KAPPALOCK: I've gotten really into this amazing band recently. I'm just so fascinated with how they work as a virtual band and the characters Jamie and Damon have created and how they interact within themselves and with the world around them. Hearing that the creators have apparently resolved their differences, I look forward to the possibility of a new phase and album from the band. So in between working on my Legend of Zelda chapter fanfiction, I've decided to write this kind of long but fun Gorillaz One-Shot. Set somewhere during Phase Two, after the band has reunited but before the El MaƱana incident. Yeah, somewhere in that mess...

Gorillaz belongs to Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett.



Noodle's shoulders cringed up as her hand flew to her jaw. She tenderly rubbed her cheek, waiting for the pain that had shot through her mouth a second ago to soothe down. Her right hand barely held the spoon over the bowl and bits of cereal and drops of milk fell to the table. Her abrupt shout caught the attention of her three bandmates, who all filled the kitchen of the decrepit Kong Studios doing their daily morning activities- whatever got them up and awake, really.

The Kong Studios kitchen was, as usual, a mess. Even after all the trouble Noodle went through to clean it up and get the band back in there. Dirty dishes overfilled the sink and covered half the counter. Several empty bottles and bowls already took space on the table they dined at. They were pretty sure there was something living in their fridge so they refrained from opening it too often. None of the trash lying about even made it to the trashcan hiding beside the cream-colored counters.

Russel Hobbs was the first to respond to Noodle's cry. The large man picked his head up from the eighth bowl of cereal he was previously so indulged in and looked gingerly at the her with large white eyes, "You a'ight, baby girl?"

"I am fine, Russel. Just... ah, my mouth just hurts a little." Noodle said slowly, looking for the words. She dropped her hand from her face and back to the table. She saw that while Murdoc had resumed his attention back to the newspaper he was reading, 2D and Russel were still staring at her with blank stares. "It was nothing, I bet. Never happened before, so..." She reassured them and looked back down at her bowl of Cap'n Crunch Berries and picked up her spoon to grab another mouthful. At this, they both returned to their own breakfasts.

Noodle dunked her spoon into the milky meal before her, making sure to pick up more of the berries than the other pieces that floated around. She had herself another heaping of the crunchy, sweet cereal and promptly stuck it into her mouth and chomp!

"Ouch! Ah!" Noodle cried out again, feeling the pain suddenly shoot back again. Her eyes winced and her shouldered cringed up once more.

"'Ey Noods, 're yer sure nuffinks wrong wiv yor mouth?" 2D's voice cracked as spoke up above the toast he was chomping on at the opposite end of the table.

"Obviously, something's wrong if she can't eat 'errr fuckin' Cap'n Crunch without makin' all that fuss, face-ache!" Murdoc's own scratchy voice rose up from the newspaper he was reading. His bandmates weren't really sure if he was actually reading it or scouring the black ink for any mention of their band. Murdoc was slouched in the wobbly kitchen chair, dressed only his usual pair of briefs and his breakfast, a bottle of terrible cheap beer, sitting on the table in front of him.

"It really hurts. Like when I bit into my cereal, it just hurts all of a sudden..." Noodle whined, her hand nursing her jaw once more.

"How long's it been doin' that? Did it just start hurting today?" Russel asked.

"Yes...? No... umm, sometimes it hurts a little. It has been like that for a while but it did not hurt that much so I did not think much of it. But it has never hurt this much before." She explained.

"What's hurtin' you specifically? Is it your teeth?" Russel asked once more.

"Yeah, this tooth, right here... in the back sorta." Noodle fumbled over her words and she used a hand to hook the left side of her mouth wide open and the other to point near the tooth that caused her pain. Russel leaned in, inspecting her mouth from a safe distance.

"I'd hate to tell ya this, baby girl, but you might have a cavity. And if it's been sitting there for a while, it's probably a pretty bad one." Russel explained, sitting back into his chair, "I used to get 'em sometimes when I was younger."

"A cavity?" Noodle cocked her head to the side, her bangs falling out of place on her forehead.

"Yeah it's like a... uh, it's a... hmm," Russel was at a loss for words trying to explain the term to the young guitarist, "It's like when your tooth starts to decay and there's like a hole in there and it gets real sensitive. Ya get it from eating too much sugar 'n stuff." He said, pointing to his own mouth as he explained to the best of his knowledge.

"Oh... do you know how to fix it?" Noodle inquired, once again switching her position to soothing the discomfort.

"Oh, I can't fix it. You gotta go to a professional for that."

"Yer don't mean... do ya?" 2D spoke up, swallowing the thick lump in his throat, "She's gotta go ter a..." He hesitated in speaking any further. The word came out of both 2D and Russel in barely a whisper.


"A dentist?" Noodle repeated the word. She's heard of a dentist. She couldn't quite recall where or in what context she heard the term before, but it wasn't unfamiliar. She didn't recall ever going to dentist before.

"Yeah, they'll fix that tooth right up for ya." Russel explained. He cupped his chin in his fist as his eyes wandered off in thought, "It's been a long time since I've been the dentist... A real long time..."

"It's, uhhh, umm... been a couple years for me too." 2D looked down sheepishly at his half eaten toast. The embarrassment in his expression gave away the fib he just told. It's been way more than a couple years. "I don't like tha dentist fough. I don't like 'avin some bloke's 'ands and sharp objects in me mouth like that."A throaty laugh emerged from behind the newspaper in Murdoc's seat. "And... and they always wanna do sumfink about me gap. I like me gap just tha bleedin' way it is." 2D finished with a nod.

"Well, I've never been ter any dentist and I'm bloody well nawt ever going ter one." Murdoc protested, finally setting the newspaper down. Considering Murdoc's known hygienic standards, this statement wasn't hard to believe. "They'll fuck up my Satan-worshipping demonic bassist look. A look I've been perfectin' for yearrrs." He said, rolling his tongue. His grin coming in the full view. He ran his long tongue along the top row slimy, yellow pointed teeth.

"Gross." Russel spat.

"I do not want to go to the dentist." Noodle crossed her arms and stood up straight.

"Your tooth is only go'n get worse if ya don't go." Russel argued back, "Ya gotta go, baby girl. You can't ruin that smile of yours."

"Uvverwise yore gonna 'ave a mouth like Muds for tha rest of yor life, Noods." 2D chimed in.

"Oi," Murdoc croaked, a couple of guttural grunts and incomprehensible sounds accompanying it, "Wha's wrong wiv my smile? Tha ladiessss luv it."

"You make the dentist sound terrible. I am not going!"

"You can just do wot I do. Drown out all tha pain wiv booze and drugs till ya can't feel yer teeth no more." The green bassist slyly suggested. Noodle stuck out her tongue in response.

"C'mon baby girl, ya gotta go." At this point Russel was beginning to beg the young girl, "What if... what if we all went with you?"

"Coming with me is not going to make want to go."

"Ya won't be by yourself." Russel sighed, "Ya know what, we're all overdue for a good cleaning. Would ya go if we all got appointments too?"

"Wot?!" Murdoc and 2D's cried out in union.

"I nawt going ter no bloody dentist! You can't make me!" Murdoc shouted, pounding his fists on the table so hard all of the bowls and bottles that encompassed it shook.

Russel was not in the mood to lose this argument. The drummer stood up at the table, overpowering both Murdoc and 2D's skinny figures with his large shadow. He glared at them, his empty eyes piercing into their own. 2D shook in his skin. Murdoc's mouth hung open, completely dumbfounded. He shut it and quietly sat back in his chair. It tilted to the side due to mismatched legs. He scratched his prominent paunch and glared at the corner of the room.

"I will go if everyone does!" Noodle announced with a large grin smeared across her face.

"Good. I'll find a close, good dentist and schedule us all appointments as soon as possible." Russel said, leaving the table. He turned his head, sending a final, stern glare to Murdoc to behave.

Murdoc let out a nervous, throat laugh at the situation. His hands fumbled around the table, finding a single cigarette and match amongst the mess of bottles and bowls. As he lit it, he continued to mumble curses to himself, "The bloody dentist. I've never been made ter go ter a bloody dentist. Fuck."

"As long as they don't try ter make me fix me gap." 2D compromised.


The four bandmates sat in the office of the so-called "best dentists on this side of Essex". The walls were a pale blue and the floors were squared white tile. The navy chairs were stiff and rough and the wooden armrests weren't very comfortable either. Seven outdated magazines lay on the coffee table in front of them. A couple of celebrity magazines, women's and men's health ones, and a home and garden read. They sat uncomfortably in the sterile-feeling waiting room. They could hear the buzzing of machines from the back rooms and the faint crying of children. The only accompanying noise came from a nearby TV playing a news station that gave the same news on repeat hourly. There were a couple other people in the office. A business man, who looked at the group with unfriendly stares and a young woman who fell victim to the inappropriate looks given to her by the olive-skinned bassist until she was finally called up by the desk receptionist to her appointment.

Noodle swung her legs under her chair, her hands politely folded at her lap. Russel sat to her left, curiously eyeing the home and garden magazine. Murdoc sat to her right, crossing his legs and consistently switching positions. 2D was beside Murdoc, his eyes glued the news channel that played on the TV in the corner of the waiting room.

"Oi, face-ache," Murdoc's scraggly voice whispered. 2D responded without fail to the familiar call, "Give us a cig. Now." 2D obeyed, feeling the craving for a smoke as well, and pulled two out of the box in his pocket.

"You can't smoke in here, it's an office building." Russel scolded them, his voice also down to a whisper.

Murdoc's frown deepened, "Aw, shut yer fac-"

"No smoking!" The receptionist's voice rose above the stoic sounds of the waiting room. Her voice echoed in the space. The high-pitched yell came out nowhere, causing both 2D and Murdoc to jump in their seats. Murdoc leaned in his chair, having to look past Russel's big gut to get a good luck at the small, stout woman sitting at the desk in the front of the room. She continued speaking, the face of the bassist not frightening her in the least bit, "If you're going to smoke, do it outside of the building. Otherwise, put them out. Put them out right now."

Murdoc mumbled an inscrutable number of obscenities, never removing his glare from the chubby face of the receptionist. With her final warning, both and 2D stood up and headed for the door to take a smoke outside. Russel and Noodle could see the two's backs from the window they stood in front. They stood out in the street with their fags in hand. They were holding a conversation but Murdoc's loud scraggly voice could barely be heard through the thick glass and walls. In the back of his mind, Russel kept note to keep an eye on them just in case they tried to make a break for it.

Noodle watched the receptionist kindly dismissed one of the latest patient's. The teenager eyed them from behind her bangs. Either that person's cheeks were swollen from their latest visit or they just had a fat face. She brought her heels up to the edge of the seat and hugged her legs to her chest.

"I assume you four are the group that called in yesterday for appointments today?" The receptionist's voice called the attention of Russel. A thin eyebrow was raised, clearly judging the strange band.

"Uhh yes ma'am. I apologize for my bandmates' beha-"

"Not an issue. Dr. Walters is able to see one of you now." She said. Russel looked at Noodle and then out the window at Murdoc and 2D. He caught a glimpse of Murdoc whacking 2D upside the head before looking back at Noodle.

"You wanna go first? Get it over with?" Russel asked. Noodle furiously shook her head. "It's not that bad, baby girl. I'll go first to prove it to you. Keep an eye on those two while I'm gone, make sure they don't go anywhere." Russel said as he stood up out the chair. The chair seemed to suddenly relaxed and breathe, finally free from Russel's heavy weight.

Russel walked towards the back of the office heading in a hallway as the receptionist led the way. She handed him a clipboard to fill out for insurance and dental information. She led him into a small, confined room. There were a couple counters displaying an assortment of expensive-looking electric toothbrushes and a sink. In the center of the room was a reclined chair with all sorts of contraptions coming out of it.

"You can have a seat. Wait here until Dr. Walters arrives." She said and was gone in an instant before Russel could ask any questions. The drummer slowly stepped over to the chair. He scratched his bald head, it was so tiny. He turned around and tried to fit himself onto the chair. He felt it sink slightly under his weight and his could feel his cheeks pink up under his dark skin. He took the pen off the clipboard and assessed the given form.


"Let's make a break for it. Right now. There's a taxi right dahn there." Murdoc exhaled the cigarette smoke. He nudged his right shoulder, "We can just jump in and go. Or we can just take the car. Leave those two with the taxi."

"Where?!" 2D leaped ahead, looking around for any means of escape from the terrible place they were at.

"No! Don't 'ave a look... they're watchin'..." Murdoc said carefully. 2D carefully stood back into place, his back to the window. He took a long drag of his cigarette. He couldn't resist cranking his head a few degrees to catch sight of the insides of the waiting room.

"It's just Noods."

"Just Noodle?" Murdoc, surprised that Russel's blank eyes were no longer on them, turned around and saw the girl sitting alone in the waiting room. He promptly dropped his cigarette, grounded his Cuban heeled boot into it and burst through the office doors. "Noods! Where'd Russ go?"

"He went in." Noodle pointed a finger to the back rooms, where the faint sounds of drilling and machines could be heard.

"You know, I'd thought that 'e'd duck out last minute like tha rest of us." Murdoc shrugged, looking at 2D with eyebrows raised, "While 'e's not 'ere, common Noodle luv, let's cop out of 'ere while we still can. You know you don't want ter go into that fuckin' oral torture chamber."

"But Russel said..."

Murdoc wasn't having it and only continued to persuade the teen to go along with him, "If you listen close enough, you can 'ear tha tears and cries of all tha bloody children's oral cavities bein' raped by shiny dentistry equipment echo frough tha halls of this fuc-"

The receptionist swiftly interrupted with a loud, forced shush coming from her pursed lips, "Please keep your thoughts to yourself or I'm going to have to ask you to leave the premise!" Murdoc crossed his arms, clearly aggravated. 2D swallowed a nervous lump and quietly took the seat besides Noodle. The woman went back to the work she was doing on her computer and quietly muttered to herself, "This dentist doesn't even see children."

Murdoc confidently sauntered over to the receptionist, leaning an elbow on the desktop casually as if he was invited to come over, "'Ey lady, you ever 'eard of Gorillaz?"


"Hello, Mr. Hobbs. How're you today?" Mr. Walters kindly greeted the drummer. He had the filled out form in hand and read over the information given. He was clearly of much older age but not old enough to be kicked into a retirement home. He had a remarkable full head of silver hair and a trimmed beard.

"I'm good. Just call me Russel." Russel said, trying to relax as he lay back in the dental chair.

"Let's see what we've going on today. Just a checkup and cleaning?" The man inquired, shifting the glasses on his face, "Hmm... a gold cap? That's interesting. Last appointment in... 1993? You haven't been to the dentist in nearly over a decade?!" Russel could hear the obvious astonishment, disgust and mocking tones in the man's voice.

"I... got a little busy." He bashfully excused himself. The dentist raised a thick eyebrow.

"Doesn't matter. Let us see what we've got going on in there. That's what I'm here for. Please lean back, would you?" Dr. Walters sighed, putting the clipboard aside and rolling his chair besides Russel's head. He flicked a switch on the dental chair. With a clunk the chair forcefully adjusted to the dentist's liking. Russel looked up at the ceiling and sighed, mentally preparing himself for what was to come. He heard the snap of the plastic gloves and the cling of metal tools besides him.

"Alright, open wide..."


"C'mon! Just listen to one song! You'll luv it! Gorillaz!" Murdoc seductively gazed at the receptionist.

"I'm busy, Mr. Niccals. For the last time, please take a seat." She was nearing the end of her rope with the bassist's constant antics.

"Clint Eastwood! Now that's, err, that's a favorite! Or I mean... I mean if you like it slowerrrr, Tomorrow Comes Today might be right up yer alley! Common, luv, give 'er a listen! You can really hear tha, no no no! I'll pull it up for yer!"

"Sir, get your hands off my computer now please!"

"Oh luv, you'll like it, I swear! Just 'ave a look- oowww, err... uhh, ehh Two Dents o'er there got these great vocals, not as right good as mine I assure you but tha fans luv it so I can't argue. Oh but 'ear tha sound of that bass, that's some, that's right... err, ehh that really makes it. You know who does tha bass, luv? Me. Murdoc Niccals." Murdoc's persuasive voice croaked as the woman tried to push him away while he forced his way onto her desk.

"If you don't cease now, I will call security!" The receptionist threatened, reaching for the phone on her desk. Murdoc hissed at her and slowly back off his desk.

"No need ter get tha coppers involved, luv. Just tryin' to expand yer musical experience beyond wotever this shit is that yer listen ter e'vryday." Murdoc motioned to the soft, piano elevator-like music that emitted quietly from her computer.

"Take a seat." She said finally before turning back to her work.

"I umm, uhh, I kinda like that there music she's playin', it's all nice and relaxin' and, and, and-" 2D fumbled over his words until he got a frightful glare from Murdoc to simply shut his face.

Russel suddenly came from around the bend in the hallway. The receptionist had a cute little gift bag already prepared for him when he came around.

"Thank you for coming in today, Mr. Hobbs. Would you like to schedule your next appointment?" She asked. Russel peeked inside the gift bag; there was a mini box of travel toothpaste, a new green toothbrush and a small carton of mint floss. He looked back up at her and then back over his shoulder to see his bandmates all had their eyes peeled to him.

He stiffly shook his head and whispered a quiet "No thank you" so they couldn't hear them and headed back to his chair in the waiting room.

"Oi Russ, 'ow'd it go?" 2D inquired.

"Heh heh heh, did they di-"

"It was fine. It went really well." Russel quickly interrupted between gritted teeth before Murdoc could make a sick joke. Noodle looked up at him, tilting her head so an eye was exposed through her bangs.

"Really?" She asked.

"Yep. The dentist is... really nice." Russel said, unsure of his own words. Noodle grinned at his reassurance.

"Did yer 'ave any tooff 'oles or wot or cavi... cavar... cav... it... wotever yer called it?" 2D inquired.

"I haven't been to the dentist in a long time but I'm clean. Because, y'know, I try to keep up my dental hygiene with like brushing my teeth twice a day and-"

"Awright, awright, we don't care about yor daily routines." Murdoc stopped him. He paused. His eyes darted to the bag Russel held in his hands, "Woss in tha bag?"

"It's mine." Russel pulled it away from Murdoc's curious gaze, "I got it because I'm a patient."

"Err, ahhh... emm I want a bag!" Murdoc whined.

"Ya get a bag when you're done with your god-damn appointment."

"... Is there neat stuff inside or is it all borin' useless junk. I only want it if it's cool lemme see." Murdoc greedily reached over Russel for the bag. His large elbow knocked him back into his chair.

"Yeah, it's cool stuff." Russel lied, knowing that the gift is convincing Murdoc to stay in the office, "But you can't see."

"Lemme see!"


"Dr. Walters can see the next one." The receptionist called out.

Russel locked eyes with Noodle, "It's not that bad, baby girl, I'm telling ya."

Noodle looked at him with a trusting gaze and stood up. She followed the woman to the same room Russel was in before. She could hear Murdoc continue to fight with Russel over the bag even after she left the room.


The receptionist handed Noodle the same clipboard and forms she gave to Russel. Noodle sat herself down in the dental chair and filled out the forms to the best of her ability. Eventually, Dr. Walters rolled in, taking the clipboard from her and looking at the given information.

"Okay, Miss... Noodle?" Dr. Walters looked back up her. She gave him a big grin and nodded. "All right, Noodle..." He tested the name, sounding very unsure, "This is your first dental appointment. Ever. Okay... What's the problem with your tooth?"

"It hurts." Noodle said blankly. He could clearly pick up her japanese accent.

"Let me take a look at it. Please lean back." Dr. Walters sat in his chair and rolled besides Noodle, letting the dental chair adjust once again; this time much easier without the resistance of Russel's weight. He pulled up his mask, snapped on his gloves and lowered his telescopic glasses down over his eyes. "Open wide, please."

"Is this going to hurt?" Noodle stopped him. Her eyes focused on mirror and hook tool he held in his hands. The hook tool was ecspecially frightening with its curved sharp point.

"I'm only going to examine your teeth, miss. See what the cause of the pain is. It shouldn't hurt." He explained kindly. Noodle stiffly nodded, closed her eyes and opened her mouth wide once more. Dr. Walters dove in, armed with his instruments. Noodle opened her eyes back up and they absently wandered the ceiling. She could feel the metal hit the top of and between every tooth. She could feel it but it didn't hurt. At least until he came to that one tooth.

Noodle nearly clamped her teeth down on Dr. Walters' hands. Luckily, he took out both his hands and the instruments just in time for her to cry out in pain. Though she couldn't see it, he was smirking under his mask.

"You've got a terrible massive cavity there, miss!" He explained.

"Yeah, I can feel it." Noodle groaned, relaxing and lying back down in the chair.

"On the bright side, you've got all your adult teeth. That's good, no problems with that. A couple of them came in a little crooked, though. Maybe if you came around when you were younger, we could've gotten you a spacer or braces and fixed that right up. Although it's never too late for that..." Dr. Walters said as he turned his chair around to his tool tray besides him. He pulled out various different amounts of strange utensils, "But focusing on the matter on hand, I'm going to take care of that cavity right now for you. It's a real deep one though, it'll be painful, so I'm going to numb you to help with that."

Noodle released a sigh of relief. Murdoc was right. Even the dentist drowns out the pain with drugs until you can't feel your teeth. She wondered what painkiller he was going to give her. Perhaps some sort of numbing pill, those exist right? Or maybe it would be in a gas form. Noodle relished in the different forms of drugs the dentist might give her until he turned around, holding a large needle in his hand.



"Noodle!" Russel, 2D and Murdoc all shot out of their seats. Noodle's scream echoed through the entire building. The receptionist even jumped in her own seat. The three wasted no time, sprinting into the back hallway and towards the office Noodle's screams could still be heard from. Russel gave a powerful kick to the door, nearly knocking it off it's hinges.

"Noodle! You a'ight?!" Russel entered first, his eyes darting from corner to corner.

"The door was unlocked! Bloody hell, did you have to kick it?!" Dr. Walters cursed. He sat in his chair, large needle in hand, holding his face and completely dumbfounded at the situation before him. Noodle was curled in the corner of the room. Her arms guarding her face.

"Oi! Wotcher doin' wiv Noodle?!" Murdoc shouted, pointing an accusing finger in him.

"Sssh! I didn't do anything! She kicked me in the face!" Dr. Walters said, trying to keep his voice down and trying to shush Murdoc's.

"Woss in that needle, then? Heroin, isit? Yer pushin' drugs on a thirteen year old girl?" 2D jumped forward.

"She's not takin' any of yore drugs, mate! If she wanted drugs she could've gotten the lot of them at 'ome, ya fuckin' arse. Ain't that right, Noods?" Murdoc had moved to the side of the girl cowering in the corner.

"It's just anesthesia, my god. Can't a man just do his job?!" Dr. Walters groaned.

"Uuuh, guys..." Russel spoke up, fully realizing what was going on, "I really do just think this man's trying to do his job."

"Thank you!" Dr. Walters sighed, finally having someone on his side instead of against him.

"B-b-b-but Noodle was screamin' and, and, and 'es got that big needle there in 'is 'hands!" 2D stuttered.

"Nah, man. Ya'll stupid. This is what y'all get for never going to the dentist. It's for numbing Noodle's mouth so she doesn't feel any pain when he fixes her cavity. God-damn idiots." Russel smacked his palm into his face.

"Idiots? Coulda swore you were runnin' right dahn that 'all wiv us..." Murdoc mumbled, an arm around Noodle to comfort the shaking girl.

"Noodle, he ain't tryna hurt you, baby girl." Russel said, walking over to her.

"I am not letting him poke me with that!" Noodle shook her head.

"It's a'ight. I'm sure Dr. Walters' got some other form of anesthesia for ya, right doc?"

"Well, I've got some nitrous oxide, 'laughing gas' is what they call it. It'll numb you right up, make you feel a little funny afterwards though... but I just assumed she was old enough for the ne-" The doctor was cut off by a fierce, unrelenting glare from the large drummer, "Right. I'll go get the gas. I ask that you three please return to the waiting room. This has happened before... although not as extreme, so I suppose I can let it pass. Just please... don't break my door again."

With that, Dr. Walters left the room.

"See, he's a nice guy, baby girl." Russel said, moving over so Noodle could sit back in the dental chair.

"You guys came so fast, no?" Noodle said with a large grin on her face.

"O'course we did, Noods, we ain't gonna let some blighter 'urt you, luv!" 2D said with a large reassuring, toothless smile. Murdoc crossed his arms, a half smile formed on his face. "Will ye be okay 'here by yorself?" 2D inquired.

"I think I will be okay. I can do this." Noodle said, blushing in embarrassment from the huge scene she caused.

"Arright luv, just scream if you need us." Murdoc winked before turning his heel and heading out the door, Russel and 2D in tow.

The three awkwardly walked back into the waiting room. The receptionist looked at them with wide eyes, not sure of what happened back in the office. Murdoc gave her a curt nod before sitting back down in their seats quietly.


"Okay Muds, I'm finkin' of a number between one and one 'undred."


"How do yer always know? Yer always get it..."

"Because you always think of the bloody same number, dullard!"

Murdoc and 2D went back and forth on the argument. Russel sighed, at least they were finding distractions. He was afraid earlier that the two of them would run the second they had the chance but now that they felt they needed to stay to protect Noodle, he could relax. Russel knew his baby girl could protect herself anyway. He recalled the humorous times when her ten year old body could take down his fat ass. He looked at the back of the office. It had been a while since they left Noodle alone. He wondered how she was doing.

Right on cue, Dr. Walters walked into the waiting room, guiding Noodle by her shoulders. The receptionist handed her a gift bag, which Noodle took and gazed into without a word. She didn't seem steady on her feet and her left cheek was swollen from the work. The three of them instinctively stood up, not really knowing why though.

"Here she is. The cavity is all fixed. Now she's going to be a little... loopy for a couple hours from the anesthesia. Just sit her down, it's a bit funny to watch truth be told." Dr. Walters, "But there are some matters I'd like to discuss due to the lack of dental visits in the past..."

2D took Noodle by her hand and guided her to a seat. She was stumbling over her own two feet like a drunk, drugged out hooker on the streets. Except she was Noodle, not a hooker. Russel and Murdoc stayed behind and spoke with Dr. Walters.

2D grinned at his bandmate while she looked off absently in another direction. "So, 'ow'd it go, Noods?"

"... How what go...?" She spoke slowly, her head bobbing around and a lazy smile on her face. Her accent was much thicker than before and her english more broken.

"Does your tooff still 'urt?"

"I can... I can not feel teeth. I can not... feel anything? Where is face?" Noodle's hands began wandering around her face and into her mouth.

"Noods! Get yer 'ands out of yer mouth, luv! Blimey!" 2D quickly grabbed her wrists and pulled them down from her mouth. She obeyed in her delusional state, her arms falling limp to her sides. She let out a giggle before dropping the expression on her face and reverting back to absent staring at 2D and mumbling about all the holes he's got in his head. "Yore freakin' me out, Noods."

"Your not puttin' bloody braces in my guitarist's mouth, fuckin', wot the hell are you tryin' ter do, ruin my band?!" Murdoc shouted at Dr. Walters.

"I'm not saying she needs braces right now, but with more careful examination and some tests, a couple of her teeth may need some support in straightening out." Dr. Walters calmly explained to the enraged bassist.

"'Ave a look, mate, you've done yer job. You got rid of the bloody civ... cav... cavar... wotever shit. That's it. Yore done wiv 'er, she don't need fixin'." Murdoc jabbed a pointy finger into his chest. Dr. Walters was knocked back a step by Murdoc's relentless jabbing. He turned his back to him and returned to his seat besides Noodle, irately crossing his arms. Dr. Walters quietly rubbed the spot in the center of his chest where Murdoc jabbed him, giving Russel a look. Russel shrugged and went to sit down.

"I can... ahem... I can take whoever's next." Dr. Walters said quietly.

2D and Murdoc looked at each other. Murdoc slumped further in his chair, the frown growing more on his face. "Well go on Two Dents, I can't stand ter 'ave a look at 'is bloody face any longer. It's yore turn." Murdoc snapped. 2D looked up with an unsure gaze at Dr. Walters. He sighed and motioned for 2D to follow him. He got up out of his chair, his legs shaking at the knees and followed the man to the back rooms. Dr. Walters handed him the clipboard and forms to sign along the way.

"Well now that that's settled, oi Noodle luv, 'ow are you feelin'? Don't listen ter that wanker, yore teeth are not so bad. They're better than mine, that counts for a 'oole lot." Murdoc crackled. Noodle looked up at him when she heard her name. She gave him a big smile, forcing him to weakly smile back.

"Look at all fingers!" Noodle said in a near shout, raising her hands close to his face, "So many fingers, no? Oooh..." She stared in awe at her hands, shaking them in front of her face. Murdoc blinked in surprised at her sudden exclamation. He heard Russel's deep chuckle beside.

"Yeah, man. That laughing gas makes you say the funniest shit, dawg." Russel laughed.


"Okay Mister... 2... D?" Dr. Walters raised an eyebrow, "Is that your... real name."

"Uuh yeah, it stands for Two Dents cause of these two dents in me head, it's a long story there mate,"2D's warbly voice answered, he motioned to his blank black eyeballs, "Ummm, yeah, eh, um, I mean, yer can just call me 2D. That's wot e'vryone calls me. I prefer yer call me 2D, I don't want yer ter call me Stuart Pot. Uhh, oh, Stuart Pot is me real name I guess. But yer can just call me 2D. Just 2D, please." He stuttered.

"Alright, Mr. 2D. This is your first dental visit since... oh. That's a long time." Dr. Walters tried to hide his judgement. It was a far longer time difference than the last two patients.

"Heh heh, 'eh ummmm, well yeah, uhhh, ha ha, I don't right 'ave an excuse for meself 'ere." 2D blushed, scratching the back of his neck.

"Mr. 2D, you're missing your two front teeth. You know, we can easily fix that up for you. Get you set up for a nice partial denture or teeth implants before Christma-"

"No! No no no! No no!" 2D yelped, "I like me gap, yer can't fix it!"

"Mr. 2D, missing your two front teeth is far more than just a gap! I heard you're a vocalist. Your speech much be very important to you. Think of how much your speech and singing ability could improve with help!" Dr. Walters said, sitting down in his chair. 2D narrowed his eyes, this man was persistent. But it wasn't an argument he hasn't heard before.

"No. I sing just fine. Have yer 'eard me vocals? They're bloody great. Yer ever listen ter Gorillaz, mate?" 2D asked, finding the confidence to defend himself.

"No I haven't. I don't listen to much music. Lay back please." Dr. Walters said, performing his usual routine of adjusting the chair, snapping on the gloves and pulling up the mask.

"Well yer should. Music is the greatest. Yer'll love our music. It's great. Brilliant." 2D said as he leaned back in his chair, "Leave me gap alone, will ya?"

"If you insist. I'll just do a routine cleaning and check up for you Mr. 2D." Mr. Walters agreed, picking up his tools, "Open wide, please."

Dr. Walter's agreement helped 2D relaxed, almost forgetting how scary the dentist was. It wasn't as if he had to go through what Noodle had. Just a cleaning, that's all. With that mental reassurance, 2D opened his mouth up wide.


"Bleh, pooey," 2D spat, rising up from the chair, "That paste yer put on me teeff, well, that tastes like shit, mate."

"Fluoride, Mr. 2D." Dr. Walters politely corrected him, "And believe me, after seeing your mouth, I'm going to have get you a prescription for fluoride toothpaste." Dr. Walters shuddered when he recalled the site of 2D's orifice. Crooked teeth which could've easily been prevented in his early years, terrible plaque buildup everywhere, and no signs of brushing and flossing for god knows how long.

"Well I guess that'd be arright wiv me if yer fink that'd work or 'elp or wotever." 2D shrugged, standing up straight now.

"Oh Mr. 2D, I could give you a few other options that would help much more than some flouride toothpaste. But as you clearly stated, you're not interested." Dr. Walters smirked, practically pushing the lanky vocalist out the door of his office. 2D averted his eyes to the ground. "Ah, let's see, we've got one more of you left."

"Yeah, that's Muds."

"He's going to be trouble..." Dr. Walters groaned, silently wishing a bus would crash into building and kill him before he'd have to be alone in his office with that man. Dr. Walters and 2D walked out into the waiting room, catching an earful of laughter coming from Murdoc and Russel. Noodle sat between them, still in her drugged up state. Noodle heard their laughing and slowly began chuckling. Next thing they knew she was laughing harder than all of them. Noodle stood up, holding her sides as she mindlessly laughed. She got down on her knees and all while still laughing, curled up in a ball on the tile of the waiting room.

"'Ave a look Russ, she's on the bloomin' ground." Murdoc hooted, his legs kicking up as he laughed. Russ wiped a tear of laugher from his eye before reaching his hand down to Noodle.

"Ha hahaha ha... get off the tile, baby girl. Ya don't wanna lay down there." He said, laughing and panting in between words.

Murdoc noticed that 2D and Dr. Walters had finally come back, "Oi Doc! Oi! Doctor uh... wot, wot were 'is name uhh... oh, 'ey Dr. Walters! Wotever you gave 'er, I want a special order! Ahahaha, oh sweet Satan, this bring me back to the eighties, mate." Murdoc reminisced quietly to himself.

"Here's your bag Mr. 2D." The receptionist quietly pushed a gift bag in 2D's direction. He politely nodded a thanks a looked inside. A toothbrush, floss and mini travel toothpaste. Fun. He was half-expecting a toy or something. He hid his disappointment and looked back up at his bandmates, still roaring in laughter at Noodle's expense.

"Where... Where is gift bag?" Noodle spoke up from the titled floor, "I had gift bag. Where go?"

"Right here, baby girl." Russel chuckled, pushing Noodle's bag over to her. She whispered a quiet 'Yesss' as she grabbed it. Noodle tipped the bag over so it lay on it's side. She reached her hand inside and kept it in there, not pulling out anything, quietly laying her head back down on the title.

"It is cold." Noodle breathed.

"It's like she's drunk and 'igh all at the same time... 'cept she's not frowin' up e'vrywhere." 2D commented as he took a seat on the tile besides Noodle.

"You mean like you last weekend?" Murdoc slowly forced his laughter to die down, "Is it my turn yet, then, eh, guv? Last one of the day doc!" He stood up, stepping over Noodle as she curled up on the ground.

"Thank god." Dr. Walters muttered under his breath, handing Murdoc the usual clipboard and forms to fill out.

"Hail Satan!" Murdoc apparently heard him, praising the dark lord as they headed down to the office. Murdoc winked once more at the receptionist, "Make sure yer 'ave my gift bag ready wen I'm out. Throw in something special there, luv." She looked away from him and back to her computer screen. She was playing Solitaire.

Murdoc promptly handed Dr. Walters the clipboard back once they entered the office. "Oooh, ooow, I've been waitin' all day to try out one of these." Murdoc cooed as he relaxed himself on the reclined dental chair. He kicked his legs up and casually placed his hands behind his head.

"Oh my..." Dr. Walters gaped, reading Murdoc's form, "Mr. Niccals..."

"Please, mate, call me Murdoc."

"... Mr. Murdoc," Dr. Walters swallowed once.

"'Ol Walt." Murdoc smiled, testing his new nickname for the dentist.

"Just Dr. Walters please."

"... 'Ol Walt." Murdoc persisted.

Dr. Walters sighed and just decided to go along with it. He looked back at his clipboard, raising his thick eyebrows, "This is your first dental appointment. Ever?" He was even worst than the last.

"And 'opefully my last! After today I'm bloody well never comin' back. But our Noodle would only come if we all went so... 'ere I am! Do yer worst!" Murdoc presented himself. Dr. Walters swallowed a second time. For the first time in his entire dental career, he was actually afraid to see what horrors inhabited his patient's mouth. He decided to double up on the latex gloves for this session. He pulled up his mask and rolled his chair over. Murdoc nearly fell backwards when the chair suddenly shifted itself.

"Please lie down, Mr. Murdoc." The dentist sighed, pulling out his tools. Murdoc grumbled a bit and lied down on his back. "Open wide... please." Murdoc noted the hesitation is his voice and smirked before opening up real wide. The dentist took a deep breath, "Mr. Murdoc, I'm going to need you to stick your tongue back in your mouth."

"Well that's a cheeky thing to ask, 'ol Walt! Do ya spot how long this thing is? Although, I can't complain, yer know bloody well the ladies never do aharharhar!" Murdoc snickered at his own witty joke.

"Yes, yes, it's a very impressive length."

"That's wot yer wife said last night and she wasn't talking about my tongue! Hahaha haha!" Murdoc laughed even harder this time, wiping a tear from his eye. He looked up at Mr. Walters' very unamused expression, "Do yer even 'ave a wife?"

"Please, Mr. Murdoc. Cooperate with me." Dr. Walters had resorted to begging. He kept reminding himself, last patient and then he'd be free. Maybe take a long vacation. A very long, well deserved vacation to somewhere far, far away from Essex.

"Awright, awight, I got you 'ol Walt." Murdoc complied, lying back in the dental chair and opening his mouth back up. Dr. Walters sighed and picked back up his tools. He took a glance inside Murdoc's orifice and examined the damage. Teeth that had been filed to a point, discolored a gross grey-yellow, ugh, he didn't even want to think about the amount of plaque buildup he would find. Missing teeth in a few locations and most of his teeth were chipped or rotted out. Hell, there was a hole drilled straight through one of them! A hot wave of breath hit him directly in the face. His nostrils burned up and Dr. Walters could feel the vomit rise in his throat.

"Oh Jesus," He swore, pushing his mask further up his mouth and rolling himself two feet away from Murdoc as fast as he could.

"That's rude, it ain't that bad!" Murdoc groaned, remaining on the chair.

"My apologies. Just give me a moment." Dr. Walters spoke, waiting for the nausea to settle down. The awful taste in his mouth told him that he successfully swallowed his lunch back down. He took a few deep breathes, secured his mask up tighter and headed back into the 'war zone'. Dr. Walters leaned back over Murdoc, grabbing his mirror and probe. "Mr. Murdoc, are you in any sort of pain? There's so much damage in here, the ache must be unbearable."

"Ahhh, no, well not anymore anyways. Used to wen I were yunger, I just drowned it out with booze and speed and all sorts of drugs, you know, I don't even remember but it just stopped 'urting. Can't even feel ya runnin' yor instruments round in there now." Murdoc proudly explained, "I guess my body sort of adapted ter my so-called 'terrible dental 'ygiene'. It 'appens. I've 'eard of it." Dr. Walters looked back inside his mouth.

"I've... What? I don't believe that it's possible, Mr. Murdoc..." Dr. Walters said. He reached in for Murdoc's mouth but he cut him off, almost snatching his fingers in his teeth.

"It is, mate. Probably 'cause I sold my soul to the devil back in the day. I was a bit reckless in my youth but Satan's got my back now, mate." Murdoc said, an impish grin growing across his face. Dr. Walters quietly turned himself around out of sight of the bassist and did the sign of the cross. He prayed to God to let him make it out of this dental appointment alive.

"L-Let me see if I can them cleaned up as best as I can." Dr. Walters shivered. Murdoc sneered and opened his mouth. Dr. Walters almost had his hands in his mouth before Murdoc closed it to speak up again. Dr. Walters brought his hands back faster than lightning.

"Aintcha gonna drug me up, ol' Walt?"

"I'm performing any surgery on you at this moment, Mr. Murdoc. But you might need it. You can get your drugs then." Dr. Walters sighed.

"Sounds like a plan mate." Murdoc winked. He opened his mouth once more. Dr. Walters waited a moment, expecting him to speak up again and then dove in.


A scream erupted through the whole building. 2D and Russel shot up. Noodle would've too if she still wasn't lying on the floor in her drugged-up state, giggling to herself. Before 2D and Russel could go to the back to see what was wrong, fearing for the life of the dentist's more than Murdoc's, the aforementioned bassist burst out in a full-on sprint.

"Cop out! Get back right ter the bloomin' car!" Murdoc shouted to the group.

"Wot, wot, wot, wot woss gahn on, what 'appened?" 2D sputtered.

"I may or may not 'ave bit off ol' Walt's fingers." Murdoc innocently shrugged, wiping his mouth.

"Wot?!" 2D's eyes widened. They heard another scream come from the back hallways, yelling at the receptionist to call the police and an ambulance.

"Go! Now!" Murdoc shouted at them. On command, Russel and 2D turned around to get to the door. 2D grabbed Noodle's hand, pulling her up to her feet. He tried to get her to follow them but her lanky stance caused her to trip over her own feet as 2D dragged her. He leaned down and pulled the teenager onto his back, opting to carry her out instead.

Murdoc was at the door when he suddenly realized something.

"Oi! 'Ang on a minute, I forgot something!" Murdoc called out to them as 2D loaded Noodle into the car and Russel took the wheel. Murdoc dashed to the receptionist, grabbing the gift bag she left prepared for him on the table. She stared at him with wide eyes, the phone in her hands, "Thanks luv. Call me. Don't forget ter listen ter our album!" He winked at her. Her face contorted in disgust and fear. He ran out the door with one last cheer of "Gorillaz! Hail Satan!"

Murdoc shoved himself into the passenger seat of the jeep, "Drive Russ! Now!"

Russel hit the gas and they sped off. Murdoc greedily grinned to himself and opened up the gift bag he had been anticipating all day. His expression dropped in completely disappointment at the surprisingly un-cool contents of the bag.

"Wot the bloody 'ell is this, Russ?! You said there were cool things in here! Dirty, fuckin' liar." Murdoc shouted, "A fuckin' toothbrush! Toothpaste? What the 'ell is this, a box of string?! All useless. Useless pieces of shit." He grumbled as he tossed the contents of the bag and the bag itself out the window of the jeep.

Russel sighed, clearly exasperated from the day's events, "God dammit, we are never going to the dentist again."

Everyone agreed.