The moon is beautiful. At least that's what people keep telling me. I'm afraid I've never been able to concur. Well, maybe that's not true. Maybe, at one time, when I was a young child, I thought it was. But if I did, it's not something I remember. I only ever recall the moon being a source of discontentment. Occasionally, I find myself staring up at it, trying to comprehend what others see. Like Lily for example; I try to understand what Lily Evans-Potter saw, when she looked at the moon.
Lily. I can clearly picture her in my mind's eye. Long red hair lying smoothed out over her shoulders. A smile that was able to light up the world around her. And her eyes; I remember those the most. Her twinkling emerald orbs could captivate anyone. If you were fortunate enough to take one glance into those eyes you would never want to look away. I developed a crush the moment my eyes landed on hers.
I'd just completed my first voyage aboard The Hogwarts Express and was preparing to climb into the boats toward the next seven years of my life. With the exception of a select few, we were all scared, and in the panic one fellow first year stumbled falling into a small puddle.
From directly behind me, I heard laughter ringing out. A boy I'd recently met on the train found the sight quite amusing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a red blur bend down to help the poor student. I turned in their direction. 'Maybe I should help', I thought. But then, the red blur looked my way and our eyes connected; I froze. Her face wore no distinct expression. She simply stared back and the next second she turned her attentions to the now crying girl.
I can only imagine what I looked like in that moment; my body in an awkward stance as my muscles suddenly quit working mid-step. I imagine my eyes were wide and my mouth slightly hanging open. Had the laughing boy from the train been paying attention, I'm sure I would've been his next source of amusement. But he wasn't; no one was, and so no one ever knew I'd fallen in love at first sight.
I'm not sure how long I stood there gawking. It was probably no more then two or three seconds, and then my expression changed to one of distress as those eyes turned back in my direction accompanied by a furious scowl as she stomped her way toward me.
I was in a state of sheer panic at this new sight until the panic changed to relief as I discovered the anger she was displaying wasn't for me, but the laughing boy who I hadn't realized had advanced to my side.
I then recall a raised voice and a fist shaking in the air… I think. I'm not really sure, because the only thing I was paying attention to was the way her hair looked like layers of silk thread, shining in the pale moonlight.
A booming voice called out, "Firs' years, this way. Climb in the boats. No more'n four to a boat now!"
The crowd of students jostled me out of my reverie and toward the lake. Before I could comprehend what was happening, I was sitting in a boat making my way across the water.
Lily was in the craft beside me, and I found myself staring at her for most of the trip. I watched as she caught her first glimpse of the towering castle. Her face seemed to convey a mixture of awe and excitement. Then she turned her head and stared at the half moon hanging in the sky.
That moment struck me as ironic. The girl I'd just fallen in love with, seemed contentedly mesmerized by the one thing in the Universe I despised.
Nothing ever happened between Lily and me. My crush lingered for awhile, but eventually I fell out of love, and exchanged that feeling for a deep respect.
Lily loved books and so did I. She loved learning; so did I. She admired Professor McGonagall, had the utmost respect for Headmaster Dumbledore, and found Professor Slughorn comical; so did I. She also thought Quidditch was way over rated, and so did I! So of course we hit it off… sort of. It took a bit of time for me to get past the timid-ness which would overtake me whenever she came near. But as the weeks, months, and years pasted by, I began to think of her as one of my best friends.
Lily truly was an amazing witch. Her talent with a wand was really quite remarkable. But her kindness, that was her Hogwarts legacy. Lily had the unwavering ability to see the best in others; particularly those who were unable to see it in themselves. I can certainly be counted among that number.
Being a werewolf doesn't do much for a child's confidence, which contributed to my shyness. I was embarrassed by my condition and would have loved to keep it a secret, but my closest mates found out during my second year. Although I felt guilty for not telling them beforehand, Lily was the only person I wanted to confess to. I knew she wouldn't judge me for something I'd no control over. But the embarrassment prevented me from confiding in her. She found out anyway. Lily was perceptive; she pieced together my occasional odd behavior and even though she never asked me to confirm, she knew the truth.
Throughout my Hogwarts career, I spent my spare time researching Lycanthropy. It was important for me to find out everything I could about my affliction, in hopes of living a full life after I graduated. And, surreptitiously, I hoped to find some sort of cure.
Another moment I remember perfectly in my mind is the day I discovered Lily knew my secret.
I was sitting in the library looking over some ancient texts on the subject. She walked up to my table, and for several seconds her eyes deviated between watching me and looking at the books scattered around. Without a word, she sat down next to me and picked up one of the books. She read in silence for a few minutes until she realized I'd not returned to studying; I was staring… at her. Meeting my eyes, she graced me with one of her widest smiles, and a silent message was passed, 'we will work on this together'. My heart skipped a beat. I was torn between gratitude for her help, and horror that she knew. But gratitude won out, and after that we would meet on weekends to discuss any new information we'd picked up during studying.
I never knew how to thank her for all the kindness she bestowed upon me. I tried. But how do you tell someone their friendship kept you from falling into a state of utter despair. It's hard to put into words. Or it was for me at least. I have no doubt she knew. Still, I would've liked to be able to express it. I thought I'd have time to. I didn't.
Lily's gone now; murdered. But her memory lives on. And every time I get the chance, I tell people about her. When it's my time to leave this world, I want to make sure there are others who remember her the way I did.
Staring up at the sky, I still can't see what she found so enchanting about the shining orb hanging there. But every time I look up, I will remember her; and maybe one day, I will understand.