My breath was coming out raggedly, but still calmly. I felt as though I had lost a battle or a war even. So warn down after trying to make this all work. Thinking Bunny and I could make it. I wasn't surprised that it didn't work. Jamie knew it all along. He knew we weren't compatible.
I wondered about what he would say if he saw me now. Would he say 'I told you so?' Maybe he would feel bad for me. But I'll never know that either, because he is gone. I'll never see him again. Never again in my existence will I ever see the smile on his face…
The thought brought a small whine from my throat. I quickly hushed myself. I hated the sound of my voice at times. Despising it, I wished I hadn't talked so much. I talked too much in my life, afraid that if I stopped talking I would fade away, back to the days that I was invisible. To the days of complete silence. Only having myself to answer to. I so wished I could have those days back and met Bunny earlier. Then I would have been less corrupt. Not as scared from all that I had seen, like the depression, death, murders, countless breakups out in snowy fields. I vowed that if I had ever gotten into a relationship that I would be careful, not careless with people's hearts like all of the humans seemed to be. But now I realize that it was so easy to break a heart. Just a few wrongly said words and hearts would shatter before your very eyes. Like dark glass shattering… just falling apart, the pieces flying everywhere. Even when you move on with your life with your repaired heart, there are always some pieces lost in the snow. That you can never get back. The pieces are lost to time, picked up by birds to build nests.
The snow was covering my hoodie, little spots of white clung to the blue fabric. Sand also was tangled in my white locks of hair. Making a mess out of the once soft strands. Bunny would always tell me my hair was soft. He used to love playing with it. He said it gave off a smell that was my own, one that he had learned to love so much. He said it was his favorite smell, just like his smell was my favorite scent.
I turned on to my side to be able to deal with the horrid pain in my stomach better. I stared out into the dark purple night sky. I could barely see dark brown rocks ahead, covered in ice and snow. They were in the middle of the body of water. I wondered if it would be nice to go over there. Sit upon the rocks. Look farther into the distance.
I really rather liked it here. It was isolated, quiet, and bursting with wildlife that at the moment was covered in white snow. I would love to build a home here. For the winter of course, not for the summer. It would be far too hot here for the summer, but the winter really is beautiful here. I wondered why there weren't more people out here. It was really beautiful here.
The wind began to pick up speed. It swirled the snow around in little flurries that danced across the horizon. The only light that was available was from the moon, its light shone down upon the snowy-sandy ground, making the snow shine like microscopic diamonds in the sunlight. It was really a beautiful sight. The trees behind me were tall and leafless, snow and some icicles hanging from the branches. The only thing I knew for sure that wasn't created by nature was my footprints in the snow below.
The snow itself was so clean. It smelled even better than it looked. Like fresh air. It stung slightly as I breathed it in. The coldness tickling my nose.
I really did want to go sit on the rocks though. They looked so majestic in the grey moonlight that Manny was producing. I sat up and brushed the snow off of me. When I stood up a couple of my bones cracked and snapped under the weight of my body. I took a couple of steps forward, the sand and snow making a weird feel underneath my feet.
When I reached the shore, I took a wary step forward. The memories of my drowning flooding back into the center stage in my mind. Could I die the same way I died when I was human? I wasn't sure. Not like it mattered though.
The ice crunched slightly under my foot. I pressed down to see how much weight it could hold. It seemed solid. Not at all as thin as the ice I walked on the hour of my death. So I put another foot on the ice, it crunched and cracked a little, but barely enough to threaten me.
I was taking small cautious steps toward the rows of big black rocks. The ice was able to stand my weight, even though I barely weighed anything. I remembered when Bunny used to carry me, across his warren sometimes, or even across North's workshop. I loved when his arms were wrapped around me, I felt safer than I ever had before. I had been that way ever since he had saved me that one day from the nightmare and patched me up. I remember how I felt when he carried me, carried me into the mansion. I remembered when I woke up from being out for almost two weeks. Then I woke up and saw him smiling. He looked so tired. I remembered that I thanked him for saving me.
I remembered quite a bit of our relationship.
Like our first kiss… When we had gotten into a fight at the pole and I reacted by kissing him. I was so in love those days. I was head over heels in love. I still am. But it was more realistic then. Then when I left for days and didn't come back until I felt ready. He was waiting for me. That was when he kissed me. I was so sensitive to his touch because of the new scars on my arms and legs. But somehow he was still able to touch me without hurting me.
When I reached the pointed rocks, I climbed them. Clawing my way until I reached the top. The rocks had many markings carved into them, worn down from aging and erosion. My hand slipped on a rock and accidently cut my arm. Shaking off the pain I continued to climb. When I reached the top of the rocks I sat down, staring up into the cluttered white sky.
Then the way that he would wake me up with kisses. The best way for me to wake up. I could still feel his furry lips on mine. Like it was only minutes ago that he had kissed me. Yet in reality it had been months since the last time our lips came into contact.
Then the time he first said I love you. That unbelievable moment. When I realized that we were going to be together forever. How naive I was back then. I knew better now. I knew that fantasies stayed fantasies for a reason. They were too good to be true. That's all it was. A dream that we both shared at one time, I should have known that I was bound to wake up at one point.
I stared up into the endless night, just letting my mind wander. Thinking about the possibilities our relationship could have had. All the fun we could have had together, all of the kisses and laughs and memories and dreams that we could have shared. Everything could have been next to perfect. I could no longer blame myself though. I had to let go…
"Pretty ain't it?"
I whipped my head to the right and saw Bunny sitting crossed legged next to me on the next rock.
I was speechless. How did he find me? How did I not notice him sitting with me? I felt my jaw fall open. I couldn't find the discipline to close it.
"Um… Yeah, I guess it is…"
"Ya guess?" Bunny snickered, "Yer not sure if snow is beautiful?"
"Well… There are far more beautiful things in this world than snow Bunny," I reminded him. We were quiet for a moment. I could sense the awkwardness creep up on us. I didn't want him to leave. I felt as though this may be the last I see him for a while.
"So, um, how's Easter coming?" I asked nervously, trying to make conversation. I began nervously pulling on the hem of my hoodie.
"It's going well Jack, a few mishaps here and there but it's comin' along…" He responded. Not bothering to look at me. I turned my attention back to the falling snow.
We were silent for about ten minutes. Not finding anything to say to each other. Yet in my mind tons of questions raced around. 'How are you? Has anything exciting happened while I was gone? Do you miss me?'
I looked down at the rock below. As if it would tell me questions to ask. I could only come up with one thing to say. And it was the hardest thing in the world to speak; "I'm sorry, please forgive me."
Not because I was prideful, but because of fear to be rejected. Of course I wasn't expecting forgiveness… But forget rejection. I needed to say it. If I didn't say it now, I'd regret it for the rest of my life.
"Bunny?" I began, trying my hardest not to stutter or sound terrified of my once boyfriend.
"What? You're sorry?" Bunny finished with a snap. I recoiled like I'd been smacked.
"Don't even start Frost, don't play this game with me. Don't start whining about how it was your fault and you would do anything to have the old days back the way they were. Well I'm sorry to tell you Frost, but we're done. No more to it."
I didn't speak. I stopped breathing. Because if I took even one small breath, I'd burst into a million tears. But, it came the time to breathe… I took in one shallow breath, and like I predicted. The tears came forward like someone had broken a dam that had held too much water.
I didn't hold back, because when I tried, it hurt my chest. So I had no choice but to cry. Because that entire sentence he spoke was true. I looked at my left arm; the blood was beginning to seep through the blue fabric of the arm. I ignored it and waited for Bunny to leave, figuring that he was done with me by now, me and my never ending crying.
"Jack!" Bunny said panicked, "What did I say about hurting yourself?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, before I got an answer, my wounded arm was grabbed by Bunny. He pulled back the sleeve and looked at the gash in my skin. He observed the cut as best as he could, being as gentle as he would with one of his eggs.
"Jack, what did I tell you about harming yourself? I told you not to do that anymore!" Bunny told me, attempting to be stern, but his voice came out in a stressed way.
I looked up at him, "Aw… you do care…"
I remember when I had spoken those words before, back when Pitch threatened to take over. We were all on the sleigh. I pretended to fall off and when he looked for me.
Bunny looked up at me, meeting my eyes with his green ones. He smiled a crooked smile, "Ah rack off ya bloody show pony."
I sniffled and then laughed, "I haven't changed much have I?"
"Nope, yer still the show pony I knew all those years ago," Bunny agreed. Slipping the sleeve carefully over my arm.
"And you're still my Kangaroo," I joked, giving him a sincere smile.
"Yeah… Guess so," Bunny laughed back. Instead of letting my arm go, he held my hand gently. He was staring at the palms of my hands. Like he was trying to read something in the lines of my hands.
"Yeah?" I answered.
"What day is it?" He asked.
"Um, Friday, December twentieth?"
"No… Saturday December twenty first. It's the first day of winter…"
I thought for a moment, realizing that it was the first day of winter. It had to be about midnight then.
"So it is… And winter came…"
"… And winter came," He agreed.
"No matter what you think I am sorry… And I would love to have the old days back. But I also understand why you don't want me anymore. I can see that you can't just think of what I want, you have to think of yourself as well. If it's easier not to be with me then that's what you need to do. Get away from me. Just know that I will always miss you and will always want you."
I waited for a reaction or an answer, but he gave none. He just kept looking at my hand.
"You don't think I want you?" Bunny finally answered.
"No… I don't," I answered cautiously.
"Well yer wrong. I can't sleep at night ya know? For two reasons. My bed's too warm and this keeps me up at night with its thumping…" Bunny shocked me with the information. He let go of my hand and reached into a small pocket in his brown sash and pulled out a silver chain. On the end was the heart.
I reached for it, but restrained. Pulling my hand back and stuffing it into my hoodie pocket. I blushed nervously; I wanted the heart back so badly, just like I wanted him back. But I knew I didn't have either of them anymore.
Bunny let the chain go and I watched as the heart fell. I grabbed for it again, not wanting it to smash. But I didn't need to. It flew to me like a magnet. The chain wrapped around my neck and locked securely. Instantly I felt a heat flood through my body, the feeling that I missed so much. I looked down at the amazing thing.
"It wanted to go back ta its rightful owner. I had no right ta take it…" Bunny said but I cut him off with a quick peck on the lips. I pulled back and looked at the astounded Pooka.
"Thank you Bunny. You don't know how much I needed this back…" But I was cut off myself with a passionate kiss from Bunny. I tried to kiss back, but it was done far too soon. I whined as he pulled away, hoping that he would kiss me again. But he didn't. So I stared again off into the purple night, this time with a big smile.
I took a deep breath and gathered all the courage I could find and slowly lowered my head onto his shoulder. He didn't twitch or move away. Instead he moved closer. I could feel his body heat radiating off of him. It was a good feeling. A familiar one. A very missed one. I couldn't think straight at this point. Just the fact that he was so close to me again…
"Yeah Bunny?" I asked.
"I'm sorry too. I never meant ta hurt ya. I was just so overwhelmed with Sophie and Jamie. And all of the kid's faith of the world changing at a younger age. I was stressed. And I took it out on ya. Which was so wrong. Ya didn't deserve anything that I had said ta ya in the past months…"
I shushed him, and then said to him quietly, "Bunny, knowing me, knowing you, I figured things like this would happen, I will always forgive you."
Bunny smiled at the quote that I took from him that he used when I said my first apology.
"Do you think it'll work out?" I asked him.
"I think so… We just have to give it time."
I looked at him, his eyes met mine again.
"I love you Bunny," I told him. My heart pounding like a drum.
Bunny leaned in, "I love you too Jack…"
"Forever…" I whispered as Bunny closed the gap between our lips…The End.