A/N: Hey, guys I am back to torture Ichigo! Hahaha. Anyway I got this idea while I was watching New Girl, you know the scene between Nick and Jess, Cece and Schmidt. New Girl is so funny, I love it. Aaaand, as usual, Rukia's hair is like her old hair (I love it so much and I miss it).
The story took place when Ichigo was a full shinigami and was about to be a captain.
I am on holiday and I don't even know why I'm writing this. Anyway, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach and New Girl.
"Fine!" Ichigo yelled, slamming the door when he left his room to go grab his cell phone in the living room.
"Don't slam the door in my face!" Rukia yelled back.
Ichigo was mad. Or no, he was more like frustrated. He didn't even remember exactly how Rukia and him got into this heated argument, but he did know it had something to do with his kissing her yesterday night and she kissedhimback, so they were sort of making out.
Ichigo might not be thinking when he did that, but Rukia was wearing his t-shirt that suddenly became his catnip and she was walking around in his house in the middle of the night (she was helping him with the new captain preparation that required her to stay the night). Then he just grabbed her and took her and-
In Ichigo's defense, he was a healthy man, okay.
It took a whole day of awkward tension and silence between them before Ichigo manned up and said something to her.
"Rukia, I'm sorry about the kiss. I guess I wasn't thinking."
Rukia avoided looking him in the eye.
"It didn't mean anything. It was like kissing a... friend." Ichigo lied.
One thing about the orange haired shinigami was he was terrible at lying. It hurt even only to hear him try.
Rukia narrowed her eyes. "It didn't mean anything to me, but I think, it sure meant something to you."
"How about this: I think, it could mean something to you." Ichigo replied.
And that was when their heated argument started.
Rukia used to have a line that separated 'friends' and 'boyfriends' but Ichigo came to her life and the line was just, she didn't know, blur? Everything got messy and mixed up. She didn't understand what was this thing between her and Ichigo. They were clearly attracted to each other, but none of them dared to make a move until that night.
Their stupid bicker kept going from one topic to another.
"No! You listen to me, Rukia. I have feelings for you!"
"Well, I do too!"
Ichigo chuckled. "You do."
Rukia kicked him in the shin. Hard.
"You think this is ever going to work, Ichigo? I can't even stand you. Why the hell are you so stubborn?"
"So, you want to call it off, Rukia?!"
"Oh my God. Was it ever on?!"
And to another topic...
"Don't you dare bring Chappy into this!"
Ok, that one was off subject.
"Why, why are you so against the idea of us being together? It's simple, Rukia."
"Because I don't want to ruin what we're having now. Relationships are too messy. People-"
Ok, this one was the topic that finally led us to the current event.
"No, I don't mind seeing you with another girl. You're a free man."
"Oh, really? Not even a tip of jealousy, Rukia?"
"I'm not a Kuchiki for nothing, Ichigo. It is our nature to throw our feelings aside and put on a mask." Rukia answered calmly.
"I don't believe you."
"I can prove you wrong."
"I will ask a girl out and let's see-"
"I won't even flinch, Ichigo."
Ichigo made that challenging face; arms crossed; evil sexysomething smirk on.
"Not even a flinch." Rukia hissed.
The bet was so on.
"I'm calling her now." He said.
Rukia only smirked.
She crossed her arms under her breasts and raised an eyebrow. It was her nonverbal way of saying 'do it'.
Ichigo hated it when she did that. It was annoyingly attractive in his eyes. Damn her. She was such a bitch.
"It is dialing, okay? But if you want me to-"
"Ichigo, do it. Call her."
Ichigo didn't know what he was thinking when he looked through his contacts and dialed Renji's number.
Of all people, why Renji?
Sometimes, Ichigo Kurosaki was a genius like that.
"It's ringing. Just to be clear, Rukia, I'm calling another girl to go on a date with me."
"You're an idiot."
His eyes never left Rukia's as he did so. Oh, those stupid giant purple-blue-something eyes. He could be drowning in those orbs.
"Yo, Ichigo." Renji greeted on the other line.
"Hey, you." Ichigo said in his kind of smoldering way.
Rukia was still smirking like the little devil herself. Ichigo, asking a girl out through the telephone? Yeah, good luck with that.
"...okay, what's with that voice?" Renji replied.
"Hey, Ren..." Ichigo paused. "Renata, I..."
Rukia laughed at the fake name he chose.
"Really, Ichigo?" she snorted.
Ichigo's eye twitched at his long time crush's amused face. What, what's wrong? Renata was such a beautiful name.
"Who the hell is Renata?" Renji's voice on the other line snapped Ichigo back to reality.
"I'm sorry I didn't call you back." Ichigo said again. His eyes were still challenging Rukia's.
"The truth is, I can't stop thinking about the other night." Ichigo thought he was doing this right. This was how Keigo did it, right?
"What night?" Renji sounded confused. "And stop using that tone you're using. It creeps me out, man!"
"That night. You and me? On the floor, the table...the-" Ichigo stuttered. "The-the bed, girl?"
Was that supposed to be some kind of innuendo...
Renji's eyes widened slightly. "Did you just call me a girl?"
"Yeah. Are you wearing something sexy?"
Rukia slapped her forehead. Literally.
"No? I'm wearing the usual shihakusho. Wait, why the hell am I answering this?"
"I love the usual shihakusho. Is it tight?"
Rukia scoffed. "Come on, Ichigo, you're better than this."
Ichigo replied by patting Rukia's head like how he did the first night they met.
Renji was confused. He always knew Ichigo was a freak, but didn't he know this was his fuku-taichou's office number?
"Go on a date with me."
It got weirder when Ichigo just had to add, "baby."
Ichigo's eyes were like making a hole in Rukia's purple ones. The gaze was saying it all. He wanted her so much. It was THE gaze. The Ichigo gaze that could melt many girls' legs and turn them into jelly. Why was she being so hard to get?
"I like you a lot, you annoying woman." Ichigo was saying this to Rukia whose face now was as red as Renji's hair.
But, Renji, on the other line...
"Did you just call me a woman, you freak?"
Ichigo literally forgot he was still calling the stupid Renji.
"Listen, kid, and listen good," Renji sighed and began slowly.
"I don't know what the hell is going on, but you're calling my fuku-taichou's office telephone that unfortunately for you, my friend, is connected to MY taichou's office telephone."
"So, by any chance, the odds are all against you, Kuchiki-taichou could be hearing our conversation right now."
Sometimes, God hated Ichigo like that.
He sure did hate Ichigo.
As if to confirm Renji's words, the cold voice of certain someone shook Ichigo's tympanic membrane.
Ichigo's eyes widened. He mouthed something like 'holy crap, it's your brother!' to Rukia.
She glared back and mouthed something like 'what? How come is it Nii-sama? Who are you calling?!'
'Your brother Kurosaki Ichigo-ed me! What do I say?'
Rukia rolled her eyes.
'I don't know, Ichigo, why don't you ask what he is wearing right now?! And tell him he looks hot in his captain haori!'
Ichigo made the 'ew' voice and the 'ew' face.
Rukia shrugged. "It is true."
"Byakuya." Ichigo replied calmly. He bet Byakuya had a good time humiliating him right now and Renji's snickers made him want to scream.
Rukia glared angrily at Ichigo and mouthed 'Oh, so you are Byakuya-ing him now?'
Rukia snatched Ichigo's cell phone and activated speaker mode.
"Did-did you hear all of it?" Ichigo asked.
A long silence.
"It was a huge misunderstanding."
"I wasn't saying that to Renji,"
Ichigo hated that Byakuya's 'Oh'. He was mocking him, that bastard.
Rukia's mouth turned into O shape. She knew it! She knew it was Renji! She knew Ichigo wouldn't have called another girl!
"There's no way he was talking to me like that, Kuchiki-taichou." Renji butted in.
"My pocket accidentally dialed Renji. I was just talking to Rukia."
If there was some kind of Awkward Silence Award, this silence would be the winner.
Rukia's eyes widened and that was when Ichigo realized what he had said wrong.
"Wrap it up, wrap it up, Ichigo." Renji whispered through the phone, breaking the murderous silence.
"You were talking to Rukia like that, Kurosaki Ichigo?"
"This is fun." Renji mumbled.
Ichigo wondered if he should just commit suicide right here, right now after poisoning the red head.
"It wasn't like that at all, Nii-sama!" now, Rukia was butting in.
"Rukia, you're with this kozo." It was more like a statement than a question.
"Nii-sama, Ichigo can explain." Rukia stepped on Ichigo's foot to make him say something.
'Idiot, say something!' Rukia mouthed angrily.
Ichigo scratched his hair in frustration.
"I see. You won't have that tongue for too long."
Speaking of deja vu...
Ichigo was sweating right now. "Your brother is crazy!" He whispered.
"What? You're the one with the inappropriate talk!"
"This wouldn't have happened if you admitted that you're not okay with me being with another girl in the first place!"
"Maybe, I'm not okay with you being with another girl,"
Add a handsome smirking Kurosaki Ichigo on the picture.
Rukia swore she could punch the daylight out of Ichigo's smirking face. He was so annoying. He was making that gorgeous victory face and his toned arms were crossed and, God, she hated him.
"...but I'm perfectly fine seeing you go on a date with Renji!" She added the emphasis on the word perfectly.
"Forget about Renji. You don't want me to be with anyone else but you."
Rukia blushed. "I didn't say that."
"Just admit it and we're official."
"Admit what?!" Rukia shrieked.
"Admit that you want me and we can work things out! You and me."
There was a sound of a pencil being cracked in two. Ichigo was sure it was coming from Byakuya's line.
"You call this functional, Ichigo? You technically asked my male best friend out in front of me..." Rukia's giant eyes became wider when she glared. "...and my brother!"
"I was trying to prove you wrong! That Kuchiki mask thing is bullshit."
"Thank you, sweetheart, now I am so jealous of Renji."
"Why are you making this so complicated?"
"Because, it is you, Ichigo! You never think things through. Do you really want to risk what we're having right now?"
"I have been back and forth."
"See? You don't even know what this is."
"Rukia, the most important thing is I have wanted this since I was fifteen. I know what I want. What's left to think about?"
Rukia was struggling not to let her knees buckle. Her face felt so warm that she thought she could boil an egg on her face. Geez, Kurosaki Ichigo when he wanted something.
"It's always been you."
Oh, God. Those stupid smoldering amber eyes!
Then here came the cheesy moment when the girl and the boy were just standing there and giving each other a longing gaze, completely ignoring the world around them.
So much for a sexual tension.
There was a sound of a table breaking in half, though. Ichigo was so damn sure Byakuya had no more pencils left.
Renji coughed. "I can hear you guys and I'm not comfortable with that."
Rukia looked away and broke the eye contact first.
"Rukia." Byakuya broke the silence.
"Come home. Now. And let me have a private chat with Kurosaki Ichigo."
Well, the boss has spoken.
Rukia quickly handed Ichigo his cell phone back. The orange haired shinigami took his cell phone and flipped it closed. Business with Byakuya could wait. He took a step closer to Rukia until their gap was closed.
It was beginning to get uncomfortable being pressed against the back of sofa with Ichigo leering down at her with his smoldering eyes.
Stupid smoldering eyes.
Stupid Ichigo with his stupid orange hair.
Rukia chewed on her lower lip as she felt the blood rushing to her face.
"Are you going to kiss me now?" Rukia poked him in the chest.
Ichigo's lips curled up.
It started with a soft, tender kiss but one thing led to another and before they knew it, there were tongues and hands and all and holy crap, are they on the sofa now.
Ichigo's stupid phone never stopped ringing, though. Who the hell cared about the stupid phone? Hell, he was busy right now.
Well, he didn't need to check who the caller was. Of course it was the other Kuchiki who, apparently, didn't like to be kept waiting.
Did God just send Byakuya to the world only to ruin every perfect moment in his life...
"Tell your brother to shut up!"
Rukia hated that Ichigo had a bad temper and he was always angry all the time. But, oh my God, Ichigo was kissing her neck! Ichigo was kissing her neck!
"Well, answer the phone call then!"
Ichigo grunted and clicked 'answer'.
"Damn it, I get it, Byakuya! See you at Sokyoku Hill at four."
He threw his cell phone to the wall and continued kissing Rukia.
He definitely needed this before getting his ass totally kicked.
A/N: LOL I should stop messing with Ichigo, Renji, and Byakuya.
Like it? Tell me! And constructive criticisms are totally welcomed :D