DISCLAIMER : I don't make any money…I amuse myself with this. I don't plan on selling it. I don't own Tolkien characters, etc. You all know me by now…..judge for yourself! Er Um…This is Sick Frodo Humor. Uh…I guess…I think…anyway…..Its Icky! The Ick factor is up to Volume 10! Hey…Its Gollum after all…Be Warned! I leave NO HOLDS BARRED! But no slash. Nope. But do be warned…its not for the SQUICKABLE. I'm not really serious about this fic. It was done on a whim, and its all Febobe's and Lily Baggins' fault.


CHAPTER ONE --- A Fog Descends upon Middle Earth ---

Frodo squinted, it was getting rather unpleasant in Mordor, but that was to be expected. Gollum was leading the way and every so often he would wipe his nose with a great big sickly sniff that gave the Ring Bearer chills.

Not to mention the fact that the bothersome Ring that hung around his neck (Honestly whose idea was -that?-). The next time he agreed to carry a trinket of doom across terrain that even his Aunt Lobelia wouldn't send anyone over someone sure as heck better hit him over the head with a -very- big stick. No…Frodo Baggins was not having a good day. He was tired, he was hungry, his feet hurt, his stomach growled, his head was feverish, and that darn ring was pulling like a noose around his neck. He eyed Sam wearily getting rather annoyed by his constant pushing and cheery attitude. Yeah, Sam…you're not walking behind Gollum.

Frodo scowled darkly as the day wore on, at least the mist was hiding his demeanor…or Sam might try and tell him everything would be alright again for the millionth time. Easy for -him- to say. -He- wasn't stabbed by a Nazghul. He was drawn from his rambling mind to an extremely foul scent….Oh by the Shire…it was rank…He peered forward trying to figure out just exactly what they had stumbled across…and his eyes opened wide. Gollum had thrown up.

Frodo approached the writhing creature with trepidation and tried to determine what was wrong by poking him with his walking stick. "Hey…" he said helplessly. Wait! Sam would know…Sam knew all about healing and stuff like that…He turned around. "Sam? Sam!!"

Meanwhile…Sam was peering through the dense mist that had risen. "Frodo? Mr. Frodo!!!!!Froooodo!" But alas…his cries were in vain.

Samwise Gamgee was -lost-.

Frodo grumbled, of course he must have wandered off…perhaps to relieve himself. He hoped Sam hadn't got hurt…Sam had all the supplies. The ring was making him testy. Frodo sighed and eyed Gollum. "What's the matter, Gollum?"

"Sssstomach…nasssty hobbit gave bad food….Good Master…don't hurts ussss." Gollum spit and writhed as he tried to wipe off his face.

"I'm not your master Gollum, for the hundredth time." Frodo sighed. He was not in the mood for this. Anything but this…

Where in Middle Earth was Sam? Frodo stepped away from Gollum, but he was worried about getting too far for the mist might separate them. There was something that looked like water up ahead. Perhaps that would help. Well…as thick as water was in Mordor. Frodo shivered.

Gollum crawled forward. "Can't sssstop. Musst go on." he picked himself up…and wobbled a little…but Gollum usually wallowed.

Frodo carefully avoided stepping over where Gollum had been sick and nodded. "Lets make it up to that body of water before the day is over. Sam will head there too and when the mist settles, we'll be able to meet up with him."

Gollum reached out and grabbed Frodo's arm for support as the Baggins past. Frodo gave a squeak of surprise and glared angrily at the creature who cringed and blinked with his huge bloodshot eyes...and was promptly sick over the Ring Bearer.

Meanwhile...somewhere in Mordor.

Sam sat down heavily, "Face it Master Gamgee. Youve lost Frodo! Something you promised never to do. Youre a fool!" he too spied the water, "I reckon well meet up there." And doggedly loyal Sam trudged forth.

Then the mist descended in a heavy thick coat, making it difficult to move let alone.

Frodo sighed and wondered if things could get any worse. He was alone in Mordor with a 500 year old psychopath who just threw up on him. Hed lost his best friend. He had a bad headache, and was hot and sticky...and now -smelly-. He wanted to laugh...and to cry in frustration at the same time. Somewhere within him he dug up his compassion...where it had laid buried for a long time when they first set foot in Mordor. The Ring had taken its toll on the young Master of Bag End. He patted Gollum on the back and tried hard to make a pleasant face. "There There...It happens.." God knows he'd done the same thing before when he was a child back in the Shire...but best not to think about that.

Frodo was sure at that particular moment in time, after all the evils he'd endured…this would be the one that would certainly surpass them all. If he managed to live through it…he'd get through anything.