Author's Note: Thanks to Chihiro Yuki for letting me know I posted the wrong chapter. Here's the right one this time! Hope you guys enjoy!


"We already have the looks down pat, it's time to move on to our next unit," Mimi said. TK and the girls were hanging out in her bedroom. TK hadn't seen this much pink all at once; it was almost giving him a stomachache.

"Attention soldiers! We're going to start with something important," Miki scrawled on a whiteboard and stood to the side so everyone could see it.

"This is going to be an interesting lesson," TK grimaced.

"How to Not Be a Dumbass by Sergeant Miki Kurosaki," Meg frowned.

"I don't think that's in the syllabus," Mimi flipped through a pink notebook.

"Screw the syllabus!" Miki snatched the book and tossed it aside.

"Maybe it was a bad idea for Miki to start off," Mimi whispered to an agreeing Meg.

"Love is a battlefield. Love's gonna find you, yes it is. You just can't hide, you'll hear it call. If you're not careful, you get shot through the heart, and who's to blame? You," Miki pointed at TK.

"Not trying to be a smartass, but I think you just quoted three '80s songs at once," TK said.

"It's okay. You're not a smartass," Miki said.

"Wow. I'm surprised," TK blinked in confusion. Miki was never one to let people make wise cracks at her and get away with it.

"You, my dearest, are a dumbass. That's why we're even doing this lesson, to help you not be a dumbass anymore," Miki said.

"Okay...," TK looked at her in disbelief.

"Like I said, love is a battlefield. If you want to survive a war, you need to be prepared for anything that comes your way. You see this?" Miki held up a wallet.

"Yeah," TK said.

"Think of this as your Swiss Army knife," Miki said. "Whatever you do, make sure you take this everywhere because the one guaranteed way to screw up a date is by leaving your wallet at home. That being said, you have to make sure your wallet is stocked up with the essentials-like a fridge."

"Wait, is my wallet supposed to be a Swiss Army knife or a fridge?" TK asked.

" I have to break this down into simpleton terms?" Miki huffed.

"That would be helpful. These analogies are kinda throwing me off," TK said.

"Take wallet everywhere. Make sure money in wallet," Miki said as if she were talking to a caveman. "You don't want your date to end up like this..."

In the realistic, sensible, and logical mind of Miki Kurosaki...

"Here's your check," the waiter dropped by with the bill.

"Thanks," TK grabbed the receipt.

"TK, you don't have to-" Kari said.

"Nonsense! It's my treat. After all, it's the least I could do since I got to spend some time with you," TK gave Kari a warm smile.

"You're so sweet," Kari blushed.

"Uh...," TK fished through his pockets for his wallet, but he couldn't find it.

"Is everything okay?" Kari looked concerned.

"Yeah, just peachy!" TK squeaked.

"I'm going to the ladies room," Kari awkwardly got up from her chair.

"Okay," TK forced a smile. He double-checked all of his pockets, but no luck. He glanced at his cell phone. Kari went to the bathroom around 45 minutes ago. Unless someone ambushed her on the way, there was no reason she would be gone for that long. Then the realization hit TK. She wasn't coming back. TK looked around the restaurant before he snuck out.

"Bring money. Got it," TK shivered. He didn't want his first date experience to be a dine-and-dash.

"Also, every soldier needs his dog tags. It's a good idea to bring your ID with you as well," Miki said.

"Why? Are the cops going to pull me over on my bike?" TK joked.

"You never know...," Meg said with a spooked expression on her face.

In the overly creative imaginations of Megumi Shirakawa...

"Dorky kid in the bike! Pull over to the side!" a police officer said through a loudspeaker.

"Seriously?" TK groaned to himself as he watched the cop get out of his car.

"Young man, do you know why you're being pulled over?" the cop looked at him.

"No. Not really," TK frowned.

"Are you aware that you haven't been riding in a straight line?" the cop sternly said.

"It is windy out," TK said.

"Do you have any ID?" the cop said.

"Uh...," TK pulled out his wallet. He had cash, used gift cards, a candy bar wrapper, postage stamps, but no ID.

"Sir, are you drunk?" the police officer asked.

"What?! No!" TK jumped.

"I'm going to need you to breathe into-damn, I forgot the breathalyzer back at the office," the cop said. "Well since I can't test you, I'm just gonna have to arrest you."

"What?!" TK gasped.

"Sorry, it's just the rules," the cop handcuffed TK and shoved him in the back of the police car.

"What kind of rules are those?" TK looked bewildered.

"What kind of rules are those?!" TK asked. "That can't really happen!"

"Hey, you never know," Miki teased. "After all, Meg and I have seen people get dragged into the precinct for the most random reasons."

"That's completely ridiculous! Besides, I don't have a driver's license," TK said.

"How about a school ID?" Meg asked.

"Yeah, but I don't see how a school ID is going to be useful," TK said.

"Because you might need to prove your identity one day," Miki said.

"For Miki's sake, just bring it," Mimi shook her head as she read a textbook.

"Now the next essential gloves," Miki pulled out a roll of condoms.

"Eh...," TK turned red.

"Miki!" Mimi gasped.

"What? If the date goes really well, then I want to make sure TK's prepared!" Miki said.

"No no no! Especially not on a first date!" Mimi snapped. "God forbid something like this happens..."

A Bleak Prediction provided by the "psychic powers" of Mimi Tachikawa...

"I had a great time," Kari said.

"Me too," TK grinned.

"Say, why don't we go back to my place after?" Kari coyly said.

"I'd love that," TK smiled.

"Here's your check," the waiter dropped by with the bill.

"Thanks," TK grabbed the receipt.

"TK, you don't have to-" Kari said.

"Nonsense! It's my treat. After all, it's the least I could do since I got to spend some time with you," TK gave Kari a warm smile.

"You're so sweet," Kari blushed.

"Let me...," TK struggled to pull his money out of his wallet, but everything exploded out.

"What's this?" Kari held up a condom in between her fingers.

"Gah...," TK turned red.

"You sicko!" Kari slapped him in the face and stormed out of the restaurant.

"Serves you right, especially when you have a rewards card from Suburban Outfitters. Douche," the waiter said as he walked past the table.

"Yeah, that would be bad...," TK grimaced.

"Come on, you could always lie and say they were from sex ed!" Miki scoffed.

"Maybe it would work if our school wasn't abstinence-only," Meg said.

"Oh yeah. Forgot," Miki pressed her lips together.

"Thank you for today's lesson, Major Kurosaki," Mimi curtsied. "Now that you can look the part, let's see if you can walk the walk!"

"And that's where I come in! Me and you are going on a practice date on Sunday!" Meg squealed.

"And Miki and I will be watching you two," Mimi put her hands on her hips.

"What?" TK looked panicked.

"Hello! Don't you think you might want a practice run before the actual event?" Mimi said.

"I don't have a problem with the date, I just think it's weird for you two to hang around telling me what to do," TK said.

"Better we correct your dumbass behavior now before you unknowingly act like a dumbass in front of Kari," Miki said.

"If it makes you feel better, we won't spy on you guys," Mimi said.

"Thank you," TK sighed.

"We'll just record your date and then watch and critique it afterwards," Mimi said.

"What?!" TK yelled.

"Yeah. You have your video recordy thing, so we don't have to worry about the equipment," Mimi said.

"No! That's an even worse idea!" TK said.

"So that means we're coming along too! It's a group date!" Mimi said.

"We're going to pick someplace casual, you know, to take a little of the stress away," Meg said.

"How about the Soft Rock Cafe?" Miki suggested.

"Nah, we should save that place for the actual date. I was thinking of somewhere more like Alice's Wonderland Bistro," Mimi said.

"Great idea!" Meg squealed.

"Nononono! Isn't that the bakery where all the gay guys and Lolita girls go?" TK made a horrified face.

"Yeah. Why?" Meg blinked.

"That has to be the girliest place ever! Not even drag queens are brave enough to step inside that monstrosity!" TK raised his eyebrows.

"Come on. It's not like you have a reputation to lose," Mimi coaxed.

"True, but still...promise me that none of you are going to dress like those creepy dolls," TK groaned.

"You definitely don't have to worry about me. It's the other two you should be concerned with," Miki snorted.

"Okay, okay. We won't dress up like dolls. Promise...right Meg?" Mimi looked over at her.

"Fine. Promise," Meg reluctantly said.

"Good! Then it's settled! Alice's Wonderland Bistro at 2 o'clock. Good? Good," Mimi said.

"It's a date! We'll see you tomorrow," Meg pinched TK's cheek.

"Bye," Miki shot TK a devilish look.

"Bye," TK said.

"Alright girls! Let me show you to the door," Mimi grabbed her friends and left the room.

"Uh oh...," TK could hear them talking outside but he couldn't make out the conversation. The more these girls were talking and giggling, the more paranoid TK grew. He got up from the floor and paced around Mimi's room, looking for a distraction. He hovered over her pink vanity and noticed the multiple pictures stuck in the frame of the mirror. A couple of family pictures, several sticker booth photos with Miki and Meg, and-

"Hey there! Having fun?" Mimi snuck up behind TK.

"Gah! I'm so sorry! I-" TK stammered.

"It's okay. They're just pictures," Mimi said.

"Your mom was Spring Fling Queen?" TK pointed to a picture of a redheaded girl in a prom dress and tiara.

"Yep. I've wanted to be like her," Mimi said.

"Is that why you want to be Spring Fling Queen? Because your mom was one?" TK asked.

"Yeah," Mimi pursed her lips. "But also because I want everyone how fabulous I look in a tiara!"

"Where is your mom? All these times I've been here, and I haven't seen your mom yet," TK said.

"She's been gone," Mimi sadly said.

"She died? Matt never told me. I mean, granted, it hasn't popped up in a conversation, but still," TK rambled.

"No, she's not dead. Hold on," Mimi closed the door. "Sorry, it's just that I don't want my dad to hear us. I don't think he's still over her. I haven't told anyone this, but my mom ran off with an Austrian man back in junior high, and I hadn't seen her since."

"I'm sorry," TK awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. It was starting to add up now. Mimi started acting weird around TK's first year of junior high. He assumed Mimi was pretending not to know him because he was a year below her, but that turned out not to be the case. She was treating everyone else the same way, well except for Sora. Even then, their friendship didn't last for much longer. How Matt and Mimi even started dating was a mystery to TK, since Mimi stopped talking to the rest of the gang.

"It's not your fault she ran off with Klaus. I've never even met or knew anything about it, until she left a letter on the kitchen table. It's so weird. Even though I hate her for what she did to my dad, I still want to be like her," Mimi sat on the floor next to TK and rested her head on his shoulder. "You know why I made my dad hire Greta?"

"Why?" TK asked.

"Well, besides the fact that she makes me and my dad happy, and she's a good cook, I was hoping to learn some German from her. I don't know, I have this stupid thing in my head that if I learned German, it would make me closer to my mom," Mimi spat.

"It's not stupid," TK shook his head.

"I haven't seen her in years and she hasn't even bothered to at least call me. I don't know why I want to be like her," Mimi leaned in against TK and interlaced her fingers with his.

"Nobody's completely perfect. People make mistakes and some people are too scared to go back and fix them. That's probably what your mom is. Scared. Sure, she did a bad thing, but that doesn't mean she's a bad person. Everyone has good and bad qualities," TK said.

"You probably think I have a lot of bad qualities. I mean, I can't blame you if you think of me in that way. I wasn't exactly your friendship bracelet buddy," Mimi said.

"Yeah. We sure aren't friendship bracelet buddies. Honestly, I'm a bit hurt by that," TK jokingly frowned.

"Aww, does TK want a friendship bracelet?" Mimi stuck out her tongue.

"That would be nice, but I don't want you to feel obliged to make me one," TK teased.

"Then it's settled!" Mimi patted TK on the head and walked over to her closet.

"What's settled?" TK craned his neck over to get a better view of Mimi.

"We're making friendship bracelets!" Mimi held up a pink caboodles case.

"I was just kidding about that!" TK turned red.

"Way to break a girl's heart. Do you know how hard it was to pull this thing out?" Mimi stood akimbo.

"Then let's make them," TK nervously shrugged.

"I knew you'd see it my way," Mimi flounced back over to him and set the box down. "Ugh, I don't remember when the last time I opened this was."

"Let me see," TK struggled to pry the plastic box open.

"No! You're going to break-oops," Mimi accidentally snapped the lid off the box.

"Kind of like that?" TK picked up a shard of plastic.

"Shut up!" Mimi turned red.

"Hey, these are a bunch of pictures from camp. You're a picture hoarder, aren't you?" TK sifted through photos.

"Yep," Mimi blushed.

"Remember this?" TK picked up a photo of him and Mimi giving each other a high five over an unconscious, lipstick-laden Joe covered in glitter and paper fishes.

"That's what he got for not letting us eat snacks whenever we wanted," Mimi giggled. "Who took this picture anyways?"

"Beats me," TK shrugged. "I remember being so excited about going to camp. My parents thought it would have been a good opportunity for me and my brother to spend more time together. You see, my parents have been divorced for as long as I could remember, so I didn't really get to see Matt a lot. I was upset when the counselors divided us up into age groups, so I couldn't hang out with Matt anyways."

"Yeah, I hated that whole division thing too. It wasn't fair. Everyone else my age got to be with the older kids, but I had to stay behind," Mimi pouted.

"Hey! You say that like it was a bad thing," TK frowned.

"I didn't mean it like that! How would you feel if all of your friends were together, and you were the only one left out?" Mimi said.

"I think I know...I face it every day, especially during lunch," TK said.

"Oh. I forgot," Mimi sheepishly looked down on the floor. "Well, on the bright side, I got to make friends with new people. My parents sent me to camp because they wanted me to experience something other than the girly-girl life. I was soooo mad at first, but then I started to have fun. Camp sucked at times, but if I didn't go, I wouldn't have met other cool kids. Oh, and you."

"Aren't you sweet," TK blandly said.

"Admit it, you looooved having me in your group!" Mimi said.

"I did," TK nodded. Kari was supposed to come to camp, but she was too sick. It was okay, because Mimi ended up taking Kari's place. TK didn't really get along with other kids because he cried a lot, but for some reason he clicked with Mimi.

"Hah! I'm just that irresistibly charming," Mimi confidently said.

"No. More like a pain in the ass. Compared to you, I was probably as mature as Cody. For once, I wasn't the brat in the group," TK made a face.

"Yeah, I was a brat, but I wear that title proudly!" Mimi had a smug smile on her face.

"You sure did," TK scoffed.

*beep beep beep*

"What's that?" Mimi asked.

"Shoot! I have to get to work," TK turned off his phone alarm.

"This late?" Mimi raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I switched shifts with Zoe, so I gotta get moving," TK abruptly stood up.

"Alright...," Mimi pouted. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Bye!" TK gave her a quick hug and ran out of the door.

"Are you in, TK?" Zoe asked.

"Yeah, sure...," TK shrugged. He wasn't really paying attention to the conversation.

"TK, did you forget something?" Takuya asked.

"What are you talking about?" TK gave him a puzzled look.

"Why did you tie a string on your wrist? Don't people usually tie the string on their finger when they need to remember something?" Takuya asked.

"That's a friendship bracelet, you moron," Zoe huffed. "What's with the bracelet anyways?"

"I made them with the girls," TK shrugged.

"Don't you think you're spending a little too much time with them?" Kouichi asked.

"What are you trying to say?" TK stared.

"Have you even worked on your film project?" Zoe asked.

"Yeah, I have!" TK said defensively.

"Really? Because the deadline was yesterday and we didn't see you at the meeting," Zoe said.

"What?! Oh my god! I completely forgot!" TK gasped.

"I asked Mueller if he could give you an extension, but he said no. You're welcome, TK. I tried to help you out," Zoe pressed her lips together.

"Don't be upset. He was too busy making bracelets with his new BFFs," Takuya mockingly said.

"You know what? You're all just jealous," TK said.

"Of what?" Koji scoffed. "Once the Spring Fling dance is over, Mimi and her fembots are going to forget all about you. She's only using you to get more popularity votes."

"I've overheard people saying they're going to vote for Mimi because she's 'helping the less fortunate', which happens to be you. Natalie might be nice to everyone, but she doesn't have any friends outside of the ABC listers," Kouichi said.

"Wow, that must be the most I heard you say," Takuya said. "TK, don't you think that accounts for something? Kouichi barely talks, so you know it's serious if he's uttering more than one word answers."

"You guys have no idea what you're talking about!" TK said.

"TL;DR, you just threw away a chance for $1000 for some trick who'll toss you like last season's Pucci bag," Koji snorted.

"I think you meant Gucci," Takuya said.

"No, Pucci's a designer brand too," KP said.

"Really? Because I never heard of it-"

"Who cares? I think he gets the message," Koji snapped.

"We're only telling you these things because we're your friends. We care about you," Zoe said.

"No. If you guys really were my friends, you wouldn't be trying to make me feel like crap," TK got up from the table and stomped away.

"TK, what's wrong?" Meg said.

"Nothing. It's just stupid," TK shrugged.

"Come on. You can tell us," Mimi said.

"The filmmaking club got mad at me because I didn't show up to the film festival meeting," TK said.

"So what? It was just one meeting," Miki pulled a strand of hair from the middle of her head and blew it.

"It wasn't just one meeting. It was the meeting. Since I missed the meeting, I lost my slot in the film festival," TK sighed.

"Aw, and that was so important to you!" Meg touched her cheek.

"Obviously, it wasn't important enough if I forgot about it. I'm sorry, Mimi," TK glumly said.

"For what?" Mimi looked confused.

"I know you were depending on this video to help you score more votes for Spring Fling Queen and I let you down. I understand if you don't want to help me out with Kari anymore," TK said.

"What? Don't be ridiculous!" Mimi said. "That's not important to me! We're friends, and that's all that matters!"

"Yeah, friends," TK smiled at his friendship bracelet.

"You're late," Mimi curtly said.

"What do you mean late? I showed up right on time!" TK pointed to his phone.

"Ugh, when I said 2 o'clock, I meant 1:50," Mimi rolled her eyes.

"Huh?" TK looked confused.

"A gentleman always comes 10 minutes before the proposed time! That way, just in case the lady shows up, she won't be the one waiting out by her lonesome. By showing up a little earlier, you spare her from looking desperate and pathetic," Mimi said.

"Good to know," TK said.

"On the flip side, if she doesn't show up by 2:10, then leave. A decent girl would at least call between the 20-minute gap to let you know she'd be running late. If she doesn't call, just assume you got stood up and leave," Mimi said.

"But what if she shows up five minutes later after I leave?" TK asked.

"Nope. Don't stay any longer after 10 minutes. She needs to know that your time is just as valuable as hers. Again, you don't want to go out with a girl who doesn't even respect you enough to let you know if she's running late, if she bothers to show up in the first place. Miki and Meg were supposed to show up, but they had to go to work at the last minute," Mimi said.

"Great, I'm getting stood up," TK sighed.

"No. Besides, I'm here. If none of us showed up, then that would be a problem. Now that we're both together, let's go inside," Mimi linked her arm with his and pulled him in the cafe.

"Goody," TK groaned.

"Hello there. Can I grab you a table?" a Lolita girl said in a breathy tone.

"Yes please!" Mimi grinned.

"Excellent. Let me show you to the butterfly garden," the girl led them to a glasshouse and placed two menus on a round table. "Enjoy!"

"Thank you," Mimi grinned.

"There are actual butterflies here," TK said with a disgusted look on his face. There were a bunch of multicolored butterflies fluttering throughout the glass atrium.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Mimi said.

"If that's what you want to call it...," TK made a face.

"Come on, be a good sport. Girls get turned off by bad attitudes. If you're not thrilled, at least try to act neutral. It's important to keep a positive attitude, unless you want to drive the girl away," Mimi said. "Now, I'm going to ask you again and you better come up with the right answer. Isn't this place beautiful?"

"Sure...," TK said.

"Eh, decent enough," Mimi shrugged.

"Hello. Would you guys like to start off with something to drink?" a girl in a princess costume said.

"I'll have a raspberry chocolate latte," Mimi said.

"And I'll take a regular coffee," TK said.

"I'll be right back," the girl curtsied and walked away.

"We should share something. What looks good to you?" TK asked.

"Wow, you're a smart boy. I didn't even have to tell you what to do," Mimi said, impressed.

"What did I do?" TK had a confused look on his face.

"Sharing a dessert is a great way to express intimacy. After all, most people don't eat off the same plate as a stranger, do they? By sharing dessert, you're showing that you want to get closer to your date or that you two are already close," Mimi said.

"That makes a lot of sense," TK slowly nodded.

"And the fact that you asked the girl what she wanted gives you extra brownie points," Mimi giggled. "Speaking of brownies, I could totally go for the turtle brownie a la mode."

"Okay, I'm down with that," TK said.

"Here are your beverages. Would you like anything else?" the waitress came back.

"Actually, yes. We'd like to share the turtle brownie a la mode, please," TK said.

"Sure thing," the waitress smiled and flounced away.

"While we wait, let's play a little game," Mimi pulled a tennis ball out of her purse. "Think of conversations like a tennis match. Like a tennis match, conversations are boring if both players don't put in the work. Okay, I'll ask you a question and then I'll toss the ball over to you. When you catch the ball, it's your turn to say something. Then you ask me a question and hand the ball back to me. Got it?"

"Yeah, I think so," TK said.

"Great. Let's begin," Mimi threw the ball at TK, but it flew past his reach.


"Oww! My nose!"

"Marcia! Are you okay?" a bunch of doll-looking girls rushed over to their injured friend.

"Uh oh...," Mimi slid down in her chair.

"Way to go, Mimi," TK tried to hold in his laughter.

"Here's your brownie," the waitress placed the dessert on the table.

"Actually, can we get that to go?" TK nervously laughed.

"I guess we're not going back there any time soon," Mimi said.

"That's a bummer. I was starting to like the place. Who knew Mimi had a thing for pelting real-life dolls with tennis balls?" TK smirked.

"I do not! It was supposed to be a learning exercise," Mimi fumed.

"Sure it was. Excuses, excuses. You should just be honest with yourself. It's okay if you don't like girls who dress like dolls. It's just not okay to act out on your hatred," TK laughed.

"Ugh! You're completely- fine. I'm eating this brownie all by myself!" Mimi clutched onto a takeout box, which looked more like a miniature paper dollhouse than an actual carryout case.

"They really like their presentation," TK said in awe.

"If you like, I'll have the brownie and you can have the box," Mimi starting eating the dessert.

"Nuh uh. I want to get a piece of that action too," TK took the fork from her.

"Fine. But that's because I'm nice," Mimi pretended to be offended.

"Last time I heard, nice people don't throw tennis balls at innocent girls," TK said.

"Shut up and give me the fork," Mimi scoffed.

"Okay," TK had a devilish look on his face.

" ate the whole thing!" Mimi whined.

"It was good. You should have had some," TK smirked.

"I hope you don't do this with Kari!" Mimi shook her finger at him.

"If anything, I hope I can have as much fun with Kari as I did with you today," TK chuckled.

"You will! If today went well, then the real date will be even better. If the date goes well, Kari might even do this," Mimi kissed TK on the cheek.

"Oh," TK blushed.

"So don't screw things up, buddy? You hear me?" Mimi cleared her throat.

"I'll try not to. As long as there's no tennis balls around, everything should be fine," TK teased.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" Mimi pouted.

"It's getting pretty late," TK said. "I should probably walk you home, just to make sure you don't whale unsuspecting bystanders with tennis balls."

"Jerk," Mimi scoffed.

"Hey Matt, what are you doing here?" TK walked into his apartment.

"I was waiting for you," Matt said.

"Why?" TK felt his heart beat fast. He didn't do anything wrong, but he felt guilty for some odd reason.

"Are you okay? You looked a little scared," Matt cocked his head to the side.

"Me, scared? Nah," TK tried to sound calm.

"Hmm. Guess I'm just seeing things," Matt shrugged. "I just came over to see if I could borrow one of Mom's dress shirts and you know where she keeps her old clothes. I'm trying to go for a Stevie Nicks look."

"Right...I'll go find them," TK said.

"So, what did you do today?" Matt said.

"Nothing!" TK blurted. "Why do you want to know?"

"Eh, just curious. Whatever you did, you looked like you had fun. I haven't seen you like this in a long time," Matt said.

"Oh...," TK dragged a huge bag over to Matt. "Here. I don't think she'll even notice they're gone. She probably forgot about them anyways."

"Thanks! I'll see you around," Matt ran out of the apartment.

"Alright," TK closed the door behind him. He plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. His mind was too busy racing to focus on what was playing on the TV. Why didn't TK just tell Matt that he was hanging out with Mimi? It's not like he was going around dating Mimi behind Matt's back, but it didn't stop TK from thinking that way.