I haven't written in a while and it's the first time I try to so. I know it's not the best what's out here, but I hope you like it and would continue to follow this. If you have any useful critic, then please share!

Have fun reading the first chapter!

xx

Since I've got a lot of questions about cheating; no, it's not a cheating story! I don't think Christian would ever do that and neither would Ana ;-)


Since I met you I've been crazy
Since I've been with you I've been lost
You make everything see hazy
Love comes with such a cost

I stare at myself in the mirror. My brown hair is as usual a mess, but I don't care. In fact, I don't care about anything anymore. My life's is one big nightmare. Withouth any warning Christian left, six months after our marriage. I seriously don't know what got into him for doing that. I've always thought he loved me, that I changed him in a good way. Seems like it was all fake. I don't get it, don't want to get it.

I've changed in the time Christian left. The first month I only felt pain, then I decided to take back control over my life. I don't want to feel anything, anymore. I even left Escala.

I'm now living in an apartment of my own, close to my job at SIP. It's small, but it just does the trick.

I sigh heavenly after I'm done with my make-up. Red lipstick and a touch of dark eyes, seems fitting with my current mood. I still wonder what Christian would think of this new look, or his family. Speaking of them, I haven't seen them in quite a while. They still try to contact me, but I keep holding them off. I don't want to get reminded of him. The only one that I can allow is Kate, but yet she is married with Elliot, which brings his family way to close. It's all just to complicated.

Oh hell with the thoughts, work is waiting. In a rush I grab my briefcase and then head downstairs. As I come across the hallway I look one last time at my outfit; red jeans, a white silk shirt with a black studded jacket. A ghost of a smile appears on my face. This outfit I bought about three months ago was the last time I actually felt some real happiness inside of me. Since then everything in my head only just got more darker.

I've lost weight since then, but not enough to be underweight. I know Christian would've been nagging forever about it if he would've been with me.

I miss him, god yes I do. I miss everything about him, and I hate myself for it. Slowly I close my eyes. It's really time to get to SIP.

''Hi Ana!'' Hannah says smilingly as I pass her. ''How was your weekend?''

''It was okay, I guess.'' I answer her question politely. ''Went to Macy's with Ian.''

She frowns and as a reaction I roll my eyes. ''Sommerhalder?''

''Yes, and god no, It wasn't like that.'' For crying out loud, I just.. want someone around.

''Hi Ana!'' Hannah says smilingly as I pass her. ''How was your weekend?''

''It was okay, I guess.'' I answer her question politely. ''Went to Macy's with Ian.''

She frowns and immideatly I roll my eyes. ''Fernandes?''

''Yes, and god no, It wasn't like that.'' For crying out loud, I just.. want someone around.

I sigh as I walk down my office. It all went out in such a strange way. He seemed to be some kind of great author and had choses SIP for his next book. Our first meeting was actually fun as we discussed his upcoming book. Actually very simple, but yet there was something that day. It was after the book publishing a month ago he decided to ask me out. After that 'date' many more of them occurred. The man is heavenly company next to Kate. She's always nagging on my head about Christian, the family, my health, her relationship with Elliot or she's complaining about clothes. With Ian it seems so much more relaxed and he seems to get me wandering off out of everything. But, in the end, we are just friends. Friends! Or perhaps I want to believe that. To hell with love. I hate it.

The day flies by quickly and before I know it it's 8 pm. I look at my watch again. I worked far too long today and as far as I can see, everyone already left. Time to close the building myself then. Slowly I grab the keys of the front door out of my jacket and head to the main door.

I'm in a total shock at what I see when I'm almost there.

There are hundreds of Paparazzi. What the fuck? The last time this happened was when they heard I moved into my new appartement, about five months ago now, I guess. What happened? Slowly I walk against the glass door that's keeping them from going in. Is there a way out? I don't believe so.
''There she is!'' I hear someone shout. The herd is now instantly looking at me. The door in front of me is still closed. I feel the blood drain out of my head. Godfuckingdammnit.
In a haze I reach for my cellphone and call Ian.
''Please get to SIP.'' I ask, gasping for air. This can't be right.
''I'm already there, just, keep-'' I instantly hang up. I start to panick. What is this? Why is he here? Is this why everyone was so kind to me today? Is it about him and me?

It can't be. I love Christian. I want Christian. No, fuck, I don't want to think about Christian. But yes, I do. Our marriage spins before my eyes. Flashback.

I want it back, so desperately. And yet, I don't.

Here we go. I sigh and then pull the door I'm standing in front of, open. People start to scream my name. Ignore them Ana, Ignore! My subconscious yells at me as I lock the door.

''Mrs Grey!''

Wait what.. why do they call me like that again? Normally it's just Ana or Anastasia. A bizarre premonition starts to well up. It can't be. Could Christian be here?

''Have you heard Mr. Grey is back in town?''

Those few words break me. I start to cry, gasping for air. As I push the paparazzi away I search for Ian. When I'm almost out of the crowd everything my vision gets blurry and slowly everything starts to faint into darkness.

''Give her some air!'' I hear someone shout in the background. I slowly start to blink my eyes and suddenly someone pulls me from the ground. Too tired to watch who it is I close my eyes again. The crowd is shouting and as I try to open my eyes again, all I see is lights flashing.

''What are you doing here?!'' Someone asks.

''protecting her of you fools.'' He snaps and then drags my away. Before I know it I'm on a huge car seat.

''For heavens sake, how much do you weigh?''