How a Marauder Deals With a Troll

A Harry Potter Fanfiction

by first chapter Drauchenfyre the rest by MaddeThelover

Humor, HHr

What if Harry had to save Hermione from the troll without Ron's help?


Harry rushed down the corridor, desperate to find Hermione. It was Hallowe'en, 1991, and Professor Quirrell had just announced to the Great Hall that there was a troll in the dungeons. Hermione did not know this. Ron Weasley, Harry's friend (though Harry was starting to question whether he really wanted to be friends with someone who was such a jerk to people), had insulted her until she ran off crying. Her roommates, Lavender Brown, Parvati Patil, and Sally-Ann Perks, had tried to talk her into coming out, with no success. Now, she was in danger. Because Weasley couldn't engage his brain before opening his mouth!

He stopped dead, stunned. The troll was right in front of him. Worse, he was headed into the girls' bathroom- the exact same girls' bathroom he was headed for.

Hermione was trapped inside.

Summoning his Gryffindor courage, Harry burst into the loo accompanied by Hermione's scream. The troll was looming over her, raising its club to strike her. Hermione was paralyzed with fear, pushed up against the far wall.

Whipping out his wand, Harry incanted the first spell which came to mind, "Wingardium Leviosa!"

The troll tried to swing, and lurched. Looking up, it saw its club still in its hand, and tried to swing again.

The club refused to move.

The troll exercised its tiny mind trying to figure out what was going on, but coming up blank. The club stayed firmly in place, not budging in the slightest.

The troll's attention suitably diverted, Harry waved at Hermione to slip past the troll and himself, which she did hurriedly. When she reached Harry, she got behind him and clung to him from behind. Both were surprised by how good this felt.

Looking at the troll, they saw him now facing his club, pulling on it with both hands. A devilish smirk appeared on Harry's face as he glanced over his shoulder at Hermione and said, "Oh, this is just too good to pass up."

And the next time the troll put his full strength behind pulling on his club, Harry released his spell.

Like an old Three Stooges short, the released club swung forward with the troll's full strength... right into his own face. When the troll released the club, Harry quickly grabbed it with a new Levitation Charm and smacked the dizzy troll again left to right, and right to left, saying, "Quit hitting yourself," with each of the four blows. When the troll looked to be barely standing, he turned the club endwise and nudged the troll backwards. It fell with a thud they both felt in their shoes.

Harry dropped the club and said, "Are you alright, Hermione?" A frantic, relieved nod from the girl was followed by a quick kiss on the cheek.

"What are you doing here, Harry?" she said.

"Quirrell burst into the Great Hall saying there was a troll," Harry explained. "I knew you were still in here, so I came to warn you and get you safely to the Common Room."

"Thank you, Harry," Hermione breathed, "you saved my life."

"Indeed, Mr. Potter," came a familiar stern voice from behind them. Both First Years spun to see their Head of House, Minerva McGonagall, standing in the doorway, Headmaster Dumbledore and Professor Flitwick behind her. Seeing the unconscious troll on the floor behind them, she said, "Perhaps we should discuss this in my office, whilst Professors Dumbledore and Flitwick deal with our... 'gate-crasher', I believe the term is? I for one would like to know how two of my First Year lions defeated a fully-grown mountain troll."

Holding Hermione close (for she was still too frightened to let go completely), Harry followed his Head of House to her office, thinking that maybe, just maybe, Hermione could be a real friend to him, certainly a better friend than Ron.

Dumbledore and Flitwick stared after the two First Years until they turned the corner, then turned their attentions to their rather smelly guest. "Remarkable," Albus said to his colleague. "Any bets on whether Mr. Potter and Miss Granger will become romantically involved when they get older?"

Filius smirked and replied, "Albus, you don't pay me enough to throw it away on a sucker bet like that."