You can't say it doesn't hurt, but what do you expect? Like the typical cliché that you are- you fell, you fell so hard for the girl you could never have, not that she would want you anyway or even take a second glance...
She's straight straighter than straight and you hate how easily she pulled you in-and you hate how she'll never know the capacity of your feelings for her.
And to top it all off, she's a world away from you-you're separated by a screen: she's an actress. A Hollywood star and you on the other hand are this small town girl- the crazy obsessed fan who took one look at a television show saw her face and suddenly you believed it was fate, this would be the one you would want to know-and probably marry someday.
Not that there weren't any prospects back at home-you're still on the fence about the whole being gay thing but no girl or boy can really catch or hold on to your attention like she has-through every interview, every photo you don't know why you feel like you know her...kindred spirits in a sense-no you're convinced... she' your soul mate. .
Something about her eyes or just basically her just being her has grabbed you.
You even like the same things share the same interests, like music obviously even the little things you've got in common: she was in choir so were you, she's from a catholic family so are you-if this didn't scream meant to be and just their overall compatibility you don't know what else did,
Chloe didn't know what it was about Beca Mitchell that got to her, to begin with she wasn't the typical fan girl well until Beca she'd never much cared for any of the new string of celebrities-but that was it, Beca wasn't just any Hollywood starlet. Sure, she was famous and she was talented and the whole world loved and followed her every move (being the hottest thing right now with Grammy and Tony and every other musical related awards, there were even academy nominations) and yet she didn't let it get to her head Beca was one level-headed young girl everyone seemed to admire her determination, her dedication to her craft and she easily excelled in whatever feat she decided to take on.
She wasn't even the big name type when she started out she was one of those girls that you would see in some movie- not the lead but she would hold your attention, say something no matter how brief, and in those few seconds she captivates you. Later on as she gets more roles, you find out her name and then it makes a lot of sense. This Beca Mitchell once she gets your attention, you can't quite look away. She's good really good and to others who only just now started to praise her genius, you scoff you had "discovered" her, seen her for who she could truly become and so avid fan is an understatement, you would be the girl who practically worshiped her-your bedroom is quite possibly a shrine every space available filled with memorabilia of her work throughout the years.
This time around she was trying something different, Beca had been invited to be a judge in one of the more exciting singing talent search shows- one that Chloe had forever found herself wanting to try out for-the yearning was stronger than ever before-now that Beca would be a judge replacing one of the two judges that took a break or decide to venture into other things. And who else would they ask? They were practically begging to have the hottest music producer over-all entertainer/ artist DJ Mitchell on one of the swiveling chairs
You've never been more nervous in your life but- the day finally came. You've scored an audition and she's right there. Just a few inches away breathing the same air as you (okay reign in the psycho in you) and oh my god you feel like you're gonna puke with the sheer intensity of the moment.
"Get a grip Chloe you're not Aubrey-" you honestly feel bad thinking about your best friend that way she couldn't help it-but you can't remember being this nervous ever, you're practically dry heaving coaching yourself to-"breathe just breathe"
It's just now, even that simple act seems really really difficult.
It's not like you're completely new at this -You've done this performance thing before with College Acapella even did back-up for Prince. Do not think about his ass-or how tiny it is, that's the last thing you need in your head.
But this...this was the real thing this was the nationwide recorded television show- cameras were on her right now- You're psyching yourself backstage away from it all .You're certain no one has ever taken this long in this room and before you can stay for just a second later and end up not leaving the room at all- you finally find something in you that propels you forward.
The first step out on the walkway and you can see the stage. Okay now, this is what hyperventilating feels like. You begin to walk and with each step, the more thoughts seem to crowd around your head going from bad "Oh god what if no one turns" to worse "What if Beca doesn't turn"
You walk till you reach the microphone stand at the front of the stage- you see the four chairs and you can clearly see Beca on the far left.
Okay, there's the audience concentrate on them…
You take a deep breath allowing yourself the calm that came naturally whenever you performed...and you open your mouth as the music kicks in.