Disclaimer: Nothing's mine. Zelch. Zero. Nada. I just took some creative liberties. Characters belong to OITNB writer(s)/creator, etcetera.

A/N: Hey y'all. First fanfic so tread gently. Will be multi-chap if people wanna see more of this, so please review and leave your thoughts.
Since this story takes place in an AU, Alex never got caught for her drug smuggling and never brought Piper down with her. They have never even met before. Alex's mother is still alive. Other characters from the show will eventually appear. No Piper/Larry (at least for now) because let's be honest, he watched Mad Men without her and is a major douchebag.
P.S. Please don't call the number I used… I kind of just typed in random numbers so I really hope it's not someone's actual phone number, LOL.

It was nearly midnight when Piper managed to unlock the door to her apartment after fumbling with the keys for nearly 5 minutes. She was exhausted and the fact that she had to still get some food in her stomach and catch some sleep before waking up at 5:30am and doing it all over again really fucked with her head. She really needed to catch a break but she knew that her company needed right now.

At 28, Piper Chapman was one of the most promising web developers out there. Unfortunately, her teammates were sometimes dumbasses and as the saying goes: if you want a job done right, do it yourself. Not that Piper really minded, she loved her job and loved the recognition that she was starting to finally get for her hard work.

Opening a fridge and seeing a box of pizza in there, Piper picked up a piece and smelled it before sticking it in her mouth, seeing as she found no strange smells coming from the pizza that had probably been there for quite a few days already. She pressed play on her answering machine and unceremoniously flopped onto the couch. As usual, most of the messages were from her mother reminding her to call once in a while. Piper groaned. Not that she hated her mother, but the woman just had a tendency to get a bit overwhelming.

After performing some really unladylike stretches and maneuvers on the couch to get her phone, Piper tiredly dialed her mother's number. She figured that her mother wouldn't answer at such a late hour, and really, she preferred it that way. She'd just have to send an email tomorrow saying that she called but unfortunately nobody picked up the phone.

Beep... Beep... Beep...

Piper was almost doing a mental happy dance and hanging up the phone before a sleepy "hello?" sounded through the receiver. Piper quietly sighed.

"Hey, mom... Listen I know I haven't called in a while but work's been really hectic and my team is mostly compromised of a bunch of losers who wear their asses as hats so I'm just picking up their slack and-"

"Who the hell is this?" The voice cut her off. Piper raised an eyebrow and pulled her phone away from her ear. Shit, she punched in the wrong number and woke up this random stranger.

"Uh, it's Piper?"

"Well Piper, do I sound like your fucking mother? Do I have an overtly motherly tone?" The other woman quipped back, clearly displeases to be woken up by a random stranger.

"No! No I'm sorry it was an accident and I seriously didn't mean to wake you up. God, I'm so sorry-"

"Hey lady, chill the fuck out, 'Kay? Stop talking to me; I don't give half a shit for your explanation, I just wanna go back to sleep. So thanks for the call, I really needed that. Have a great life."

Piper pulled the phone back again and stared at it wide eyed. Was this woman seriously giving her so much shit for calling her up by mistake?

Before Piper could stop herself, she typed out a text message to the mysterious stranger, simply saying: "You're a huge bitch and you should probably seek help for that massive rod shoved up your ass. Seriously."

Piper took one last look at her phone, and seeming satisfied with how well she told the other woman off, she switched it off and headed to her bedroom.

When Alex woke up the next morning, she grabbed her phone to check the time. 9:34am and 3 new messages. She unlocked her phone and looked at her texts - two were from Joe, a guy from work, and one was from a number she didn't recognize.

You're a huge bitch and you should probably seek help for that massive rod shoved up your ass. Seriously.

Alex squinted at her phone, trying to piece together who would send her such an odd message before it hit her. And just like that, Alex Vause erupted into full-blown laughter that easily filled her whole apartment.

When her laughter reduced to small chuckles, she added the number under the name "Piper".


Piper was halfway through lunch when she received a text message from a familiar looking phone number. She wanted to face-palm herself at how childish she had been to the woman, simply insulting her like that. She was the one who called her in the middle of the night, after all.

From: 831-492-2052
You sure you didn't mean to send that to your mother too?

Piper stared at the message and started to type out a reply, but before she could her best friend Polly came back from the washroom.

"You wouldn't believe the line in there, Pipes! Does every woman in New York come to pee here at this time? I practically had to wrestle some lady who wanted to cut line."

Piper laughed at Polly and pushed forward the salad that she had gotten her friend when she was absent. Polly thanked her and they started eating, both enjoying the comfortable silence between them as the restaurant buzzed with conversation around them.

Piper, however, had something on her mind. Or rather someone. And the more she thought about the pissed off tone of the other woman, the faster she wanted to reply to that text message.

As soon as she resumed typing, Polly called her out, "You're smiling at your phone. It's creeping me out, Pipes."

"Just texting someone. They said something funny," she said before she continues on typing out the message. She looked up at Polly to see her giving her a weird look.

To: 831-492-2052
Positive. All for you. Hope you take my advice seriously.

Sent. Piper had to admit it; she was looking forward to a reply. And she got it - minutes later.

From: 831-492-2052
I actually got the rod removed from my ass today. You were right, it was huge. Maybe catch you later, some of us have work to do ;)

Another smile spread across Piper's face and secretly she hoped she got another opportunity to talk to the woman.


It was a Saturday and Piper was home, sprawled out on the couch with a tub of cookie dough ice cream and binge watching The Real Housewives of Orange County. She didn't even care that her brain cells were dying with each passing episode because dammit if she was getting off the couch and actually doing something productive today.

Her phone vibrated on the floor next to her and when she picked it up and when saw it was a message from the still nameless woman, she smiled. They have been texting back and forth the past few days and Piper realized she kinda liked her. She was smart, well read, and had a phenomenal sense of humor, which never failed to make Piper laugh.

From: Midnight Call-ee (yes, Piper thought she was very clever for coming up with that)
Call me.

Piper's stomach dropped. They haven't talked since that night she called her by accident and Piper was really nervous about the prospect of talking to her again. She didn't even know the woman's name, for God's sake!

To: Midnight Call-ee
I will if you tell me your name.

From: Midnight Call-ee
Call. Me.

She stared at the phone for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and pressing the call button.

The call was immediately picked up. Before Piper could get a word out, the woman cut her off again. Piper mentally scoffed at how it seemed to be a pattern with them.

"Alex. My name is Alex."