Today, I came by the café I usually go to. I had to finish my presentation for my science report after all.
The café was full of people who're on dates, others were doing their own business. I just couldn't believe that there were at least 50 people crowding at this place. There were others who worked on their projects too. If somebody sat with me on the table and sipped their coffee, then I didn't notice.
By the time I finished my report, I checked my things… just in case. Then I looked back, saw a violet flash drive on the table. I turned back and grabbed it, thinking about how my best friend put some things in my bag without permission again.
After I got home, it was already early evening. I tossed my bag on my bed and washed myself. Then I grabbed my laptop to review my report. I didn't have anything to do, so I grabbed the violet FD that I saw in the café and plugged it to my laptop.
I couldn't say I wasn't surprised when I saw the only folder.
I tried to recall whether my best friend and I knew someone with that name, but I couldn't even remember. I was curious, really curious. I opened the folder and found many vids, reading 'Entry no. 1, 2' and so on.
I plugged my earphones and played 'Entry No. 1'.
"Jaime, I just wanted to say that I saw you today at the mart. I doubt you saw me too, but even so, I was really happy and sad at the same time. You were with Ren. Seeing you so happy by his side hurt the hell out of me. Sometimes I think about the first time we met. You know, when we fought over the limited strawberry ice cream at Aunt Kate's place. I was really angry at that time. I knew you were too. (Laughs)
It makes me think about how we met again at school, turns out, you were the popular transfer student everyone was talking about. You were furious when you saw me again… but… I was glad, glad to have met you again. I didn't even notice that I had actually fallen for you at first sight. Somehow, we became the best of friends. Then I couldn't tell you, that I love you. I wanted so much to tell you. But I was scared. I was scared we would never be the same again, if I told you.
Now you have Ren. I don't even know what to say to that. I didn't know that my childhood friend would also love the girl I love. How was I supposed to know? I keep thinking about 'if's'. What if I told you I love you when I had the chance? What if I didn't introduce you to Ren? What if you had already loved me back but was also scared because it might change our friendship? I feel like an idiot, thinking about these kinds of things, but I can't help it. I love you so much Jaime. Now that you've left, what am I supposed to do? I just wanted you to listen to me saying, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you…."
By the time the voice-containing video had stopped, my tears were already rapidly falling down. The emotions I felt in his voice. The hurt it represented. It was heart breaking. It's almost as if I was the one feeling all those emotions.
I, as a girl, didn't like or fancy guys. May they be good-looking or bad-looking, I didn't want them. I had enough of violence and temperamental experiences with my father, and I didn't need another one.
But this was different, he was different. This guy… this guy who's crying and laughing in remembering his experiences of the one he loves. I couldn't say anything. His voice was echoing in my head.
I checked out his other vids too. All of them were messages for Jaime. Everything was for Jaime. Every breath, every laugh, every shaking voice that I hear, every tear that I imagine when he wants to express his love, it was all for Jaime.
It was like a sad movie. Watching from a person's point of view and viewing things as he had. It was fascinating. Makes you think that this person couldn't possibly be real. A person so emotional, so dedicated, so loving and loyal almost to the point of being crushed, it chokes me. He possibly can't be real, that's what I wanted to believe anyway. But all those can't be so fake that even I would want to believe that this person really is 'here'.
I'm the kind of person who didn't believe in love. But now, I don't think I can keep telling myself that love isn't real. That love is nonexistent in this world.
I can't believe one Flash Drive can change my view in terms of love. What a joke…
This is inspired by the movie I saw last week. I'm trying this out since I think it's interesting. The only reason I'm writing and posting this is because I'm afraid I'll forget it soon (and midterm is fast approaching too).
For those people who are waiting for FM update, I'm so sorry. I'm really occupied and I know how I keep on apologizing after I update and well, thank you^^
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To Filipinos: (Review2x lang pag may time :P)