The Fairly Off Story
By the 6ft dick
It was a beautiful day in the town of Dimsdale. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and Dinkleburg was taking a shit on the Turner's lawn. Timmy woke up hung-over from the donkey show Cosmo and Wanda showed him last night. "Oh fuck," said Timmy. "Pouring alcohol in your ass really does get you drunker." Wanda handed him an aspirin while Cosmo lay face down in a puddle of his own puke in the corner. All of a sudden, Timmy started tripping balls and sweating. "Wanda, what the hell is going on?" Timmy asked worriedly. "Oh, my bad, Timmy," Wanda said, embarrassed. "I think I popped you a molly." Trinidad James popped his head in the door and said, "Woo." Wanda waved her wand in the air and Timmy felt fine, except for the freakishly large boner he had. That boner was for good reason. Today was the day Tim Tim was going to ask out Trixie Tang, aka Trixie "pootie" Tang.
It was about this time that Cosmo was waking up from his alcohol poisoning. "Holy donkey dicks" Cosmo said while wiping the puke off the side of his face. "Timmy, remind me to never transform into a donkey while we are in Mexico." Timmy and Wanda completely ignored what Cosmo said, and proceeded to talk about Timmy's plans with Trixie later that day. "Wanda?" Timmy asked, "Could you make me look the most desirable for Trixie?" Wanda said, "You got it, stud muffin." She waved her wand and in a puff of smoke, Timmy was black as fuck. He took one look at himself, glared at Wanda and said, "Whys da fuqs is I black, bitch?" Wanda said, "You wanted to be desirable to Trixie, and, well, Trixie actually likes niggers, Tyree." With that, Timmy… I mean Tyree said, "I's wish Trixie only liked crackas, and that I was a honkey again." Wanda granted his wish and he headed down the stars for breakfast with his regular white small penis.
Down in the kitchen, Mom was doing a line of coke while making crack pancakes, or crack cakes, as she liked to call them. Timmy's dad was sitting at the table with a rifle, glaring towards his neighbor's house. "Dad, what's with the rifle," Timmy asked. "Dinkleburg shit in the yard again. I'm going to blow him away. Then I'm going to shoot his ass." Timmy ignored it and sat down at the table to eat some pancakes. He asked his mom for a plate of pancakes, but his mom was so doped up that she face planted on one of the burners. Timmy said "Fuck it" and decided to go to school.
While Timmy walked to school, he ran into his friends A.J. and Chester. "So Timmy," said Chester "Is today the day you finally ask out Trixie?" "Yeah boys. Today's the day and if all goes according to plan, she'll be waxing my pole on a regular basis," Timmy said. "Well, I guess I won't be doing that anymore," A.J. said sadly. As they were prepubescently talking about Trixie, they didn't even realize they were running into their arch nemesis, Francis. "Well, well, well," said Francis. "If it isn't Blowy, Mastabaty and Deep throat. What perfect timing. I haven't busted a nut in a few days now, so you little faggots get to work." Timmy wasn't going to let anything ruin his day. Today he was a pimp, and pimps don't blow Francis. "Leave us alone Francis. Why don't you go fuck the dorky kid with the boil?" With the thought of the boil kid running through his mind, Francis couldn't help but cum a little. "As much as I'd like to make use of the boil, you faggots are going to get my jollies off today," he said. Timmy started to get frustrated. "Francis," he said. "Look, it's a March of Dimes for Boil Research." With another mini cream, Francis turned his head to get another sexy look at what was going on. Cosmo and Wanda were hiding as pens in his front pocket and Timmy wished that Francis got what was coming to him. Then out of nowhere Jorgen Von Strangle appeared as a human and put Francis' baby dick in a chokehold. It started to turn purple as Francis began to squeal in pain and pleasure. Jorgen looked up at Francis and said, "Knock knock." Francis responded with "Who's there?" Jorgen said "Mah Muscles" and ripped Francis' dick off. Francis bled out as the boys made their way to school.
The boys walked into class and Mr. Crocker announced what the day's lesson would be. "Alright you little fucks. Sit down and shut the hell up," he said. "I have an announcement to make." You're gay?" said one of the students. Mr. Crocker picked up a textbook and beat the kid to a bloody pulp and the kid stopped breathing. Mr. Crocker returned to the front of the class and said, "Yes my announcement is that I'm super duper gay. But I have a second announcement to make." "Do we have a project?" asked another kid. Crocker picked up his textbook and started to walk to the back. To avoid the same fate, the kid leaped out the window, not realizing it was four stories up, and fell to his death. Crocker turned around to the front and said, "Yes we do have a project. You all are going to have to find a partner." "What's the project about?" asked A.J. and he flinched. Crocker smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked." Crocker gripped his desk in preparation of what was coming (literally). He said, "FAIRIES" while busting a big nut in the depends he has to wear due to his condition. "And how they are present in the modern world. Now all you little shits are going to have to find a partner." Timmy looked around the class, but Trixie was nowhere to be seen. When he was done looking, Crocker said, "Turner, you and I are going to be partners for this project." "Why the fuck are we partners," asked Timmy. "Because," Crocker replied, "There's an odd number of children and you're the slowest one in the class. Be at my house at five o'clock sharp." Timmy shrugged it off and was looking for Trixie for the rest of the day. To his surprise, she was nowhere to be found when school came to a close.
Timmy was feeling a little down in the dumps as he walked home from school because he was looking forward to having some of Trixie's tang all day. As he continued walking, he came across Francis' dead body. Cosmo and Wanda appeared and Timmy said, "Guys I'm feeling down. I wish the Crimson Chin would mutilate Francis' body." With a wave of their wands, the red superhero appeared and said, "Timmy, I hear you're feeling down in the dumps. I've come here to cheer you up and give Francis the chin of death." He then rammed his chin into Francis' poophole and shaked his head around like a dog with a chew toy. Francis was no more than a torso with one arm hanging off it. The rest was being gnawed on by Tootie. She stopped gnawing long enough to shout, "TIMMY I LOVE YOU! I'M EATING HIM FOR YOUR LOVE!" Timmy said, "Whatever" and walked away.
Since Timmy didn't care about the project that much, he showed up at 7:30… the next morning. By this point Crocker had stayed up all night and kept himself awake by consuming large amounts of coffee, pinching his nipples with clothes pins, and occasionally plucking his anal hair. His mom was concerned for him being up this long and was going to ask him to go to bed. She walked up behind him and said, "Denzel…" Before she could finish anything else, Crocker was startled, whipped around with his sledgehammer in hand and beat the holy hell out of her face. He looked at her sheepishly and said, "Mommy, don't startle me like that." Then the door bell rang. Crocker didn't have much to cover the body with, so he placed a sock on her and hoped nobody would notice. He opened and there stood Timmy. Timmy said, "Sorry I'm late. Let's finish this shit." Crocker, now more awake than ever, said "Yes Timmy Turner. Come in. Let's finish this shit." After Timmy walked in, Crocker slammed the door shut and double padlocked it. Crocker's demeanor quickly changed. "Alright, fuck face," Crocker said. "Where are the… FAIRIES?" he quickly dropped to his knees as he spooged in his pants again. Timmy said, "I have no idea what you're talking about, you crazy old hermit fuck." "Oh no?" Crocker said. "Maybe this will change your mind." He then opened a secret door and there was Trixie Tang hanging by her g-string from the ceiling. Crocker said, "That's right, Turner. In a matter of minutes, that g-string is going to turn two of her holes into one." Timmy, seeing Trixie in distress, said "Fuck it. I wish Crocker was dead." As Cosmo and Wanda popped out, Crocker screamed "FAIRIES" so loud and came so hard that a chandelier that was above him dropped straight down, crushing him completely. Timmy managed to get Trixie down and told her he would walk her to his house to get fixed up.
The whole way back, Timmy held his arm around Trixie, comforting her through her traumatic experience. As they made it to Timmy's front yard, Timmy said, "Trixie, I have something to ask you." She brightened right up and said, "You don't have to ask and my answer is yes." Timmy, a little shocked, said "Really?" Trixie said, "Yes, of course I'll go out with your friend A.J. He and I have been eye fucking each other this past week and I know he's been too shy to ask me himself. So of course I'll go out with him." Timmy yelled at the top of his lungs, "YOU BITCH!" It turned out to be a fatal mistake, as it woke his father from his coke/Dinkleburg binge. Timmy's father popped his head from under the table and began yelling, and with his rifle, emptied a whole magazine into his yard. Timmy and Trixie lay dead in the front yard showered with bullets. As Mr. Turner made his way to a mirror, he was so coked out he saw himself as Dinkleburg and shot himself in a complete daze. Cosmo and Wanda, realizing they were childless, went back to what they knew how to do best. Cosmo turned into a donkey and Wanda turned into a bottle of tequila. Their good friend Jorgen showed up and they began to do many, many donkey shows across Mexico.