Author's notes: This is a story I started writing when I was bored and would occasionally update. I tried a new writing style, using litotes (emphasis through understatement) though I stopped about halfway through so my style may be a bit inconsistent. I don't want to edit the whole thing, but I did try to lead into the change. Enjoy!
Kili landed on the ground, flat on his back. All the breath was knocked out of his body with the impact, so he couldn't exactly speak to defend himself...not that it wasn't entirely his fault.
Let me back up.
It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining, the greenery was lush, the flowers were blooming, and the sky was a beautiful, bottomless blue. Not a cloud, not even a tiny white whispy one, was in sight. Forge work had been going well, even Thorin Oakenshield, that's right, you heard me, the Thorin Oakenshield of the Line of Durin, King Under the Mountain, rightful and deposed ruler of Erebor, was happy.
All in all, thought Kili as he poked his head out the door, it was a perfect day to cause mischief.
He paused, and thought a bit more. No, he decided, it is too perfect a day for even I to cause mischief. I wonder where Fili is.
"Hey Mum?" Kili poked his head back inside. "I'm going out!"
"Okay!" Dis called back. "Just make sure not to-" SLAM! "-slam the door," Dis finished exasperatedly.
Kili practically skipped along the road. Okay, he may or may not have actually skipped. Not that you heard that from me. The general consensus was that such a big, grown-up dwarf as Kili, second in line to the throne, expert archer, trained in the warrior arts, nearly of age, would never do so childish a thing as skip. Even when he's exuberantly happy. Which was most certainly not most of the time.
Moving on. As Kili continued to walk sedately (never skipping at all because such a thing would be unfitting for a dwarf of his stature and he most certainly was not enjoying the glorious day with a childlike exuberance) his brother Fili was making his way along in the opposite direction.
Now where did Fili go off to? That, my friend, is quite a story. For the reason Fili was up and off at dawn was something warrior-ish, as befitting the first in line to the throne, trained in the warrior arts, and recently of age. He most certainly was not up at dawn to journey to a far-off field to pick flowers for his sweetheart.
Furthermore, when Kili crested a certain hill, he most certainly did not see his brother turn into the lane of his (Fili's) sweetheart and instantly have all thoughts of not causing mischief flee his mind as sudden opportunity presented itself.
Because that didn't happen.
Kili somehow ended up flat on his back as a result of something grown-up and proper, most certainly not because of beginning the morning with teasing Fili and his sweetheart.
Kili continued past the house and most certainly did not climb into the first of his many trees that day to do reconnaissance.
I'm not fooling you a bit, am I?
Well, all this I'm telling you is strictly confidential, all right? If this got out to the general public and got traced back to me, Thorin would have my head.
And Balin would tan my hide.
And the dwarves would probably get some fancy new leather goods.
In other words, I'll tell you the story...but this stays between us, y'understand?
Okay, where was I? Ah yes. Fili had just turned in the lane with some flowers for his sweetheart, with an unnoticed Kili close behind. Kili had just pulled himself up into a tree to do some recon...a.k.a. spying on his brother. Being brothers, Kili did know about Fili's crush, and was therefore intrigued as it seemed today was the day Fili was going to "make a move" for lack of a better expression.
Kili went from tree to tree, with the agility that had some of the meaner types teasing him about being part elf. (This, needless to say, was not the case, and when I told Legolas the other day that Kili's tree climbing skills had been likened to that of Elves he actually fell off his horse he laughed so hard.)
Through the branches, Kili saw Fili raise his fist to knock on the door...only to turn away.
And then he came back...and went away.
And a third time.
By this time Kili was supremely tired of it all. Spying was shaping up to be the most boring way to spend the day unless he did something about it, and quick. So he rifled through his pockets, and when Fili walked away from the door for the eighth time, he threw two large pebbles in quick succession at the door. Fili noticed, and jerked around, looking at the door and then at the tree. He clearly and rightly suspected that Kili was the cause of this new occurrence, but as he opened his mouth to berate Kili, the door opened.
And there she was. The dwarf of his young dreams...her sparkling eyes, her annoyed expression...
She threw him a glare. "What do you want?" she huffed crossly.
"Erm..." Fili shuffled awkwardly. "Uh...erm...here." He shoved the flowers, now slightly wilted, at her.
She visibly thawed, as they were her favorite, and indeed she well knew how far a walk it was to the nearest path. Made him one of the more slightly creepy potential suitors, but she felt a need to reward him nonetheless. "Well, thank you. Would you like a slice of pie?"
Fili grinned and nodded eagerly. She beckoned him to come in, and he followed her to the kitchen. He could smell it from here! Delicious, succulent, raspberry pie. It was a rare treat, as not many dwarves liked raspberry pie, so it was not a common thing. Kili had brought some to share every now and then, so he recognized the smell.
She groaned. "Not again!"
"What's the matter?" Fili asked. Then he noticed she was standing at the windowsill, looking sadly and aggravatedly into an empty pie tin. "The raspberry pie is gone?!"
She nodded, then suddenly straightened. "What did you say?"
Her voice was low and dangerous.
"Erm, I commented that the raspberry pie was gone."
She started stalking towards him. "Well that's very interesting. Especially considering I am the only dwarf this side of Ered Luin who makes raspberry pie. And how could you know it was raspberry pie..." she reached into a corner, "unless you had TAKEN IT!" She produced a broom.
Fili squealed and ran out the door. She followed, thwapping him with the broom whenever he came within reach. It was only at the end of the path that she saw fit to stop chasing him, nonetheless calling out after him, in no uncertain terms, to stay away from her and her pie.
Fili finally stopped running about a mile from the house. Soon enough, Kili swung down from a tree alongside the road and fell in step next to him.
Fili briefly glanced at his brother, then turned his gaze to the ground, and, sighing, trudged alongside Kili for several paces before jerking his head up to do a double-take.
Yes, yes it was.
A purply-red stain on the fingers...
Crumbs caught in the ends of the hair...
Fili rounded on his brother. "HOW COULD YOU?!"
Kili shot him a confused look. "How could I what?"
Author's notes: I'd appreciate any comments or critiques.