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Chapter 15. - Just touch my hand.
He pulls me outside of the house, and as soon as we cross the porch he drops my hand and looks straight into my eyes.
"Why are you pushing me away, Maya?" He looks straight into my eyes.
"You don´t want to be with me." I know that I am a dangerous little thing—a complete and total freak!
"You think you know me, Maya, but believe me you don´t know even half of who I am or what I feel." His voice grows serious.
His statement takes me by surprise.
"William, we have been together, what, roughly one hundred and fifty years? I think I know you pretty well."
"That´s the thing, Maya, you don´t; you just know a part of me. It would be interesting if you learnt my other part." I can tell that an idea is forming in his head. "How about we make a little experiment of our own, shall we?"
I look at him terrified. The last time I did some little experiment I ended up in a lot of pain and with no hands.
I start shaking my head. "No!" I say firmly.
"I haven´t even told you my proposal, now have I?" He comes closer but stops when he sees me shake my head. "Don´t worry, I am sure this is not going to hurt." He extends his hand towards me, when understanding sinks in.
"I said no, William!" My mind and voice are determined.
"Maya, just touch my hand." His voice is stern and all business now. He extends his hand toward me once again. I put my gloved hand in his.
"No, Maya, touch my hand with yours. No glove this time," he says tenderly.
"No, William, I am afraid of what might happen."
"Please, Maya." His voice is soft; the English accent clear in it.
I once again shake my head.
"Maya, don´t be so stubborn." This time his voice sounds desperate, anxious. I turn my head away and close my eyes. "Why is everybody aware of my feelings, except for you?" His voice lowers to almost a whisper.
I can´t give him an answer.
"The irony! You can easily learn how to create pain, how to read minds, how to eliminate a sense, but you don´t want to learn about me." He gives a small laugh, but there is no joy in it.
His words feel like a slap on my face. Physically it doesn´t hurt, but emotionally it hurts more than the physical slap that Alton gave me. I turn to look up at him.
"That was not optional!" My voice gets louder. How does he dare throw this to me? He knows how much I hate having that knowledge. He should have known better.
I expect him to fight me, but his face is defeated.
"Maybe Aro was right about something, you are too stubborn indeed," he says, giving me a cold look, before he spins on his heels and runs towards the woods.
I want to follow him but I don´t. How is it possible that I am able to endure Jane's torture, having my hands literally ripped off my body and spend almost 150 years without them? Somehow all that is nothing compared to what I am feeling right now. His words are sharper than a knife; something inside me is being torn apart. My knees buckle up and I drop to the ground kneeling, not knowing what to do.
Esme comes out of the house, her face full of shame. I realize that everybody inside heard our conversation; it feels like another stab inside of me.
"I am sorry, Esme, that you had to hear everything." I try to find a coherent phrase to ease up the embarrassment, while a numb feeling takes over my body. "This shouldn´t have happened."
"You don´t need to apologize at all, Maya. Can I ask you something?" she says timidly.
"Always, Esme." My voice sounds robotic. I turn my face, afraid of revealing how much pain I currently am, facing the direction that William ran off.
"Why wouldn´t you touch his hand?" There is kindness in her voice.
My mind can´t let go of those last minutes with him.
"It's rude to intrude into somebodies mind and learn too much of that person. Plus the power that comes with it," I try to explain her; although, it feels as if I am trying to convince myself of the reasons behind my actions.
"Honey, you might be right; it would be rude … if you didn´t have their permission."
I hear her approaching.
"I know," I whisper.
"But he was practically begging you to touch his hand."
I am speechless. How stupid I´ve been. I was trying to avoid hurting him; however, my actions managed to accomplish that.
"You should go and find him," Esme finally says.
If this past one hundred and fifty years have taught me anything, it's that I am no match against him if I try to outrun him.
"I can´t. He's so fast; I will never catch him."
"He's probably expecting you to catch him. Don´t lose more time, Hun, before is too late." I hear her walking back to the house.
"Why are you helping me?" I ask lowly, before she enters the house. Why would she care to help this little monster?
"I don´t like seeing any of my children hurting." With that, she enters the house and shuts the door behind her.
This gives me a little bit of comfort; I know her words are the truth.
Closing my eyes, I sniff the air that surrounds me. I catch his sweet scent, and without opening my eyes, I stand up determined to find him.
I sniff again; my breathing is faster, my anxiety grows. I don´t want him to leave me; I need him. I might be the weakest vampire in history, but knowing that I am about to lose the most important piece of me, makes me run faster. I jump the river without hesitation; it's better to be with him drenched from head to toe, than alone and dry. Somehow, I barely make it to the other side, but I don´t stop. I need to run; I need to catch up with him.
I continue, not giving myself a chance to think of anything. The only thing that matters is that I find him, before it is too late.
The trail of his scent ends together with the road. Maybe he decided to hitch a ride and leave me? Why am I too stubborn to see my own feelings? I look around, hoping to get a glimpse of him, but I don´t.
"WILLIAM!" I shout
at the top of my lungs. If he is still close by he might hear me call.
"How on earth did you get here so fast?" His surprised voice comes from the top of the tree behind me.
It scares the bejesus out of me. I didn´t expect him to climb the stupid tree.
When I look up, he'd already climbed down and was standing not far away from me.
"I ran." There is no other way to explain it.
"No, Maya, you don´t run like that. Believe me, I know." He actually sounds astounded. "Not even if your life is at stake."
"Seems that I finally found a reason to be fast," I say, feeling embarrassed.
"What would that reason be that you considered more important than your own life?" He crosses his arms around his chest.
"You." I look down to the ground not wanting to see the rejection on his face.
A small silence follows, I can´t resist any longer, so I look up. His face is surprised. Of all the answers that he expected that is the only one he was not prepare for.
"I need you to understand something. It's not that I don´t want to know you better; it's the power of that knowledge that frightens me," I say, trying to make him understand my own reasoning, and letting him know that it is not him, but me.
He starts walking closer to me, stopping half way.
"Maya, I know of what you are capable of. I have witness it, and I still want you to touch my hand, so can you please help me here." His eyes are kind and gentle. They light up with passion and hope.
I walk towards him, closing the gap between us. He raises his hand, palm up, stopping at my height. I put my hand on top of his; he holds it with his other and removes the glove that covers it.
"Don´t be scared," he says gently, while his eyes look straight into mine.
Every part that his skin touches causes a fire to spread inside me. There isn´t any pain; it's intense and warm, going all around my body. I gasp, surprised by this new feeling.
Images start flowing through my mind, of his life right in front of me. I close my eyes, letting the images flow freely, letting him guide me through them.
"Time for you to see our time together, through my eyes," I hear his voice so clear in my mind as if he had spoken them aloud.
I see a cloudy part from when he was human, how he had always been handsome, strong, fast and brave. A good little soldier, as his mother used to call him.
He loved his family so dearly; his twin brother, Ivan, his beautiful Mother, Olive, and his strict Father, Salvatore. He felt broken when all his family was taken away from him so suddenly. First his Mother's mysterious death, then his Father's disappearance, and never seeing his brother again.
When his godmother, which he'd only met once, told him that she needed his help with a vineyard in Italy, he jumped at the opportunity of leaving all the painful memories behind and devoted himself to managing the land.
Some years later, he tried to go back and look for his brother, but he never left Italy. He was distracted in Volterra by a beautiful red head.
Suddenly he was afflicted by a pain so strong he couldn´t help from screaming and hoping for somebody to be kind enough to kill him. Slowly, the pain started to recede until he finally woke up and realized that he was no longer a human, but a vampire.
When he opened his eyes, he saw a new perspective of the world, and a beautiful red head right in front of him, a wide smile in her lips. He was intrigued by her and would follow her every order once his thirst was satiated.
Next, was his life as a Volturi guard. It was not bad, and he loved the city, the architecture and landscape that he could observe in Volterra. It didn´t take long for the Master to send him on a quest to Siberia to verify the existence of the Children of the Moon. He and Alton were appointed as partners; he was not happy about it. He disliked the cruelty in Alton, but obviously he didn´t have a choice; the Master ordered it and he would go through with it.
Five years later he returned to Volterra after the quest, hearing rumors about a little vampire. His fellow soldiers joked of how she could do amazing things, but how physically weak she was. The rumors were hard to believe.
The day he returned from the quest, his superior informed him of a new task: to take care of a prisoner for as long as the Master wished.
Later that night he met the Master in the gutter, together with Chelsea, Jane, Alec and a couple of soldiers. When Jane tortured the little vampire who was on the floor, her screams pierced him on the inside. He kept his face expressionless, afraid that the Master would think he was weak. He was not happy to see Jane and Alec bite off her hands, but believed she deserved what she was getting. After all, the Master had ordered it.
When he was finally free to go, after the entire group had left them, he lifted the little vampire in his arms. She looked so broken, and unable to stand up on her own. He looked straight into her eyes and something shifted inside of him. She was so young and innocent, and the need to protect her grew within him. He couldn´t explain what happened to him. When he looked again into her eyes, he saw the terror when she realized that she no longer had any hands; she was going into shock.
Maya saw another image the little vampire catatonic, with William so desperate to get her to feed. No human was any good; she never drank from them, even when they were bleeding so profusely that it was even hard for him to restrain himself. He knew how long it had been since she'd fed, and it worried him. He finally figured animals were the answer, so he brought her animals on the verge of dying, and to his great relief she actually drank from them.
Next was the image of the little vampire waking up after ten years of being in her frozen state; of looking into a mirror and smiling at her own image; the amazement of seeing how beautiful she was. William couldn´t help but smile when he saw her. Then the little vampire tried to run away from him; it was funny how he didn´t even have to try to catch up with her.
Afterwards, seeing a house of the terrible man burning fast, he kicked the back door open, feeling relief in finding her alive. He took her into his arm and ran as fast as he could to get her away from the danger. He saw in her eyes that she finally understood the importance of the law and how anability in the wrong hands could be a terrible thing for everybody.
The next image was of them starting a life together; although, it was annoying for him having to chase her every now and then. An idea finally came to him; after being scare to death when he couldn´t find her for three weeks, he made a deal with the little vampire. He decided to change his diet to animals if she promised not to run away from him. It was a hard promise, but he knew he could do it in order to keep her safe.
With each image, his feelings grew stronger for her.
The next image, he was teaching the little vampire to hunt; being so proud of her when she caught her first prey. During the celebration they had together, he was about to kiss her, but knew better; he would always be her captor. He had orders he needed to keep, and nothing good would come from it if he expressed his true feelings for her.
Why disrupt the perfect arrangement they had and give her a reason to leave him?
Time passed, and he was constantly looking at her when she was doing something else. He wasn't able to stop smiling when she was happy. All those books he read with her, while giving her the impression that it annoyed him, he'd actually enjoyed the time they were spending together.
In text image was when they'd met Emmet and Rosalie, and how scared William was feeling. He knew the Volturi were still in charge of the vampire world, and how close they were from them. He did not wish his little vampire to be near them, even though he wanted to go and support the Cullens; it was too dangerous. He no longer thought of Aro as his master, and did not agree with how things were being handled—especially regarding his little vampire.
Afterwards, as he tried to comfort her, he was surprised that the little vampire came close to him and allowed him to touch her, smell her and caress her. Things were not easy anymore, so he let her go. However, his feelings betrayed him, and before she left the room, he got a hold of her and cornered her against the door. He was finally able to feel the warmth of her body against him, and smell her scent mixed with his. The temptation to kiss her was so great, her face so close to his…. He never wanted to let go of her.
He restrained himself and managed to step away from her; she might not feel the same way as he did, and with the Volturi still in charge, there was no future for both of them … if she even corresponded to his feelings.
"I´m sorry," his little vampire said when she left the house. He was certain she would never come back after his little display, and break the deal. He wouldn´t blame her; he would let her go.
After a few hours he went outside and caught her scent, letting him know she was nearby. He felt relieved and promised himself he would never lose control like that again. However, that didn´t mean he couldn´t make her happy.
The next image was of being in New York with her, and seeing her having the time of her life. One night he climbed the Empire State Building with her on his back; he never wanted that climb to end, and then seeing her expression of excitement when they were at the very top, of looking around screaming at the top of her lungs that she was on top of the world. He wanted to make sure that her smile would always stay on her lips.
He surprised her later, with an ice skating in a nearby forest after New Year's eve. Seeing her twirl with her hair flowing in the air and laughing aloud—he couldn´t stop from smiling. Knowing that she was happy, and thinking to himself that, even if he was her captor, he could still make her time with him memorable. She took him by surprise at the end of the night when she hugged him and blew him a kiss. She was too distracted to notice that he caught the kiss and put it where his heart was—even if it no longer beat. He knew he loved her from above all things.
The next image was of meeting Alton, and knowing how dangerous he was, and that the Master wanted his little vampire back. She would not be safe with him, but there wasn´t any choice; orders were orders and he was no longer a member of the guard. He had been dismissed and there was not even a chance for him to be near her as a soldier.
When he turned his back away from her and started walking, leaving her behind, he had to will himself to move. His mind entered to a dark corner, and wiith each scream he knew he needed to save her.
He was no longer able to think of life without her, while knowing that she wanted to be with him, as he left her to the monster that Alton was. It made his insides fill with pain and anger towards himself, and he knew at that moment life was not worth living if he couldn´t be with her.
He knew that killing Alton meant putting a death sentence on his head, but at least his little vampire could be with him a little longer, making his distress disappear.
After this, he decided to play it smart in case the Volturi were able to find them. He gave the little vampire a package of documents and money, asking her never to reveal where she hid it in case they needed to flee the country, or if, at some point, he would no longer be next to her, she would have a chance to escape from the Volturi.
He started to behave cold in order to avoid knowing too much about her current state, and this pained his little vampire and him, but the less she knew the better chance she would have to live.
The next image was of being intercepted in the woods by the Volturi, who took them where she was, inside the cabin. He knew his time was up. When he helped the little vampire up, he pulled her with too much force, but he was finally able to hold her in his arms one last time before he died.
What did it matter now? He was going to his death soon. It came so naturally to give her a hug and a small peck on her forehead; a goodbye kiss. He didn´t want to reveal his feelings, and there was no more time or options. If there was one thing he feared more than the Volturi, it was her rejecting him. The only thing that mattered was protecting her.
The next image was of Aro, Jane, Renata and two guards in the cabin; he knew that their time together was coming to an end. He tried to protect the little vampire from them at whatever cost. He unsuccessfully tried to hide his feelings from Aro when he touched his hand. Aro was curious to see how far the little vampire would go to protect him, and so was he.
He was amazed when the little vampire was able to throw Jane to the floor, and surprised that she recovered her hands. No matter how much pain he was in by being torture by Jane, at least she was completed once again, and able to fend for herself. What better way to protect her from the future once he was not here?
He noticed the pain reducing, but it was still incapacitating. He looked up and saw the guards and the rest of the Volturi on the floor, in the same pain. The little vampire was full of anger, her hands in front of her, showing what extent her power actually was. He was able to say her name and get her out of the trance she was in. He needed to move, they needed to get out, and so, he pushed his limits and managed to stand up and run away with her.
The next image was of them running away together into the night and stealing a car. He realized he was no longer her captor and they were in the same team now. He was her accomplice, and no matter what happened from now on, they were in it together.
She confessed to him that she partially knew who she was, but his hopes were dying. There was not many options on how to stay alive; at least, for him. He tried to leave her but she stopped him, surprising him on how far she was willing to go for him, while knowing the danger that it represented.
The next image was of approaching the Cullens. His little vampire was so brave; she could be so stubborn but he understood a different face to her. She never wanted to use her abilities against others; it had pained her when Aro forced her to learn her talent. She refused working with the Volturi; which was the reason that had got her in the trouble that brought her to him.
Then it was his frustration during the hunting; he was so close to kissing her. He got the impression that she wanted him to do it, but she was so easily distracted. Then when she wouldn't let him grab her hand made his insides fill with anger, and he did the last thing he would have expected, he left her behind.
The next image they were all dressed up for the wedding. He thought he looked like a monkey in a tuxedo, but Alice made it clear he needed to wear it. He came down the stairs; his little vampire looking at the window, her back towards him. He was still mad at her, but this was neither the time nor place to have an argument. His anger vanished when the little vampire turned and look so strikingly beautiful. He already knew that she was a beauty, but the dress, her hair, and the makeup … the whole package pulled the rug from under his feet, shocking him. She finally offered him her hand, and he took it, not planning to let her go.
The next image was of them dancing together, and him finally having her in his arms close to him. He had always hoped that they could dance together, but knew it will required too much of his control. But now, there was nothing stopping him; he was savoring every single moment he had with her, even if it would only be a glimpse of happiness. They were both so close to each other; her face was touching his as he smelled her hair. He stopped and looked at her; it was all or nothing now. He was ready to kiss his little vampire, but the gasp from Alice distracted them both.
The next image were the discussions about the teams, and of the little vampire pushing him to another team. Didn´t she understand he needed her? Even if it was only to protect her from a physical attack? Still, she didn´t care, she didn´t know him, and there was only one final solution.
In the next image, the little vampire refused to touch his hand. He finally understood that she only cared for him, but did not love him. Feeling what the humans called heartbroken, he said the words he regretted; however, there was a tinge of truth in them.
He ran away, wondering if he should stay or go, but trusting faith that this would provoke the Volturi to come and look for him. It would provide a distraction so the Cullens and his little vampire had a chance to live, and him a chance to die.
In the next image he heard his name being called out by his little vampire. It took him by surprise that she had caught up to him so fast. It could not be possible; at least, not for her. Then, hearing that magical word, 'you'; it such a simple word that managed to fill his heart with hope.
He instinctively walked towards her and stopped. He needed to make sure this was what she wanted, but she didn´t even hesitate. She finally came to him and allowed him to touch her hand.
In every image, I could see his kindness, his bravery, his concern, but above all his love towards that little vampire. There wasn´t the slightest doubt in his mind that she was his perfect match. He then remembered long ago of Aro telling him, "your strength and her weaknesses make you perfect for this job", this was not what Aro had meant, but somehow there was so much truth in his statement.
They were perfect for each other.
I open my eyes, and William is looking expectantly at me; there isn´t any more story to tell.
I can´t even start to describe the happiness that I am feeling for that little vampire that he showed me through the years. In his memories he had always been mine, and I had always been his.
I now know it was never fear what I thought I saw in him when I recovered my hands. He didn´t think of me as a nutcase; it was fear of me not sharing his love.
I smile at him."You are wrong on two accounts and right on one. The first wrong one is that I am most certainly a nutcase"—he sighs, looking exasperated—"and the second wrong is, thinking I have never loved you." He holds his breath, his expression pained. I put my other hand on his face, caressing him and making him look at me. "Because the word 'loving' somehow falls short to describe the way I feel for you. You have become my life and my reason to exist. And the one account that you are right is that I have always been yours, no matter what, as you are mine."
His mouth breaks to a smile, and he brings his face close to mine. I can feel his sweet warm breath. He comes closer and smells my hair, and again I hear him sigh.
I turn my head up; his lips are touching my cheek, giving a couple of kisses here and there, and leaving a warm trail where they touch my skin. I close my eyes as his nose trails my cheek down to my jaw, and then to my collarbone. I can smell his hair, sweet and intoxicating. I close my eyes, my mind not being able to make a coherent thought.
He goes up again stopping at my mouth, before I feel his lips on mine so gently.
I'm afraid that I'll run away, but there is no way I am leaving. This is where I belong and where I should always be.
I return his kiss, at first timid, but shortly it becomes eager and desperate. I never thought I could feel like this. He leaves my hand and brings me closer to him. I can feel his body against mine, his warmth spreading. He bends down and picks me up; I put my arm around his neck.
I can see how happy he is, and I finally realize how he has been my sunshine for so long, as I have always been his.
With my ungloved hand, I touch his; his mind tells me what his actions during all this time that we have been together have been, "I love you Maya with every fiber of my body and my soul."
Without him knowing, he has been teaching me a new ability. There's no need for my hands; it came so natural and kept growing through the years. I can hardly perceive it, but it's the most powerful and important of all; the ability to love him.
He continues kissing me, I can´t find myself parting from him. My hands go to his hair, finally able to touch the softness of it, as his stubble prickles my cheek. I feel alive, my flesh warmer than it has ever been.
Suddenly he stops kissing me; I look back at him concerned. "So, Maya, am I going to be part of your team?" he whispers so lovingly in my ear.
I giggle at his question, it sounds so far away after everything that I just saw. I am so happy I can only hope this moment to never end.
"No, you are not going to be part of my team," I say seriously. His face is surprised and full of shock. This was not the answer he was expecting after everything that he just showed me. "Technically I did jump the river by myself."
His face starts to change, but before he can say anything else, I put one of my fingers in his lips.
"It looks like we both are going to be team Jacob."
He starts laughing and shakes his head. "I don´t think so. I will always be team Maya," he says looking straight into my eyes. I can´t help but smile back at him and continue kissing him, allowing the feeling of happiness run through my body, and getting lost in his lips once again.
I hope you like the chapter, so far this is one of my favorites. I hope to hear your comments :)
Next update will be in two weeks.