I'm Scared to get close
And I hate being alone
I long for that feeling
To not feel at all
The higher I get
The lower I'll sink
I can't drown my demons
They know how to swim
A/N: So, two chapters uploaded in one day for you all~! Expect some sexy writings in the next chapter, ok? Leave me a review telling me who you think is going to get sexy times in the next chapter!
Sorry for any mistakes with my writing in this chapter.
Stay awesome, and read and review my lovelies~!
When Remus woke up the next morning, his muscles ached. He begrudgingly got out of his bed and went to the bathroom to fix his hair and wash his face, before getting dressed for the day.
He went downstairs, and found his mother curled up in an armchair by the fire, reading as usual. His father had already gone to work, and that day Remus would do the same.
Remus worked in Flourish and Blotts, sorting and stacking books, as well as helping customers. His mother had gotten him the part-time job only a few weeks ago, so that he would have something to do during the school holidays. Remus's father was good friends with the people who ran Flourish and Blotts, so he managed to convince them to let Remus work there even though his son was a werewolf.
He hadn't told his friends about his work, but he had written to James that morning saying to come after four.
Remus had breakfast quietly in the kitchen, thinking about the homework he had to do on top of work. Sometimes he wished he hadn't always insisted on being the most hard-working student in Hogwarts. But the thing was that Remus was a werewolf, and he understood how that made people feel about him.
How people judged him for it.
Remus had to be clever, he had to be talented, so that he may be considered so much as equal to his fellow students in his own mind.
"I want to go somewhere… do something." Sirius groaned, laying across the couch with a small frown upon his face. James huffed. "We could go to Diagon Alley."
"I do need to go on a nice big shopping spree. My uncle sent me some money." Sirius informed James. James grinned, standing up. "Sounds great. Put some pants on."
Sirius groaned again. "Do I have to wear pants? I'm sure nobody would mind if I didn't."
"I'm sure the blokes would."
"Remus is a bloke, and he wouldn't mind."
"Remus is not a bloke. He's a…a… he's a she-wolf."
Sirius threw a cushion at his best friend, standing up and heading up the stairs to his room. He pulled on a tight pair of black jeans and slipped his feet into his Doc Martens. He came back downstairs, and he and James headed out into the streets.
As they walked, girls waved and smiled at them, gossiping amongst one another. They were good looking lads, and they knew it. But of course, Sirius was spoken for and James was committed.
They reached The Leaky Cauldron, but were delayed entering because Sirius wanted to check out the record shop nearby. After half an hour there (Sirius bought three records), they headed into the Leaky Cauldron. Some people who knew them waved hello- including Professor Flitwick.
"Good afternoon, boys. Doing some shopping?" He asked, gesturing to the albums tucked under Sirius's arm.
"Yes sir. The best kind of shopping." Sirius replied, holding up an AC/DC record. Professor Flitwick said he didn't know AC/DC, and James had to drag Sirius away to stop him from ranting about the beauty of Australian rock.
They entered Diagon Alley, which was packed with people buzzing from shop to shop. There were students there, and Sirius struck up a conversation with a Gryffindor girl a year below them. When Sirius's voice started to get a little flirty, James punched him in the arm.
"Fuckin' hell, Prongs!" Sirius snapped, and James managed to drag him away from the girl- much to her disappointment.
They bought some snacks, and checked out the pet store. James then piped up with; "Wait a second, I need a new copy of A Guide To Advanced Transfiguration. We should go to Flourish and Blotts."
Sirius shrugged, a liquorice wand half poking out of his mouth. The boys headed into the direction of Flourish and Blotts, distracted once more by the girl from earlier. James dragged Sirius away- again- and they entered the bookstore.
James browsed a shelf near the entrance, whilst Sirius stood by looking awfully bored. James's browsing was interrupted when Sirius asked; "Oi, is that Remus up there? And is that Goodsir with him?"
James looked to where Sirius was glaring. Indeed, Remus and Winston were chatting up above on the higher floor. Winston was grinning stupidly, and Remus was laughing.
"Huh. So it is. Should we go up there-"
"SHOW US YA TITS!" Sirius shouted, before wolf-whistling. Nearly everyone in the store turned to look at Sirius. A girl even began to lift her shirt up, before her friend slapped her arm and gave her a reprimanding look.
Remus looked down, and a small smile spread across his face. He trotted down the stairs, leaving Winston behind. Winston turned to the nearest bookshelf to occupy himself, not wanting Sirius to go up there and punch him or whatever it was Sirius did with people he didn't like.
"Padfoot, what are you doing here? Hello Prongs." Remus smiled wider as he reached them. James held up A Guide To Advanced Transfiguration. "Just looking for a copy of this. What about you?"
"He works here." Drawled a unimpressed voice. Remus turned to find his boss glaring at him, and he cringed. "Slacking on the job, Lupin? Do remember that your presence here is a risk and a danger to those who visit. You are being paid to stack books and keep out of peoples way, not to stand around and chatter."
Remus gave a curt nod, and then hurried off. James stared after him, chewing the inside of his lip. Sirius was scowling at Remus's boss, the tips of his ears red with anger.
"He's no different." Sirius growled, and James looked to him. "Come on, Pads. It doesn't matter-"
"He's the worst kind of different." Replied Remus's boss, and James had to grab Sirius to stop him from lunging at the man.
"Sirius, let's go. We'll find a copy of the book at Whiz Hard." James said, coaxing the furious Sirius out of the store.
"Fuck that guy! Did you see how upset Remus looked? I just want to strangle him, who does he think he is speaking to Remus like that?!" Sirius damn near shouted as they headed down Diagon Alley.
"His boss, Padfoot. We might be entirely accepting of the fact that Remus is what he is, but other people aren't. We're lucky Remus wasn't fired because of that, he's probably barely holding onto that job as is, without our interference." James hissed in reply. Sirius swallowed, his brow furrowed. His face had lost some of its redness, but he was still quite angry. He gave a small nod, and they continued to Whiz Hard Books.
Remus didn't say hello to his mother when he got home. He just went upstairs to his room, slammed the door, and fell face first onto his bed. He buried his head in his pillows, and sobbed loudly.
There was a quiet knocking at his door.
"Sweetheart? How was your first day at work…?"
"I want to quit! I never want to go to work again! I never want to go to Hogwarts again! I never want to leave my room, ever again!" Remus cried out, his voice thick, his throat closing up. He continued sobbing into his pillow, wetting the cotton with a mixture of snot and tears.
The door slowly opened and his mother entered, crossing the room quickly to sit by her son on the bed. "Remus, don't speak like that. Tell me what happened." She implored gently.
"Stupid boss… he taunted me for being a werewolf… I don't want to work there anymore. I hate him."
His mother was quiet for a moment, but she sighed slightly and told him; "People will talk to you that way wherever you go, for the rest of your life. You are a werewolf, you can't change that. It's a fact you'll have to get used to. You can't come home crying like a five year old every time someone spits on you, or tells you you're dangerous, alright?"
Remus sniffled, staying quiet. His mother ruffled his hair. "Change into something comfortable and I'll make you a hot chocolate."
When his mother left the room, Remus changed into a simple pair of light brown jeans, and a blue sweater that he only wore at home. It had Patrick Troughton's face printed on it.
Remus loved Doctor Who. It was a Muggles take on a fantasy world, and it truly fascinated him.
Hope returned with a mug of hot chocolate. Remus thanked her and drank quickly. Chocolate always made him feel better. His mother left the room again, presumably to go downstairs and read in front of the fire. Remus finished his drink and set the empty mug down on the bedside table, before tucking himself into his bed and falling asleep, his head thumping.
Hope read quietly, enthralled by the tale before her. She slowly turned the page, wondering eagerly what would happen next.
Hope grumbled, placing her bookmark into the book and setting it down. She stood up and headed over to answer the door, silently cursing the visitor for interrupting her reading.
She was surprised to find two handsome lads at her doorstep, by the names of James Potter and –gasp!- Sirius Black. Hope had never seen Sirius Black up close, only from afar when picking Remus up from Kings Cross. From what Remus had told her in the past, Sirius was under strict control. He wasn't allowed out of the house unless it was to go to school, or he had snuck out. And whenever he snuck out, it was to see James. So Hope had never gotten the pleasure of meeting him, until that moment.
"James, and Sirius. My, it's a surprise to see you here. Remus is in his room. I was with him, oh it must have been almost an hour ago, and he was quite upset. He might be better now, though." She stepped aside, allowing them in and taking a good look at Sirius as he passed her by.
She always thought Sirius looked threatening from far away, with his long black hair, leather jacket, and heavy boots. But closer, he didn't look so frightening. Sure, he had a black eye and a healing scrape on his cheek, but his smile was warm and his eyes were welcoming. His tone of voice was friendly and he spoke in a polite and articulate manner.
"Hello, it's nice to meet you. You must be Hope Lupin. I'm Sirius Black, Remus's boy- uh, boy best friend. He has a few girl best-friends, so I uh, thought I ought to differentiate myself… aha."
James began laughing very loudly, and Hope just smiled at Sirius's sudden awkwardness. Of course she didn't realise what Sirius had almost revealed. Sirius nearly had a heart attack over his own clumsiness.
James lead Sirius up the rickety stairs. James had been to Remus's house plenty of times in the past. He almost knew the place better than his own. Sirius, however, had never been there before. He walked up the stairs slowly, looking at the family photos up the wall.
There were baby photos of Remus. He looked healthy and chubby. As a young boy, he still looked chubby, with a broad smile on his face as both his parents hugged him closely.
Yet in the next photo, Remus looked pale and thin, and there were scratches along his face. His father's arms were behind his back, and his mother rested a single hand on Remus's shoulder. Sirius deduced that Remus must have been seven or so years old in that photo- he remembered Remus telling him he was six years old when he was infected.
The next photo, Remus was in his Hogwarts uniform, grinning. His mother was hugging him, and his father smiled at him, clearly proud though he still didn't touch him.
The next photo was a moving one, taken by James. It started off with just Remus and Peter in the shot, then James's big head appeared in the shot, near the camera, grinning mischievously. The next photo was of Remus throwing a pebble across the dam in his backyard. James sat down near him, clapping.
Next, Remus and James eating together.
Remus and Peter playing catch.
James, Remus, and Peter laughing on the couch.
James tossing a popcorn at Remus, and Remus catching it in his mouth.
Sirius felt a pang of jealousy. It seemed as though James and Remus spent as more time together than Sirius and James- or Sirius and Remus. Of course Sirius was never allowed out of the house, let alone to visit half-blood friends, but it still felt unfair to Sirius. James never spoke about how much time he spent with Remus over the holidays. There was always something else to speak about- Muggle football matches, or pub brawls. But never throwing popcorn into Remus's mouth.
They reached Remus's room. James didn't knock, he just swung the door open and waltzed in. Sirius apprehensively followed him. James crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at the bed.
"He's bloody sleeping." James announced. Sirius looked around the room. The walls were off-white. There was a brown drawer for his clothes. The walls were mostly bare, apart from some maps, a Muggle periodic table of the elements, and a chart of the moons cycle. There was a single window, with bars on the outside. The sight of the bars sent shivers down Sirius's spine. This room was once Remus's prison, when he was just a small werewolf…
James crossed the room confidently, sitting on Remus's bed as though it were his own. Sirius tried very hard not to notice how comfortable James was in Remus's house- in Remus's bedroom.
James poked Remus in the shoulder a few times. The brunette stirred in his sleep, slowly waking. "Look alive, sunshine." James said loudly. Remus opened his eyes and slapped James's prodding hand away.
"Fuck off…" Remus mumbled groggily. James widened his eyes, looking at Sirius. Sirius bit back a laugh. Hearing Remus utter such profanities was quite a new concept.
"Come on, Moony. It's me, Prongs! And I brought hotstuff with me."
"You flatter me." Sirius laughed, standing awkwardly in the middle of Remus's rather empty bedroom. Remus sat up, rubbing his eyes. He looked a mess- his eyes were red from crying, and his jumper was all crinkled and bunched up. Patrick Troughton looked 'munted' as James would say.
"What are you two doing here?" Remus asked quietly, looking from James to Sirius. Sirius shrugged, and James stuck out his bottom lip in deliberation.
"Well… we wanted to see if you were okay after the way your douche boss spoke to you earlier." James informed Remus, who winced at the very mention of the incident. Sirius was still looking around the room. It seemed that although the room was rather bare and ordinary, it slowly became extraordinary as he noticed more and more small, tiny things around him.
On the drawer, there was a scratch along the wood- three long claw marks. On top of the drawer a bottle of anti-depressants.
On the bedside table there was more pill bottles- painkillers, and sleeping pills. There was a rolled up bandage, and an empty mug with brown staining within, suggesting Remus had been drinking coffee or chocolate, most likely the latter. Beside the mug was a small tin labelled 'Rawleigh's antiseptic salve,' and an unlit candle.
The room smelt of chocolate, and the underlying and distinctive smell of Remus. Sirius couldn't explain the smell, it was just… Remus.
The close to transparent curtains had tiny flowers on them. On the windowsill behind the curtain Sirius could see sprigs of lavender. There was a pile of old books under the window that contributed to the smell of the room.
"Oh. I was upset but I think I'm okay now I've had a nap. It's surprising to see you here, though, Padfoot."
"Yeah, I uh. I had a little falling out with my family."
"You're entire life consists of falling out with your family. What's different?" Remus enquired. Sirius gave a small laugh. "Regulus dobbed me in for being your friend. He's somehow figured out that you're a werewolf, but he's not confirmed it in any way. But he told mum about it, and well you can imagine how she reacted. Turns out she's actually pretty good at throwing a punch."
"Merlin. Are you alright?" Remus asked, sounding genuinely concerned. Sirius shrugged. "I'll be alright. What's more important is how you are." He sat on the end of the bed, and smiled at Remus. A light blush spread across Remus's cheeks. "I'm fine, I already told you." Remus insisted, as James picked up the candle, sniffing it.
"Mm. Vanilla." He muttered to himself.
Remus narrowed his eyes at James, before laughing a little. "Prongs, that's Crème Brulee."
Sirius chuckled as James shrugged and put the candle back down. "I don't even know what the heck that is, to be honest." He replied nonchalantly. Silence followed for a moment, until Hope appeared in the doorway.
"Would you boys like something to drink?" She asked kindly, smiling her vibrant smile. James said quite loudly that he wanted some hot chocolate, and Sirius asked for some tea. Remus said he'd have what James was having.
She soon returned with the drinks, setting them down on the bedside table. She left again, leaving the three lads on their own.
Remus sighed slightly, "So what do you guys want to do?" He asked, crossing his arms and looking out of the window. The sun was still up, though there wasn't much daylight left.
"I kind of want to swim." James piped up. Remus raised an eyebrow.
"It's winter. The water will be cold as ice." Remus said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"We'll just do some warming charms, it's no big deal." Sirius said, standing and stretching his hands upwards towards the roof. He noticed glow in the dark galaxy stickers on the roof and almost laughed.
The boys headed downstairs and informed Hope of their plan. She gawped at them in horror. "Swimming? Not a chance! You'll get terribly ill, it's so cold!"
"Relax, Hope. We're gonna use heating charms." James said, and they left out of the back door. Hope stared after them in disbelief.
Wizards! I'll never get used to them!