TITLE: The Spyhole Payback - Almost a Shower Scene

AUTHOR: Feli

EMAIL: feli.ca@web.de

CATEGORY: Humor

SEASON/SPOILERS: None

RATING: PG-13

SUMMARY: After the events in 'The Spyhole - Another Shower Scene' Jack and Daniel are out for some payback. But what has a mistletoe got to do with fishing?

STATUS: Complete, Sequel to 'The Spyhole - Another Shower Scene'

ARCHIVE: Heliopolis and Fanfiction.net, MajorClanger's site, Stargatefan

DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The situations and original story are the property of the author. Not to be archived without permission of the author.

AUTHOR'S NOTES I: This time Riz and Satori came up with a weird combination of words: wrapping paper, Siler's wrench, mistletoe, duct tape, fishing, and of course, naked colonel and archeologist. There were also some requests regarding the outcome of the payback. I'd tell you whether I followed those requests, but don't want to give away the ending here. Read for yourself... ;-)

And guess who betaed? Yay, Kat, you're the best!





"Hey, Danny!"

Jack entered Daniel's office with a big grin on his face.

"I've just talked to Dave, you know, the guy who takes care of my cabin when I'm not there. He brought some firewood for us; and anyway, he said that because of the unusually warm winter we've had so far, the water in the lake is not as cold as it normally is this time of year."

Daniel blinked up at Jack from his position behind his desk.

"And, so, therefore, but.? You think this will convince me that going fishing with you is the answer to the meaning of life question?"

Jack pouted a little at Daniel's waspish retort but held on to his enthusiasm.

"Ah, Danny, you don't know what you're missing, but that's not what I was talking about. Don't you see? It's the perfect opportunity for us to get back at Carter and Frasier for that spyhole stuff."

"Actually I *don't* see what warm fish could have to do with that," Danny quipped, the memory of last month's *unfortunate accident* still rankling him.

Conspiratorially Jack leaned closer.

"I can rig one or two planks of the landing. We'll lure them out there and.splash!"

Before Daniel could voice the protest Jack was sure was to come, he staved him off with a wave of his hand.

"They'll only be in the water for a couple of seconds, and of course we'll check beforehand if it's..ahem.sufficiently warm. Once they get out of the water again," Jack paused for effect, "I'll offer them a hot shower... in the new shower stall Siler helped me build...with his wrench... I'll even apologize that there's only a curtain partitioning the shower from the rest of the bathroom...but unfortunately I didn't have enough space for a proper shower stall because of the storage room adjacent to the bath... They should get the point then, don't you think?"

Daniel pondered Jack's suggestion thoughtfully.

"I don't know, Jack, what if they catch a cold or pneumonia in the water?"

Jack brought his face on level with Daniel's and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Need I remind you what the ladies saw when you and I landed on the floor of the shower?"

*Gnnnhhh*

Daniel blushed furiously. Closing his notebook with a snap, he stood up.

"No thanks, Jack, I remember just fine. And you're right, a little cold water has never hurt anybody!" he ended menacingly.

----------------

"O'Neill!" Teal'c greeted Jack as he rounded the corner of the cabin. "We have arrived."

"Hey buddy. Good to see you!" Jack clapped Teal'c on the shoulder and smiled at Sam, who came up behind the Jaffa, hugging a large bag to her. She beamed at him.

"Thanks for inviting us all to spend Christmas here, it's beautiful!" she praised, taking in the lake and the trees surrounding it.

"Yeah, it is," replied Jack proudly. Nodding his head towards the bag he inquired: "Whatcha got there?"

"Presents, of course." Sam lowered the bag to the floor and zipped it open, revealing the colorfully wrapped contents.

Jack peered into the bag and blanched.

"Oh...uhm...nice, Carter, very nice," he stammered.

"O'Neill, is the Tau'ri tradition of exchanging tokens of your affection with family and friends not one you honor? Or did you merely forget?"

"Uhm, no...not exactly."

Jack was saved from Teal'c's raised eyebrow and Sam's dubious look by the arrival of the SGC's petite CMO. Glad for the change of subject he welcomed her, then asked about the general's estimated time of arrival.

"He got held up at the mountain," Janet informed him, "but he'll be here by tomorrow afternoon. Where's Daniel?"

"He's inside, decorating," Jack replied, inviting his guests to step inside with a sweeping gesture.

"Oh, good!" Janet exclaimed as she marched past Jack. "I have something he needs for that."

----------------

Jack showed the two women to their room, then dashed off, after muttering something about urgent preparations.

Sam turned to look at Janet.

"So, what is this big surprise you've been hinting at for the last week?"

Janet rummaged around in her overnight bag and, with a triumphant smile drew out a small stick, wrapped in tissue paper.

Sam's eyes widened with surprise.

"Oh, Janet! Mistletoe?"

Janet grinned smugly and nodded. Wriggling her eyebrows suggestively she announced: "Yes, mistletoe. I'm gonna help Daniel find a proper place for it...!"

"Janet! You can't hang up mistletoe in the colonel's cabin!" Sam protested.

"Why not? It's a time-honored tradition, isn't it?" Janet countered cheekily. "Besides, I'm doing this as much for you as for me!"

"For me? I don't want to...to...Janet!" Sam spluttered, blushing furiously.

"Bah. Of course you want to. You've been pining for the colonel for years now."

"I do not pine!" Sam's indignant retort was accompanied by a deepening red on her cheeks, as she imagined *running into* the colonel under the mistletoe. Nevertheless she made a last, unconvincing effort at a protest.

"But the general is going to arrive tomorrow."

Janet dismissed her objection with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders.

"Then we shouldn't waste any more time."

----------------

After checking that Teal'c was deep into Kel'no'reem outside on the deck, and that the colonel was nowhere in sight, Janet crept silently towards the living room. Daniel was busy with his back to her, putting up green and red garlands around the window frame, quietly humming to the festive sounds of the Christmas CD in the stereo.

Janet took a moment to admire the view, remembering in vivid detail how that backside had looked a month ago with rivulets of water running down along the spine and disappearing.. . She mentally shook herself and grinned ruefully. She was as hopeless a case as Sam. She went to fetch a chair from the kitchen and positioned it under the designated spot on the ceiling. Without a sound she climbed up and fastened the mistletoe to the ceiling, then climbed down and put the chair aside.

"Daniel?"

Surprised Daniel turned around.

"Hey, Janet," he smiled at her, "I didn't hear you come in." He nodded apologetically towards the stereo.

"That's okay." Janet gave him a guileless smile back. "Could you help me over here, please?"

"Of course." Daniel walked over to her. "What is it?"

Janet waited until he came to stand in front of her. Pointing upwards she asked: "Do you think this is the right place for it?"

Daniel looked up, then back at her with round blue eyes.

"Uh...yes...of course...I think...if you think...this place...is, uh, fine.."

Janet smiled up at him expectantly.

Daniel's eyes darted from her to the innocent-looking twig. He took a hesitant step backwards, carefully, so as not to alarm the good doctor, but came up against the chair.

Janet's eyes gleamed predatorily as she watched him.

Daniel swallowed convulsively, a picture of Janet, closing in on him with a large needle in her hand, popping up in his mind.

"You...uh...you want to...ehm...?" Helplessly Daniel pointed towards the ceiling, words of 23 different languages lost.

Janet simply nodded.

Daniel took a desperate glance around the room, furtively willing Jack or Teal'c to come to his aid. When nothing happened, he resignedly faced the smiling woman again. With a last deep breath Daniel straightened his shoulders, stepped forward and lowered his head.

----------------

After a long search Daniel finally found Jack in the cabin's basement.

"Where are you when I need a friend?" he snapped.

"Huh?" came the distracted response, as Jack unsuccessfully tried to pry loose the strips of duct tape sticking to his hands and jeans. He stood up, flapping his hand wildly to get rid of one particularly tenacious piece.

Temporarily forgetting his *ordeal* Daniel took in the sight of Jack, standing in a sea of crumbled newspapers and magazines with duct tape sticking to him in curious places.

"*What* are you doing?"

"I forgot...aargh," Jack slapped his hand against the wall, finally ridding himself of the tape. He glared at it for a second, then turned back to Daniel.

"I bought all these great presents for you guys but I forgot to wrap them. *That's* what I'm doing."

"With newspapers and duct tape? And THIS?" Daniel bent down to pick up an unused page of a magazine. "Don't tell me you've sacrificed your Penthouse collection for us!?"

Jack crossed his arms over his chest and shot Daniel an indignant look.

"I didn't have any wrapping paper," was his only reply.

"Ah, I guess that explains it all..." Daniel responded sarcastically. He waved the offending page in front of Jack's face.

"Oh, for crying out loud, Daniel! That woman is at least 60 years old, it's a page out of a National Geographic. And I obviously didn't use it!"

"Oops."

"Yeah, oops. So what was that about you being my friend?"

"No, the other way round, Jack. You are supposed to be my friend. Hell, you're my CO for that matter, it's your job to protect me!" Daniel complained.

"Geez, Daniel, what happened? Were you attacked by a bear? There are some pretty big ones around here, I admit they look scary."

"No, it wasn't a bear that attacked me. It was worse!" Daniel shuddered dramatically. At Jack's concerned look he clarified: "It was Janet. With a mistletoe... ."

"WHAT?" Jack's concern turned into stunned disbelief. He stared at Daniel open-mouthed.

"What did she do with it?"

Daniel squirmed.

"She...ah...she made me...kiss her."

"Mwuahaha," Jack burst out, guffawing, "she *made* you kiss her? Ohh, poor Dannyboy, how'd she do that?" he sniggered.

"She threatened me with a full physical!"

"She did?"

"Not in so many words, no. But it was there in her eyes!" Daniel defended his stance.

Jack laughed. Taking a step forward he grasped Daniel's shoulder in an amicable gesture.

"See, I told you these two are nuts!" Jack leaned closer with a leering grin. "So, how was it?"

"Jack!" cried Daniel, glaring at Jack. Jack grinned at him, unrepentant. A light blush crept across Daniel's face and he scowled.

"None of your business, Jack! Anyway, I only came by to tell you I have decided that we can proceed with our plan. These women really need to cool off...!"

----------------

Returning upstairs they encountered the *enemy* in the hallway. Jack nudged Daniel, who'd been rambling about the sneakiness of women in general and Air Force doctors in particular all the way from the basement. Noticing the two women, Daniel snapped his mouth shut, trying hard not to glare at them. At both of them, because surely Sam had been in on this, too! To that there was no doubt in Daniel's mind.

Meanwhile Jack had put on his patented 'innocent-Colonel' face. Beaming at the women he suggested:

"Daniel and I were just going for a walk around the lake. Care to join us?"

Sam and Janet readily agreed, but declared in unison that they'd have to go back to their room first for a change of shoes. If Jack knew about the ancient ritual of women, discussing man-snagging strategies while picking out shoes, he didn't show it. He was more concerned with trying to calm the irate archeologist still fuming silently beside him.

"Daniel, get a grip or you'll give our game away. I've already.."

"I know Sam is in on it!" Daniel burst out. "Did you see, how she grinned at me? How could she let Janet do this, I thought we were friends?" he finished on a decidedly dramatic note.

"Daniel!" Jack tried again to tell the younger man about the planks he'd rigged, before applying himself to his present wrapping frenzy in the basement. However, this time he was interrupted by two happily smiling women who rejoined them at the front door. Jack gave up shrugging his shoulders. Daniel would find out soon enough.

Wrapped up in their own musings, neither man noticed that Sam was still wearing the same shoes as before.

----------------

The first few yards of their walk turned out to be a very pleasant affair.

In what he considered to be a clever maneuver, Jack began pointing out sights around the lake, purposefully bringing Sam and Janet to look in the direction of the deck up ahead to their left. The deck where Jack had left a bouquet of roses as a lure for the women to step out onto the rigged planks.

He tensed in smug anticipation when an astonished exclamation from Sam heralded the detection of the roses.

"Look!" she pointed towards the flowers, "are those roses lying on the edge of the deck?"

"Woah, yes, it looks like roses," confirmed Janet. "Why would someone put flowers there?" she wondered aloud, casting a questioning glance at Jack from the corner of her eye.

Jack caught the look and hastened to school his features into his, also patented, 'bland-and-dense-Colonel' expression. He turned towards the women in order to emphatically deny any knowledge of the roses' reasons for being there, and therefore missed Daniel striding determinedly over to the deck. Only Daniel's excited voice, that sounded suspiciously like an archeologist on the scent of another ancient mystery, alerted him to that crucial fact.

"Jack, maybe you have a secret admirer."

"Daniel, no! Don't go.. !" Jack yelled, sprinting after the younger man. He reached him just in time...to feel the planks give way beneath his feet.

Fate took its course with a loud and resounding splash. Arms and legs flailing, both men were plunged into the water. One plank hit Jack's knee, prompting him to cry out just as he was being dragged under the water by Daniel, who was frantically trying to regain his bearings after this unexpected turn of events. Jack struggled to loosen Daniel's grip on his t- shirt, which was already ripping apart.

Daniel let go, but instead put his hands on Jack's shoulders and hoisted himself out of the water. Gratefully he gasped for air, oblivious to the fact that not only was he keeping Jack underwater but that he was also - once again - bringing Jack's face in far too close contact with *that* part of his anatomy. Even though it was clothed this time. He was however reminded of it when Jack's head hit his stomach forcefully, making him lose his balance and drop back into the water.

Jack practically soared back to the surface, spewing water in every direction. He lunged for Daniel with indignant outrage written all over his face.

"Of all the stupid, idiotic things you could have come up with..!"

Daniel scrambled to get out of the freezing cold water. Back on the deck he turned towards the older man furiously.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" he shouted.

Before Jack made it out of the water, he stalked off the deck, ignoring the helplessly guffawing heap of women at the water's edge.

"Shit, that water is cold!" Jack roared. He peeled the torn and wet t-shirt off as he followed Daniel.

"Damn it, Daniel, I did try to tell you! Repeatedly!"

Daniel stopped to get rid of his soggy shirt as well, then proceeded to shuck his shoes, socks and clinging pants. He raised his head defiantly.

"You did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

Both men were completely oblivious to the spectators they had, as they went on shedding their wet clothes. Soon they were facing off in only their underwear and still the yelling and shouting continued.

"What did you think I was doing, while you were busy snogging Janet?"

"Reviewing your Penthouse collection?"

"It was a National Geographic!"

"I did not snog Janet!"

"You shoved your ... in my face again!"

"Oh, we're back to the gnnnhhh discussion now, are we? Puhleeze, grow up, Jack, I was fully clothed!"

At that moment the state of their undress registered with both men. Jack hastily drew back his fingers from the waistband of his briefs he'd been about to take off, while Daniel crossed his legs in a belated but totally futile gesture. They both shivered with cold and embarrassment, as they eyed each other warily.

Sam and Janet, who had followed the exchange, and more importantly the discarding of clinging, wet clothes with mounting pleasure, chose that moment to join the discussion. They looked the men over, slowly perusing the almost naked bodies with smug smiles on their lips. Then Sam raised her eyes to Jack's.

"Haven't you had Sgt. Siler help you install a new shower?" she asked with a cheerfully innocent grin. "Because you both sure could use one now...!"



FIN

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