Harry Potter day one mission impossible
Right, that went well- sort of…no I can't lie it was utterly horrific. Never ever giving Flowers to Snape again. A dozen roses Ron says, works every time.
Right and now I'm in saint Mungos and half my nose has been gnawed off by a particularly nasty rose.
Right now Ron, I hate you.
Flowers was a stupid idea, I am never listening to you again.
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Harry Potter day two of mission impossible
Why did I listen to Ron? I don't even like the weird sisters, I like oldies. And no Ron you aren't being my best friend by pretending that my voice sounds pleasant.
Sorry about the robes by the way…
No actually I'm really not very sorry, they were ugly and that must have been the most humiliating moment of my life- though I have to admit I think he's softening up to me, most of the fire didn't actually touch my skin.
And the look in his eyes when I lit up- wow, I mean I could only catch glimpses of it what with the screaming and running for the lake, but they were glittering. He had to have gotten rid of at least some of that resentment right? For a moment there I thought I even saw him smile! Of course…he was probably just laughing at me…but a bloke can dream yeah?
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Harry Potter day three of mission impossible.
I don't think I want to relive what happened here today…I think I'd prefer to block it out of my mind entirely…Neville if you ever so much as get near me with a tube of lipstick I think I might crack and kill you.
Luna if you ever so much as get a candle near me I might turn it around and wax your legs…I don't give a damn how soft and silky they felt there has to be a better way! And the bikini wax…I feel ill. Voldemort meet Luna Lovegood, together the two of you could rule the world. And the tweezers…I think I have to stop now.
I'll have you know that it took seven hours to get that outfit ready, it took two minutes for Severus to open the door recognize me and slam the door in my face.
I think you broke my rib Luna- corsets simply aren't meant to be worn that way…
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Harry Potter day four of mission impossible.
I just stood outside of Severus' office and spent a good twenty minutes trying to say hello. I got so worked up over thinking about what I wanted to tell him that by the time I actually got there what came out was something like this:
Abdabababfbadbbadbjhbfws sdbadbjiasbdb abdaduqawd adbadasedad asdabdsfhaf lo'
Severus has remarkable patience, I think at one point he was actually trying to make sense of what I was saying. What is it about him that renders me completely incapable of stringing a simple sentence together? All he has to do is actually focus his attention on me for more than two seconds and my brain turns to mush.
He smells good though.
I should have told him that…actually no, it would have been creepy…probably worse than standing there spouting of gibberish, I might at least be able to blame it on a curse or something this way…he did though…smell good that is.
Hermione I never really listened to you before when you gave me advice and the one time I actually did it didn't work so, sorry but I think I'll try Ron again.
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Harry Potter day five of mission impossible.
Maybe I should be a monk…monks don't wear buttons do they?
I spent all night last night fixing the damn button on my jacket, the first broke and so I had to find a perfect match for all the other buttons, I was up for nearly six hours pounding down doors to button shops before returning to my flat and realizing I could just transfigure something into the button shape I needed- but then I had to sew it on, I could not get the thread through the eye of the needle…
Suffice to say by the time the jacket was ready, I was exhausted, but then I had to go to work. Did you know the Ministry has an office that monitors nearly everything bought or sold in the wizarding world? Seriously soap, irons, safety pins, you name it and guess what department out of all departments had to be the one to have a series of mysterious holes in their paperwork- yes, ladies and gentlemen, the button department.
After a day (and night) of button sifting I hardly had time to shower and get dressed before I went to pick Severus up. It went pretty well I think- well for the most part anyway, I sort of twitched when I showed up to pick him up and he was wearing that robe…the one with a million buttons down the front and the wrists…
But the opera was nice I guess, I fell asleep for a bit though- I don't think he noticed, but then it's hard not to notice when I was resting my head on his shoulder. I wish I could have stayed awake; the opera was fine and all but really his expression while he was watching…he was so alive. To think that the world almost lost that…funny how just the thought makes my hands shake.
I think I need to stop now thoughts of war won't help anyone here.
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Harry Potter day six of mission impossible
Severus laughed…that's all I can think of…he laughed…
It might seem all soppy but I've never seen something so beautiful in my life. I took him to the fair- a wizard fair which was amazing because neither of us had ever actually been to one. I think he wanted to hex me when I held up the tickets but something changed his mind, maybe the fact that it wasn't pouring buckets of rain for the first time in nearly three weeks I would have done anything to get outside too. Good idea Fleur I knew I could count on you- well, except for the one part when we ended up being chased by fans…or when I was startled to realize that I get outrageously sick on the spinny rides- but Snape laughed so it has to be worth something.
Besides I even won a prize!
I did one of those little ball toss games, I did it for fun honestly I didn't know you could win a prize. I won and the man gave us this folded up cardboard thing, one of those life size idols. I was hoping to get one of Victor Krum to give to Hermione and get back at Ron, or maybe Lockhart to use as a dart board- the man must have had a sense of humor though- it was a life size doll of yours truly, Harry Potter. The disappointment must have shown on my face though, Snape started cracking up. I think he even scared some people. So I did the proper Harry Potter thing to do and signed it when I got home.
To Severus Snape
-wait…shit I think I actually wrote the 'love' part in there.
What if it's too soon? He'll probably hate me now! Shit crap I'm an idiot-
I have to go catch an owl now…
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Harry Potter day seven of mission impossible
I didn't get to the owl in time.
The owl hasn't come back either…I think Severus might have killed it.
He wouldn't take my gift either- Ron said he buys Hermione jewelry when she's in a snit and it always works…I shouldn't listen to Ron…I should never listen to Ron.
I tried to pick something manly…but I'm just no good.
I bought Severus a really nice platinum book mark instead, Fred helped me write a poem that I had inscribed onto the back, and he's pretty good with poetry I think. I thought it was rubbish but then I don't know a thing about poetry- I sent it along with one of the books by a poet Severus mentioned once; he's always quoting poetry and muttering wonderful things. Really the things that man's words can do to a bloke…no wonder I nearly failed in potions…or I was just an idiot- which is probably the case. At any rate I hope he likes the gift- and that he hasn't killed my owl…
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Harry Potter day eight of mission impossible
Severus finally returned my owl…and the book, he said he already had it and that I had best read it before ever attempting to write really bad poetry again. At least he's writing to me, I had worried. I don't know what it means though that he's writing me back even after seeing what I wrote- does he think it was a joke? A part of me is terrified that he did because that might mean that he has no idea- that I do I mean…gah, my head's all messed up now.
The floo network has been down and we're too snowed in to go to the cinema like I had planned. Writing back and forth is fine though, it feels like those days just after the war when he'd go to the bar and I'd tag along. When he was drunk enough we used to talk, civilly too- well for the most part, he threw a chair at me once- and he threw me another time. But it taught me a lot, just sitting there and listening to him talk about the war. The things that haunted him, the memories that he couldn't get out of his head. It made everything I've ever faced look easy. And there was so much of it, stories that I'll carry to the grave with me.
I wonder if he's drinking now, that disgusting scotch that he likes and only from that one year I hope he's warm, it's frightful out there. I almost feel bad sending the owl back out…I miss Severus though…
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Harry Potter day nine of mission impossible
Severus sent me a new owl…I don't know if that counts as a gift from a lover or an apology for sending my owl out that one last time…poor thing never had a chance against that blizzard, Severus found it frozen to the side of the castle this morning.
I wonder what the note said…
I decided to take Severus to the cinema after all; he seemed a bit paranoid though he kept glancing at me as though I was going to attack him. Did I smell like poly juice or something? I made sure to bathe before we left. Maybe it was just being around the muggles? Maybe he wasn't comfortable around them- I should have thought about that, shit what if he was miserable the whole time but too polite to say anything? Damn…but it was a good film one I thought he could appreciate- gah! I'm hopeless.
I'm off to buy a bottle of that scotch he likes so much.
Hopefully he doesn't hate me.
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Harry Potter day ten of mission impossible
I took Severus out to eat; George contacted someone at this really nice Italian restaurant. I really don't know much about fine dining having lived off of scraps when I was a kid myself but the food was good to me. The wine was good too, Severus is apparently really into wines he went on about them for a while but I lost track of what he was saying when he started listing them in French. I don't think I've ever heard anything as dead sexy as Severus speaking French…I think he noticed though, at one point he stopped talking and just smirked- it was dead mortifying but not half as much as what happened next…I don't think I will ever forgive George for that particular prank…
Severus was fine after the initial shock and horror wore off- though I think he took it a little too far in hexing the trumpeter- but then he seemed to be having fun. He probably doesn't get to hex many people now that the war is over, aside from me that is, though he hasn't set me on fire in a while so I suppose that is a very good thing…
I think I'll buy him a bottle of French wine and deliver it personally just so I can hear him do that thing with his voice when he speaks French again…
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Harry Potter day eleven of mission impossible.
I must say I never knew Severus had it in him- I should have, I mean after all those years of getting pranked by the maurders I really should have been at least a little bit suspicious when he asked me for lunch today. I was too deliriously happy to think about the fact that the bistro was in perfect view of Fred and Georges shop. I should have known, honestly, what better alibi could Severus have had then one that involved sitting with a known Auror in a public place just as the shop exploded.
No one was hurt of course, Severus 'suspected' that what was used was a handy little charm that caused the air inside of any closed area to expand rapidly- he had no explanation for the orange foam that grew everywhere.
And they say he has no sense of humor, I always had wondered why the twins never messed with Severus when they were at school.
Now I know.
I admit to feeling a bit used though, after the explosion went off and the mayhem followed I thought I might actually have a moment with him, we stared at each other for what must have been a good few minutes, I nearly thought he was going to kiss me- but then my mobile went off and the moment was broken. The worst part of it is I don't think I've ever seen him run so fast- is the thought of being with me so repugnant?
Who knows, I have to try to wash orange foam out of my hair now.
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Harry Potter day twelve of mission impossible.
Day twelve, here we are two steps forward and about forty-five steps back. This entire process has been a bit of a learning experience for me, figuring out what works and what doesn't. I tried flowers- Severus charmed them to attack me and the bite marks are only just beginning to fade. I tried singing- thank you Ron for pretending my voice wasn't really as bad as it really is, thank you Severus for ending the torment of standing in Ron's old dress robes singing the weird sisters 'Love Potion number 666' at the top of my off key voice- and for setting fire to those hideous robes, though I would have preferred it if I wasn't wearing them at the time…These things have definitely failed me, as did that failure of a conversation honestly Hermione when did 'talking it through' ever actually happen? And no Fred I cannot write poetry and yes George it was rather funny for my first romantic dinner to be destroyed by a mariachi band singing the funeral song- and yes I am sorry about your shop mysteriously exploding the next day.
My point is:
I've very nearly tried everything,
I took him to the opera- and fell asleep because I spent the entire night before fussing about that damn button that fell off my suit jacket. I gave him a book I thought he would like- he already had it, I bought him jewelry- dear god Ron when has Severus Snape ever worn jewelry? But the worst by far would have to be you Ginny Weasley. Make him jealous you said; it's full proof!
Earlier this evening, me at the ministry ball, Severus finally agreed to come with me through some very hefty bribery, you threw that idiot Cole at me. Now don't get me wrong he's a perfectly nice guy I'm sure and I don't know what you paid him to charm me but it was well worth it- except Severus wasn't jealous and by the end of the evening Severus was gone and I was prying Cole off with a crow bar. The jealousy thing never works. I must have been a desperate man to have even bothered trying it. So now here I am feeling thoroughly pawed at and sitting in front of Severus' quarters wondering if he'll ever forgive me.
So I have this one last thing that I want to try because I've been listening to everyone else's advice and it won't take much before I push him out of my life for good.
And I can't live with that.
So I'll do this plainly because that's what it is, plain and pretty uncomplicated when it gets down to it. I'll be honest and open because I know I cannot lose this man. Thinking back always makes me cringe, most of the time I'd like to forget that those years in Hogwarts didn't count. Severus Snape was the one I wanted to impress most from day one, I didn't know why there was just something about him that made me want to be better. But I screwed that up, I failed again and again and again because I was stupid and stubborn and really just a kid who hadn't a clue what he was doing. It wasn't until the end of the war that I realized I thought more about Snape and how much I wanted to hate him then how much I didn't hate him. He nearly died for the war, for a woman he'd loved long ago, for his own vengeance sake- I'll never fully understand I think. But when the dust of it all settled there wasn't a place I wanted more to be than beside his hospital bed. Severus might know, he has that uncanny ability of knowing, but then again I might have actually snuck on by him that time. I stayed by his bed for three weeks when he was in a coma and when he woke I stayed some more, hidden under the invisibility cloak not strong enough to allow myself to be told to go away.
The more I stayed the more I thought the more I came to realize just how much Severus Snape meant to Harry Potter. And I couldn't let it end there, I couldn't let you just get out of the hospital bed one day and never see you again. So I took off the invisibility cloak and invented a reason to be near you. I've never heard more vicious things spewed at me then during that first week. Unfortunately for you the fight was at last gone out of me, I'd fought Voldemort and killed him, I'd stood up and allowed myself to be killed and none of it was worth what you gave up Severus. So I took it, I didn't argue, I agreed and eventually you settled into a steady sulk. I've invaded your life Severus, I know that, through out the rebuilding at Hogwarts I followed you around like a lost puppy, I dragged you to tea, I demanded to sit beside you and generally made a nuisance of myself.
But I couldn't and can't let you go.
When you finally agreed to date me I thought I could fly without a broom. When I realized you had given up on denying me and were simply humoring me rather than fighting it I knew I was a goner. I tried in my desperation, every bit of advice I could get my hands on and none of it has worked. So I'm giving you this, this ridiculous log book that Hermione insisted I keep in order to figure out what went wrong and what I did right. The only thing is, I haven't done any of it right, everything's failed and I can see it in your eyes that you're one step away from truly cutting me out of your life. Tonight, the way you looked at me- I've never felt so small and dirty in my life and it's all my own fault. For someone to be jealous it implies that there was something there to begin with- you weren't jealous, you were annoyed, disgusted and humiliated by me and I'll never forgive myself for that.
So here it is, all or nothing,
The one thing that I've wanted to say to you since I was a stupid eleven year old who didn't know anything.
I think you're brilliant and I love you.
You drive me mad, utterly and completely mad- seriously to have done half the things I've done I would have to be mad. But you're the only thing that makes sense to me and I would do anything no matter the humiliation it would cause me, to be the one you dare to love. Anything.
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Harry took a deep breath and bit his lip. French wine? Check…suit- all buttons attached- check, teeth brushed hair- don't even bother. Harry lifted his hand to knock and the door to Snape's personal quarters opened. Severus snorted slightly as he caught sight of Harry standing there in what was possibly the most nervous poses he could be in.
"Come in." The man drawled lightly. Harry edged his way into the room and didn't even bother trying to say anything, he simply held out the wine. Snape's lips twitched upwards and Harry shivered as he read off the label before pouring them each a glass and handing one to Harry. "Sit Harry and take a drink before you forget to breathe and pass out." Severus said slyly. Harry let out something that sounded probably like a tortured chipmunk and drank deeply from his wine causing Severus to snort again. "And this from the man who defeated the dark lord, I believe I'm flattered." He said taking a sip of his win.
"You are much more intimidating." Harry agreed when he could his voice only wavering slightly as he rubbed his sweaty palms on his trousers. Snape surveyed him for a long moment. Despite his relaxed appearance Harry found that he could read the small signs, the tightening around the mouth and eyes, the extra stiffness in his posture- something was bothering Severus. Harry felt his heart squeeze in his chest. Was this it then? The man was going to- to- well Harry didn't really know what the man was going to do but it made his stomach twist into knots either way. Severus reached to his side table where the familiar log book sat and lifted it up.
"You said anything." Severus said carefully. Harry felt his heart give a lurch.
"I meant anything." Harry said with a swallow.
"The most humiliating thing I could possibly think of?" Severus said curiously. Harry felt something inside him shrivel a bit.
"Yes." Harry said his voice cracking. Severus cocked his head to the side and reached into his pocket pulling out a piece of parchment. He unfolded it and for a moment simply stared at it before folding it again.
"This is what I want you to do." He said holding out the parchment. Harry mentally readied himself for anything. What could Severus possibly want? For him to dance naked on his father's grave? For him to spend the rest of his life dissecting small animals? Harry had no clue but he knew he was willing to do it, whatever it was. Harry took a shallow breath before prying open the fold in the parchment- Marry me.
Harry felt hot and cold at the same time, he felt like crying and laughing and daring to believe for the first time-
"Really?" He said before he could help it. Severus was pale as he nodded slowly.
"Yes." Severus said his voice for once not controlled.
"Yes, yes, every day yes." Harry breathed feeling the tears start to fall. Severus set down his glass and let out a long breath.
"Oh thank Merlin!" He said as though he'd been running a marathon. "Last night- I thought I'd lost you, I thought I'd waited too long to ask- that you'd moved on found someone younger, better-"
"Fucking jealousy thing never works!" Harry gasped wiping at his damp face restlessly. Severus stood then and crossed the small space between them cupping Harry's cheeks with an expression Harry understood all too well. He didn't know if he deserved this, he didn't know if he could even dare to hope or dream about a life with someone who loved him but he was damn willing to try.
"I love you Harry" Severus said at last. There was more, words left unsaid, words that didn't need to be said, as long as Harry had this, that was all that mattered he would figure the rest out eventually.
Mission impossible: Complete.