"Rose, Rose, Rose," the Doctor called from their bedroom. "Come 'ere a minute!"
"You could ask nicely instead of demanding," Rose mumbled as she closed her laptop and went to see what her puppy dog of a boyfriend wanted. It was probably some bauble or bit of alien tech that he had found in the Torchwood archive. He was adorably excited when he found something for his sonic screwdriver or their baby TARDIS.
What she found was not salvaged alien tech, but a naked and aroused part-alien standing in front of the bed holding a tape measure.
"And what did I do to deserve this?" she teased, catching her tongue in her teeth.
He grinned back and started bouncing on the balls of his feet. Which caused other balls to bounce too. Rose didn't know whether to laugh or to pounce on him. She settled on enjoying the view until he decided to explain what he was 'up' to.
"I read this article online that the average American penis is 5.6 inches long when erect. So I thought that maybe we could see how my frankly impressive manly bits stack up." He held out the tape measure to her, and she shook her head and giggled.
"So you want to see how you stack up, huh?" she asked, taking the proffered tool from his fingers. "What was the largest one?"
"10.2," he replied.
Rose tilted her head to the side and studied his erection thoughtfully. "Hmm, I've had bigger than 10.2." The Doctor preened a little, and Rose decided to put his ego in check. "Oh, not from you though."
His eyes narrowed and she burst out laughing. "You are very impressive and manly, love. And you are the most skilled lover I have ever had. And your bits are easily the largest I have ever seen. Do you feel better now?"
"A little bit, yeah." He pointed down towards his crotch. "Now can we get on with the gathering of the empirical data?"
Rose quirked an eyebrow. "Empirical data?"
"It's for science, Rose." He pulled his shoulders back and pushed his hips forward. "Go on then. Tell me how superior I am."
This was completely ridiculous and completely Doctor-y. "Well, if it's for science." Dropping to her knees in front of him, she slowly slid the tape along his length, pressing her thumb and the end of the tape firmly into the base of his shaft.
He moaned and she grinned, letting the fingertips of her other hand lightly skim the head of his penis. Her hand lingered on him a little longer than was necessary as she squinted and hemmed and hawed over the final measurement.
"So what's the verdict?" he asked, his voice slightly lower than normal.
She grinned. "A very impressive seven and a half, love." Leaning over, she pressed a kiss into his hipbone.
"Is that all?" he huffed.
"Any larger and you might hurt me." Rose shook her head. "Seven and a half is the perfect size." Her fingernails raked up and down his thighs. "And there are many impressive things that you can do with all that length." Her breath ghosted across his skin. "And so many impressive things I can do with it."
She heard him swallow. "Oh yeah?" His voice sounded shaky.
"Oh yes. All you have to do is ask nicely." Her lips hovered over his tip, and she looked up at him.
A cocky grin formed on his face. "Well, since you're already down there…"