Loving Pains
Written by: Chocolatechiplague
Words: 552
Trigger: Abuse

Small drabble but I get all these ideas of angsty Hijack drabbles and thought i would write them up and post them for you to all read and enjoy. So~ I hope you like the first one!

Hiccup both loved and hated the feelings he got when he was with Jack. It didn't even having to be a kiss, one that was slow, unhurried, a brushing of their lips before pressure was added. It didn't even have to be anything physical such as a hug. To feel those arms that looked thin under that large hoodie he insisted upon wearing while on college campus yet were strong, that held him so close and never seemed to let go. It didn't even have to be sex, every push into Hiccup sending fire through his veins, warming him to the core and pushing loud moans out with every brush of the head against his prostate, only to drag low sighs and gasps while pulling back. Repeat the process until driven crazy. It didn't have to be anything for Hiccup to feel the way he did for the man.

The feeling of Jack's lips against his forehead was a mix of a frown and smile, an image that made Hiccup think of the lines children did for a bird in mid flight when drawing. The sweet feeling almost covered the burn it sends him, knowing the accusations that are bubbling at Jack's lips, like the feeling of a hard hit into his stomach. Something Hiccup knew the feeling well, but not by Jack's fists.

'How dare you cheat on her.'

'Don't you know that she loves you?'

'Don't you know she doesn't mean to hurt you and hit you? Yet you come to me every time and every night.'

'Don't you know how much it hurts me that you are with her still through this yet you stay with me through the night then leave in the morning?'

'Don't you know how much I want you to stay when I wake up?'

Yet Jack never voices these things.

Hiccup both loves and hates Jack for making him love him so completely. He hates that he knows Jack's birthday by heart; December nineteenth, yet he doesn't even know what month Astrid's is. That he knows Jack's favorite color is pale blue, the color of reflected water on a winters day, yet doesn't pay attention to Astrid's. He hates that he knows every spot on Jack that would make him moan and arch his back with a whimper, begging for more of Hiccup, to be kissed, to be touched. He only kissed Astrid when she demands it.

The paleness of his skin hurts to look at with how beautiful, the same with those blue eyes and mess of white hair. The kindness of his words stab so deeply Hiccup just wants to cry out with every sweet nothing. Why did Jack have to love Hiccup? Why did he make Hiccup love him? Why did Jack make him want to leave Astrid and not care about his fathers wants of grandchildren?

The kindness of that face, those actions, those words, his touch, it is worse then anything Astrid ever said in anger, any accusation that had been true about Hiccup, any hit she gave him. It was worse then the cuts and bruises he suffered by her hand.

Hiccup could only think of one thing when with Jack before diving into the sin that was the other man: I love you so much it hurts.