverted to his night break barrage of monstrous acts as soon as the sun had gone down – which that in itself was strange.

He was, much to his distaste, throwing yet another one of his infamous tantrums and after an hour of dealing with him, his infamous patience was slowly dwindling into nothing.

All because Mikoto got to sleep with them.

"Seiko," he growled irritably, eyes narrowed in his notorious death glare that Seiko matched with of his own.

"I wanna sleep with mommy!" he screeched, face red from all the crying he's been doing. He was stomping his small feet around the motel room. He would have been scared, if he didn't appear absolutely comical in a pajama's covered form head to toe in little frogs with the most happiest of expressions. "I wanna sleep with mommy! MOMMY!"

"Look at you," he hissed in a deadly undertone that he rarely used – especially with the children. "Throwing fits like some kind of animal. If you want to act like an animal that I'll gladly treat you as one. You can sleep outside by yourself."

Seiko's stricken face turned to that of hatred, as he inhaled deeply, screaming at the top of his lungs, "MOMMY!'

The overly irritated raven had lost his last shred of tolerance as he easily covered the boys mouth with his much larger hand, eyes narrowed at glaring onyx orbs.

"Shut the hell up before I really do kick you out!"

"Sasuke!" Naruto growled, arms placed on her hips with an annoyed Ryoku standing behind her, his hair wet from his bath. "Let go of him!"

He did as told, raising his hands in mock innocence as Seiko scrambled towards her, stopping immediately at the sight of her ablaze blue eyes narrowed at his appearance.

"What did I teach you about respect today Seiko? Did you forget already?"

The boys lip quivered slightly as his head dropped, shaking his head slowly in a 'no'.

"Then you better apologize to your father right this instant before he really does kick you out."

Much to all of their surprise, Seiko slowly shuffled towards his enraged father whose arms were crossed across his chest with an eyebrow raised in questioned irascibility.

"Daddy," Seiko started slowly with a hoarse voice from all the screaming he had done. "I'm really sorwy." The elder Uchiha continued to glare at his youngest son before sighing deeply, placing his hand on top of his mop of ebony hair. For the sake of peace he'd let him get away with it for now.

He ruffled it lightly before crouching down to his level. "If you really wanted to sleep with us that badly, you could have asked instead of throwing yourself onto the floor, yeah?"

The boy nodded slowly, glancing back at his mother who was grumbling under her breath.

"I can't leave any of you alone for a second without all hell breaking loose."

"Those, are Uzumaki traits," Sasuke called with a teasing smirk, ignoring the overly hostile grin Naruto threw at him. He only passed by her, leaving a kiss on her cheek quickly, dodging her hand, and slamming the door to the bathroom behind him.

It was a major relief to get rid of all the sand and dried salt off his skin through the sweltering shower. Although, much to his disgust, the quality of the motel's shower was questionable and he once again kicked himself hard for allowing Naruto to convince him into staying at this dump.

She could have at least browsed and chosen the best motel out of a selection, rather than picking the first one on the block. What a ridiculous woman she was.

He walked out shortly after, feeling comfortable for the first time since they left their house this morning. Although, that reprieve soon turned into annoyance at the sight of Seiko sitting in the middle of their bed looking more smug than ever with Naruto by his side. On the other bed, Ryoku attempted to read a book to Mikoto who was actually listening intently to her brother's attempt in reading.

He was still learning after all.

Shooting a glare at Naruto and ignoring her eye roll, he sat down on the other side of Mikoto, creating a barrier for her between himself and Ryoku. It appeared as if Seiko was going to get his way, again and all he wanted to do was growl with a feral rage. His spoiled child continued to get exactly what he wanted – a justification for his actions that would ultimately cause a growth in oppressiveness whilst unlearning every disciplinary lesson within seconds. Exhaling through his nose in a feeble attempt to calm his nerves, he slowly pulled the plush cover over Mikoto and Ryoku, tucking them in with a gentle touch.

He also made sure to ignore each and everyone one of Naruto's desperate attempts to catch his attention. He showed his displeasure by turning towards Mikoto and his pale back greeting his usually bubbly wife. He absolutely hated it when she would give into Seiko's demands without any form of negotiation what-so-ever. Especially right after he would attempt to castigate the little brat.


The night it seemed was going to be just as difficult as Seiko was.

He's always been a light and rather fastidious sleeper and that only tortured him further. He was used to Mikoto squirming in her sleep, he was used to Seiko's light snoring, and he was used to Ryoku's sleepy and incoherent, sleep-induced gibberish. What he wasn't used to was the irritating buzz of questionable insects that seemed to not only inhabit the motel, but his bed sheets as well. Not to mention, the broken down machinery at the edge of their room, which apparently was an air conditioner, was rattling with a racket that drove him to the border of insanity.

It had become so irritating, that he was forced to make his exhausted body move to close the windows and drag himself towards the air conditioners ancient machinery. He attempted to turn it off, becoming increasingly frustrated as it began to gurgle in hoarse coughs that sounded like an old smoker clearing his throat. Once the rattling stopped, a final guffaw blew a slew of bugs; bursting through the stale air.

A few curses later and he was back in the creaking bed, half asleep and hoping, wishing that some almighty force would take pity on him and knock him out until morning. Nearing unconsciousness, he was rudely shaken awake with a softened voice whispering, "Sasuke…. Sasuke…. Sasukeeee."

His black lashes parted and his eyes slowly adjusted to the greyed image of Naruto bending over him, those blue orbs just as tired and annoyed as his own.

"What do you want," he groaned, forcing himself to glare at her despite exhaustion coaxing him back into sleep.

Gentle hands began to brush back his bangs affectionately. "Hello to you too, bastard."

"Is there any reason why you're pissing me off?"

She rolled her eyes dramatically before pulling him with enough force to dislocate his shoulder. In fact, if he hadn't been so sleep deprived and groggy, he would have fought back without a second thought. For the time being however, he was only able to whisper, "Naruto," in a sullen hiss as she dragged him towards the pathetic excuse of a bathroom.

After pushing him in, she shut the door gently behind them and he crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall with indignation. At the sight of her questioning expression, he growled out "well?" in a low tone.

"I want to talk to you about Seiko…" The blonde murmured softly and all he could do was stare at her with a confounded expression.

"You're kidding me right?" the ebony haired and infuriated man asked slowly before grumbling angrily as he began to rub the bridge of his nose.

"You woke me up at three am to talk about Seiko? Get out of my way, I'm leaving."

With a shriek of outrage she pushed him against the wall, those azure eyes flickering with fire.

"I don't like the way you treat him!"

"You spoil him senseless!"

"Just because you used to be the leader of some lame little high school gang does not mean you get the right to threaten and control him!"

"Well someone has to discipline him!"

"He's just a baby!"

"He's a toddler! If you let him get away with it now he's going to be more then a monster when he's older!"

"That still doesn't mean you get to threaten him…" she mumbled harshly, eyes lowered, her stance calm, yet the flames still burning.

"For the love of god, Naruto," he exhaled, rubbing his tired eyes. He felt old… and overly cantankerous.

"You know that I have a temper, I've been irritated since this morning, and I've reached my Seiko limit for today. Yes, I lashed out at him. Maybe it was wrong, maybe it wasn't. But don't fucking lecture me about it at three am in the motherfucking morning when I honestly don't give a rat's ass about anything."

She frowned, those thin eyebrows furrowed as her tight grip on his shoulders lessened, the fire dying down until her eyes stared at the ground. His own lids began to fall as he struggled to stay awake in the deafening silence that began to mist away their irascibility and had shrouded between both of them – a rather rare occurance.

She began to speak again, but his hazed mind forgot what words meant and they made no sense to him. So he hummed in response, hoping that she'd leave him alone to sleep until he was intelligible enough to speak.

As usual, she wouldn't have any of that.

"Sasuke," she spoke with command. "Sasuke don't sleep standing up that's bad for your health!"

"What?" he asked drowsily, forcing his tired eyes to open once again before yawning. "Make it quick, I wanna go back and sleep at least two more hours…"

"I said," she drawled, a foxy grin crawling onto her face, "do you still give a rat's ass about me?"

"Sure," he scoffed, letting his head lay on her shoulder. "I have too… or you'd castrate me."

"Nice to know that's all our relationship stands on: fear of castration."

"You know it."

Despite his sarcasm, she grasped his face, pulling it off her shoulder, before taking his hand and leading him out of the small, deteriorating bathroom. They moved slowly, careful of any sudden movements that would set off at least one of the children. They very much reacted to one another in a chain of dominos and Sasuke wasn't ready to deal with that just yet.

He let go of her hand, nearing the bed he had originally been sleeping in before she stopped him yet again. He whipped around, annoyance in place of his momentary tranquility as he snarled out,

"What is it NOW?"

"Shhhh!"

She slowly made her may towards Seiko, gently lifting him in her arms before she placed him in the spot Sasuke had been sleeping in, tucking him with the rest of his siblings.

He let a small smile grace his lips before slipping into the now free bed, his body practically molding into the sheets.

"This is why I woke you up." She murmured into his ear, kissing his cheek.

He only hummed in response, pulling her closer.


Be careful what you wish for was all Sasuke could think of at this very moment.

He furiously slammed a pillow over his head as Seiko was crying again since he woke up at five and discovered that he was in fact not sleeping by his mother.

Then that set Mikoto off, which inadvertently set Ryoku off.

Looks like two hours of sleep was all he was getting today.

Forcing himself to roll onto his back, the raven was sluggish in getting up, reaching for Mikoto since Naruto had locked herself in the bathroom in order to soothe Seiko. He didn't blame her either. As long as Seiko was screeching like a Siren, it was pointless to comfort their other children. Seiko would just rile them up all over again.

Once Mikoto's crying had gone down, he looked over to Ryoku who unlike his crying siblings, looked like he was about to murder someone.

"Ryo?" he called gently, sleep deprivation making his voice groggy and hoarse.

"He's crazy." the small boy spoke incredulously, an arduous air still around him. "Peoples don't act like this."

He couldn't help but laugh at that one, already hearing the "NO" and "YES" shouting match happening from the enclosed washroom.

"They're both crazy. Why do you think your mom is the only one able to calm down Seiko?"

"Daddy..." he asked seriously, looking at him with fear, "but mommy isn't Seiko crazy." the boy's slight slur making it sound more like 'psycho crazy'.

He started to laugh even harder, because if anything, Seiko really had to be 'psycho crazy' with all the crap that little brat put them through. His eldest couldn't have made a more accurate observation. In response, Ryoku's fearful gaze began to turn to that of horror as he stared at him with his own tired eyes.

"Daddy don't tell me you're crazy too..."

"Nope. Just really, really, really, tired."

And he wanted to go home. Away from this stupid overpopulated beach, leering women, his psychotic son, and this deteriorating and pathetic excuse of a motel. As the door finally opened with a sleeping Seiko snuggled into his mother's arm; Naruto's own lassitude evident, he couldn't help but scowl at her, blaming her for this horrible vacation.

You owe me BIG TIME - his eyes screamed, narrowing further at her sheepish smile in response.


"Well you look grumpier then usual."

"Shut up Suigetsu."

"No seriously, did the kids keep you up all night?"

"Suigetsu - "

"Well I, got plenty of rest last night - if you catch my drift."

"Seriously –"

"And Karin was being a very bad girl last night. I had to punish her. Hehe -"

"I said SHUT UP!"

"Jeez Uchiha! You're just about as sweet as sand ya' bastard. Take a joke! Although, to be fair, the fact that my lack of sleep was way more pleasurable then yours is no joke -"

"Shut the fuck up Suigetsu!"

.

.


Footnotes:

(1) Dobe – Dead last (insulting) Japanese

(2) Tou-san – Dad (formal) in Japanese

(3) DD - Around where I live we say 'DD' as an acronym for 'designated driver' (not sure if this is just a Canadian thing or something that just happens in my region).

(4) Teme Yarou – 'teme' is a rude and informal way to say 'you' in Japanese. It is the equivalent of calling and adult Tu instead of Vous in French. 'Yarou' means bastard in Japanese. Therefore, Naruto is saying 'you bastard!' in a very insulting way.

(5) The butt kick done here is similar to that of the one in 'Freaky Friday' where the sister in the mother's body picks up the brother from school (in case that wasn't clear) The link to the video showing this will be on my profile as ff. net continues to be the biggest troll of the planet when it comes to links -.-

(6) Kaa-chan – Mom (informal) in Japanese


A/N: Before anyone comments on the parenting or situations, this (like all my stories) is based off of real life events. This also includes Seiko attempting to take off Naruto's bra and – trust me – I've seen it happen more times to my aunt then I would have liked to see. Also, this is supposed to be comical and humorous and not everyone will find it so. The parenting isn't ideal and it's not supposed to be.