A Bitter Man

by orangepumpkins

Sirius Black is a bitter man. Framed by a friend for the crime of murdering his best mate of all and his wife, leaving his godson orphaned, and forced into a life time sentence at Azkaban, the wizarding world's most strict incarceration facilities, does not usually make for a happy man at all. In fact, Sirius has even been picking up some existentialist concepts and is seriously considering giving into despair and losing hope to even get out, to ever be free, to ever see his godson, Harry, but then, once in a while he allows himself once again dream and any thoughts of despair are quickly pushed away. As strange as it may sound, dreams have been his drug for the past number years and the days that he allows himself to binge on the them make him feel elated for every second until he feels that bone chilling feeling of a dementor walking past his cell. The feeling is so much worse when happy thoughts get stolen, Sirius has observed.

One might wonder why Sirius would even bother to have these dreams if they make the feeling of dementors walking by so much worse, but the dreams and knowing he is innocent are the only thing keeping him from turning into some sort of vegetable.

One day as he was particularily cold from the chill of the dementors, Sirius utilised his animagus powers, hoping that his fur would be able to warm him up at least a touch. The dementors wouldn't notice. Letting into his dog self, Sirius felt his hands and feet turn into paws, a muzzle sprout forth from his face, dark, black fur cover his body, and... and the chilling feeling subside...

This couldn't be! Sirius thought. But then a dementor once again glided past his wizarding cage. The chill...it was nowhere as bad. Sirius then spent the rest of the night laying down and nodding off almost peacefully for the first time in ages, lulled to sleep with memories of his school days (sans Peter) and of baby Harry's giggles.

This soon became a routine. After eating, Sirius would return to his animagus form and loaf around all day day-dreaming.

For more than ten years, dreams of James and Lily living, visiting the Potter household near daily, and bringing gifts to little Harry occupied Sirius' mind. Sometimes when the prisoner's dreams make James and Lily's deaths inevitable, Sirius dreams of putting Peter away, making him pay for his betrayal, and raising Harry on his own in his old flat or possibly even in Godric's Hollow. In his dreams, Sirius could imagine young Harry, a near picture image of James in his youth, wanting to join the peewee quidditch team with the army of Weasley kids or something. Sirius had heard that there were six and one on the way before he was imprisoned.

Sometimes these dreams hurt to have, like a steak being dangled in front of a chained dragon. But usually, Sirius' heart would never feel more full. Full of content, full of joy, full of yearning, and full of pride. His scenes and situations in these fantasies changed of course, but one thing was always constant: Sirius was always part of Harry's life to protect him and guide him as the godfather he should be.

Near the end of what would have been Harry's first year at Hogwarts, several people had come to Azkaban. And before they could be locked up and silenced, Sirius had heard them scream about the return of the Dark Lord. This continued for the next year. And for that year or so, Sirius had some of the worst nightmares he could remember. Just as bad and possibly worse than the ones he had when he found out the prophecy. Worse than when he found some of his best friends dead, left in the rubble of thier house, their baby just crying in his crib. Worse than when he was first convicted of James and Lily's murder. Voldemort was coming back and going to aim for Harry.

Young Harry who was only reaching his thirteenth year. Young Harry was most likely not ready at all to face any Dark Lord. Young Harry was one of Sirius' only loved ones left.

Sirius is a bitter man and the death of his godson would only make it worse. Sirius was getting out.


author's note:

Just a drabble I wrote on the sky train a couple months ago. I'm sorry if anything seems off but it has been about two years since I read the books...Drop me a line and tell me what you think!