The Less Than Three series
A collection of one-shots on love and technology.
Romance just got a lot less romantic.

(( Less Than Three series #1 ))


There are many things the Lord of the Western Lands can do.
Texting is not one of them.

1 New text message: from Sesshomaru

I think we should try divorce.

Kagome blinked.



What's going on? Kagome's mind reeled, the harsh gleam of the white linoleum floors suddenly blurry beneath her feet. Why was this so sudden? This was the last thing she needed, especially at this moment, when she'd just stepped out of her grandfather's hospital room and after such a big scare this morning. And she and him—they were fine this morning. Everything was fine. What was going on? And why, for heaven's sake, were they having this conversation via text message?

Kagome: What?! Why?

Sesshomaru: It's apparently enjoyable for human children. The pup should like it.

She stared, gaping at the screen.

Kagome: Excuse me?

Sesshomaru: Are you not familiar with the place, Miko? The annulment park with rides and cartoon crackers?

Annulment park.

Cartoon crackers.

Kagome felt simultaneously relieved and ticked off.

Kagome: God, Sesshomaru. You mean DISNEY?

Sesshomaru: Yes that's what I said, love

Kagome: That is not what you said!

Sesshomaru: I was thinking of how to get you rested, after all the stress with your grandfather. I thought perhaps a vaccination was a good idea.

Kagome: You mean a vacation?

Sesshomaru: Why are you repenetrating every I say, mate?

Kagome: Sesh, look up and re-read your texts. You're typing everything wrong! Is the new phone not working out?

Sesshomaru: I think perhaps my fingers are too large for your buttocks

Sesshomaru: buttons

Sesshomaru: for the phone's buttons. The key bored

Sesshomaru: board

Sesshomaru: I don't mean your buttons.

Sesshomaru: Of course my fingers are more than sufficient for your button, Kate.

Sesshomaru: MATE. I mean mate.

Sesshomaru: That was a mistake.

Sesshomaru: There is no Kate whose buttons I press.

Sesshomaru: sorry Nate.

Sesshomaru: Mate. Not Nate. There's no one named Nate.

Sesshomaru: You know I find human males delicious.

Sesshomaru: I mean disgusting.

Sesshomaru: Love, I think this device has a mind of its own.

A laugh accidentally burst out of Kagome's lips, a little too loudly echoing down the hospital halls. She bit her lip and clamped her mouth close as the nurse at the main desk gave her a glare. She found a smile fighting to curve her lips, nonetheless. He could make her laugh, even after one of the most frightening mornings of her life.

Kagome: LOL Oh, Sesshomaru. I love you.

Sesshomaru: You dare laugh at me? I am a lord, if you forget.

Kagome: A technologically challenged lord.

Sesshomaru: You insolent human.

Sesshomaru: Nonetheless, I'm glad you're laughing again. I wish I could see your rectum.

Sesshomaru: OH FOR THE LOVE OF-

Sesshomaru: Reaction. I meant reaction.

Sesshomaru: Let's talk about something else. Are you alright? Is your grandfather doping well?

Kagome: I think he's a little too old for heroin, Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru: Coping. I meant coping, damn it.

Kagome: Ahaha I just saw him. Grandpa's asleep and perfectly fine. The doctors say it was just a minor heart attack. I hope he gets better soon, though.

Sesshomaru: I hope he dies.


Kagome: What?

Sesshomaru: DOES! DOES!

Sesshomaru: I meant does. I hope he does get better.

Sesshomaru: I apologize. It's this ridiculous, god forsaken device you gave me, mate. It's obviously possessed.

Kagome: Oh Sesshomaru. It's just a phone. What can an inanimate object do to you?

Sesshomaru: This worthless, unsightly, foolish instrument changes my words without my promiscuous.

Sesshomaru: prostitution

Sesshomaru: permission!

Sesshomaru: Useless piece of human invention.

Sesshomaru: Jaken can spell better than this.

Sesshomaru: Even my ever dimwitted half-brothel can spell better than this.

Kagome rolled her eyes at her mate. Of course he would complain. He hated just about every god-forsaken thing invented after the 1500s.

Kagome: Calm down. You'll get used to the touch screen keyboard. Did you have dinner yet?

Sesshomaru: Yes.

Sesshomaru: There was some leftover children in the fridge.

Sesshomaru: Chicken. I'm sorry.

Sesshomaru: I did not eat children for dinner.

Kagome: LOL So what are you doing right now?

Sesshomaru: I'm just about to skewer the pup.

Kagome froze.

Kagome: What?

Sesshomaru: Skewer

Sesshomaru: Shower!

Oh. Kagome smirked.

Kagome: Shower, huh? Are you sure you're not secretly a cannibal?

Sesshomaru: Don't be ridiculous.

Sesshomaru: Our pup is fine.

Sesshomaru: He's in his cremator.


Kagome: You're cremating our child!?

Sesshomaru: Chamber! Chamber. He's in his chambers. I would never fart our pup.

Sesshomaru: Hurt. Hurt!

Sesshomaru: Mate, what kind of damned human creation is this auto erection

Sesshomaru: We're sending this satanic contraption back.

Sesshomaru: Mate?

Sesshomaru: Why are you not reproducing?

Sesshomaru: replying.

Sesshomaru: Kababs?

Sesshomaru: Kamikaze?

Sesshomaru: Kame hame ha?

Sesshomaru: K-A-G-O-M-E. Kagome. There.

Sesshomaru: This phone does not like your name very much, lube.

Sesshomaru: I mean love.

Sesshomaru: Forgive me, Ka-boom.

Sesshomaru: OH GOD DAMN IT.

Sesshomaru: By the time you get back, love, this phone will be in pie holes.

Sesshomaru: Pieces. PIECES!

Sesshomaru: That is it. This phone angers this lord sessional

Sesshomaru: sessho marinate

Sesshomaru: sesquicarbonate

Sesshomaru: FORGET IT.

Kagome: I guess the phone doesn't like your name very much either.

The End.

Or maybe not.

Sesshomaru—the Lord of the Western Lands of Feudal Japan, the present owner and largest shareholder of Japan's real estate and land claims of present-day Japan, one of the most powerful demon left living and son of the renowned Ino no Taisho—glared down at the brainless, imprudent, worthless, obstinate phone that was the object of his utmost hatred.

He has fought armies of evil spirits, swarms of demons, and none have ever defeated this Sesshomaru. None.

He will not lose.

He will not lose to a stupid object invented by a stupid race (his mate, of course, was an exception).

He will not lose. He will not be defeated.

Slowly—very, very slowly—his fingers thrummed over the screen. That's it—one by one, letter by letter... Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru. 10 letters. That should be nothing.


This Sesshomaru will not make a mistake.

I will not make a mistake.

I will not make a mistake.

I will not—

Message Sent.

Sesshomaru: Mate, we are destroying the phone. This sesame is displeased.

Damn it.

Note: Just a little quick-read to brighten up the day. =)

Leave a review and let me know if this made you smile! If it did, then I've done my job =

This is the first in the Less Than Three series, a bunch of one-shots on how technology kills romance.
Thanks for reading!

- Keelah (Author of Instant Message)

Fun Fact!

Most of the Auto-corrected words are true, I typed the outline on my iPod without looking & see what I'd get from Auto-correct. x)

I also tried about 30 freaking times before it got Sesshomaru & Kagome's names right.