Let the stars shine upon us one more time
Author's Notes: (I recognize that this part is not my best writing, but I have revised it to make it as interesting as possible. If you make it through, please continue and review. Reviews of the first chapter especially are helpful for deeper immersion.)
It was night. The sky was a perpetual dark and because of that the sun stayed hidden beneath a vast, unmoving layer of darkness. And in the night's darkness, a single man roamed the wasteland that was Hell's Gate. The darkness, if viewed as an entity, ultimately reflected the man in ways unccaningly true; it reflected his incorrigible past and his dark personality developed from years of selfish killing. Though, he did not kill out of thoughtlessness or enjoyment, but towards a single, selfish goal. The costs never mattered; all he ever wanted was for 'one very special person' to be with him and perhaps it was this very goal of wanting to be with 'this person' that the sky stayed lit with thousands if not millions of stars which, through some unknown means, redeemed his past and self. He couldn't explain the feelings that rushed within him whenever he looked at the stars or the feelings that rushed within him when he was to look at 'her' ,but ,no matter what, a single explanation remained and it was that he was a contractor; under all viewpoints, contractors do not display emotions and are totally selfish, never will they care about anyone else if it means the harming of themselves; if this was true, the person he so dearly cared about would have died long ago, but she still remains alive to this day. Thus, the axiom of contractors that the man thought would remain true to him forever had already broken around him. It was not until the realization that he truly cared for this 'special person' that he realized the truth about himself and on the day of his realization he muttered a few incomprehensible words.
"I was never meant to be who I am today."
Disclaimer (This takes place right after the ending of *Darker than Black, Season 2)
*I do not own Darker than Black
Hei continued to walk in the desolateness of Hell's Gate. The location he was walking towards was unknown to him, not because of choice, but of necessity; he had to find somewhere to stay, a place to rest and ,most importantly, a place for Yin to awaken and realize her true self. The thought of Yin waking up as a different entity had haunted Hei for nights, and he was not ready to face the consequence of Yin waking up as her other self (Izanami) or perhaps never waking; if such an event were to happen, Hei would be completely unprepared and with that, death would seem viable.
But, looking upon Hei's condition, it would seem from first glance that he would die before Yin from exhaustion and hopelessness, not suicide. Hei would fall from his decrepitness and Yin from exposure in Hell's Gate. Despite these barriers though, Hei continued to find solace and strength in a source only accessible to him.
Hei's devotion towards Yin nullified any care he had for himself, exhaustion or otherwise. Yin was so frail, delicate and beautiful, simply looking at her gave Hei the strength he needed to fight for her and for his survival. These emotions, however, were not as strong as they were in the past. If it were not for the event where Yin's other self had taken over, Hei would have never realized the amount of love he actually had for Yin; the time and distance that separated Hei from Yin was too much, causing Hei to fall into an endless cycle of alcoholism and aggressiveness. All he ever wished for when Yin disappeared was to be with her.
And here he was in Hell's Gate fighting for Yin and her survival.
Hei hoped she would awaken soon.
"How long has it been? Minutes, hours, days later? No one knows, as it is eternally dark within Hell's Gate." - Hei's thoughts
Limping with exhaustion, Hei spoke little with more gasps for air than actual comprehensible speech. But what he did manage was little more than self-deprivation, if not utter discouragement aimed at himself.
"What the hell's wrong with me? Why am I so damn weak, I can't…," breathing deeply, Hei continued to console himself in bouts of words, "if this goes on I won't be able to keep myself alive or... Yin. No... Dammit. I can't let that happen. She's, she's... your too precious to me."
"And here they call me the Black Reaper," breathing, Hei continued talking to himself, "I'm not worth my own name if I can't get you out of here. Stay alive Yin, *breathing deeply* your the only thing I have left."
Hei, despite his own physical frailty from hours if not days of walking and of his previous combat, continued to look for shelter in the ruins of Hell's Gate. All that remained were the decimated ruins of buildings and of the frames of old buildings. It was not that Hei couldn't find any suitable shelter, it was that he was searching too hard. Every time a piece of building or in tact structure was spotted Hei would merely snarl and remark to himself "This isn't good enough," despite the knowledge that nothing suitable, to his wanting, was available in Hell's Gate. He simply was too focused on the protection and care of Yin to focus on reality. Hei, in essence, became stupefied by love.
The minutes stretched into hours and the hours into days, or so it seemed. But, the tolls of exhaustion on Hei's body were increasingly evident both physically and psychologically. - Hei's condition
Hei walked a little further, and a little further until the land around him shrunk in size and the vision he had turned into complete and utter darkness; it was then that he fell, dropping himself down and onto his back purposefully, allowing Yin the comfort of resting atop of him protected from the cold ground below. The drop pushed all the remaining air within Hei's lungs into a sharp and painful grunt.
Acting almost insane, Hei spoke to himself in search of comfort "No, dammit, this can't be it, not for her and not for me!," breathing deeply, Hei bent down his neck to allow himself a sight of Yin as if it would be the last time he would be able to see her alive while muttering, "don't ever leave me."
Yin's face was dug deeply within Hei's uniform and her body lied atop of him, naked, exposing herself to the elements. She was cold, extremely cold, and in an attempt to breathe life into her Hei hugged her deeply with feeling and emotion hoping it would breathe some life into her and allow recluse for himself; he hadn't hugged someone in such a way in such a long time, ever since the appearance of Hell's Gate, that it seemed almost foreign in feeling; the feeling of strangeness was so strong, actually, that Hei felt almost propelled to push Yin away, and if it were not for the reminder that he held the doll, no, women he so loved he would have done so. And, suddenly, in an almost inexplicable act upon the realization that he truly 'loved' her Hei panicked. Something he vowed he would never do, ever since the transformation of Bai; it was his vow to protect her and, thus came the vow to never panic, distress or reveal emotions upon the transformation of her and of his transformation into the Black Reaper. And that remained true even with Bai's disappearance and the realization that she was, in fact, part of him and thus the realization that she would remain gone forever. But now, on the brink of losing another person he so dearly cared about Hei was driven to his breaking point revealing humanistic qualities that had so eluded him until now.
"No, no …no, this can't be it, this can't be" tears streaming down Hei's face, tears that held the emotions he had kept so deep within him Hei cried, "I'm sorry Yin! I failed you!"
In the midst of Hei's desperation, a single, solitary voice was uttered almost infinitely quiet "Hei… I hear you"
Hei, so disillusioned with himself heard nothing and because of that he did not hear the next whisper of "Hei…" instead, Hei heard nothing but his own sobbing. But, he did feel something just as precious... movement, the confirmation that another living being was with him. The feeling was subtle, but it was enough to break Hei out of his trance and into reality.
Yin's head moved ever so slightly on the side of Hei's chest that it was a while until it rested comfortably on its side allowing Yin a view of the darkness she had awoken into and also of a man she so dearly cared about. Besides the realization of where she was, Yin's mind was bombarded with emotions and of commands she could not issue all at once so she settled with the most meaningful gesture she could think of and of that she could manage. Hei, in shock from Yin's awakening, only stared as Yin looked up at him with deep eyes and smiled, without the need for her hands. Hei, unable to think or act, only cried while embracing her in the decrepit wasteland that they resided in.
"Yin" - this was all on Hei's mind
Weakly, Yin began to manage some words for Hei to listen "Hei…, don't cry, I'm here with you now."
"I know, Yin. I just can' … can't hold back my emotions anymore. I know I shouldn't act like this, but I just can't help myself anymore. Yin, I love you and I don't ever want to lose you again."
With eyes displaying shock, Yin stumbled weakly "You love me?"
"Of course I do, I don't know if I could ever be...," stumbling Hei continued, "...myself if I were to ever lose you again."
Upon hearing those words, Yin dug her head into Hei's chest and cried subtly "Thank… You Hei"
Hei looked down at Yin who had her head buried deep within Hei's uniform and in an act of happiness took one of his hands and pushed her closer to his chest while saying "We can't stay here."