Our relationship was broken. Just like my brother's mind after his accident. Unfixable. There is not a way to make it perfect again. My brother was always nice, and pretty selfless. He liked my ex's older brother. (I still cringe at the term 'ex' it is painful) And he was always happy for a reason. He still is happy, but if you asked him why, he wouldn't have the foggiest clue. His boyfriend, who has been his boyfriend since before the accident, still loves my brother, and they are still together, it is just not the same between them though. They always used to hug and occasionally kiss, and cuddle, and all that, they barely ever do it anymore because my brother cannot stand people touching him, unless his medication decides to work properly, then for a few hours of our lives we have my brother how he was before the accident. His boyfriend would spend the next ten minutes crying, before my brother would pull him into a hug and tell him that everything is alright. It happens barely even once a month, and his boyfriend gets very sad for a while after the effects of the medication wear off. I love him like a brother as well, and he likes me. Mostly because he appreciates the fact that I loved his younger brother, who is my age, enough to date him, until we...broke up. That's my fault, we will learn more about that later. My brother's boyfriend knows we broke up, and he claims he likes me just the same as before, but I think I've hurt him, the brotherly relationship between us has been destroyed, just slightly, because I caused his brother to shed tears. The bond between us is permanatly bent as well, but not destroyed. He will occasionally give me really sad, almost pathetic-seeming looks that say "you hurt him, why did you do that?" And it makes me feel horrible inside. I regret my breakup, even if it was my fault. You're not really supposed to sleep with your best friend, you know. Especially when your boyfriend has trust issues with everyone to begin with. After he found out, my brother's boyfriend told me he cried for days, and wouldn't even talk to him. That day, I felt like I had a dark, empty endless hole in my stomach for the first time, and it was painful.
Maybe I should interpret names into this names into this so it makes sense. My brother's name is Mituna Captor. His boyfriend's name is Cronus Ampora. Which makes my name and my ex's names pretty much self-explanatory. I didn't mean to sleep with Karkat, I wasn't exactly forced to, but I wasn't exactly myself in the sense that I had a hell of a lot of alcohol, because John thought it would be fun to bring it to Karkat's sleepover. Which is now the reason I hate John. Anyways, what happened was that we slept together, and Eridan realized the next morning that I left my stuff at home, and Cronus sent him out to give me my stuff. Sometimes, Cronus acts as if he is my older brother, to make up for Mituna's lack of being physically possible to possibly do anything right. Sometimes help hurts. Eridan caught us, dropped my bag on the floor, and ran out of Karkat's house sobbing before I even had the chance to explain. Cronus told me that happened to him, but Mituna was quick to get over it. What has happened to us pains Cronus deep in his heart. Practically because it seems that Eridan and I are repeating Mituna and Cronus' teenage years: nerd version. There was one point when I found a skateboard, Eridan was nearby watching me. I tried skateboarding, I was really good until I started falling backwards off of it. As if out of nowhere, Cronus ran up and caught me, saying that he never wanted to catch me doing that again. I didn't understand why not, but I did as he said.
On another occasion, Eridan found a pack of cigarettes, and he decided to light one and try it. I wasn't down with it, but he stuck it in his mouth and tried. The older Ampora came up, and pulled it out of his mouth, sticking it in his own. That was an immediate sign not to do it again. Eridan admitted they tasted like shit, anyways. Cronus doesn't want a repeat of his and Mituna's lives, and he tries really hard not to make that happen. I understand his reasoning, after Mituna's accident, Cronus cried in front of anyone for the first time. Eridan, and the fact that Eridan was scared frightened me. He always nagged us not to pull any risky shit off like that, almost as bad as Seahorsedad, he might be Cronus and Eridan's dad, but me and Mituna referred to him as Seahorsedad, anyways. That's all what we actually know to call him by, anyways.
I try talking to Cronus about Eridan, but it always ends in me crying. Breaking up was my drunken, selfish, and idiodic decision, and regret is all I can feel any more, talking to this greaser doesn't help much, either even though he understands my problems, because hey, been there done that, life is a fucking asshole that will come up at random and bitch slap the shit out of you and there is pretty much nothing you can fucking do about it because life acts on its own, and it will fuck you up because it can and it feels like it. That's why sometimes I get suicidal, but then I remember all that I would miss out on if I died. Suicide will never be my answer, only healing, and hope that the Ampora family will regain the obliterated trust between them and I, and we can have a happy, tearful reunion and we can start from scratch with a sincere apology from yours truly. But Seahorsedad will not let me anywhere near Eridan, for obvious reasons. I try to pick up the pieces of our broken "family" but it seems that the Amporas, except for Cronus, of course, have seemed to turn against Mituna as well, and he didn't even do anything...for the past few years, that is. That is because for a few months before the incident, Cronus and Mituna had broken up, and Mituna was taken by Latula. This was before I even gave a fuck about what dating was, but even I missed Cronus, because he was so nice to me. That was back before liking Eridan was even a considered thought. We would fight all the time, until my feelings for him started to change.
My name is Sollux Captor, it is my thirteenth birthday today, and my brother is in the hospital recovering from a seizure. My brother's boyfriend, Cronus Ampora is watching after me instead. And he brought his motherfucking little brother. Goddamn it I hate that kid. Anyways, I have to spend the day with this motherfucker, on the first day I become a teenager, personally, one of the most important days of my life. Wonderful. Cake and assholes for everybody. Yeah, you could see how my day was going, and I missed my brother. Eridan Ampora is a spoiled-ass brat that is kinda annoying. The second he got me alone, he had me pinned against a wall, leaning over me like he's cool or something. I could smell his gum, spearmint. He was leaning super close to me, and I yelled at him to let me go. Instead, he got super close, and whispered three words that changed my life: I love you." I blacked out for a second, like, what?! Eridan LOVES me?! Impossible! He would never love me, he doesn't like people that are low-class with very little money. Which is another reason why you should hang out with Amporas, they have money to burn. It's pretty great, especially if you don't wanna live off of food stamps. It's pretty great. Instead of acting out, yelling at him that I hate him, I simply said "prove it" which lead to my first, at the moment not, amazing kiss.
I was afraid of weather or not I liked girls or boys, but it's really hard to know with your first kiss. You get that you're being kissed, but you're not sure if you are enjoying it. That is the scary part. Eridan was enjoying himself, though. So I took it that he was not just shitting around. I pushed him off of me frantically. "No!" I yelled. He backed off, looking slightly injured by my actions. Like he is the one to think that. Asshole. "You're a liar and a perv!" I shouted at him, Eridan was backing off. He seemed sort of upset that I rejected him in such a dickish manner. I yelled at him for a while longer before calming down. "I'm sorry. You kinda scared me..." I mumbled under my breath. Eridan didn't respond. "are you listening, asshole?! I'm trying to apologize for being a dick." Eridan was looking down. "Sol, do you hate me?" He asked. I blinked in surprise. "I...uh, well..." I mumbled and studdered a bit before sheepishly shaking my head. "I don't want you to hate me, Sol..." Was this literally the guy who kissed me a minute ago?! It's like he is a completly different person, what the hell?! Earlier I was mentioning how I hate him, but now I was just nervous and confused.