A/N: I have absolutely no idea where in the heck this story came from. So don't ask me. It just happened. It's pure crack, so if you need a belly laugh, by all means READ THIS. I don't own Star Trek, and the people who do should be glad I don't.
Scotty was riding a bumblebee.
Don't ask why.
He just is.
"Onward!" he yelled, brandishing his vintage saber. He led the swarm into battle. Out from hiding, a multitude of ladybugs met them head-on.
"Phasers!" The bees' antennae all pointed forward and bolts of pink lightning shot from them. The ladybugs began to fall. Pity that Nature painted them red.
"Help! Help!" Scotty looked to his left and saw a lonely tower. Leaning out the window and waving wildly was… Captain Kirk!
"Sulu! Bank left!" Scotty cried. The bee twisted its head around to look at him, only it was Sulu's head attached to the fuzzy body.
"Aye, sir!" Sulu complied and turned his bee-body (and Scotty) towards the tower.
They were almost there when- "Flower!"
Sulu turned sharply to a glowing blossom and Scotty was thrown from his mount. He landed in a heap near the base of the tower, yet not close enough.
"Scotty, quickly!" He looked up and saw Uhura beckoning him. They raced to the tower and stopped suddenly. A big purple dragon was crouched near the entrance.
"How do we get past it?" Scotty fretted. Uhura shushed him.
"I'm a communications officer. I can speak Dragon." She walked forward and began exchanging words. The dragon bristled, but then relaxed. Soon, Uhura was stroking its head. Scotty went towards them.
"Scotty," Uhura said. "This is Ov."
Ov said something unintelligible. "I'm sorry, lad, but I dinna speak Dragon" Scotty apologized.
Uhura laughed. "It wasn't Dragon."
"Then what was it?"
"Czech." She scratched Ov's ears.
Scotty rushed into the tower and began climbing the stairs. He was about a quarter of the way up when he suddenly thought, "Hey! I can just take the turbolift!" And lo and behold- a turbolift appeared!
Scotty rode the rest of the way up.
He burst into Kirk's room. "Hooray, I'm rescued!" Kirk cried gleefully, bouncing up and down.
"Aye, Captain, but we should probably get you to Slickbay back on the Enterpies-"
"The ship!" Kirk exclaimed. "Of course!"
Out of the tower, they raced to where the Enterpies was parked, in a lovely nest of hydrangeas. They slipped between the crusts just as the ladybugs made a counterattack around them-
Spock woke up. He remained in bed for a long moment because he was truly, honestly surprised.
Vulcans didn't dream, but given his dual heritage he did on rare occasion. But he never dreamed about something like that.
Spock sat up; then laid back down. He made a mental note to tell Dr. McCoy in the morning not to give him any more red pills.