This was my entry for the Make Me Laugh Anonymous contest, BUT I didn't finish it in time! So I decided to post it as a one shot instead. This is my first venture into the world of Fanfiction so please be gentle with me.

The Prompt I would have used is the story image!

I would like to thank Project Team Beta, bigblueboat, Lyta7, and QuinnLark. Thank you for your advice, guidance, help, and betaing skills! You guys were so positive and helpful, thank you!

Thank you Q! Without you this wouldn't be posted!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, SM owns it all.

Before I share my story with you of how the pain in my ass became the love of my life, I would like to say that I have one regret. If I would have known what was going to happen that night, I wouldn't have worn my period panties.

Fridays were always special for me. I would normally get off work, take off my boring pantsuit, and put on the cheapest pair of sweatpants I own. I would then watch DVR'd episodes of Dance Moms until all my wine coolers were empty and there was nothing left to do but fall asleep. I lived the life of a wild woman, what can I say.

This Friday, however, was a little different. First, I decided it was a good idea to play a Dance Moms drinking game instead of just watching the show. Every time I saw Abby yell at the kids, I would drink. Every time I saw a kid cry, I would drink. I made up the drinking game at work that Monday and had been counting down the days until Friday so I could play it. It was a sure way to get drunk.

I was about five minutes in, and had already gone through one wine cooler, when my roommate and childhood best friend, Alice Brandon, came barreling into our apartment. She had shopping bags in her arms, and her short, black hair was all over the place.

"Get up!" she screeched as she ran toward her bedroom. "I need your help, and I swear, this time it's extremely important!" I looked between her room and the TV. Decisions, decisions.

With a sigh, I hit pause and took my wine cooler with me. If I had to pause my Dance Moms drinking game, then I would just have to start an Alice Brandon drinking game. Every time she got too overly emotional about something I would take a drink. Thinking about it, that entrance she did was pretty dramatic. I took a long sip.

"What is it, Alice?" I asked, gesturing with my wine cooler toward the living room. "I'm kind of busy right now."

"Friday night TV? Bella, do you even get drunk off those things? How is that relaxing for you? It's just sad," Alice said, putting her hands on her hips. Maybe I should add Alice annoying me as a time to drink, too.

"I don't judge your lifestyle choices, Alice. Remember that one time that you thought it would be great to take your rent money and buy a pearl thong because you saw it on Sex & the City? Did I judge you then? No."

Alice's face crumpled, and she began crying. Naturally, I took a sip before I went over and put my arm around her. She clung to me and sobbed. "I'm sorry, Bella! I'm just so stressed out! Jasper's having to entertain some big shot from corporate tonight. You know how important this promotion is to him. I didn't know about the dinner until an hour ago. I feel so unprepared."

Jasper was Alice's fiancé. They met when Alice was a waitress at a little diner outside Seattle. She wasn't very good at her job and was lucky that when she spilled the burning coffee, it was on Jasper and not anyone else. Or, maybe, it was because Jasper got a good look down her shirt as she tried to clean the mess from his lap. But ever since that event, five years ago, they've been inseparable.

Alice even moved to Seattle for Jasper. She dragged my ass along, too, since we've been connected at the hip since birth. Plus, she couldn't afford to rent an apartment by herself, and since Jasper's parents were super religious, the two of them living together wasn't an option. If Jasper's parents weren't loaded, I don't think either of them would care, but the possibility of a honeymoon somewhere far away—or a new house after they got married—was what kept them apart.

The move wasn't all bad for Alice. She always wanted to start up a clothing boutique, and ironically, so did Jasper's twin sister, Rosalie. So, with the help of Jasper's parents, they had their shop, Pixie Bloom. It included some of their original styles and also some from up-and-coming designers around the city. Business had been going really well for them. Alice got to work her dream job, and I'm an assistant to a corporate hot shot at McCarty's Inc. That was the reason why I felt entitled to a lazy Friday. Yes, I felt bad for myself.

"Alice, don't worry. You'll be fantastic! You're going to make a great impression, talk up Jasper so well that he'll get the promotion, and poof a happily ever after for you two," I said, trying to reassure her as she let go of me and sat on her bed. Damn waterproof mascara, she still looked perfect.

"Thanks for the confidence, Bella, but I know that already. I'm more stressed with making sure this goes well, not on my performance tonight. I just wish there was some way I could make tonight even better. Maybe if I set him up with someone who could wine-and-dine him... Like a double date!"

I nodded my head, going along with her. The sooner I nodded and agreed, the sooner she would calm down and the sooner I could get back to Abby and the moms telling her to eat crow. "That's a great idea, Alice. You're a genius."

Her smile fell as she looked at me. "I just have one problem: where am I going to find a hot girl on such short notice? If only I knew someone that was free tonight. I mean it is Friday, and who would be willing to do me such a huge favor?"

No. I refused to get dragged into this. "Damn, looks like your plan almost worked. Wish I knew people, Alice, but aside from Angela at work and the homeless guy that talks to me on the bus, I don't know many other people here. I could always call Angela, but she's married with a kid, and she'd have to take her breast pump. That may ruin the vibe you're going for."

Alice huffed in frustration. "Bella, please! Please do this for me. I promise it won't be that bad. I will even buy your drinks tonight."

My eyes lit up at this. "Not the cheap stuff right?"

"Whatever you want, I swear."

I thought about it for a second, weighing my options, and realized I could do this. Then, I could have my wine-cooler-Dance Moms-Friday on Saturday night, instead. It would be the best of both worlds. "Fine."

She threw her arms around me and squealed. "I knew you'd say yes! Your dress is in the bag. Take a shower. We have to leave in an hour."

I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm as I took my wine cooler with me to shower. I'm not wasting that shit.

Exactly one and a half hours later, I was seated at this new steakhouse, Wilson's, wearing a short black dress and heels that Alice picked out. How I had managed to travel that far of a distance without breaking my ankle was a miracle. Though, even if I had broken it, I would still be sitting at that table; the idea of losing the chance for free, top-shelf alcoholic drinks kept me glued to where I was. Some people suffer for beauty. I suffered for alcohol, and I wasn't ashamed of it. I think one of my better qualities is the fact that I've always accepted myself for who I am.

Looking around the restaurant, I knew I was going to need something strong to get through this meal. Everyone was dressed in their business casual and were throwing around words like market shares, business capital, and stock trades. This was not my normal scene. I may have looked like I belonged in this slutty—but surprisingly appropriate—black dress, but I knew I didn't. I didn't even have clean panties to wear for this meal that I had been dragged to. Nope, I had to wear my period underwear. Every woman has a pair. They are the ugliest granny panties imaginable, sometimes bearing battle scars of periods past. But, I wasn't going to allow myself to succumb the mindset that your underwear dictates your mood. Otherwise, I would be crampy and start crying over the appetizer. I would drink myself to confidence instead.

Glancing at the menu, my mouth started to water, and my eyes widened. So many choices. Hmm. What to pick.

"Bella," Alice hissed, leaning over the table. Her smile was still in place, but I could see the glare in her pretty blue eyes. "Look at the food menu, not the drink menu!"

"I can make a meal out of this menu. I'd rather just stick with the alcohol," I said with a shrug. I saw Jasper put his arm across Alice's chair, holding her back from pouncing at me.

"If you don't look at the food menu, I'm ordering you a salad and no dessert," Alice said, and I set the menu down. She knew I couldn't live without some substance in my diet.

"You win." I surrendered. "Besides, I already have three drinks in mind."

I glanced over the menu, finally deciding what I wanted, just as a very cute guy rushed to our table with his iPhone glued to his ear. He had short, sandy blonde hair and dark chocolaty eyes. I don't normally rate guys, but I'd given him a solid eight. He was the right height, above-average, but he only had a single dimple in his cheek. You can't possibly throw out a ten for a dude with only one dimple.

He moved his phone to the side and shook Jasper's hand. "I have to call you back," he said into his phone and hung up.

"Sorry I'm late," he told Jasper. "Traffic was a bitch. You know your streets are almost vertical here? How does that work in the winter?"

"It doesn't." Jasper laughed and motioned to Alice. "This is my lovely fiancée, Alice Brandon, and this is her best friend, Bella Swan. Ladies, this is Riley Biers."

His last name sounded like beers. Perhaps that would spike him to a nine in my book.

Alice shook his hand first, and then I did. He gave me a big smile, and Alice offered me a small thumbs up over his shoulder. "Nice to meet you." He showed off all the right moves when he released my hand and pulled out my chair.

"The feeling is mutual." He smiled, and I saw the dimple in his left cheek on full display. It actually suited him well, and it made him look younger in his suit—somehow that calmed me. Maybe I'd been too quick to judge him.

He sat down and crossed his legs, and I heard Alice squeal. "Are those Arthur George socks?" she asked as her eyes lit up.

"Yeah, I just got them," Riley replied. "They're a little different, but I think I like them."

Never mind. I was generous in my assessment of an eight, no one can get a ten wearing Arthur George socks. No one.

Just as I was about to write him off, he motioned the waiter over for a drink. It was as if he read my mind! Perhaps this would work out after all! I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Almost half way through dinner, Riley, decided to spring a big suggestion on us. He was clearly through discussing business, which I was happy about, and wanted to do something different. He explained that his friend knew the manager of a new club called Spunk. This should have sent out warning signs, especially when he added that he could get us in really easily.

I watched as Alice and Jasper had a silent conversation with their eyes before Alice plastered on a fake smile and lied about how wonderful Riley's suggestion sounded. Jasper was ready to do anything to make a good impression on the guy, so Riley could have suggested everyone tattoo their asses and Jasper probably would have agreed.

That all sounded like a great idea, except for the fact that Riley had drunk twice as much as I had and was starting to act a little weird. I know what being drunk was like—I've been drunk plenty—but he was a little more than drunk. He was jittery, and he had stopped the meal before the dessert to get the check. No sane individual does that when they know they are about to get some sort of chocolate cake. Something was going on.

We all piled into Jasper's car. I was forced to sit in back with one-dimpled-chocolate-cake-blocking Riley, who I guessed was burning up since he took off his suit jacket and white button down, leaving him just in a white t-shirt. He rolled down the window and put his head out like a dog as we traveled across town to Spunk.

Alice tried to engage him in conversation about the company, but he'd have none of it. He explained to us, as he pulled his head back in the car to speak, that tonight's theme of Spunk was neon. The idea of neon spunk made me laugh, and he thought I was all for that, when really I thought it sounded an awful lot like semen. Ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as his Arthur George socks and one dimple.

After hearing about the art of neon parties, we finally got to Spunk, and he practically dragged me from the car. "I think you're my spirit animal, Bella," he said in my ear as we walked through the doors of the venue. I stared at him in disbelief as I tried not to laugh. What the fuck was that even supposed to mean?

"Thank you?" I responded and he grinned, showing off that damn dimple again.

"Let's get neoned!" Riley screamed, as he threw his head back. He looked like a crazed person.

He pulled me to a little area by the bar where men have rollers of neon paint and are slathering people in the stuff, creating human rainbows. Some slutty girls threw paint at us like we were a living Jackson Pollock painting. I closed my lips just in time to miss getting whatever lead based product they were probably using in my mouth.

As I stood there dripping paint that smelled like a frat house bathroom, I was convinced my night had been ruined. Then he bought me a drink, and obviously that turned my thoughts positive. Until he started humping me on the dance floor. I looked around for Alice and Jasper but couldn't find them. I hoped they hadn't left me with Riley and went home!

After about two songs, and Riley's failed attempts to grab my boobs with his glowing hand he pulled me to the side. "Let's get some coke," he said in my ear. I gave him an annoyed look. Like, who the hell are you? Coke on a Friday night? Come on dude! It's clearly vodka night, not fuzzy coke. But I shrugged and followed Mr. Dimple, hoping he would buy me a drink once we got to the bar.

The weird thing was, we weren't going to the bar but to the bathroom. The lines were terribly long, but he said the name Marcus to one guy in line. Suddenly, the bathroom door swung open, and he dragged me inside. Now, I was no angel, I had gotten myself in my fair share of sticky situations; but never had I ever found myself in a bathroom with line upon line of cocaine laid out before me. There was so much white powder, it looked like Christmastime.

"What the hell is this?" I shouted as Riley handed some guy a stack of bills, leaned down and snorted a line. I bet that counter was filthy!

"Hell yeah. Now the party really begins. Want a line Bella?" he asked, his nose sprinkled with the drug. "Afterward we can fuck like animals. The coke makes sex so much better."

I gave him a good slap and ran out of there like my crotch was on fire. There was no way in hell I was going to snort coke with Riley Biers in a freaking bathroom, or worse: have sex with a guy with one dimple. I knew I hadn't been getting any offers, but I had some dignity. I mean, he could have at least brought me to a classier location than a bathroom before you proposition me with something like that!

Having left Riley, I found myself covered head to toe in neon paint, pushing my way through a tangle of sweaty bodies as they gyrated to the sounds of the newest Calvin Harris song. Everyone was glowing, thanks to the black lights suspended from the ceiling, and the air was foggy with all the club smoke they had pumped into the place. I felt so overdressed as I passed by a woman who was wearing only her push up bra and thong, shaking her ass like Miley Cyrus does—only she was about thirty Mileys put together.

I got groped and propositioned as I made my way through the battlefield that was the dance floor. But finally, I made it to the other side and only felt slightly violated. I spotted Alice leaning against the bar with Jasper by her side. They didn't look too happy to be there.

"Where's Riley?" Alice asked as she looked around me, as if I was hiding the man behind me.

"He's a fucking loon!" I yelled over the music, and Jasper gave me a confused look. He sat his drink down, and I lunged for it. I downed it in one gulp.

I was glad Alice and Jasper were there when the night got weird, otherwise they wouldn't have believed what I was about to tell them. I even added hand gestures for emphasis.

When I'd finished, Alice looked at me, mouth open and eyes wide. "You're shitting us!" Jasper laughed.

"I can't even make shit like that up! Someone get me a drink—a fresh one, or I'm going to scream. I look like the Teletubbies came all over me!" I huffed and pushed my way up to the bar. I bumped into another rainbow painted guy. I began to apologize when he looked at me.

It was as if a slow motion movie moment took place. His eyes met mine, and I felt my heartbeat skyrocket as he gave me a lazy smile. He had the greenest eyes I had ever seen. They looked like fresh grass after a long rainstorm and held a hint of mischief as he looked me up and down, his smile never leaving his face. He gave a slight head nod in approval at what he saw while I checked his cheeks for dimples. None! Yes! Fist pump! He was the perfect height as well. Though, anything taller than my 5'2" frame is perfect. I guessed he was definitely at least six feet tall. He clearly deserved the perfect ten rating I had just bestowed on him. Especially with his coppery hair that looked like someone had been pulling it as he buried his face in between their thighs. His build was slim—he didn't have bulging biceps like a body builder. But his arms were defined. He looked strong—I liked strong. I felt my panties dampen as he licked his lips.

"Thirsty?" he asked as he leaned forward. His voice caused me to clench my thighs. I didn't want arousal dripping down my legs, at least not until he was down there to lick me clean. Holy fuck, maybe I should have done that coke with Riley. This guy looked like he breathed sex.

"Sorry, she's had a rough night!" Alice butted in from behind me, saving me from embarrassment as I stared at him. "She would love a drink!"

His eyes sparkled, and he smirked at me. "Anything specific?"

"Something alcoholic, and preferably strong," I said, finally finding my voice again.

He raised his eyebrows and turned to the bartender to order me a drink. "Looks like someone is going to be getting laid tonight," Alice exclaimed enthusiastically in my ear. Jasper rolled his eyes behind her, and I laughed. Thankfully, the sex god couldn't hear Alice, or he probably would have run.

"Alice, I don't even know him. I'm not just going to let him have access to my Thunderdome. At least not easily."

"If you call it that, no one will ever have access to it. Seriously, Bella, he is giving you the let's fuck look. And his eyes look strong... I envision there will be some bondage involved."

"Alice! What the hell!" I said. I looked behind me, and I noticed he had my drink in his hand.

I smiled, hoping he hadn't heard any of Alice's crazy comments. "Thank you, I really needed this." I took lady-like sips so that I wouldn't come off as an alcoholic—first impressions do matter after all. We stared at each other with goofy grins, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I was hoping it was from my mystery rainbow paint guy, and not because of a bad meal at Wilson's'. He leaned forward, touching my arm, and the butterflies got stronger. I knew it was all him.

He was against my side, and I could tell my original assessment of him being strong had been spot on. His body felt solid, though I hadn't even touched it... yet. I wanted to, and I could always blame the alcohol if I got touchy with him. "What's your name, stranger?" he asked with a confident grin, almost as if he knew what I had been thinking.

"Bella, Bella Swan," I said, leaning in close to get a whiff of him. I was such a creep, but he smelled like mint and scotch. All man. All perfection. I didn't know that it was even possible to get more turned on. But I was discovering that it was very possible. I shifted my weight so my thighs could rub together.

"It's nice to meet you, Bella." He smirked as I shivered. The way he said my name did things to me. Good, delicious things. "I'm Edward. Edward Cullen."

"Edward," I said, testing the way his name sounded on my tongue. It suited him well. Where Riley looked boyish with his one dimple and horrid socks, Edward seemed older, more mature, and sexy as hell in his red v-neck shirt and dark wash jeans. I could imagine just from looking at him, that he was the type of guy that had jeans that hung from the v in his hips. So sinful.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt whatever you guys are doing with your eyes, but Jasper and I are going to try to find Riley. If I don't see you before you two leave then have a good night," Alice said, trying to contain her excitement at the idea that I might get it on tonight. "Text me, wherever you end up!"

I shooed her away quickly and kept my eyes on my drink as my cheeks burned red from embarrassment. Who openly talks about their best friend banging a random guy in front of said guy?

Luckily, my embarrassment was unnecessary when I heard Edward laugh. He had a low rumble of a chuckle, and his eyes lit up when he laughed. It was sexy as hell. I wanted to push everyone out of the way and ride him, right there, on the counter.

"Is that the look you get when you're turned on?" he asked. "You can't even lie because your friend just proclaimed that we planned on boning each other. I know what's on my mind, and if that is your turned on face, then it's safe to say that little friend of yours may be able to tell the future."

My mouth hung open. He was pretty direct, and it was fucking hot. I responded to this type of come on well. Not some crazy proposition in a dirty bathroom! "I'm not that easy," I said with a laugh. "Get a few more drinks in me, swing me around this dance floor, and let's see if this is my turned on face or not." I threw a wink in for good measure. His eyes went wide, and he quickly flagged down the busy bartender for two more shots.

After we had downed our shots, I knew he was up for the challenge when he pulled me to him on the dance floor. The energy flowing off of all the people around us gave me the courage to press even closer against him and grind along to the beat. I had never been a dancer, but in that moment, I let loose. I put my arm behind his neck as I rolled my hips against his crotch. Edward's grip tightened on me as his breath tickled my neck.

I felt his hand as it traveled up my sides, grazing his fingers on the outside of my breasts. My nipples hardened at his teasing touches. I fought back a groan when he suddenly spun me so we were facing each other.

"I want to make sure that look is still on your face because it sure as hell isn't leaving mine," he whispered, pulling back to look at me. Talk about destroying a girl's panties. Well, at least these were the ugly period ones. No big deal.

I gathered all the courage the alcohol gave me and threw myself at him. I hungrily pressed my lips to his, and I melted into the kiss. It was as though our lips had been made for each other. Damn did that man know how to kiss. Edward's tongue licked my lower lip, and I groaned as I tasted the delicious scotch that lingered in his mouth as I allowed him access to my own. Some people say they've gotten drunk off kisses, and after this, I knew they were right. I pulled away with a wink, leaving him panting. It took him a moment to travel back down to Earth from the headiness of that kiss. When he did, he threw me a sexy smirk before he started putting the moves on me again.

Edward's hands grabbed my ass. He deliciously squeezed, pulling me against his erection. Our bodies were moving as one, having sex on the dance floor, without any actual penetration. And it was so magnificent.

We continued our teasing touches and hungry stares as the songs changed and changed, rolling together into one big, jumbled melody in my head. I don't remember when he started sucking on my earlobe, whispering dirty promises. Nor do I recall what was playing when Edward's fingers skimmed my bare thighs as he left a love mark on my exposed shoulder. I wish I remembered what was playing as I palmed his cock through his jeans until he begged me to take him home. That was the final straw for me, and I dragged him off the dance floor. We were both a panting mess, and if there was a coat room near by, I would have thrown him in it and had my dirty way with him.

"My place or yours?" I asked as I pulled Edward out of the club.

"Yours. My roommate left with someone earlier. He isn't quiet," he explained as he nibbled on my ear—his hands constantly touching some part of my skin.

I nodded my head in agreement as I shot my hand out, trying to hail a taxi. I didn't even know if it would work since this wasn't New York City, but I needed to get laid and was worth a try.

"I don't ever do this," he whispered against my skin. "But I bought you that drink, Bella, and your lips are mine now. I don't want to walk away from you and regret not finding out what you look like out of that dress."

Thankfully, someone got out of a cab at that moment, or else I would have thrown him on the ground and attacked him no matter who was watching. I wouldn't have thought twice about it. Fuck liquor, Edward was my new poison.

We fell into the cab, a tangle of limbs and kisses before I released him long enough to text Alice to let her know that I was all right. I was getting lucky, hell yes I


We stumbled out of the cab, our neon paint staining the cracked leather seats. I don't think the cab driver cared all that much since Edward left behind a big, fat tip, probably in thanks of allowing us to suck face in the back seats while he drove us all the way across town.

Edward's hands grabbed at every part of me, and I struggled to get the key into the lock. My hands were shaking with anticipation, and my head was swimming from all the alcohol. But I was ready to get laid, and I refused to allow a silly thing like being close-to-black-out-drunk stop me from enjoying and remembering this!

When the gods allowed the door to finally open, we stumbled over the threshold. I refused to turn on any lights until we were in my bedroom, just in case I left behind some underwear or dirty dishes scattered about. I really didn't want to kill the mood by allowing him to see something that would probably scar him for life. However, walking through my apartment in the dark and drunk turned into a challenge. We stumbled along until I heard a crash behind us.

Edward's hands stilled on my side. "Did we break something?" he whispered, though he sounded more horny than concerned.

"Who cares," I said as I dragged him the last two feet to my bedroom. He stumbled in, and I shut the door as quickly as I could. Flicking on the lights, I see that I did in fact make my bed today. Classy points right there.

"Now, where were we?" he asked, pulling me against his hard body and kissed me with such lust and passion that I thought my knees would give out. His tongue sought entrance into my mouth, and I greedily obey. Edward had the most talented tongue I'd ever encountered. If it could do this from kissing, I couldn't wait to find out what it could do elsewhere.

My hands dug into his silky locks and I pulled, causing him to moan into my mouth. The sound made me shiver in anticipation. Edward's hands took possession of my hips and pulled me even closer, making sure I could feel just how hard he was.

"You were driving me crazy in the club," he whispered, sucking on my ear. "I saw you walk in, and I knew I had to talk to you. Getting to have you is going to be the icing on the cake."

"Oh god." I moaned as he pushed me back onto the bed. I fell back and stared at this beautiful man above me. He wanted me. This fine specimen of a man wanted me- drunk-ass dance moves and foot-in-mouth-syndrome Bella. The entire hot mess of a package.

"You're wearing too many clothes." He smirked, kissing my neck and going for the knot holding the top of my dress up. That is when I panicked. Fuck! The period underwear. If he saw them, he would run out of there as fast as he could.

He noticed my discomfort and pulled back, his face full of concern. "Do you not want to do this? We can stop. I swear it's fine," he began rambling, assuming I was rejecting him. "I mean, hell, we could even cuddle. I would probably even like that."

I smiled up at him and shook my head. Man, he wasn't just radiating sex, but also adorableness. "No, I want this, I really, really do. Maybe I can... take off my own clothes?" I asked. Even to my own ears it sounded awkward.

"If you want to." He laughed lightly.

I jumped up. How the hell was I going to do this without him seeing the damn underwear. Bathroom!

"I have to pee!" I shouted, and he looked at me like I had three heads. "I'll be right back, and then we will get back to this." Throwing in the hand motion between us didn't add to my smoothness at all.

I raced out of my room and into the bathroom. I yanked off the underwear and tossed it somewhere. I really didn't care at that point where they end up, as long as they were not on me. I then proceeded to race back into my room, huffing and puffing like a marathon runner. Edward turned from his spot next to my dresser and smirked. "That was fast," he said, advancing toward me.

"False alarm," I mumbled against his mouth as he kissed me again. Damn these kisses. I untie the halter and let it fall to my feet. I was completely naked before him. This was really happening. I held back my Alice-like squeal of excitement from bubbling out.

Edward's lips left mine as he gazed at me in all my naked glory. Maybe if I hadn't been spotted with neon paint, I would have looked a little better. But his eyes darkened, and I knew I had nothing to worry about.

"Fuck, you're gorgeous," he whispered, bending his head and sucking my nipple into his mouth.

I felt it pebble against his tongue. His teeth tugged it deliciously, causing me to moan loudly, like the whore I was acting like. His hands trailed over my curves like he was trying to discover all the grooves and dips of my body. His touch was electric, especially his descent to my clit. He brought his hands back to my hips causing me to moan in protest. Edward just chuckled at my torture.

"Enough teasing. I'm getting you naked." I growled as I took off his shirt. I almost lost my balance when I pulled it off his head. Edward caught me before I fell. I blame the alcohol for my lack of coordination. I kept going as if it never happened, and I start on his belt buckle. I was pleased to see that my earlier assumption about his jeans hanging off his hips was correct and sexier than I imagined.

I got his pants off in record time, and I slipped my fingers into the top of his boxers, feeling his hard length standing at full mast. I slowly tugged them down. Edward was completely naked for only a moment before I dropped to my knees, looking up at him with hunger in my eyes.

"Oh, Bella." He groaned, bringing his hand to my hair when I took him in my mouth. He was hard and smooth as I bobbed back and forth on him, my tongue licking the tip when I pulled all the way back. I could already taste the salty hint of precum in my mouth as I went back to work. His hand gently guided my movements. I guess that he was always a gentleman... I mean he was being one now as I put him as far as I could in my mouth without gagging. Unfortunately, I did have a gag reflex, but refused to lose my shit before I got my own oral examination.

I moved my hands up to his balls, gently tugging on them, and I heard his breathing pick up. I sped up my movements until I felt him tensing right before he pulled back.

"As awesome as that was, I don't want to come yet. I was taught that you should always please the lady first," he said as he helped me to my feet. "I want to taste you."

Holy hell! Yes, please!

I practically jumped on my bed, and he crawled after me, grabbing my legs and positioning me where he wanted me. He gave me a wink before putting his face between my thighs. I grabbed his coppery hair while he used his magical tongue to lick my slit from top to bottom. "You excited, Bella? You're so wet for me, and you smell amazing," he mumbled against my inner thighs as he teased me with gentle kisses.

I groaned and tightened my hands in his hair. I tried to guide him to where I wanted him, and he chuckled. This gorgeous man knew he was teasing me! Damn him. If he wasn't going to listen to my direction, I would just thrust into his face, which is

exactly what I did. He took the hint and stopped teasing, diving right in.

Edward used two fingers to part my lips, and his tongue flicked my clit as I cried out in pleasure. The way his tongue made me feel when we kissed had nothing on the way it made me feel when it was between my thighs. This was heaven. I thrashed against him as he switched from slow to fast licks—it was such a delicious torture. He would bring me to the edge just to drop me back down.

"Do you want to come, Bella?" he asked, looking at me. I nodded my head frantically, and he smiled. "You look so edible with your skin flushed pink."

I closed my eyes as he went back down. The stubble on his cheeks left a wonderful burn on my thighs. Edward shifted a bit and added a second finger, finding that magical spot right away.

"Holy fuck." I groaned, grabbing his hair. I could feel that coil tightening deep in my stomach. It felt close to breaking. I want it to, desperately. My heart was pounding, and I felt magnificent. Nothing could get better than this. He added a third finger still, and I fell over that ledge, screaming his name. I saw stars as I came, and he kept pumping in and out of me, prolonging my orgasm. I couldn't even think straight. All I did was feel... and shit, was it fantastic.

I pulled him up and grabbed his face to give him a big kiss. His tongue entered my mouth with confidence and possession. I tasted myself on him and groaned. In that moment, I felt like I was his, not some crazy one night stand covered in neon paint. Maybe it was the hormones from the orgasm, but I felt like this could really work between us.

"I will never forget the way you looked as you came on my fingers and tongue," he said against my ear. "You're beautiful, Bella, but in that moment you were magnificent. I didn't want you to stop. Now, I apologize, but I can't not be inside you. I need you."

"Please," I begged, wrapping my leg around him.

"Condom?" He groaned as I rocked against his hard cock. Fuck, I was in a crazed state, and I totally forgot about birth control.

"Don't you have one?" I asked pulling back to look at him. He shook his head, and in that moment, I felt a better about the whole situation. He didn't go to the club looking for a one night stand—he wasn't one of those guys. That made my heart sing like one of those cheesy black and white musicals. But, no matter how happy his answer made me, this was an issue. I wanted him, and not just his tongue or his fingers—I wanted him as deep as he could possibly get inside me. And, I would be damned if I missed it because we didn't have a fucking condom!

"I'm clean, I haven't been with anyone in months, and I've been checked since then. Are you on birth control?" he asked, a look of hope in his green eyes.

"No." I sighed, pissed at myself. "I was convinced I would get fat if I started it! I've never regretted something as much as I do this right now!"

He laughed and brushed some hair off my face.

"It's okay. We can just watch a movie or something." He smiled, looking totally happy with that idea. Gosh, he was perfect. He wanted to watch a movie with me after he had me screaming his name only moments ago, with his rock hard cock against my side. I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face in frustration.

"Maybe my roommate, Alice, has something!" I ran to her room and threw open her bedside drawer. She had to have something there. I mean, I heard her and Jasper all the freaking time while I sat on the other side of the wall, trying to drown them out with trashy reality shows. But, looking through everything, all I saw was a huge vibrator and an open bottle of lube. If I didn't have a fuck-hot guy in my bed, I would have questioned why Alice had a vibrator in her drawer. I don't mean a normal one either. I mean one the size of what I would think Shaquille O'Neal's penis has. Instead, I grabbed the lube and raced back into my room.

"No condoms, but I do have some plastic sandwich bags in the kitchen, and I found some lube," I said seriously, but he started laughing at me. I didn't even care because my eyes were locked on his penis. This little pause hadn't dwindled any of our lust for each other. He was still ready to go.

"Bella, you're adorable. But I'm not going to put a sandwich bag on my dick and risk getting us into an eighteen year situation. If anything was open right now, I would go out and grab some condoms, but nothing is. This sucks ass, but we can always do other things," he said, scooting down the bed and grabbing my hand. He was so sweet, and this situation did suck ass. Wait!

"Ass!" I yelled, and he let go of my hand like I burned him. "No! Not you! You're not an ass, I just meant my ass!"

He looked at me, even more confused than before. I knew this was the alcohol talking. Alice always encouraged me to try anal, saying woman have to suffer for sex sometimes and the plus was it wouldn't get you pregnant.

"Anal sex," I smiled. Yeah, this was definitely the alcohol talking.

"You sure?" he asked. My eyes watched as his dick twitched in excitement. I nodded my head, and his smile got bigger. Edward pulled me on top of him, and his hands tangled themselves in my hair as he gave me his heart melting, hungry-as-sin kisses. I melted against him as his cock nudged my clit. My hands trailed down wrapping around his shaft. I stroked him, feeling him harden even more as I picked up the pace. Edward's hand ventured to my cleft, and I could hear how wet I was as he pushed a finger inside. He knew for sure that I wanted this then.

"Damn, Bella, I have to have you," he said, holding me against him and flipping me so I faced the pillows.

"Use the lube," I mumbled as he kissed up my spine. Who knew that he would be this gentle and sweet as he was about to go where no man had ever gone before. "I'm an ass virgin, so please be gentle."

"I would never hurt you. Besides, baby, I am too. We can pop our ass-cherries together." He chuckled, pulling my ass up a little so he had a perfect view of it. I felt like I was in "Child's Pose" in yoga, so I lifted my head and looked back at him. He had the bottle in his hand and squirted out a fair amount of lube. I felt my pussy clench. He gently rubbed it around my rear entrance, his eyes glued to the task at hand. Edward was very sensual with his motions and I was dying to have him inside me.

He put his pinky finger against my hole, and that was where my fear started to kick in. However, my alcohol-drowned brain was pushing the fear down, and I nodded my head back at him.

"If it hurts, please let me know," he murmured, his eyes still glued to his finger as it entered me. The pressure was there, but it was more foreign than anything. Edward pressed in and out so slowly that it became an appetizing pressure. I reached my hand to my pussy, slowly stroking my clit with a matching speed. I knew this was just the beginning, but I wanted to stay relaxed.

I heard him choke out a "fuck" as he added a second finger. This one was a little more pressure, and I asked him to pause for a moment, just to get used to the stretching. Then he went back to his slow movements. In and out, in and out. My fingers matched his pace, and it felt so good.

"One more please," I begged, looking back after a few minutes of this torture and his expression was strained. It looked like he was holding himself back from attacking me. Edward gave me a slight nod before he began to add another finger. Damn, it was little more pressure, but I could take it. I bucked back against him so he went in as far as he could with his long, piano-playing fingers. I groaned, feeling him stretching me. It was such a new sensation, who knew Alice would be right!

After I could no longer take his slow finger thrusts, I gave him the fuck me now look and he scrambled forward. "You sure, Bella?" he asked as he got into position on his knees behind me, stroking his hard cock. What a magnificent sight.

"Stop asking questions and fuck me." I growled. He positioned himself at my entrance and looked into my eyes as he pushed the tip inside of me. FUCK! Okay, his dick was definitely bigger than his fingers, which normally is a great thing; in the ass, however, it was not so welcomed. I took slow, even breaths as I fought through the sensation to push him out. It wasn't like it hurt terribly, but I had never shoved anything up my ass before and Edward was a big boy. He leaned over me, kissing my back. "Relax, baby. I won't ever hurt you."

I relaxed, and he pushed in a little more. I kept my breathing steady and tried my hardest to make sure I didn't tense. He moved his fingers to my clit, taking over for me, and started rubbing in slow sensual circles. I groaned into the pillow from the delicious sensations he was causing, and he pushed in a little more.

Edward kept up his magical clit rubbing, and I kept reaping the benefits. He was so caring, creating the best distraction I could ask for as he pushed in all the way. We groaned in unison. Fuck! It was hot. I had never felt so full and stretched before. It was such a foreign act, but oh so wonderful. Feeling him inside me was fantastic. I wanted him to move. I wanted to feel him sliding in and out. I wanted it all.

I plunged my fingers inside my pussy as I felt him move out a little and push back in. Edward put his head on my back, his breathing loud as he tried to go slow. I felt his cock against the thin membrane separating my pussy and my ass. He bit my shoulder to hold back his groan of pleasure.

"Faster, Edward," I said, pushing my fingers inside of myself at an accelerated rate. He never stopped his attack on my clit, and everything felt like sensory overload.

"Faster? I'm going to come in like two seconds if I go faster, beautiful," he said as he continued with his slow, in and out thrusting. He pulled out as far as he could and slowly pushed back in. Fuck yes!

If he wasn't going to go faster then I was going to make him give me more. I pushed against him until I got my way. "Fine, this won't last long," he growled, grabbing my hips and pulling me closer to him. My ass hit his body, making a sinful sound.

"Yes!" I exclaimed.

"Fuck, you're so tight, Bella! Fuck," he said again as his thrusts became faster and faster. As his speed picked up, so did my orgasm. It had been building and building, and then he did something I never knew I would like: he slapped my clit. I screamed his name into my pillow as I came. The heat from my core shot through my body, and I felt myself shaking.

I could feel our sweaty skin slapping together as my pleasure took over and Edward's motions became frantic. "Fuck yes." He growled, and his thighs tensed behind me. He dropped his head to my shoulder, biting down hard as he exploded inside me. I could feel his hot spurts coat the inside of my ass, and I groaned. It was the hottest experience I had ever experienced, and I wished I could relive it everyday of forever.

Edward stayed above me, resting his weight on his arms to make sure he didn't crush me. I felt so happy and cherished in that moment. Who knew a dick to the ass could do that to a girl?

As his breathing evened out, he gently pulled out of me. I whimpered at the loss of fullness. But it stopped as he cradled me in his arms. I sighed in contentment. He was so gentle and strong. An oxymoron almost, but it fit him.

"How was that?" he asked as he nuzzled my neck.

"Fantastic," I said with a smile. "How was it for you?"

"Mind blowing," he said as he pulled the covers over us. From all the activity, and from being in his arms, I felt the exhaustion set in. I wanted to sleep and could feel myself being tugged into dreamland.

Edward gave me one more quick kiss behind my ear before sleep took over and dreams of green eyes and plastic sandwich bags captured me.

I woke up from my dreamful state to a pounding headache and the sun blinding me with its intense rays. I will never drink again! I've always said that, but this headache was worse than a normal hangover—it was like knives attacking my skull. I didn't want to open my eyes, I wanted keep them closed and make the pounding just go away. But I could hear Alice banging around the kitchen, and I knew that was her way of waking me up. Insensitive bitch!

Groaning, I sat up. That was when I felt the stickiness and the dull pain in my ass. What the heck?

I heard someone groan next to me and looked behind to see Edward clutch the pillow I just got off of. Oh! He was still there, and it hadn't been a dream! All the fantastic images of last night came flooding back to me, and I smiled at myself. He was still a ten, even in the morning. I looked at the sheets, which were covered in our neon paint and smiled wider. I, Bella Swan, had anal intercourse while painted, with a sex god! Life is good, even with the worst hangover in history.

I slowly got off the bed and threw on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt before running out of my room to see what bit Alice in the ass to wake me up so damn nicely.

I found her sitting at the kitchen table, texting and banging a pot against the table. I knew she was full of shit, Alice can't cook so there was no way she was making breakfast, let alone anything edible with the amount of noise she was creating.

"Really, Alice?" I hissed and she smiled at me, stopping her banging.

"Bella!" She grabbed me in a hug and sniffed me. "You smell like sex, tell me everything, you little slut!"

I rolled my eyes as I took a seat and put my head against the kitchen table. "Not so loud, Alice—he's still here."

"Oh! That's a good sign, yeah? Was it good?" I felt the table rocking, and I knew without having to look up that she was bouncing in her seat.

"Fantastic! So good, Alice. Who knew getting dragged out with you and Jasper would have led me to him." I was swooning in my thoughts of Edward when I felt Alice shove the table.

"Cut the fluff, how many times were you screaming his name?"

I looked up at her and smirked. "Well, I tried something new last night, and I'm definitely going to try it again. It was scream worthy for sure." I told her.

"Was it bondage? Jasper knows all these different knots. He can teach you." Her talking about Jasper and his bondage made me remember her black cock dildo. I shuddered.

"No! Stop, Alice. My ears will never forget those words. I don't want to know about the freaky stuff you and Jasper do! No, I did anal," I said the last part as a whisper.

Her eyes lit up. She was holding herself back from clapping. She looked like a proud mom, as if her daughter just took her first steps. I guess a dick in the butt is equivalent to that milestone. Only with Alice.

"Once you go through the backdoor, you'll keep using it!" Alice explained with a nod.

I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm and proceed to tell her about last night. I told her how I felt so close to him and how gentle he was. It was a night I would not be forgetting soon.

Alice shared that Riley was eventually found in the back of the club, propositioning some guy to have sex with him, in an animal costume. Alice had the audacity to look disgusted. I knew about her dildo!

I thought it was safe to say whatever business Jasper had with Riley wouldn't be happening. Riley sealed that fate when he lunged for Jasper as Alice was throwing him in a taxi. He tried to kiss Jasper full on the mouth. I was very glad I missed that. How a drug addicted, sex crazed, single dimpled guy like him had a better job than Jasper, I didn't understand.

I decided to start breakfast, and that was when we heard Edward start stirring. Alice refused to make herself scarce. Instead, she glued her eyes to the hallway. Waiting as creepily as ever for him to show his face.

"Alice, at least pretend as if you aren't trying to catch his morning after sex hair!" I hissed over the sound of bacon frying.

Edward gave her no time to reply as he walked into the kitchen shirtless. Only in his boxers, and his hand scratching the back of his head. When he saw Alice he gave her a tentative wave.

"Morning." He yawned. Edward looked at me, and his eyes lit up. "Morning, Bella."

I blushed when he gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Can I use your toothbrush? I know so gross, I just have this terrible taste in my mouth."

I nodded my head, his morning sexiness enabling me speechless. Alice and I watched his ass as he walked to the bathroom.

"I knew you were going to have a hell of a night when you texted me that you were getting into the taxi and were preparing your thunderdome for the pounding of the century. So I'm really surprised you denied your vagina what it clearly wanted!" she smirked shaking her head.

"I wanted to, believe me! But we didn't have any condoms. You know how paranoid I am about getting pregnant."

"So you let him pump your ass with his little swimmers?" she asked.

"Yeah, babies don't come out of asses Alice." I smirked as I put the bacon on a plate.

"Unless his semen leaks out and enters your vagina. Good thing you cleaned up."

I froze and stared at her in shock. Fuck! I just fell asleep, I didn't even think of that. What if I'm having Edward's baby because of anal sex! We should have used the fucking sandwich bag! Oh my god! I'm going to be a mom because of leakage! Anal leakage! I would have to have a name that fits, Assper? No too close to Jasper. Buttney? Like Britney, but with the word butt. No, I don't have to have a name that was about how the baby was conceived. I could just imagine what my name would be if my parents named me after where or how I was created. Bad idea.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Alice's laughter. "I'm kidding, Bella! The look on your face! Oh wow! Believe me, if that was possible, I'd have at least two kids by now."

I put my fingers in my ears. "Na na na na na, I can't hear you!"

Edward walked in and laughed at me as he grabbed a piece of bacon. "This is good." He nodded his approval. It warmed me that he liked my domestic skills and my sex skills, clearly, since he's still here.

"Oh, and in your bathroom I found your red polka dot panties by the sink. I moved them to the hamper you had in there. Hope that's okay." I felt my face flush with embarrassment.

"Red polka dot panties?" Alice asked herself quietly and I give her a look to shut up.

"Yeah." Edward shrugged as he sat down in my kitchen after a night of anal sex, and after having put away my period panties. And you know what? He looked like he belonged there, just sitting there smiling at me, accepting me. Even the period panties I had wore the night before.

This was just the beginning of our life together, like a prologue to a story. Even if we started things off backward, literally, we got to where we were meant to. I didn't get pregnant from that one night; Alice never explained her dildo. Riley was fired for snorting drugs off his secretary. Jasper ended up getting Riley's job. We never ran out of condoms again. Best of all, we started a life together. Edward became my second half, and I wouldn't change anything about that crazy night. It led me to him, probably more like stumbled me to him with how drunk I was, but you get the picture. The only think I regret was wearing those damn panties because I learned soon after that having Edward undress me was so much more satisfactory than doing it myself!