Blame it on my love of Daria and ponies.
First, the theme song!
EVERY GUY IN LAWNDALE:
My Little Quinny, My Little Quinny
My Little Quinny
I used to think I was cute as could be
(My Little Quinny)
Till the goth girl used her magic on me (Andrea in background)
DARIA: My sister's a pony.
TIFFANY: With tons of faaaans...
STACY: A beautiful coat!
SANDI: Gee, who needs hands?
QUINN: Sharing cuteness
It's not a chore
Now Lawndale loves me even more!
ALL: Cause she's our little Quinny
QUINN: Do you know I start the very best trends...
Episode 1, Part 1: BLACKMAIL IS MAGIC
"Come on, hurry up you guys!" Quinn Morgendorffer stopped by the back door of the Lawndale High gymnasium and beckoned to her three friends.
Stacy Rowe caught up to her first, red-faced and jittery. Her dark braids bounced with each step and her doe eyes darted nervously around the darkened schoolyard. "Quinn, are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, we could get in SO much trouble for this."
"GEE Quinn," glamorous queen bee Sandi Griffin stumbled over next, panting and holding her side where a nasty cramp was developing. "I expect you have...a good explanation...for leaving your former Fashion Club president behind in the dark?"
"Oh, Sandi! You must have done the most power yoga and Waif-approved exercises of any of us. I'm sure you could run much faster than me, but you didn't want to make me look bad. You're SUCH a good friend." Quinn gave her a gentle hug.
"Oh...um, of course. Thanks."
Tiffany Blum-Deckler was the last member of the former Fashion Club to catch up, not half because she wasn't running to begin with. She moved at her own pace, as if worried that her slender form might break into a thousand pieces if she wasn't careful with it. "This moonlight makes the school reeeeally shinyyyy."
They crouched in the shadows behind the building and planned their next move.
"Quinn dear, though your dedication is admirable, I must question whether one grade from a teacher we actively despise is worth the stigma that will hang over us if our delinquent behavior is discovered." Sandi challenged her 'frenemy.'
"Yeah. And this running is making me all sweaty!" Stacy complained.
Tiffany frowned. "Stacyyyy. Ewwww."
"Listen girls," Quinn said firmly. "You know as well as I do that we need a good grade on this project to pass Multimedia Studies class, and it's due tomorrow morning. We HAVE to sneak into the AV Room! It's the only way!"
"And risk running into the A/V Squad?" Sandi retorted. The other girls tensed up at the thought.
"Oh Sandi, it's late at night! They're all at home playing World of Woolcraft or whatever. Or watching..." Quinn paused and shuddered dramatically. "...That PONY SHOW."
Her three friends followed suit.
"So come on! We have to edit our epic drama 'Death of a Supermodel' into a five-minute video." Quinn stood up and boldly opened the gym entrance. As always, it was unlocked and out of view of any security cameras.
"But we shot an hour and a half of film," Stacy fretted.
"Then it's going to be a long night."
The door clanged shut behind them.
For supposed airheads, Quinn and Sandi seemed to know exactly the correct routes to bypass the security measures (which despite Principal Li's best efforts were still spotty at best). Years of sneaking out of their houses for dates at Bluff Point had honed their natural talent for stealth.
Despite their confidence, Lawndale High was still a different place at night. The hallways were long columns of shadow, only occasionally broken up where moonlight leaked in through the tiny windows. Before long, Quinn noticed that Sandi had slipped behind and allowed her to take the lead. She smirked, but said nothing. The gesture only swelled her confidence, and soon the four princesses of popularity had arrived outside the A/V Room.
"Nowww whaaaat?" Tiffany whispered.
"Now we go in, Tiffany," Quinn said wryly.
Sandi raised her eyebrows. "Quinn dear, I must point out that despite the culture of incompetence on these premises, even Lawndale High locks its A/V Room at night."
"Of course, Sandi! And if we didn't have the night janitor's keys that would be a real inconvenience," Quinn jingled the keys ring with triumph. "So, everyone ready?"
They stared back at her with some trepidation, but finally Stacy nodded. "Let's do it."
The dramatic intensity of the moment was diluted somewhat by Quinn taking five minutes to find the right key. At last the eighth one struck home, and the door creaked open. The girls stepped through, ready to take on any minor inconvenience in pursuit of a passing grade...or so they thought.
What they saw, when their shocked senses managed to carry the new information to their brains, made them seriously consider the merits of flunking out and running away to be models.
A ragtag group of students and staff was already inside, seated in a circle around a glowing television. They stiffened and looked over their shoulders in fear.
The first one they saw was Mr. DeMartino. He huddled on the floor, his whole body twitching with his right eye like a jackrabbit about to bolt-which he might have, if there were any place to run.
It only got stranger as the fashionistas saw who else was in the circle. Uber-geek Ted DeWitt-Clinton and gossip tycoon Tori Jericho both cringed. Andrea Thorn, resident goth chick of Lawndale High, shot them a defiant glare. Mr. O'Neill-the teacher of the Multimedia class, Quinn thought with a sinking feeling-tried to hide behind DeMartino. And last but not least, trying desperately to hide behind HIM, was her own sister Daria Morgendorffer.
The already hairy situation snowballed as soon as the fashion girls realized what the clandestine group was watching.
Laughing, singing, dancing cartoon ponies. Blue ones. Pink ones. Silly ones. Smart ones. Regular ponies, ponies with wings, and unicorns. All different, all sizes and colors, but all cute and cuddly enough to be worth weeks of blackmail material. To hell with the project, Quinn realized. They could OWN this place.
"Um..." Mr. DeMartino turned off the set and finally broke the ice, though the temperature in the room stayed quite frosty. "Ladies, this may not be EXACTLY what it looks like."
Quinn and Sandi smiled like two cats that had just caught seven canaries.
"GEE Mr. DeMartino. I certainly hope not."
"Because it looks like you're all watching a cartoon about ponies."
"And possibly meeting here as a secret ca-LUB for that exact purpose."
"Which could be very compromising for your reputations if knowledge of it ever got out. Well, yours anyway, Tori."
"NO!" the long-suffering history teacher sputtered. "Let me EXPLAIN. You see, we, uh, were ATTEMPTING to watch Die Hard. But then SOMEONE lost the remote control!"
He shot a desperate look at Tori, who clearly had no idea what he was on about. "Um...oh yeah! Uh, my mistake! Yep, that's what it was."
Ted hugged himself in a futile attempt to conceal his pony t-shirt. The cap Daria had worn was suddenly nowhere to be seen. Sadly, no one thought to hide the 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' DVD case atop the television.
Quinn picked it up and waved it at the assembled miscreants. "I think we can all forget what we saw here tonight if the proper...arrangements can be made. What do you think, dear-beloved-sister-who-said-she-was-studying-with -Jane?"
Daria stared rusty daggers at her from the across the room. "If we're talking about your funeral arrangements, I completely agree."
"Sorry, Quinn's cabana girl. But I'm afraid we've got you all by the tails," Sandi smirked. She looked irritably at Stacy and Tiffany when no one laughed. "You know, ponies? Tails?"
"Oh yeah! Heh-heh. Funny..." Stacy forced out. She seemed surprisingly nervous herself...
"So, Mr. O'Neill...about that project..." Quinn started ominously.
All of a sudden, Andrea stood up. "Forget it. You're NOT going to blackmail us."
"Blackmail? That is such an ugly word, Andrea," Sandi said. "True, but still ugly."
But Andrea's show of guts had also inspired Ted, who jumped up next to her. "Yeah! We're not going to be ashamed anymore. We love My Little Pony, and we're...we're PROUD of it!"
"We don't care what you think of us anymore!" Tori added.
"These people do not speak for me," Daria declaimed. But there was a smirk on her face that hadn't been there before.
Even Mr. O'Neill was getting into it. "Come on, Bronies! We don't have to be scared of anything! Giggle at the Ghostlies!"
As the former Fashion Club looked on, the group threw back their heads and began to sing a truly horrifying song of the same name. They fled the A/V Room to get away, but the Bronies of Lawndale High followed, their lyrics echoing through the halls.
Quinn and her friends raced back to the gym, but there their luck ran out as the exit doors wouldn't open no matter how they pushed, and their pursuers closed in on them across the parquet floor.
"Come watch with us, guys," Tori smiled. "You'll really like Rarity and Hoity Toity and Photo Finish. They're just like you. Except MORE pretty and fashionable."
"Come on, sis," Daria said as though in a trance. "Friendship is magic. You can be OUR friends too."
"All of us, FRIENDS to the end," Mr. DeMartino grinned like a corpse. "Let's learn to LOVE the ponies, TOGETHER."
"NO!" Quinn shrieked. She and Sandi pushed and kicked desperately at the doors. Why wouldn't they open?!
Andrea stepped forward. "I'm sorry you don't appreciate ponies like we do, Quinn. But maybe you'll change your mind, after you see...what's it's like." There was a wicked gleam in her eye as she raised her arms and shouted. "Hear me, great Zecora and pony princesses of the cosmos, I call upon thee in the Royal Canterlot Voice! I humbly request thy aid in casting this spell upon Quinn Morgendorffer..."
"Eternal stretch pants?" Tori asked excitedly.
"Avara kedavra?" Daria suggested.
Andrea ignored them and began to chant.
T.J., SPINELLI, LIZA MINELLI
SODOM GOMORRAH, PIA ZADORA
ISLA SORNIA, FAUSTICORNIA ABRA-PONY-KAZAM!
Quinn flattened herself against the door, ready for the worst, but nothing happened.
"Um, guys?" Stacy finally spoke up. "Look."
She reached out and pulled one of the doors open.
"GOD, Stacy! Why didn't you tell us?!" Sandi raged as she fled the school. Stacy wasn't far behind, pulling Tiffany along with her.
Quinn turned to take one last look at their pony-crazed pursuers-but they all had vanished.
Oh well, she thought. Those geeks were just trying to scare me. Andrea couldn't really put a curse on me or anything...right?
But the goth's mystic incantation echoed in her brain all the way home.