Katara: Toph! Aang! It's so good to see you guys again!
Toph: What? No, that cant be right *mumble mumble*
Aang: Something wrong Toph?
Toph: Sweetness, come over here (puts her hands on Katara's stomach)
Katara: Toph what are you doing?
Toph: (smiles) Well, well, well. Well done, Sparky.
Zuko: Toph what are you talking about?
Toph: Sugar Queen here has a second heart beat. And that means-
Aang: A second...
Zuko: Heartbeat...
Katara: REALLY?
Toph: You mean you weren't just surprising us?
Iroh: (chuckles) Oh it was a surprise alright.
Toph: You really don't know?
Katara: Zuko Im pregnant!
Zuko: (in shock) You're pregnant!
Katara: I'm pregnant! (hugs him) (Zuko pats her back awkwardly)
Katara: Do you think it's a boy or a girl?
Zuko: Hmm. I don't know.
Katara: I think it's a girl.
Zuko: (sees flash of mini Azula) Agni no it cant be a girl
Katara: Zuko!
Zuko: It's a boy. It's got to be.
Katara: No it doesn't GOT to be. And it isn't. Im SURE it's a girl.
Zuko: No!
Katara: Don't tell me you're becoming a sexist jerk like Uncle Sokka.
Zuko: What? No! …Wait, UNCLE Sokka?
Katara: Yeah. Uncle Sokka. We should get in practice calling him that so the baby learns it.
Zuko: He isn't even around to hear it yet
Katara: SHE might not be able to hear us yet, but that doesn't mean we shouldnt start considering her in our speech
Zuko: Alright MOM
Katara: (rubs her belly) That's right. Mommys here... (Zuko stalks off exasperated)
Sokka: Zuko! Get your hands off my baby sister!
Zuko: Good to see you too, Sokka.
Sokka: Oh no! Don't good to see you too Sokka, me.
Katara: (excited) Sokka!
Sokka: I have half a mind to boomerang your head off.
Katara: Now Sokka. We have been married a whole year. These kinds of things tend to happen.
Sokka: Yeah but-
Suki: You didn't even wait a year with me.
Zuko and Katara: Suki!
Suki: Surprise!
Katara: I thought you weren't coming! You were going to stay home with the baby.
Suki: I was. But then I figured, since your mothers gone and Gran-Gran's so far away in the South Pole, you could use some motherly advice.
Katara: Oh Suki that's so sweet!
Suki: Don't mention it. I already took leave from the Kyoshi Warriors to take care of little Solan. Ty Lee's in charge for now, can you believe it? Anyway, we'll be here as long as you need us. Right Sokka?
Sokka: I'm keeping my eye on you, Jerk Lord Jerko.
Katara: Zuko! (shakes awake)
Zuko: Whaa huh?
Katara: I'm hungry!
Zuko: (rolls over with a grunt) So eat something
Katara: But I don't feel like moving
Zuko: Come on Kat. It's the middle of the night.
Katara: GET ME SOME FOOD NOW.
Katara: Zuko am I fat?
Zuko: Kat, you know I think you're beautiful-
Katara: You think I'm FAAATTTT
Zuko: No! I never said that-!
Katara: You didn't have to!
(Sokka giggles)
Katara: Sokka you don't think I'm fat, do you?
Sokka: Uh...
Katara: You do! I knew it I am getting fat!
Sokka: No Katara that's not it at all-
Katara: You don't have to lie to me.
Sokka: I'm not lying I'm-
Katara: You're meeeeeean (runs away)
Suki: The pain is the worst thing you will ever experience in your life, but it's worth it.
Katara: Yeah, I've heard that.
Suki: Seriously. It's like someone stuck your stomach full of daggers and is slowly and painfully twisting them down your abdominal track until you are split completely open. And with all the blood gushing out I thought I was gonna die.
(Sokka faints)
Suki: Spirits Sokka! I'm not in labor anymore!
Katara: You know I went to this restaurant the other day while you were doing paperwork.
Zuko: Mhm?
Katara: And they had the most delicious food. I have never tasted anything so heavenly. And the appetizer was the best thing ive ever eaten. You wouldn't think it, but re-fried pickles can truly be gourmet
Zuko: ... You're telling me all this so I'll go get you some, aren't you.
Katara: Yes please.
(Katara is bawling in the corner) (Enter Zuko)Z
Zuko: Katara! Something wrong? Are you okay? Is it the baby?
Katara: No! No!
Zuko: What is it?
Katara: It's just, I broke this bowl. And it's just... so SAD...
Zuko: Katara...
Katara: It will never be complete again!
Zuko: Katara it's just a bowl
Katara: How could you! You unfeeling, selfish jerk! I thought I loved you!
Zuko: Katara-
Katara: I'm leaving!
Zuko: What?
Katara: I'm going to move in with Suki and Sokka!
Zuko: You realize they're staying in the palace with us, right?
Katara: I'm moving out and you can't stop me!
Zuko: Wait! Katara!
Katara: No!
Sokka: Katara do you think you might have been over-reacting a little bit?
Katara: WHAT? What's WRONG with you men? Don't you have a heart at all?!
(Suki enters, bouncing baby in her hip)
Suki: Yeah Sokka be a little more sensitive
Sokka: But she's grieving over a bowl!
Suki: Exactly. It's a tragedy.
Katara: (blubbering) See I knew you'd understand Suki.
Suki: Here, why don't you sit down for a moment. I have to warm up Solan's bottle.
(Katara falls asleep instantly on couch)
Suki: (to Sokka) Didn't you learn anything from when I was pregnant? Just nod your head and agree. The pregnant lady's always right.
Sokka: But she can't stay here!
Suki: Why not?
Sokka: Because! She'll wake up in the middle of the night wanting food and I'll have to go get it for her!
Suki: Oh, suck it up Sokka. When she wakes up tomorrow morning she'll realize this whole thing was stupid and go back home. Well, upstairs. And then you won't have to worry yourself.
Katara: Zuko I'm so SORRRYYY
Zuko: It's alright Katara. I forgive you.
Katara: But I shouldn't have walked out like that. Even if I was upset. This is a journey we have to make together.
Zuko: Right. I'm glad you see that.
Katara: She is your baby too.
Zuko: You mean HE.
Katara: You're not still on that, are you?
Zuko: Of course I'm still on it. I'm scared to death it'll be another Azula.
Katara: (blinks) Thats what this is about?
Zuko: Yeah. Pretty much.
Katara: But Zuko, even if she LOOKS like Azula, she's not being raised by her. We're good people. Well make sure she comes out right.
Zuko: You think so?
Katara: I know so. Besides, she could just as easily be another me.
Zuko: (has flashback of Kat threatening to kill him) Oh Agni...
Zuko: She's driving me crazy, Sokka!
Sokka: (sarcastic) Noooo. I couldn't have guessed.
Zuko: I'm being serious here
Sokka: Yeah, I know you are. Don't worry, it was the same with Suki. They just go crazy for a few months. It'll be full of mood swings and insanity and you'll want to claw your ears off just so you don't have to listen to them ordering you around. But then afterward it's all worth it. When you hold your baby boy for the first time- well, he'll probably pee on you- and don't get me wrong that's totally gross- but it's a defining moment in your life. Everything changes. Life starts to revolve around the baby. Oh, he'll wake you up in the middle of the night all the time crying, but you'll love him so much it'll hardly matter. See these circles under my eyes? I haven't slept since Solan was BORN-
Zuko: ...Sokka you're not really helping...
Sokka: But my POINT IS it's all okay. Of course first you've got to go through that one horrible, horrible night first-
Zuko: Sokka...
Sokka: Full of screams and pain and Suki threatening to tear your balls off next time you touch her and then theres all this blood and you see the hair... coming out... (faints)
Zuko: Sokka!
Sokka: (comes to) Man, what did I eat? Sorry man. What were we talking about?
Zuko: Er... Never mind.
Zuko: (lying in bed, arm slung over Katara's belly) Katara. Did you feel that?
Katara: Mhm. You can feel it now too?
Zuko: (places hands on belly reverently) He's growing so strong.
Katara: She.
Zuko: ...Are we really going to do this every time?
Katara: It will stop when you cease insisting our baby is the wrong gender.
Zuko: You can't see him. How do you know what his gender is?
Katara: I don't know. Maybe the same way you do?
oOo
Katara: Why doesn't the palace have any sea prunes?
Unlucky Palace Servant: Because this is the Fire Nation and they don't grow here?
Katara: GET ME SOME SEA PRUNES NOW!
Unlucky Palace Servant: (is terrified) Yes, Fire Lady.
Katara: What do you think Aang and Toph are up to?
Zuko: Knowing them? Probably taking a few inches off the top of some mountain somewhere
Katara: (giggles) How do they get themselves into so much trouble?
Zuko: I recall you getting yourself into quite a lot of trouble when you were their age.
Katara: Two years ago?
Zuko: Well. Maybe a little younger.
Katara: Hmph. I think it was YOU getting me in trouble, Mr. I'll-Save-You-From-the-Pirates
Zuko: Hey! I wasn't the one who stole a Waterbending scroll.
Katara: No. But you DID tie me to a tree.
Zuko: Well... Yeah, I did. But it turned out alright.
Katara: Hey. You don't think Aang and Toph are... Ew...
Zuko: Aang and Toph are what?
Katara: Are... getting into THAT kind of trouble together...
Zuko: Oh Agni! Gross. They're like siblings. They can't... Hold on a minute, I have to go scrub my brain.
Sokka: Hey there Katara! How's my favorite nephew doing in there?
Katara: ... Zuko put you up to this, didn't he?
Sokka: What?
Katara: MY BABY IS A GIRL DARN IT
Suki: Katara? Are you alright? You look positively green.
Katara: I... ugh... What idiot ordered sea prunes?! You're fired!
Sokka: But what's wrong with sea prunes now? They're you favorite!
Unlucky Palace Servant: Uh, you did, Your Majesty.
Katara: …Oh. Um. Just… throw them away then. As for favorite, I don't think a smell has ever been more nauseating in my life.
Zuko: Finally! You concede that sea prunes are gross.
Unlucky Palace Servant: But Your Majesty, if I may, we went through a lot of expense to obtain those-
Katara: They're making me sick…
Unlucky Palace Servant: They were quite expensive but we wanted to fulfill the Fire Lady's request.
Katara: (gagging) I said, 'Throw them away'! Are you QUESTIONING ME?
Unlucky Palace Servant: N-n-no Your Majesty...
Katara: Is it because I'm a water bender? You think waterbenders have to eat sea prunes? Well I don't!
Zuko: Katara, please calm down-
Katara: I AM COMPLETELY CALM!
A/N: If it isn't already apparent, that cannot possibly be the end. I shall continue. Not sure when though, because my primary concern is finishing my more serious Zutara fic, Blue- (if you haven't yet read it I beg you do it now). But this plot bunny refused to die until I had written it out. Hopefully now I can focus on other things. (Unlikely) Anywho, please review! It is food for my soul! Fuel for my writing! Review and you shall receive more Zutara! And just maybe I'll incorporate your ideas into my fic!