Welcome new and old readers. Old readers, hey, I'm glad you've come to read this. New readers, I wrote this as a companion to my three fanfics ((The Fate Games, Rekindled Fire, and Jaberjay)) that are the trilogy in Peeta's POV. This is just going to be a short 5 chapter thing, but if you enjoy my writing please feel free to read my others. The three I recently mentioned are pretty lengthy, but only because I stay on track to each of the books. I have some shorter ones as well if you want to read those.
Early mornings used to bother me. Now they were all I had. Nightmares were unaccompanied by screams, but held captive by my consciousness. I usually just lied on my bed completely still. My arms stretched out above my head, my legs uncovered, and I tried to breath. A lot of the time I found myself successful, but some mornings I wondered where my next breath had come from.
This morning was different. Something about the air of District Twelve inspired me to move. Maybe it was seeing Katniss, although that was almost a week ago, or maybe it was just that false security that home had always given me.
Once again I'm not sure why I go, only that I must. Maybe it's because I think that everything will be back to normal. The bakery won't be dust. When I walk in I'll see my dad kneading dough, my mom yelling at Rhys, Marcus putting a cake in the oven. My dad would look up at me as I walked in giving me that small smile that always made me feel accomplished no matter how little I had just done. And there would be cakes sitting there for me on the counter waiting, ever so patiently, for me to frost them.
These hopes, although I know how foolish, are what led me forward. The sun had barely risen and I knew Katniss had me beat. I had seen her each morning, her arrows slung across her back, a hunting bag in one hand, and a bow in the other. She was trying. I knew it wasn't because of me, but because of the primroses I had planted on the side of her house. Prim's spirit alone had inspired her.
The Bakery was still the way it was when I had first come to look at it. Dust. Some bricks were resilient enough to stay whole, but most of them had been reduced to nothing. Just a short outline of the home I had grown up in. Just a ghost of an idea.
It's painful for me to imagine what they had been doing on that morning, but I do it anyway. My dad must have been making the pastries as he does in the late morning. And Marcus he must have been taking over my job of frosting the cakes. My mom was no doubt watching the Games. I wonder if they had seen the arena explode, if they had known that I would make it out alive.
I wish I had been the one to die.
But I wasn't and that's what moves me to stand in the middle of it all. To look at what it had become and begin to dream about what it could be. I was done living in pause. There was time moving forward, but each day felt the same, some happier, some sadder, but still the same. I needed to move on from all of this, this…rubble. This war zone that was not only left in my District, but in my body as well.
I had fought for a better tomorrow, but it was all for naught if I did not share the better tomorrow with myself. It would be hard and it might break me a little more, but in the end it would help me build myself back up again.
I would rebuild the Bakery.
Katniss was the next person I would need to talk to. I wouldn't do it alone. I mean, I wouldn't begin to grow all by myself. I virtually came back to Twelve so that I could help her begin to heal. If I was going to heal, then so was she.
It was late enough for her to already be home. Sure enough her hunting boots sat lonesome on her porch. I found her curled up in a ball on her couch. She did not look up as I walked past her to sit in the chair that was in front of the unlit fireplace.
She didn't even look up as I began to speak.
"I'm building the Bakery back up. I think it's best." She stays still, always so quiet. I sometimes wondered if she was always holding her breath to stay as quiet as possible.
"We need to start growing." I say. This catches her attention, her bright grey eyes enter into mine. She always had the ability to brighten up any room, no matter how shattered she seemed to be.
"What?" The word is small, barely audible.
"We need to start healing Katniss. We can't stay like this forever. I feel like I fought for nothing. All the fights we've fought don't even seem real because for the longest time I thought I could be happy, and I'm not. I realize now it's because I haven't completely healed." I pause and watch as her eyes drop to the floor beneath her. "I'm not doing it with out you."
"Peeta, I." She stops herself not knowing how to form a coherent thought.
"Katniss I know I hurt you. I know when they brought me back to Thirteen you expected me to be there for you and yeah you've lost a lot of people. It may seem like you're alone, but I'm here. I know I wasn't for the longest time and maybe all that trust you used to have with me is no longer there, but please—I beg of you—Katniss, trust me now." Her eyes come back to mine only to dart away in a matter of seconds.
"I can't just—" She pauses and starts over, "It's hard."
"I know, just, can't you just trust me? We need to heal and sitting in our own shattered pieces isn't going to help." I say.
"Yes, I know Peeta. And yes, we do need to heal." A pause, a deep breath, "I never stopped trusting you."
So I finished Jaberjay two days ago and despite my inconsistent posting, I miss it terribly can't believe I'm done with it.
Don't forget to REVIEW on the way out. Thanks! ~boywithbreadlover