A/N: This oughta be interesting. Just a little heads-up before you start reading: I have NEVER written a fanfic based on a sitcom. Therefore by this line of reasoning, this is my first fanfic based on my FAVORITE sitcom, 'Just Shoot Me'. But I love David Spade, and I love his character on the show, and I would feel like a hypocrite if I told everyone that Mr. Spade was my favorite actor, and then just sat on my hands instead of writing a little fanfic to prove it. So! Here goes nothing, and just in case I never get to meet You-Know-Who(which is VERY likely), I just wish he knew that he is my role model, that I owe a lot to him, and that if it weren't for his special brand of dry wit, I would still be a depressed, picked-on teenager who never stood up for herself. And never knew how fun humor could be when used as a weapon, heh heh.

Anyway. Thanks, man.


A 'Just Shoot Me' fanfiction

by Wakizashi

Thursday, 11:51 P.M.

"Yo Mai-YAH, it's Finch. Uh, despite what your dad, and yes, *I* told you about my grandmother, she's not quite the senile old bat she appears to be, and is actually pretty sharp. Very 'compos mentis', if you will? So yeeeaahh, I was thinking since you were writing that oh-so-inspiring article about women and the war, maybe we could drive up to her house this Saturday and interview her. She was quite the Florence Nightingale in her day. If not, your loss. Give me a call; I sincerely hope you love me enough to remember my number. Ciao."

The answering machine beeped once, and Maya Gallo pressed the 'erase' button with a dry chuckle. It was just like Finch to feign disinterest in one of her articles-- at least, at the office-- and then call her up and surreptitiously offer help. Either that, or he was too embarrassed to make public knowledge the fact that he hung out with his grandmother so much. In any case, it was something she had come to expect.

Maya checked the wall clock and, picking up her cordless phone, dialed a number from memory. She heard three rings on the other end before a familiar sardonic voice said: "What happened?"

"Hey, it's Maya."

"I figured. Where've you been? I called three times."

*Why did he care?* she wondered. "I was out with some friends," she replied, trying to remember why she had called in the first place. "I got your message."

"Ah yes." She heard a snicker. "So, need my help, do you? Couldn't refuse me, could you? Desperate for--"

"Yeah, yeah, wipe off that smug look I *know* you have," she interrupted, trying not to grin. "What makes you think I'll even take you up on your offer? You really think your grandmother's a prime candidate?"

"Mm-hmm, definitely. She was one tough cookie, and not afraid to let everyone know. Bandaged her fair share of soldiers and whatnot. She has a few pretty disgusting amputation-related stories, if you're not too faint of heart."

She nodded, forgetting briefly that he couldn't see her. "All right, sounds perfect."

"Of course."

"So what time do we leave?" she asked.

He snorted. "There you go, all makin' plans, girl. I have to check my schedule, move some appointments around--"

"Finch, what appointments? You're the one who suggested Saturday."

Silence. Then: "Quiet, you. I'll pick you up at six-thirty."

"Six-thirty?" She blinked. "Why so early?"

"She lives up near Binghamton, don't you remember? Way up in the boondocks, too, as far away from civilization as possible, so it takes a while to get there. That, and she'll probably want to make us sandwiches for lunch. I don't know."

"Okay, six-thirty," he said, smiling. "Night, Finch."


Maya hung up, laughing and shaking her head. She had spoken with Finch's grandmother only once before, on the phone; she hadn't left the best impression on the elderly woman, either. *Oh well, she sounds sweet,* she thought as she headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed. *Wonder why it doesn't run in the family.*

She stopped, her toothbrush halfway to her mouth. No, she shouldn't say that. Out of all the Finches she had met, they all had that sarcastic quality to them, and Dennis was no exception. But Finch could be sweet... sometimes. On occasion. Mostly when something was in it for him. Finishing on her teeth and reaching for the face cleanser, she momentarily wondered why he had given up his time, of his own accord, to help her with her article. Surely he had better things to do than drive her up to his grandmother's house on a weekend.

That last thought gave her pause. He could just as easily given Maya his grandmother's telephone number. She had no problem with interviewing her over the phone. In fact, driving to her house and back would only take up unnecessary time.

Why *was* Finch helping her?

Oddly disconcerted, she toweled her face dry and flicked off the light switch. Changing into her nightclothes, she decided she would just ask him tomorrow at work. Casually. Pull him aside and offhandedly make some remark about how thoughtful he was being. That would certainly get his attention. 'Finch' and 'thoughtful' somehow didn't fit in the same sentence.

Setting her alarm, she pulled back the bed sheets with a sudden grin. She wondered how Elliott would react to the news: Maya Gallo and Dennis Finch spending the weekend together. She could almost picture the red hue on his cheeks. Some guys were just too predictable.

The telephone rang, startling her. She reached across the bedside table and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Me again."

"Finch?" she frowned. "What is it?"

"I forgot to tell you. When we go up to Grandma's, don't wear anything too, you know... revealing. She's one of those modest old biddies that aren't aware that women have any legs above the ankle."

Maya was at a total loss. "Okay?" she managed to reply.

"A weird request, I know. But anyway, I'll let you go. Sleep tight and all that."

"Night, Finch."

"Oh oh, one more thing!"

She brought the handset back to her ear after almost replacing it. "Yeah?"

"Are you wearing a bra?"

She slammed the phone down hard, rolling her eyes.

*Too* predictable.

A/N: Face it, you knew that was coming. Or something equally derogatory. You know Finch! Mmm, all too well... I MEAN, HEY, how was my first chapter? Too expected? Too two-dimensional? I'm trying my best to keep Maya and Finch's voices in my head as I write, so it's easier to imagine them saying all this stuff. Are their characters satisfactory? I sincerely hope so, because I want them as in-character as I can get them. Leave a review telling me whether or not you like it so far, and if I should continue. If I get enough positive response, I continue! Whee!