Chapter 17:

Little Secrets

Santana threw herself onto her bed face down and groaned into the sheets as she kicked off her uncomfortable shoes.

Sundays were usually bad in the Lopez house, but this one had been especially uncomfortable. It was one thing to sit through mass knowing all of the sins she had committed in the last two weeks, but it was another to sit and listen with Brittany so close.

Roman had invited her in the hopes that their father would take more of a liking to her.

After Santana had excused herself in order to take part in confession, which had become her habit over the last few months. She always kept her tales PG, so not to make the father uncomfortable, but being forgiven did give her some piece of mind.

"Have you tried attending the camp we spoke about my dear?" The old man asked.

"No father. I know I should go, but it makes me uncomfortable and I don't think anyone would believe I'm going to bible camp." Santana whispered hanging her head.

"I see. We all do things in our own time, Santana. Pray the rosary three times and go knowing that our heavenly father loves you and has forgiven you.

When Santana emerged she felt a little lighter, but the weight of Brittany's eyes on her caused her to look away. She with Roman and nothing was going to change that. Santana had to get over this lust she felt before it destroyed everyone she cared about.

As usual after church the Lopez family went to abuela's house. Santana could see that Roman was nervous about having their grandmother meet Brittany and rightfully so. If Alma didn't like someone she didn't bother to keep it to herself. She had been known to make even the most harden criminal wheel. Santana wanted her approval of Brittany just as much as her brother, but tried not to show it.

"Roman she's lovely and so pretty. I have no idea what she's doing with you, but I'd hold on to her tight if I were you." Santana's abuela said smacking Roman in the arm affectionately. Brittany's eyes flicked to Santana as she started to blush.

"You're too nice, Mrs. Alma. I'm not that special. It's Roman and Santana who are the special ones. They've both taken such good care of me and I love them both so much."

Santana felt her throat constrict at the idea of Brittany loving her—truely loving her.

"Of course you're special. You put up with this idiot all the time." Santana said quietly from the couch. "You're the most amazing person I know."

Brittany's cheeks turned an even darker shade of red.

"Well I have no idea what she see in you ether, San" Roman teased though his mood seemed off.

"Brittany dear, call me abuela. Mrs. Alma sounds so gringa"

Brittany took a seat on the couch next to Santana and rested her head on her shoulder. From the couch Roman eyed them wearily.

"What does 'green-ga' mean?" Brittany hissed in her friends ear.

"It means someone who thinks Toco Bell is real mexican food." Santana whispered back and Brittany began to giggle.

"The I'm most defiantly a gringa."

"Don't worry we'll fix that."

Roman huffed in a corner next to his father who hardly paid any attention to his mother or children. Instead he sat texting on his phone the rest of the visit.

Santana's day had been utterly exhausting and so the feeling of her soft sheets beneath her made for the perfect napping place. She was also in desperate need of space from her brother and his girlfriend. Getting to see Brittany was great and all, but having to watch her play house with Roman all day wore on Santana's heart-strings. He had everything she wanted and what she wanted was Brittany. Why was that so hard to say out loud.

Santana's thoughts drifted to what happened at the fair. She could still feel Brittany's soft breast in her palm and the way her lips trailed rich kisses along Santana's collar-bone. Everything inside made her long for Brittany. She wanted more that night. Santana wanted to give Brittany everything and something in her gut told her that if she had offered, Brittany would have agreed.

"She tried to tell you she shares your feelings, but you pushed her away" The devil on Santana's shoulder whispered in her ear. Santana gripped her pillow tighter and tried to think of more peaceful dreamy thoughts.

"I can't deal with this anymore. Tell me the truth! Is there someone else?" Roman's voice echoed from the back yard into Santana's open window just as she was beginning to fade off to sleep.

"What? Why would you even say that. Of course there isn't!" Brittany shouted back.

Santana rolled off her bed and hid behind the drapes where she could still hear and see everything that was happening below.

"Don't lie to me Brittany. You've been acting so strange and stand-offish lately. You're always on your phone texting, but when ever I text you you hardly text back. Whenever I ask you where you are, you're cryptic about it. And when we have a rare moment alone all you want to do is talk about crap you did with my sister that day." Roman ran his hands through his shaggy hair.

"I don't know what to tell you, Rome. I text my brother all day because he worries. In case you don't remember, I'm all he has. Should I text you back more? Maybe, but I see you a lot as is. Sometimes I'm at dance or motocross. Sometime I just don't feel like talking. I'm sorry if that makes me seem like someone who would cheat. " Brittany threw her hands in the air. Santana had made Brittany mad a few times, but she had never seen this side before. The sad thing was, Brittany did cheat. She cheated with Santana all the time.

"As for alone time, I'm sorry I want to share my day with you and I'm sorry your sister is my best friend. But if I recall, that's what you wanted in the first place. Don't worry though, I'll stop bugging you with all my 'crap'"

"Babe, it's not crap. I shouldn't have said that. I just mean that when I'm alone with you sometimes I just want to be with you. I want to hold you and kiss you. I mean I've already agreed to wait, but you never said how long that would be. We've been together for months and I've introduced you to my family. I've done everything I can to show you I'm serious about you." Roman put his arms around her hips and kissed her cheek then her neck.

"You're unbelievable. The fact that you think you've 'earned the right' to have sex with me by now is exactly why we haven't had sex. You don't get a cookie for being a good boy. You get it when I want to give it. You acting like a jealous ass and getting mad because you suspect me of cheating isn't going to make me want to give it up to you." she broke away from him and marched toward the house.

"Britt, I didn't mean it like that. Babe, come on."

"Go fuck yourself, Roman. I'm going upstairs to talk to Santana."

Santana flew back to her bed as she heard Brittany's footsteps up the hall. She quickly laid face down and closed her eyes pretending to have been asleep the whole time. Brittany lightly knocked on the door before pushing it open. Santana held her breath hoping Brittany didn't see through her show.

She could sense Brittany tiptoeing to the edge of Santana's bed, kicking off her shoes, and then lightly crawling in next to her. The weight of Brittany's body in the sheets made a small hidden smile crack in the corner of her mouth. Brittany rested her head against Santana's pillow, so that she could feel her warm breath on her face. Santana could feel Brittany laying there just watching her sleep, which made her feel very self-conscious.

Next Brittany's fingers found their way to Santana's cheek, ever so sightly brushing her black thick hair back behind her ear. Santana's smile grew, only to be replaced with Brittany's lips on her own.

She couldn't keep pretending any longer. Her eyes flickered open lightly to see Brittany's soft blues smiling back at her.

"Hey sleepy head."

"Hey you." Santana whispered back. "Where's Rome?"

Brittany rolled her eyes. "Down stairs being a butt head. I needed to get away from him and I wanted to come see how you were doing." She ran her hand up and down Santana's arm sweetly. Santana gave her a confused look.

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be? I hate Sundays, but I just spent one with you so my day couldn't get much better." Santana cooed taking her friend's hand away from her arm and locking their fingers together.

"That's not what I mean, but it's good to know…" Brittany trailed off and rolled onto her back away from Santana.

"Britt, what's wrong?" Santana asked giving her friend a nudge as she sat up and crossed her legs. She thought she knew what was wrong and hoped Brittany would tell her what had happened with Roman downstairs even though she heard the whole thing.

Brittany played with the strings of her blouse without answering right away.

"Please tell me." Santana asked again this time leaving a sweet peck on the girls cheek.

"Trust me, you don't want to hear it." She murmured.

"If there's something bothering you then of course I want to hear it." Santana teased tickling her friend in the side to trying to get a smile out of her. Brittany giggled and pushed her hand away.

"Not fair and no you don't. It's about—-" She gestured to the space in between them and Santana suddenly realized Brittany didn't want to talk about Roman. She wanted to talk about what was going on between them.

"Oh…" She said quietly.

"Yea..See?" Brittany hushed looking again at the strings on her top.

Santana bit her lip. She hated seeing Brittany so down, but she didn't feel ready to have this kind of talk yet. She thought for a moment before coming up with a way to make them both happy.

"Maybe we could try talking about it, but without using labels for things. you know, just keep it simple." Santana asked meekly as she grabbed a pillow to hold. Brittany looked up at her with a spark in her eye that made Santana's heart skip.

"You'd do that?"

"I'll try."

Brittany sat up and reached out for Santana's hand. Soothingly she began to rub her knuckles and palm.

"So what's on your mind" Santana pressed, hardly able to sit still.

"I want to know what you think. Sometimes I look at you and I can see what you're thinking like it's a movie playing out on your nose. Other times you look at me with these eyes that make it so I can't breathe, but then five minutes later it's like your on another planet trying to get as far from me as you can. I don't understand."Brittany whispered for no other reason then to draw Santana in.

Santana looked down at her dark bed spread trying to form a satisfying answer.

"I don't do it on purpose. I just see you and all these thoughts start racing through my head. I know I shouldn't be having them, but I can't shut them out." She gave her pillow a squeeze with her free hand.

"Is it really that unpleasant for you to see me in that way? At the fair—" Brittany's voice cracked and she trailed off.

"No, Britt. It's not unpleasant at all. That's just it. When we—-when we're close to each other I feel happy; more happy than I can remember ever being and that scares me. I realized something at the fair, when you were talking and I got upset. As for what happened in the car…I was nervous because it was something that I wanted, but couldn't say out loud." Santana cooed squeezing Brittany's hand in her own.

"Why were you upset, I never got an answer?" Brittany asked with watery pale blues.

"You were talking about your dreams and I realized that I could never give you the things you wanted."

"Santana that's crazy."

"Is it? You said you wanted to get married, have kids, and have a big huge family with ducks and pigs and who knows what else. Last time I check Ohio doesn't allow that sort of thing between two girls and I don't exactly have the right anatomy for kids either." Santana let go and ran her fingers through her hair. " Every time I think about it the more I realize that Roman is what's best for you, even though it rips me up inside."

Santana coughed to help fight back the tears that were starting to form.

"Santana, how do you feel about me." Brittany asked solemnly. She could only scoff and laugh as she brushed the hot tears away from her cheeks.

" I—-Jesus—I love you. I'm completely in love with you. Every day I sit here and watch you with my brother, praying that I could have you the way that he does. I dream about holding your hand and kissing your lips. I hate myself for not being brave enough to say how I feel, but I'm terrified of what other people will think. The fact is I've wanted you since the moment I saw you in the locker room. Every time we're together I take you away from him, but I don't care because I want to be selfish and I'm sick of sharing you. I'm in love with you Brittany and I don't want you to be with him anymore even though I know I can't give you half the things that he can."

Brittany didn't wait another second longer. She launched herself across the bed into Santana's arms, squeezing her tightly and kissing her every where she could reach.

"Santana I've never met any one as beautiful and silly as you." Brittany said squeezing the life out of Santana who felt sad and confused.

"Honey, I can't tell you how happy you make me everyday. I just wish you would have said something sooner." Brittany closed her eyes and kissed Santana's bewildered lips. "Things with Roman are complicated, but I realize a little more every day that I want to be with you."

"Britt, I don't understand. What about your dreams."

"Sweetie, it doesn't matter. Yes, I want a big family, but there's always adoption and a ton of other choices out there. More importantly, we're still kids, so there's no point in stressing about it now."

"Britt I don't understand…"

"San, I'm saying I love you and I want to be with you too."

"Britt, we can't do that. I can't do that. I just told you, I couldn't even hold your hand when we walk around school. If anyone found out we'd get chased out of town and thrown in a dumpster."

Santana watched as Brittany bit her lip thinking her words over carefully.

"San, I don't care about any of that." She said finally. " As long as I can call you mine when we're alone I can live with it staying a secret. "

"….I think I could handle that, but you have to stay with Roman for now. I don't want to share and I really don't want you to sleep with him, but I think he'd know something was up if you suddenly just called it off." Santana grinned. She could hardly believe this was happening.

"I don't like lying, but if it's the only way then okay. This is temporary though. I make no promises he wont break up with me." She warned playfully. "I guess this means the same goes for you and Puckerman?"

Santana gave a small nod which made Brittany roll her eyes.

"Ugh he smells so bad and his perverted jokes are annoying. Plus every time he opens his mouth to flirt with you I want to throw my shoe at his head. " Brittany griped.

"It's only for a little while I promise. So does this mean—-" Santana suddenly very shy. Her heart was beating twice as fast as it normally did when Brittany was close.

"Does this mean what?" Brittany cocked her head to the side making her look even more adorable.

"Erm…does this mean I can call you my girlfriend?" Her cheeks turned so rosy that you could see it against her caramel skin.

Brittany licked her bottom lip and wrapped her arms around Santana's neck as she used her nose to brush up the smaller girl's top lip.

"Yes baby, you most defiantly can call me your girlfriend"

Santana fell backwards with her hair sprawled out against the bed as Brittany laid on top of her locking their lips together and kissing her senseless.

A/N-I didn't plan for this chapter to end up this way, but the character want what the characters want. I know you want them to break up with their boyfriends and they will, but I'm not quite ready for shit to hit the fan just yet. Sorry for the long wait. My old computer was deleting my updates before I could finish them. It made me too frustrated to write or even think about writing. Now I have a new Mac and I'm in love with it. Hopefully I'll be able to update a little more if life doesn't get in the way.