"Desperation"

Rated T

Disclaimer: I do not own Regular Show. JG Quintel does, so quit complaining.


Another lousy day in Muscle Man's trailer. There was nothing on the TV and worst of all, no good songs were playing on the radio. Oh, and not to mention that his girlfriend Starla was out of town for the weekend. Which meant there would be no quality time whatsoever.

This sucked for Muscle Man. Looks like the only thing Muscle Man wanted to do on a day like this was to sleep his problems away. Nothing but peace and silence with nothing getting in his way.

However, that was until his stomach started grumbling.

"Ohhhhhh, man... I don't feel very good, bro..." Muscle Man spoke with a cringe.

He held on to his stomach in pure, physical pain. Those small intestines were working through his glandular region, which caused cramping through the butt. Must've been the 5-layer nachos Muscle Man consumed last night with Mordecai and Rigby. Either that or Muscle Man had one hell of a gas problem.

"I'm... not sure if I'm gonna hold it..." Muscle Man said once again. His butt pain became a dilemma now.

It was now high time that he needed to go to the bathroom. With a look of desperation and panic, Muscle Man stood on his own two feet and ran like hell for the toilet.

But as he ran only meters away from his couch, he suddenly forgot something.

The diagnosis: Muscle Man's toilet was broken. The reason why it was broken in the first place was that Muscle Man pulled off an all-nighter and dumped out chunks faster than used food being crushed by a trash compactor.

"Darn! I forgot the toilet was broken in the first place..." Muscle Man said to himself, finally realizing the problem that he had.

Squeezing his buns tightly, Muscle Man ran out of the trailer to perhaps find a new place to do his business.

He ran a good mile around the block, but can never find any outhouses around the trailer park.

Muscle Man tried his best to enter inside the city's laundromat.

"Excuse me, bro... do you have your finest bathrooms? I gotta pull a major growler!" Muscle Man cried to the owner of the laundromat.

"Sorry dude, but it's way occupied now. Would you like to wait?" The owner responded.

"It can't wait! I really gotta go now!" Muscle Man said while still dancing around in panic.

"Sir, as much as I would love to build a second bathroom, I prefer you wait until the vacant sign appears in the bathroom door." The laundromat owner spoke back.

"AGH! Forget it! I'll have to use someplace else!" Muscle Man exclaimed as he left in a hurry.

Okay, so the laundromat wasn't working out for Muscle Man. Frantically, the overweight dwarf thought of another place to use the john. And that was the local coffee shop. After all, that's where Mordecai's girlfriend Margaret worked at.

Muscle Man entered the establishment and approached Margaret head-on.

"Margaret!" He huffily exclaimed.

"Oh, Muscle Man! I didn't expect to see you here. How's Mordecai?" Margaret said, greeting Muscle Man on this fine afternoon. But the fat yet muscular dwarf wasn't here to greet.

"Same crap, same Mordecai. Can I use your bathroom?" Muscle Man cried out instantly.

"Wow, you know I would be happy to let you use it, but it's out of order." Margaret said in disappointment.

"Oh, come on!" He yelped again.

"But if you want, I can-"

"Forget it, I'll find somewhere! AAAAAAAGHEEEEEEEE!" Muscle Man squealed in agony again. Muscle Man left upstairs and out of the coffee shop while Margaret let out a stressing sigh.

All around Muscle Man, signs like "Free Shittake Mushrooms" and "Stools, 50% off" were plastered all over the city walls. Signs like that made Muscle Man cringe through his colons more. He didn't know how long he could take holding his glutes in.

If the laundromat and the coffee shop didn't work, maybe he could try at Wing Kingdom, his favorite eating establishment. Luckily, Muscle Man decided to go there. When he got inside, he approached the owner of the establishment.

"Excuse me, bro! Do you have a bathroom?" Muscle Man said to the owner.

"Yes." He nodded.

"Sweet!" Muscle Man exclaimed with pride. He was finally getting a chance to go to the bathroom.

But unfortunately, the owner stopped him there.

"But you pay first. You pay first for meal!" The man said, but in his chinese accent. Who knew that a chinese dude would work at a wing restaurant?

"But I don't have money, bro!" Muscle Man exclaimed, "You gotta get me through a bathroom! I gotta pinch a loaf really bad!"

"Shame for you! No money, no crap!" The Chinese cashier spat at him.

"Fine! I didn't wanna use your bathroom! You stink like one anyway!" Muscle Man cried out angrily while leaving.

But before he left however, he turned to the cashier.

"By the way, you know who else stinks like a bathroom? MY MOM!" Muscle Man shouted out for the final time before he finally left.

This was insane. First the laundromat, then the coffee shop, and now Wing Kingdom? Life was hating on Muscle Man really hard. Not even one place could accept Muscle Man's service. Muscle Man tried everywhere from the local arcade, the mini-golf place and Cheezers. But it was all hopeless. Everyone of their bathrooms were either out of order or it was occupied. It was like a nightmare coming to life as it seemed.

Muscle Man tried giving up, but giving up was for babies. And Muscle Man was nowhere near a baby. It was amazing how somebody can hold his butt glutes in for the longest of time though.

But then, an idea came up to Muscle Man. If the bathrooms from the coffee shop, Wing Kingdom and Cheezers we're all out of order, maybe he would try the park house that Benson and Pops's dad owns. That could be Muscle Man's last resort to all of his colon problems!

Like a certain red-and-yellow superhero, Muscle Man high-tailed all the way through the entire park. He got upstairs, inside the house, and upstairs again.

Could this be the motherlode Muscle Man's been waiting for and such?

He looked to the right and saw the entire restroom. All empty with noody around! Oh, sweet victory was in sight.

Or Muscle Man thought so. When he opened the entire bathroom door, he looked to the right and saw that the whole entire toilet was missing!

Shocked and appalled, Muscle Man dropped right to his knees and shouted to the heavens.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Muscle Man yelled in defeat.

His butt started to cramp up again, but this time, his own butt was twinging. His butt dam was about to spill. And to be fair, it was gonna leave a nasty sight. Nothing but a crapstorm of agony.

Knowing that he had nowhere else to go, Muscle Man desperately thought of a last second plan.

"Well, if ya gotta go, ya gotta go, bro!" Muscle Man said to himself.

A few moments later...

Mordecai and Rigby were busy making a chocolate milkshake just for fun. Or maybe they were mostly on break from all that hard yard work that Benson made them do. Mordecai handled the blender while Rigby handled the ingredients that were being put inside.

"Okay... we got chocolate bars, chocolate milk, chocolate sauce, chocolate fudge brownie ice cream, chocolate brownies. You know what it's time for, Mordo?" Rigby said with a pumped tone!

"We got extreme chocolate para-diiiiiiiiise!" Mordecai exclaimed with a greedy smile. As he began to blend in the richest of chocolate delights...

...a worn out Muscle Man came walking downstairs. Looking like he went through 15 rounds with the heavyweight boxing champion, Mordecai and Rigby looked at him oddly.

"Hey, Muscle Man. What are you doing here in this time of hour?" Mordecai said to the overweight dwarf.

"Nothing much. Feeling a little worn out. I had the craziest dream, bro."

"What happened? Did Starla dump you?" Rigby guessed.

"No, although that is painful to begin with," Muscle Man sighed, "I had the craziest dream that I couldn't find a bathroom in this stupid town."

"Weird, because I think that's what actually happened." Mordecai said as he finished blending their shake.

"What?"

"Didn't you hear on the news, dude? Every toilet is being recalled in this town. It may be a while before everyone gets new toilets installed," Mordecai explained while he poured the chocolate remains inside his glass, "So until this little problem, we have to use outhouses."

"Oh man, Why didn't nobody tell me about this before? If I didn't know about this, I should've never gone in Benson's office, bro." Muscle Man unbelievably replied.

Hearing the fact that Muscle Man accidentally went in Benson's office, Mordecai and Rigby all looked to him in shock and awe. Shocked because Muscle Man had no choice but to do his 'business' in his bosses' office and awe because... well, they were in awe because they were shocked.

"Um, Muscle Man... you don't really think Benson's gonna find out about this?" Mordecai spoke with an ounce of fright.

"Don't worry, bro. If he does find out, I'll tell him bears broke in while we were sleeping and took a dump in his office. That'll work." Muscle Man explained first-hand.

As much as Mordecai and Rigby hated to admit it, his plan wasn't that bad to begin with.

"I like it. That could actually work." Mordecai said, agreeing with Muscle Man's plan. In the process, he was also giving Rigby and Muscle Man their glasses of tasty chocolate milkshakes.

"Indeed. Let's toast!" Rigby shouted out.

"WHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA!" The trio shouted.

But before they could down their glasses with delicious chocoholic goodness, an angry voice was shouting from upstairs.

"WHO IN THE HELL TOOK A DUMP IN MY COFFEE POT?"

That voice wasn't good. It belonged to their boss, Benson. Fearing for their soon no-good lives, Mordecai, Rigby and Muscle Man quickly thought on their plan on who to blame.

"IT WAS RIGBY!" Mordecai and Muscle Man shouted out while Rigby gasped. Quickly, the overweight dwarf and bluejay ran out of the house while Rigby was trying to catch up to them.

"YOU TURDS! YOU SOLD ME OUT!" Rigby shouted back to the running duo.

"SORRY, DUDE! ONE OF US HAD TO BE TAKEN DOWN WITH THE SHIP!" Mordecai yelled back from far away.

As Rigby thought of yelling back to both Mordecai and Muscle Man again, Benson's voice rang out to the soon-frightened raccoon.

"Rigby... care to explain why you made my coffee pot look like a crap-flood?" Benson said with his teeth gritting. His hand was picking up the smelly coffee pot with Muscle Man's lumps inside of it. It was so rancid that it was suffocating Benson as well.

Knowing that he didn't have a reason, Rigby gulped and said what perhaps was his final words:

"I am so screwed..."


I hate to admit it, but this would soooooo totally happen. Making Rigby get the blame for this. I could've thought of this before!

Until then, R&R everybody.