Hi, everyone! I have a new Sasunaru fan fict here!
WARNING: Yaoi, drabbles, OOCness I think, Char death
Disclaimer: Naruto is already Sasuke's property so I don't have any rights to him. Meaning, I do not own Naruto.
I wasn't the type to wear my emotions on my sleeve, or rather, show it at all. I never liked weakness and I firmly believed then that showing emotion in anything was the prime example of being weak. I also wasn't the type to really say anything about my personal life, let alone narrate it in a very detailed manner. But if I were to tell something about my life that really shook me or really changed me so much, it's the story of a boy from school who turned my world upside down in just a month.
I often saw him walking along with his friends, expression bright and lips curled into a wide smile or grin. His bright blonde hair often swayed with the wind every time he's walking under the sunlight. His tanned skin looked very smooth and flawless except for the pair of scars on both his cheeks. He looked dazzling every time and I always found myself staring at him from a far distance. And the most stunning thing about him were his bright blue eyes. They always shined every time he smiled and my lips always twitched upward whenever I saw that. He's the complete opposite of me.
He's always the center of everyone's attention, from sports and academics, to being funny and friendly to everyone. I was also the center of attention, but not because I was friendly but because I liked solitude. His whole personality was so warm when I was the epitome of coldness. His physical feature was bright and colorful while mine was dark and lifeless. Even the girls liked him a lot, not that he was close to my level. It was actually thanks to chatty girls that I learned about his name. But I never called him then. I never tried to approach him.
I wasn't the type to do that then. I wasn't the type to befriend anyone, not to mention someone whose mere name always got all of my attention. I never liked mingling with people so it would not appear good on my image if I ever mingled with him. The only ones I mingled with was my group.
My group consisted of five members whom students, mostly females, often ogled and admired. We were very arrogant and violent, creating fights all over the school and outside of it. We were even asked to the police station one time when I almost killed a student for shouting out the word 'gay' at my face. I wasn't gay then and I wouldn't have been one if it wasn't for this annoying guy that I was talking about – the blonde one. And I was glad my family was very influential. My brother got angry at me for giving him another headache but he was angrier at the policeman for daring to arrest me – one of the biggest shareholders of the most powerful corporation in the whole country.
Back to the topic, I was the leader of the group but I wasn't the type to talk a lot or even give proper commands. I only did so when I was bullying someone or saying foul things. And I always liked uttering foul things, especially when I was irritated. But I liked using my fists more than using my mouth. I liked the feeling of being above everyone, above all those ugly and moronic students – both males and females – who fell on their knees and worshipped me.
He was different though. The first time we talked was the first time I learned of his feelings. I was watching him from my peripheral vision one afternoon as usual – though I still didn't know why I kept on watching his every action at the time – and I was actually surprised on the inside when I saw him walking towards me. The very first words that I heard from him were the words I would never forget for the rest of my life. It was the words that made my heart skipped a beat for the first time. It was the words I thought would never make me feel anything and yet managed to remain in my heart and mind even to this day.
"I… I'm in love with you, Sasuke." He was scowling when he said that, and yet I could see the tinge of red on his cheeks and the silent tremble of his hands. He's obviously embarrassed and nervous since he said it in front of the whole school, in front of my friends, and especially in front of me. It was his choice to tell me about his feelings in front of the school gate so it wasn't my fault that everyone heard it.
Everyone's eyes widened at his brave and at the same time stupid action since all the people who confessed to me, both males and females, didn't only get foul words of rejection but also insults and – for the daring males – a punch on the face.
I looked at him with cold eyes, as if sizing him up, when all I wanted to do was gulp at the overwhelming feeling that almost drowned me. I never thought I'd like to hear those words from anyone, let alone from a male. But I felt a swell of both pain and happiness inside me. It's like I was longing for a long lost half of me, with no hope of ever finding anyone, and finally I've found him. It was a feeling so foreign to me.
I heard how my friends jeered at him and called him a fag, but he endured it and waited for my answer even though he wasn't sure he'd get one. He stared at me with those huge bright eyes filled with so many emotions all at once. I could feel myself get swept by the intensity of his gaze and I almost averted my gaze from his if it weren't for my inherent competitive nature. Instead, I crossed my arms over my chest and uttered in such a cold and indifferent voice the words that tied us together. "You've got guts for daring to call me by my first name, dobe. Alright. I'll allow you to be my lover in one condition. You will be my slave and do everything I want from now on."
His eyes widened in surprise at my words. Even my friends were surprised and they immediately stopped making snide remarks. All the other students also had the same reaction. I knew then that I made a mistake. It wasn't my intention to make him feel so little or worthless. My only intention was to be rest assured that he would never leave once I accepted his feelings. I was afraid for a second that he'd back out just like any other girls. I wanted to take back my words and just say I want to be his lover too. But my pride prevented it. My pride supplied a reason for me to be with him – for me to be his lover without anyone saying I was gay. Everyone would think that I was merely playing with him and immediately accept that.
"I…" He looked down, obviously hurt at my words. I averted my gaze then. I didn't want to have a look at those wounded eyes. I steeled my resolve and decided to have him in such a way or not have him in any way at all. But to my surprise, his words made me hope again. "I agree…" I looked at him again and found him looking at my eyes directly. I saw the pain in them but I pretended not to see anything.
"That was quite fast. You're awfully obsessed with me, aren't you?" I voiced again, and I wished I could prevent my mouth from spouting foul words when I really didn't want it to. I saw that he's barely holding back the tears, but his decision remained firm.
"Wow, this is the first time you're going to accept someone as a lover." Sai told me before chuckling. "It's quite a surprise to everyone. Are you sure you're not sick, Sasuke?" And I immediately gave him a glare.
"Ha, Sasuke is just playing with you and yet it's still okay? You're a clingy one, aren't you?" One of my friends, Neji, said. I saw him flinch at the words and I never thought I'd feel pity towards anyone but I did.
"Too bad you loved the wrong guy." Sai voiced with a fake smile.
"Everyone is like that. First, they like us. But when we started bullying them endless, they'd start crying like children." Suigetsu uttered with such a disappointed voice. "It's also very annoying how they'd get jealous when in fact they're just our slaves."
"Hn. He's an idiot." Gaara, last member, muttered. He's the only one sane enough not to play with girls, or with anyone for that matter. He was already contented watching the rest play with their toys for a while – 'use them repeatedly and break them when you're already bored' was our motto. But I didn't think I'd do something like that to him.
"I want you to make me lunch tomorrow. Bring it to my room together with cold tea." I told him before I walked straight ahead to the gate, not even waiting for his reply.
The day after that, I only remained in my seat in the classroom and waited for the blonde dobe to give me my lunch. My friends kept on insisting we just go to the cafeteria since there was no way a guy would bother making lunch for me. Many girls also started giving me their bentous for lunch again. Since I asked someone to make me lunch, they thought I'd accept just anyone's lunch. All I had to do was give them a death glare before they scurried away in fright.
Suigetsu laughed at them then. "If you're so scared of Sasuke, how can you even say you love him?"
"I don't think that 'new lover' of yours will bother bringing you lunch, Sasuke." Neji said. "Why did you even pick a guy in the first place? If you wanted a quick fuck, just any girl will do. But a guy?"
"Give it a rest, Neji." Sai smirked. "The Leader only wants to have a taste of that rare blonde who was second in popularity to our group." I gave him a death glare but he was so used to it that he wasn't affected anymore. He merely smiled at me with those fake smiles of his before he asked again. "What was his name again? Nari… Natto… Nachi…"
"It's Naruto." Gaara said quietly. We all looked at him when he entered the room together with a very embarrassed blonde. They walked towards my seat together. Or rather, Gaara was holding his arm tight and slightly dragging him so he wouldn't back out or run away.
"Umm… Your lunch." He said when they both stopped. He immediately averted his eyes from mine, cheeks red from embarrassment again. He gave me a lunchbox and a cold tea in can.
Suigetsu whistled as I accepted the lunch. Neji snorted and Sai merely smiled in that annoying way again. "You're dismissed." I told Naruto. I didn't want my friends to bully him more so I wanted him out of the room immediately. He was obviously disappointed that I didn't even thank him. But thanking him in front of everyone would tarnish my pride. "You will bring me another set of lunch tomorrow, dobe."
I saw his expression brightened a bit and he actually smiled at me. "Sure." And I was still staring even after he was already gone. I was stunned. I couldn't believe he of all people would smile at me in such a sweet way and I almost dropped the lunchbox I was holding.
"Heh… Somebody was swooned by Na-chi's charm." Sai teased, earning a not-so-gentle jab on the side from me. "Ouch…" He mumbled as he caressed the area.
"I'm not in love with anyone. Let alone in love with that dobe." I remembered saying. I didn't know then that Naruto was still outside the room, waiting to hear my reaction about the lunchbox. I only found out from one of the females during the afternoon PE practice. Even though I didn't mean to say that, everyone rejoiced at the fact that I wasn't really in love with another guy.
When I saw him the next day, his smile was already pained. I could feel my chest hurting at the sight and I felt deep guilt knowing that it was my fault. But I still didn't apologize for anything nor thank him for the lunchbox since it would hurt my pride to do so. I only accepted his self-made lunch before my friends shooed him away. That setting lasted for a week before I decided to let him feel like my lover by waiting for him at the front gate on our second week of being lovers.
I saw his eyes widen when I looked at him. He was with his friends then – all of them were glaring daggers at me for bullying their friend and playing with his feelings – if only they knew what I really felt. It was confusion filled with pain and guilt. It was something I didn't want to feel for anyone and yet I couldn't help but feel when it came to him.
"S-Sasuke…" He forced a smile. I couldn't deny to myself that the gesture hurt me a lot. But as usual, I didn't show it on my expression. My face remained blank. "Are you waiting for your friends?"
"Why would I want to wait for them?" I immediately interjected.
"Then you're waiting for someone else..?" I could see that he was offended, but he still tried to be nice to me. His friends were already starting to mumble out foul words, not having the guts to say it out loud so I could hear the words better.
"I'm waiting for my lover." I voiced as I stared at him with an indifferent expression. I initially thought that he'd be surprised or at least be embarrassed. But it made me confused when he looked horrified and hurt.
"Sasuke, y-you're…" He couldn't say it anymore. And it just hit me. He thought that I was talking about a new and different lover. He thought I made it a point that he's no longer the one. The idiot.
"Tch. Let's go. Don't make me wait long like this tomorrow." At last, the expression I wanted to see. His eyes widened and he blushed up to the tips of his ears. Even his friends looked surprised at my words. He nodded before he said goodbye to them and jogged towards me.
Needless to say, we walked home quietly and I felt that he's respecting my need for peace and quiet. I walked him home first before I went home. That night, I decided that I would bring him home and introduce him to my family.
I was a lot nervous while walking home together with him the next day because I knew that my family might not accept him, mainly because he's not in the same league as the Uchihas and also because he's male. In the end, I didn't have the guts to risk my pride and I merely introduced him as a friend.
He only smiled at them and shyly sat on the sofa when asked. They were curious to know how he became my friend and how come I had a friend like him. We were so different from one another. My brother was especially suspicious about us. But my mother looked happier and my father liked chatting with him.
For some reason I couldn't fathom, my family also liked him even though we learned from him that his family was only part of the lower middle class. My family, especially my father, never really liked it when my brother would bring home someone not in the same league as our family. He learned that the hard way and I learned from his mistake. That's the reason why I never brought home anyone before, except the four members of my group of course. I just couldn't find anyone else who'd fit into my family's background. Not even my brother's elitist nature won against my father's. That's why I was surprised when Naruto instantly charmed them all with just a simple smile and a respectful greeting.
Thus, our second week was filled with Naruto going home together with me, chatting with my father and mother for a while – that's when they were home – or my brother.
"Your friend is a very sweet child." My father would say from time to time. Too bad he didn't allow us brothers to be like that. And thus, Naruto was the one always sending me home instead of the other way around. But he seemed a lot happier that way. And he smiled a lot then too. I really wished then that he'd be that talkative when he's talking to me.
During the third week of our relationship, my parents went for an overseas work and I took that chance to have my way with Naruto. Good thing my brother was too busy handling the company to notice our nightly activities. I repeatedly claimed his body like it was the first time for the both of us and I enjoyed his company and his warmth.
I liked the taste of his skin, the feel of his warmth beneath me, the sound of his aroused voice calling my name over and over again. I liked hearing his needy voice, touching his lean body, and feeling his tightness around my member. I liked our kisses, the touches, the way his fingernails would scrape my back with every thrusts, and liked how his hold on me would tighten and his breath would hitch every time I would hit his spot. I liked the beautiful expression he had when he came on my stomach. I liked marking him as mine, cumming inside him, kissing him, licking him, biting him, and embracing him. I liked how he would snuggle to me after our lovemaking. I liked hearing his quiet breath when he fell asleep from exhaustion. I liked watching him. I liked giving him butterfly kisses when he's already dreaming. I… loved him. And I knew I would continue loving him for a long, long time.
During the fourth week of our relationship, I became colder to him. The whole school already noticed during the third week that we're far closer than normal and started speculating rumors about us. I learned from my friends that many girls already started bullying him and many males were already calling him many names and insulting him when I wasn't around. It made me angry that Naruto was suffering silently and he had never told me anything. I started acting colder and colder so the people would see that they didn't need to do anything because he's not really special to me. I endured his constant staring at me, silently asking what's wrong. I endured the way his eyes would water every time I'd ignore him in public. I endured it, so people would not bully him anymore. Of course, I punished all those who dared bully him – but only when there's no one in sight. I endured everything, even making myself look like a heartless person.
We didn't walk home anymore and we never talked to one another that much. Of course, he still made me lunch and I would still give commands to him. But that was that. I thought that they would surely leave him alone if I were to do those things. I didn't realize until later that I was actually digging his grave for him. The bullying only got worse and I didn't know how I could make it up to him.
I wanted to graduate immediately and leave the school so I could apologize properly and be with him. I wanted to tell him my feelings too. But the situation didn't get better. By the end of the fourth week, he never smiled at me anymore. His only expression when he looked at me was pain and sorrow. I knew the right thing to do then was let him go. But I was selfish. I didn't want him to disappear and leave me alone again. My feelings grew faster than I realized and it already became a heavy collar around my neck, tightening every time I'd do something that would upset him. I did this to myself. I did this to him.
"If you're doing this coldness act to make things better for him, then you're not helping the situation at all, Sasuke." Sai whispered to me one time when we saw some vandals on the wall that insulted Naruto. "If you want him to be happy again, you should let him go... or side with him." And I noticed then that Sai wasn't wearing his usual grin anymore. He's looking at me seriously.
I felt ashamed of myself. Sai was always playing with his lovers. But he never held them for more than a week. He would immediately let them go after having his way with them. He would never let them get used to his presence. I was worse than him.
On the first day of the fifth week, I waited for Naruto at the front gate again, hoping against all odds that he wouldn't avoid me or act cold. I haven't done that in the whole fourth week of our relationship. I promised to myself that I would apologize. I would apologize and make everything clear to him and to everyone. I couldn't choose to let him go so I would choose to be with him instead.
I felt like my heart would break at the sight of him. He was skinny and pale, and his brightness that I loved wasn't there anymore. His eyes looked dead and he looked really exhausted. Not to mention he was walking alone. I wanted to hug him then. I wanted to tell him not to worry anymore because I was choosing him. I wanted to be with him. I didn't want to lose him so I would choose shattering my pride and telling everyone of our real relationship. I wanted to tell him I loved him.
He was surprised when he saw me. His expression lightened a bit and he gave me a small smile. But it wasn't the kind of smile that I was waiting for. It was resigned, as if he's expecting me to show up one of these days and tell him that it's finally over for the both us. It's that kind of smile and I didn't like it.
We walked home silently afterwards. I wanted to tell him so many things. I wanted so shout out about my feelings, my frustrations, the decision I made, my fear of losing him, and all the other thoughts that swam inside my mind. But there were so many things I wanted to tell him all at once that I didn't know how to start at all. I was tongue-tied and I didn't know what to do. He never talked as usual so it was hard for me to open up. He didn't ask me anything, he didn't blame me for all the hardships and misfortunes that befell him because of me, and thankfully, he didn't ask me to just break up with him and end it all.
After a while, the rain fell down and both of us scurried to the nearest waiting shed. We were already soaking wet when we found one. I heard him chuckle at our state and my breath hitched. He looked beautiful then. I wanted to hug him even more. But I refrained since I didn't want to surprise him. Or rather, I didn't want to be surprised by his would-be reaction. It might not be the reaction I was waiting for and it would surely hurt me a lot.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke." He voiced with mirth before he fumbled inside his bag and brought out an umbrella. "I actually have this. I forgot."
"You're one forgetful person." I answered, lips curled up slightly into a small smile. How I missed him.
He opened the umbrella and I shared it with him. That moment when we were walking under the rain with just a single umbrella felt very intimate to me. I would treasure that memory for the rest of my life.
When we reached my home, I finally had the chance to tell him my feelings. But I lost the gall to tell him anything. I wanted to hit my head on the wall just to punish myself for my cowardice. I thought he would leave then, but to my surprise, he stood there under the rain inside the gate of the Uchiha mansion, gazing at me with deep pain and longing. I couldn't bear a single second of it.
"Naruto, let's go inside and have you change clothes." I voiced with finality so he wouldn't be able to say anything. He simply nodded and I invited him in. My parents still weren't home and my brother was at work. Only the maids greeted us as usual.
"Sasuke," he voiced after he changed clothes in the private bathroom of my bedroom. "Are you sure you want me to wear this?" I looked at him from my spot and immediately approved. All lovers would want their other half wearing their clothes.
"Yes. I wouldn't lend those clothes in the first place if I didn't want you to wear them." I told him as I sat on the bed comfortably, reading a book that I found in my brother's stacks earlier. After a while, I noticed that Naruto still hadn't move from his position. I looked up at him and found him staring at me longingly again. "What is it?" I asked, voice colder than I intended. I was so used to speaking coldly that it was already natural for me to do so.
"…Can I hug you?" The question broke my heart. It was natural for lovers to hug one another. But his tone was so quiet, so unsure and afraid. I never wanted him to be like that. I realized then that he was more hurt and in pain that he was letting on.
"Of course." I immediately answered as I put down the book I was reading and stood up.
He smiled before he walked towards me. He hesitated a bit when he was only an inch closer and looked at me, silently asking for permission again. I nodded and he shyly put his arms around my waist, hands grabbing the fabric of my shirt tightly. His hug tightened and he started trembling uncontrollably. I immediately hugged him back and kissed his hair, still tongue-tied about my feelings.
"I love you, Sasuke… I love you so much…" He voiced quietly. His voice held the intense but quiet feeling he had for me. Those words made my heart skip a beat and made me feel elated. They made me feel good as well as gave me courage to voice a little of my thoughts.
"Naruto," I voiced just beside his ear. "We're still lovers and will continue to be lovers. I won't breakup with you." I felt the small hot drops of water on my front shirt and I couldn't help but hug him tighter. He sobbed quietly in my arms for a long, long time for some reason and I didn't even know why. Maybe it was because of all the heartbreaks I caused and might continue to cause him in the future. Maybe it was because he was so happy that we'd still be together despite everything. Or maybe it was because I was showing him some semblance of love in my actions. I never knew until now why he cried that night. So many possible reasons swam in my mind, and it might be possible that all of those reasons were correct or all of them were wrong.
After that, I walked him to the gate of our mansion. It was still raining so both of us held our own umbrellas. I felt lonely somehow.
"Goodbye, Sasuke…" He voiced with clarity, still staring at me as if wanting to etch my image in his mind forever.
I stared at him with an arched eyebrow. "It's not goodbye, dumbass. It's 'see you tomorrow'. You still have to bring me lunch tomorrow."
Naruto's eyes widened at my words before he smiled in such a pained and sorrowful way that broke my heart. I wanted to run towards him and hug him again, but it pained me so much that I was frozen in my position. I felt that my knees would give out if I were to take even a small step towards Naruto. And I didn't want to appear weak in front of him of all people. I wanted him to depend on me from now on, and not the other way around. I was tired of that.
I then promised to myself that I'd make Naruto happier the day after that. I wasn't known to be the most violent person in school if I couldn't even give those bullies a punch or two. I would hit anyone who dared bully the blonde, even if those people were my friends. I'd show my feelings more publicly and show my love to Naruto by being kinder to him. That was the plan.
I even gathered the courage to tell him my feelings in front of everyone too. I was ready to throw away my pride outside the window and confess publicly. But I wasn't able to do so. No Naruto came to school the next day and no lunch was brought to me by my beloved blonde.
For a whole week, I was plagued with thoughts of Naruto. He was absent for a week and I didn't know what happened to him or if he didn't want to be with me anymore. I'd definitely hunt him down and give his new lover the hardest and most painful punch I could muster before I'd drag him back to me if that's the case. I've decided to be with him and yet he's the one nowhere to be found.
I wanted to see him, to hear his voice again, to see his smiles, to embrace him, to feel his warmth, and have him. I wanted him. I wanted him. I loved him.
It was on the second week of his absence that I accidentally heard the news. I was back to being violent then, having fights all over the school just to vent out my frustration and my longing. I was too out of it that some students managed to injure me a lot. Sai and the others took me to the infirmary and it was then that the school nurse told me something.
"You were Uzumaki-kun's previous lover, right?" She asked in concern and I immediately glared at her, making her flinch while bandaging my wounds.
"I am still his lover." I corrected coldly. I saw Suigetsu arch an eyebrow at me and Neji looked aghast. They all thought my apathetic attitude towards Naruto drove him away for good. They thought that was my intention all along. They knew nothing then. Sai was the only person who noticed my feelings for Naruto. Sai was the sole person who gave me a decent advice. Or maybe Gaara knew as well. He's just not talking about it.
"Well…" The nurse looked at me in concern again. "I feel sorry for the both of you."
"What do you mean?" I asked icily. I didn't like her tone. It's as if she's mocking me and our relationship.
She blinked and then her eyes widened as if she just realized something. "You don't know about his illness?"
My whole body suddenly felt cold. "What illness?" I asked.
That was the first time I heard that Naruto had sickness. I never knew anything. I never bothered knowing more about him. I was so concerned with my pride and myself that I never thought of asking him anything personal.
"He's in the hospital right now." She answered quietly. "If you want, I'll give you the address." She wrote something on a piece of paper and gave it to me. I didn't know then that taking that piece of paper was the start of my death.
My friends and I went to the said hospital – the four of them didn't know how to react to my sudden surge of concern for a supposed toy that I've already thrown away. They kept on asking me questions about my real feelings and about my true relationship with Naruto but I never answered them. All I wanted that moment was to ask someone and find out what really happened.
After several minutes of asking for directions, I finally found his room number. I gently opened the door and went in, my friends at my heels. Naruto's parents sat on both of the bed's side, eyes swollen with crying and face pale with sleeplessness. Their attentions perked up at the sight of me and they both gave us small smiles. His father looked so much like Naruto while his mother also carried the same brightness. But right now, their lights were too dim for my liking. I didn't know why they looked like that until they told me everything.
"You're Sasuke-kun, right? That friend of Naruto's who took him home one time." His mother asked me and I could only nod in response. "I'm glad you visited him."
"We were also here at the hospital last month, Sasuke-kun." His father said grimly. His mother sobbed at that. "The doctor… he told us that our son's illness has no cure yet… And he only had one month to live…"
And I felt my whole body froze. My blood ran cold and my breath hitched quietly. If that was last month… then… Naruto… right now he's… No, he's not. He couldn't have been dead. I told him that we're still lovers. And he agreed. He wouldn't leave me so easily, right..? He wouldn't do that to me… He said he loved me…
"The doctor told him to do the things he wanted to do the most while he still had the chance." She said while sobbing. "He told us then that he wanted to tell the person he liked about his feelings… we really supported him… But I don't think it went well since he hasn't brought anyone home…"
"Right now, the only thing supporting him was the life support…" His father said.
My eyes immediately gazed at Naruto's sleeping form. I wanted to cry at what I saw. He wasn't that skinny the last time I held him. He wasn't that pale the last time I saw him. He looked so exhausted and in pain even in his sleep. I wanted so much to hug him then. I wanted to tell him I loved him. But my whole body seemed stuck to its position.
I heard Sai and Neji talk to Naruto's parents in such a serene voice but I didn't hear what they were talking about anymore. I felt my senses blacking out. It's as if something got stuck in my throat and my chest hurt so much. I started convulsing and I knew I had to leave. I needed to breathe outside. I immediately left the room and ran towards the vending machine in the lobby. I bought two cans of cold tea and drank the content immediately. And yet I still felt that I couldn't breathe. I wanted to break down and cry on the floor. But I was so used to keeping everything inside me that I didn't know how to vent out the pain and the sadness. I was still facing the vending machine so I was glad that no one could see the pain on my expression.
"You're trembling." I heard Gaara's voice behind me.
"You love him, don't you?" Suigetsu added. It seemed the two of them followed me quietly outside.
"Shut up…" My voice was hoarse, like it didn't even belong to me. It felt so distant and pained.
"Sasuke…" Gaara voiced before I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. It felt like the hand was giving me its condolence and I didn't like it.
"Naruto is still alive. He's not dead. And I wouldn't have it any other way." I found myself voicing.
For the next three days, I stayed in the hospital during the visiting hours. I wanted to be near him. I wanted to be there for him, in case he finally woke up. Naruto's mother even hugged me when I voiced that thought out loud one time. I felt so empty and exhausted. I didn't know that loving someone could be this hard… and this painful. I never knew that loving someone was enough to make me forget who I really was. It was enough to drive me crazy and lose all my confidence and patience. Loving someone could bring a life to someone… but it could also kill someone in an instant.
There was a time when I was left alone in the room and I chose that chance to talk to him.
"I didn't realize… that you're the type of person who easily leaves his lover alone…" I told him quietly as I sat on the bed beside him. "You're a liar, dobe… You told me you loved me… I love and I chose to be with you… Why did you choose to leave me..?" I uttered as I put a kiss on his hand, on his immobile hand. "Why… didn't you tell me about this..?" I asked even though I knew why. It was because Naruto thought I didn't love him. It was because I was so cold and indifferent towards him that I never realized his silent sufferings and plea for help. I was cruel. I wasn't fit to be loved by someone like him. But I was still thankful that I was the person he loved.
"I'll never… let you leave, Naruto…" I said as I gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. It broke me that he didn't have any reaction, but I was willing to do anything to have him again. "I… I love you, you idiot… I love you so much… so please… please don't leave me… I beg you… Don't leave me, Naruto…"
I wasn't a very religious person. But for Naruto, I learned to pray to every God I knew of. I've never done it before in my entire life, but I experienced kneeling and begging in the altar to heed my prayer. I wanted Naruto to live. I wanted Naruto.
It was the week after that that Naruto finally opened his eyes. I was so happy that I immediately hugged him. He smiled at me then, not his usual pained smile but the smile that I loved the most.
"Sasuke… I love you…" He voiced, face filled with peace.
I was already about to tell everyone when the assistant nurses entered the room and started taking out his life support.
"W-What do you think you're doing!?" I shouted at them. I was about to get violent again and hit them one by one when I felt my friends pulling me away from the bed. "Minato-san, Kushina-san!" I called them but both of them were just crying by the side.
I didn't understand what's happening. Naruto was finally awake! Why were they crying? Why were they taking out his life support!? He'd die!
"Naruto is alive!" I shouted in anger at the nurses. "Stop that!" I was struggling against the strong arms of my friends as I watched in anguish while they kept on taking out all the devices inside Naruto's body. "Please, he's just woken up! Don't kill him!"
I was surprised at the sudden slap that hit my right cheek. I stopped struggling and stared at the swollen eyes of Kushina-san. She was crying but her expression was filled with determination. She looked at me with pain and sorrow before she hugged me tightly.
"We have to accept it, Sasuke-kun. He's gone now… He won't come back to us…" She told me and I immediately struggled.
"No, you're wrong. He just woke up! I saw it! I can still see him!" I kept on shouting. "Naruto! Naruto!" I extended out my hand, my eyes directly staring at his bright blue ones. He's alive and conscious! Why couldn't they see that!?
But instead of extending his hand to me as well, he merely shook his head and smiled at me. "I need to rest now, Sasuke." He voiced quietly. And the nurses started putting him on the stretcher.
"No! No, please!" I struggled more against Kushina's hold. Minato hugged me tightly as well. "We're do you think you're taking him!? Don't take him away! Naruto!" Sai and the others kept trying to console me and say helpful things but I didn't need that. I needed Naruto. I wanted him back.
Why did they have to take him away when he's already fine!? He's fine! I didn't understand. I never understood that until now.
I never understood why they kept on saying he's dead when he's not. I saw with my eyes that he's awake, that he's alive. They killed him. I asked my parents to sue the hospital that killed him, but they only looked at me with pity. I didn't know why everyone kept on looking at me like that.
"Sasuke, you have to move on." Sai told me one time and I gave him a hard punch.
"Naruto isn't dead!" I shouted at his face. From then on, everyone who dared tell me that he's dead would receive a punch from me. Not even my older brother was exempted.
They took me to the psychiatrist for some reason I never knew of and he started giving me advices on how to cope. I shouted at him too. Why did everyone want me to think that Naruto was already dead?
One time, I finally saw him sitting on my bedside when I woke up. I hugged him again. I told him I never believed that he's really dead. I told him I loved him. I told him everything I wanted to tell him. I told him all about myself and I asked him about many things. But when my brother entered my room at that moment, he immediately slapped me hard.
"You need to wake up and face reality, Sasuke." He told me with a hard glare. I also glared at him. Naruto was sitting right there, looking at us brothers. Why didn't Itachi greet him? Why didn't he notice him?
From then on, I always saw Naruto whenever I went. I talked to him all the time. I wanted to make him feel the love that I wasn't able to let him feel back then. I wanted to see him happy. I wanted to keep him in my embrace. He kept on saying that he needed to go and rest, but I didn't want him to leave. I wanted to be with him.
There were times when my friends and I were walking home I would see him. I'd immediately run after him and go home together with him instead. There were times when I'd have dinner with my family in a fine restaurant, and I would see him outside the glass window. I would run out of the restaurant and chase after him. I would also often see him whenever I went to his parents' house. But most of all, he's always in my room.
After some weeks, my parents sent me to a highly guarded place. The whole room was painted white and I also wore white clothing. I was alone in the room and I wasn't allowed to get out. They brought me foods and drinks so I didn't mind. I was together with Naruto inside the room so it was fine. It was even nice since I was finally able to talk to him and be with him from morning till night. He always accompanied me every time some nurse would enter and sedate me.
"Sasuke, we can't be like this forever." He told me one time with a sad tone.
"What's wrong with being like this?" I asked. "Both of us are happy and contented, right?"
"Yes, we're happy. But this isn't right." He said as he stood up. "I need to go, Sasuke. I need to leave you now."
"Why do you keep saying that!? You don't love me anymore, do you!? You're tired of me now!?" I accused him in anger. He looked hurt but I was too angry to care. "I want to be with you, Naruto! Why can't you understand that!?"
He closed his eyes and I saw the tears fell down his cheeks before he opened them again. "I need to leave now, Sasuke. Do you… want to come with me?" And he held out his hand to me.
My eyes widened before I immediately took it. I felt my anger subside immediately and I felt peace as I held him. I wanted to be with him. And I knew that taking his hand would mean we'd be together forever. He smiled at me and giggled when I hugged him. I couldn't help but chuckle at that. And I knew… we'd be together forever.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The nurse ended up crying while reading the diary of the youngest Uchiha who took suicide inside a mental asylum a few days ago. No one knew how he was able to open the barred window and jump from the twelfth floor when he's supposed to be sedated and asleep. It remained a mystery to everyone. The members of the family took the teen's belongings but forgot to bring with them the diary. One of the janitress found it and read it and ended up crying. When the nurse saw it, she asked about it. The janitress showed her the diary and she ended up crying as well. She would then tell his co-nurses about it and the doctor would find out. Then the reporters would swarm in the place and find out about the diary of a mad man who lost his mind at the death of his beloved. The story would become sensational and many people would cry at their deaths… except two families.
The Uchiha and the Uzumaki families would feel the loss and the pain. But they would feel more happiness at the fact that those two idiots would finally be together now.
I was actually crying when I was making this.