Author Note: For those of you confused... James is really back! He's not really dead and he's not a ghost! He'll explain everything in this chapter, which is the last chapter!
Yay! I hope you like it!
Chapter 12: I Want To Be With You
"I still can't believe how amazing you look," James smiled across the kitchen table at Carlos who was sipping on hot chocolate. They had been sitting there for almost an hour now, mostly in silence. Everyone had left shortly after Logan did, insisting they needed some time to catch up. Logan hadn't returned nor was he answering his cell.
Carlos looked up from his mug, eyeing James. He had this weird feeling as he watched the taller boy take a bite of the gingerbread cookie he had taken from the platter between them. HE didn't know why, but something wasn't right. He felt like James was keeping something from him.
"You look- different too," he said unsure of how else to respond. He couldn't say amazing. He would be lying. James was more- scruffy, if he had to choose a word to describe him. He looked like he hadn't shaven in a few weeks now. His hair was long and messy and appeared greasy rather than the sleek shine it usually shone. His voice was a bit raspy when he spoke, and his eyes couldn't hold still for more than a few second, except when he was starring at Carlos.
"Are you alright?" James asked noticing the tension in Carlos.
Carlos nodded, "Just tired I guess and I'm worried about Logan. He left so fast and he always answers my calls."
"I'm sure Logan's fine. He's probably just giving us some space to catch up. Why don't we go to bed? Get some rest?"
Carlos nodded, standing up. James walked around to his side of the table and grabbed his hand, before allowing Carlos to lead the way up the stairs. On the way up, James looked around the house that was so strange to him, "You did a nice job decorating."
"Thanks, but Logan did most of the work."
"Which room is his?"
Carlos tensed for a moment. He wasn't about to lie, "We share a room." He could feel James' grip tighten around his at this information. "When you left, I couldn't bare to be alone and he was afraid of leaving me alone. I wasn't strong enough, James. Not as strong as I am now."
James nodded in understanding as Carlos pushed opened the door to the master suite. Carlos smiled as Logan's sweet aroma filled his nostrils. He loved that smell. The room was exactly the way they left it this morning. Their pajamas were thrown carelessly around the room from their morning activities. Logan's dresser was over flowing with clothes from him rushing to get dressed when their guest arrived earlier than usual, taken both boys by surprised. The bathroom was a mess having no time to clean up before they rushed downstairs to help prepare dinner. It looked as if nothing had changed, yet to Carlos, everything had.
James didn't waste any time kicking off his shoes and discarded his clothing, all but his boxers. He sauntered his way over to the closet, expecting to find his clothes, only to be met by an assortment of Carlos' and Logan's.
"Where are my clothes?" he asked Carlos, softly, trying to hide the anger that was slowly boiling inside him.
"In the attic. You can borrow something of Logan's for the night until we get your clothes down and cleaned up."
James shook his head, "I'll sleep like this," he insisted.
Carlos nodded before slowly undressing himself. James was already crawling into bed by the time Carlos was pulling on an oversized tee shirt of Logan's that the older man had worn to bed the previous night. Hesitantly, Carlos made his way over to the large bed, and crawled in beside James as the taller man instantly wrapped his arms around him. Carlos snuggled into his bare chest, yet couldn't seem to make himself comfortable. Instead, he found himself turning his back to James, only to have the brunette press his stomach against his back.
"I've missed this, Baby," James whispered into Carlos' ear, "I missed you more than you could ever know."
Carlos jumped slightly as he felt James' scratchy lips find his collarbone. He closed his eyes trying to relax and enjoy the feeling. It didn't take long for James to be straddling Carlos as he lay on his back, the taller man's lips moving swiftly against the smaller man's. Feeling something wet lick his bottom lip, Carlos opened his mouth out of reaction, allowing James entrance. He battled for a moment with the intruding muscle, but something still felt off. It didn't feel right.
Giving up, Carlos pushed James away, turning his head so he wouldn't have to look the other boy in his eyes, "I'm sorry, James. I can't. I tried, but I just can't"
"What's a matter, Baby?" James asked noticing the tears filling Carlos' eyes.
"Where were you James? Why did it take you so long to come back to me?"
"Not now, Baby. I promise I'll explain everything later."
"It doesn't make sense! The reports said the plane caught fire and went down into shark-infested waters. There were no survivors! How is it that you of all people managed to come home? How did you come home? And why didn't you call us to tell us you were alive?"
James sighed, running his fingers through his greasy locks as he crawled off of Carlos, and sat up against the headboard beside him. Carlos sat up too, starring at him. Forcing an explanation out of him. It was a few moments before James finally spoke.
"I wasn't on the plane, Carlos. I never made it to the plane."
"What?" Carlos gasped, not believing what he was hearing. "Then where were you this whole time?"
James rubbed his face in his hands. It was obvious he didn't want to continue, but he knew he owed it to Carlos, "I had a photo shoot before the flight and it ran over schedule. Then on the way to the airport, the cab got stuck in traffic. By the time I got to the airport the plane was already boarding and I still had to get through security.
"I was so frustrated and in a hurry to get back to you that I started yelling at the security that was checking my bags and all. I called them slow fucking idiots and told them this was pointless. 'its not like I have a bomb or anything' I said.
"That was the stupidest thing I could of ever said too. They pulled me into the security office and held me there until I calmed down. They scheduled me for the next flight back to the States and they were ready to release me when the news about the crash came in.
"Because of my stupid bomb statement, they held me as a terrorist. They sent me to prison with no trial while the crash was being investigated. Because of the fear that I could be a terrorist, they wouldn't allow me any outside communications.
"I tried to get them to at least let me call you, but they wouldn't budge. It wasn't until the investigation was complete and they ruled it as an electrical fire that they finally let me go. Though I was banned from all air flights and lost my passport. I had to take a fishing boat back here and here I am."
Carlos studied him for a moment after he was finished. He couldn't believe what he was hearing or what to think. No wonder James felt so different to him. He went through so much.
Carlos decided to go with his first reaction. Before James could react, Carlos was hitting him repeatedly with the pillow as hard as he could.
"You idiot! For months I cried over you because I thought you were dead and all this because you couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut! Do you know how sick I was from all that crying? If it wasn't for Logan, you probably would be visiting my grave right now! How dare you even come back to me after all this! I loved you, James! I didn't think I could live on with out you! All this over a stupid bomb joke!"
Carlos was in tears again by the time the pillow broke open, spilling its contents all over James and the bed as the smaller boy fell into James' arms.
James didn't know what to do except to hold onto the boy as he cried. He knew he made the biggest mistake of his life that caused him not only almost a year of his life, but now, the love of his life. Even through the anger and tears, he never failed to miss what Carlos had said. He said he 'loved' him and that he 'thought' he couldn't live without him. He knew it was over. There was no going back.
He waited until the smaller man cried himself to sleep before letting him go and crawling out of bed. After recovering his discarded clothing, he dressed and made his way down the stairs. He heard the front door squeak as it opened and closed, a depressed looking Logan making his way in. The smaller brunette stopped when he saw James at the foot of the stairs.
"James?" he questioned as he watched him reaching for his coat that hung beside the door. "Where are you going?"
James shook his head, "I don't belong here, Logan. Not anymore."
Logan eyed him curiously. James paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before letting his confessions pour out.
"He couldn't stop talking about you all night. Every time he mentioned your name, his eyes lit up. He was worried sick about you too. Afraid you were hurt or wouldn't come home. He barely looked at me all night and when he did, it was as if I was a stranger. I don't know what happened between you two while I was gone, but it doesn't take a genius to see he doesn't need me any more. You're the one he wants."
James could see Logan's eyes light up at this statement. He knew then that Logan felt the same way. He always knew he felt that way about Carlos.
"But what about y-?"
"I won't be far," James smiled. "I'll find a hotel for the night and look for an apartment in the morning. I'm not going to leave him again. I'm just- stepping aside. Perhaps over time we can be best friends again."
Logan nodded again. A part of him wanted to protest. Tell James to stay and work things out with Carlos, but if what James said was true, then maybe that would just ruin any chance he himself ever had with Carlos. Instead, he nodded his head, curtly, and said, "Thanks, James."
James smiled, "Take care of him. For me?"
"Always," Logan agreed before pulling him into a hug, "Don't ever leave us like that again. You hear me?" James nodded, trying his hardest to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. "We love you James," he whispered into his best friend's hair.
"I love you both too, Logan."
James looked behind Logan to the top of the stairs where a lone figure stood watching the scene below. James smiled up at it him, before turning and walking out the door.
Carlos stood at the top of the stairs watching as James left again. This time he didn't bother running after him. He didn't beg him to stay. He let him go. He watched as Logan stared at the closed door for a moment before turning to head up to the second floor. It was then that he caught a hold of Carlos.
Carlos wasted no time, running down the stairs and leaping into Logan's arms. The two embraced each other in tears of silence for quite some time until Logan pulled away. He wiped away Carlos's tears with the pads of his thumbs before whispering softly.
"I'm sorry, Carlos. I couldn't force him to stay."
Carlos just shook his head, "Don't be, Logan. I thought you left me."
"But don't you want-"
"All I want is to be with you. I love you, Logan. More than anything or anyone in this world."
"I love you too, Carlos. I love you too!"
Author Note: That's it! Happy Cargan! I know not everyone got a happy ending, but this is a tragedy. If you want you can image there's an epilogue where James and Kendall fall in love or something and everyone lives happily ever after. :)
I hope all your questions were answered. You found out where James has been and why. Carlos didn't need to make his choice, it was obvious and at least James isn't going anywhere. He's still going to stick around and be Carlos' bestie! :)
Thank you everyone for your amazing comments and for taking the time to read/follow/ and favorite. I really appreciate it! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
I hope you stick around and read my other fics that are still in progress, World's Apart (Kogan/Jarlos), The Clique (Kenlos/Jagan, sci-fi) and Undercover Prince (Jagan/Kenlos).